Somewhat of a concern

[Joshua Cuono]

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[David H]

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@... wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[Joshua Cuono]

It's not that I'm not loyal to him - my mind was weak, and I lost my grip on what I saw as truth and fiction. Unable to figure out what was right, I lost myself.

That was when the enemy leapt and took over - but sadly, I could not just sit and let my life be dictated - regulations over my sex life, over where my income goes, etc. If anyone governs my life, it is I. That's when I got a good slap in the face and realized what I did. I had to cut off my ties - this time, I made sure there wasn't anything left.

Unfortunately, even before this crap happened, getting a hold of Father was impossible - I couldn't connect or speak with him (due to angel interference, and my mind being unable to really register anything different than what I normally was indoctrinated with.

Now, I feel like I'm questioning that dedication even - am I truly so weak that Father heard a garbled signal and took it the wrong way? I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all.

I really just want to talk to Father, mano a mano, and ask him the truth. There HAS to be some way to reach him - some method I can use that I can actually notice something going on.

Doing the dedication again won't work - as JoS states that doing it twice is sort of an insult. But if I don't talk to Satan and ask him myself what he thinks about this, then I'm going to be seriously disheartened; as it means I'll have to leave everyone here, what I FELT was my family - my true family - behind.

Regarding auras, black has been the only color I've really been able to see with 100% certainty. Any other color I don't trust my instincts on, especially light energy.

Would "the Reversal ritual" classify as believing that everything that JoS has said is a lie, and then spending 2 weeks among a group of Xians (specifically Mormons)? Would my ditching them for good have any sort of effect on this? I just... cannot trust anything that I see, hear, or do. That lack of trust just REALLY makes it hard to understand what's going on.

Please respond, and if I've broken any sort of mandate or whatever, then I'll take my punishment like I deserve.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "David H" <religionisdisease@... wrote:

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[diznit26]

Actually the dedication is done for yourself, not to expect anything instant in return. That'
s your problem in what you said:

"I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all."

If you did the dedication ritual then it worked. You shouldn't expect any sort of confirmation, nor even think about that again. It's over and it's done, just clear your mind of it and just focus on important things like empowering your soul.

That's what you need to do, to let go of all worries concerning it.

As about communicating with Satan, of course if you're not advanced you'll only experience signs. That's how communication will come, in the form of signs mostly. You shouldn't expect to see him if you haven't opened your astral senses.

But again if you want to ask him if he accepted you or not, then don't. It's like you don't really trust him, like I said if you did the dedication then it worked and leave it behind and stop worrying.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@... wrote:

It's not that I'm not loyal to him - my mind was weak, and I lost my grip on what I saw as truth and fiction. Unable to figure out what was right, I lost myself.

That was when the enemy leapt and took over - but sadly, I could not just sit and let my life be dictated - regulations over my sex life, over where my income goes, etc. If anyone governs my life, it is I. That's when I got a good slap in the face and realized what I did. I had to cut off my ties - this time, I made sure there wasn't anything left.

Unfortunately, even before this crap happened, getting a hold of Father was impossible - I couldn't connect or speak with him (due to angel interference, and my mind being unable to really register anything different than what I normally was indoctrinated with.

Now, I feel like I'm questioning that dedication even - am I truly so weak that Father heard a garbled signal and took it the wrong way? I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all.

I really just want to talk to Father, mano a mano, and ask him the truth. There HAS to be some way to reach him - some method I can use that I can actually notice something going on.

Doing the dedication again won't work - as JoS states that doing it twice is sort of an insult. But if I don't talk to Satan and ask him myself what he thinks about this, then I'm going to be seriously disheartened; as it means I'll have to leave everyone here, what I FELT was my family - my true family - behind.

Regarding auras, black has been the only color I've really been able to see with 100% certainty. Any other color I don't trust my instincts on, especially light energy.

Would "the Reversal ritual" classify as believing that everything that JoS has said is a lie, and then spending 2 weeks among a group of Xians (specifically Mormons)? Would my ditching them for good have any sort of effect on this? I just... cannot trust anything that I see, hear, or do. That lack of trust just REALLY makes it hard to understand what's going on.

Please respond, and if I've broken any sort of mandate or whatever, then I'll take my punishment like I deserve.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "David H" <religionisdisease@ wrote:

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[diznit26]

Also, Josh, the reverse ritual is a RITUAL. It's not a symbolical thing like you said. If you did not do a DELIBERATE RITUAL FROM YOUR FREE WILL to reverse your dedication then you're still dedicated. No matter if you had xian influences even for a year.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@... wrote:

It's not that I'm not loyal to him - my mind was weak, and I lost my grip on what I saw as truth and fiction. Unable to figure out what was right, I lost myself.

That was when the enemy leapt and took over - but sadly, I could not just sit and let my life be dictated - regulations over my sex life, over where my income goes, etc. If anyone governs my life, it is I. That's when I got a good slap in the face and realized what I did. I had to cut off my ties - this time, I made sure there wasn't anything left.

Unfortunately, even before this crap happened, getting a hold of Father was impossible - I couldn't connect or speak with him (due to angel interference, and my mind being unable to really register anything different than what I normally was indoctrinated with.

Now, I feel like I'm questioning that dedication even - am I truly so weak that Father heard a garbled signal and took it the wrong way? I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all.

I really just want to talk to Father, mano a mano, and ask him the truth. There HAS to be some way to reach him - some method I can use that I can actually notice something going on.

Doing the dedication again won't work - as JoS states that doing it twice is sort of an insult. But if I don't talk to Satan and ask him myself what he thinks about this, then I'm going to be seriously disheartened; as it means I'll have to leave everyone here, what I FELT was my family - my true family - behind.

Regarding auras, black has been the only color I've really been able to see with 100% certainty. Any other color I don't trust my instincts on, especially light energy.

Would "the Reversal ritual" classify as believing that everything that JoS has said is a lie, and then spending 2 weeks among a group of Xians (specifically Mormons)? Would my ditching them for good have any sort of effect on this? I just... cannot trust anything that I see, hear, or do. That lack of trust just REALLY makes it hard to understand what's going on.

Please respond, and if I've broken any sort of mandate or whatever, then I'll take my punishment like I deserve.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "David H" <religionisdisease@ wrote:

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[Joshua Cuono]

That's not the primary issue of why I want to get a hold of him - after that last screw up, I can't tell whether he locked me out or not. That's why I want to talk to Father, or at least one of the Gods that can help me clear up this confusion.

At the very least, if Satan HAS left me, the best I can do from here on out would be to make sure no one makes the same mistake. But again, without knowing "what exactly" to look for to know Satan's still got my back, I can't trust my own judgement. It isn't that I don't TRUST Satan, I don't trust myself.

Loyalty to Satan should not be an issue, and now here I am worrying about crap like that - all because I'm so pathetically weak!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "diznit26" <diznit26@... wrote:

Actually the dedication is done for yourself, not to expect anything instant in return. That'
s your problem in what you said:

"I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all."

If you did the dedication ritual then it worked. You shouldn't expect any sort of confirmation, nor even think about that again. It's over and it's done, just clear your mind of it and just focus on important things like empowering your soul.

That's what you need to do, to let go of all worries concerning it.

As about communicating with Satan, of course if you're not advanced you'll only experience signs. That's how communication will come, in the form of signs mostly. You shouldn't expect to see him if you haven't opened your astral senses.

But again if you want to ask him if he accepted you or not, then don't. It's like you don't really trust him, like I said if you did the dedication then it worked and leave it behind and stop worrying.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

It's not that I'm not loyal to him - my mind was weak, and I lost my grip on what I saw as truth and fiction. Unable to figure out what was right, I lost myself.

That was when the enemy leapt and took over - but sadly, I could not just sit and let my life be dictated - regulations over my sex life, over where my income goes, etc. If anyone governs my life, it is I. That's when I got a good slap in the face and realized what I did. I had to cut off my ties - this time, I made sure there wasn't anything left.

Unfortunately, even before this crap happened, getting a hold of Father was impossible - I couldn't connect or speak with him (due to angel interference, and my mind being unable to really register anything different than what I normally was indoctrinated with.

Now, I feel like I'm questioning that dedication even - am I truly so weak that Father heard a garbled signal and took it the wrong way? I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all.

I really just want to talk to Father, mano a mano, and ask him the truth. There HAS to be some way to reach him - some method I can use that I can actually notice something going on.

Doing the dedication again won't work - as JoS states that doing it twice is sort of an insult. But if I don't talk to Satan and ask him myself what he thinks about this, then I'm going to be seriously disheartened; as it means I'll have to leave everyone here, what I FELT was my family - my true family - behind.

Regarding auras, black has been the only color I've really been able to see with 100% certainty. Any other color I don't trust my instincts on, especially light energy.

Would "the Reversal ritual" classify as believing that everything that JoS has said is a lie, and then spending 2 weeks among a group of Xians (specifically Mormons)? Would my ditching them for good have any sort of effect on this? I just... cannot trust anything that I see, hear, or do. That lack of trust just REALLY makes it hard to understand what's going on.

Please respond, and if I've broken any sort of mandate or whatever, then I'll take my punishment like I deserve.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "David H" <religionisdisease@ wrote:

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

 

[Joshua Cuono]

Well, that's a relief then. I was so worried I had done something unforgivable; at the very least, knowing that I only spent time with those guys out of a desire of "doing the socially acceptable thing" doesn't make me feel 100% fine with what I did.

I didn't do it because I really wanted to - it was the peer pressure that I gave into. Of course, since I do have free will, and since it was I who invited them in, it means that I must have done it of my own free will - unless other factors come into play here.

For one, I can't live with hating everybody just because they don't follow Satan; but at the same time, I can't treat everyone with kindness, as that just leads to me being manipulated.

When I called those Mormon freaks into my house, right away I began noticing how they were going to control every aspect of my life, from being allowed to masturbate, to how I am supposed to treat women. The final straw was them being intolerant of my mother's sexuality, and calling it an unforgivable sin.

There are only three things I can't stand in this world: Greed, Oppression, and Meaningless Bloodshed. Oh, and deceit.

The Xians and Kikes showed me exactly how far they were willing to go to create their ideal "empire" (even going as far as to say protecting Israel, the land of the Kikes, took higher priority than protecting the US); to me, Father Satan gave us the right to pursue our own paths, as long as we hold him in highest regard.

That being said, it sounds like the stress of all this is causing me to become a nest of negative emotions. I don't want to be rejected by Satan, so perhaps I overreact because I care so much about him.

Maybe being less open about my faith may be a bit smarter, especially where I am right now.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "diznit26" <diznit26@... wrote:

Also, Josh, the reverse ritual is a RITUAL. It's not a symbolical thing like you said. If you did not do a DELIBERATE RITUAL FROM YOUR FREE WILL to reverse your dedication then you're still dedicated. No matter if you had xian influences even for a year.

 

[patriot]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@... wrote:

It's not that I'm not loyal to him - my mind was weak, and I lost my grip on what I saw as truth and fiction. Unable to figure out what was right, I lost myself.

That was when the enemy leapt and took over - but sadly, I could not just sit and let my life be dictated - regulations over my sex life, over where my income goes, etc. If anyone governs my life, it is I. That's when I got a good slap in the face and realized what I did. I had to cut off my ties - this time, I made sure there wasn't anything left.

Unfortunately, even before this crap happened, getting a hold of Father was impossible - I couldn't connect or speak with him (due to angel interference, and my mind being unable to really register anything different than what I normally was indoctrinated with.

Now, I feel like I'm questioning that dedication even - am I truly so weak that Father heard a garbled signal and took it the wrong way? I just did not really sense anything - whatever's happened feels like I can't make sense of it all.

I really just want to talk to Father, mano a mano, and ask him the truth. There HAS to be some way to reach him - some method I can use that I can actually notice something going on.

Doing the dedication again won't work - as JoS states that doing it twice is sort of an insult. But if I don't talk to Satan and ask him myself what he thinks about this, then I'm going to be seriously disheartened; as it means I'll have to leave everyone here, what I FELT was my family - my true family - behind.

Regarding auras, black has been the only color I've really been able to see with 100% certainty. Any other color I don't trust my instincts on, especially light energy.

Would "the Reversal ritual" classify as believing that everything that JoS has said is a lie, and then spending 2 weeks among a group of Xians (specifically Mormons)? Would my ditching them for good have any sort of effect on this? I just... cannot trust anything that I see, hear, or do. That lack of trust just REALLY makes it hard to understand what's going on.

Please respond, and if I've broken any sort of mandate or whatever, then I'll take my punishment like I deserve.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "David H" <religionisdisease@ wrote:

If your afraid of fire just do the ritual without a candle.

When your attacked by a entity it's best to protect your third eye actually, it's where the kundalini shakti will connect with your higher spiritual energies. So instead of trying to "plow through the unfriendly aura" you will have better luck cleaning your third eye with light energy and then detaching any entity from it. Use your aura to shield yourself. When it comes to spiritual warfare, defense is always a priority.

It's a good idea to clean your aura and your chakra, asap. Also do this about twice a day from now on minimum.

Probably the most concerning part about what you said is that you don't know where you stand with Satan now. That really shouldn't be an issue at all. If your a satanist then your a satanist for life, and if you decided to leave him for some reason then it's likely that you really screwed yourself.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "Joshua Cuono" <cujotsutennou@ wrote:

Lately, something feels wrong with me.

When I fall asleep, I tend to usually go without dreaming. However, for some reason, my body fears sleep, as it does death. Especially painful death.

But just a few minutes ago, as I was trying to let off some steam through masturbation, I felt my energy being sapped away. Concerned, I tried to use my mind's eye to plow through this unfriendly aura. What happened was literally staggering, almost to the point of suffocation.

I felt an immense force tug at my mind - like it was trying to yank it out or something. The aura I felt was of the purest black - literally sucking away all existance. I managed to fight it off, but the fact that it was just an immense, black void frightened me.

I don't know what it was, but I noticed at the time, I felt a feeling of hopelessness, of despair, and also immense fatigue. Emotions themselves tend to be a powerful adversary, as they affect anything I say (to an immense degree) or do (to a lesser degree).

Also lately of note: the visions that my mind's eye generates have black patches on them, like someone poured black ink upon them. These patches grow bigger, day by day, and I ultimately feel as if I'm losing my control over it.

I'm concerned - would this be a result of angelic attacks, or is it something entirely different?

I'll see if I can't figure this out on my own by venturing into this black void myself - but I'd appreciate any sage advice on this.

P.S. There's been a lot of Xian influences on me lately; at one point I almost lost myself to them, yet I really can't seem to get in contact with Father to know where I stand with him. Rituals have been difficult to perform due to fear of burning my house down, so I'm trying to go the Astral Temple route, which is a real pain considering my mind's eye has been weakening.

Hi. I have had the same problem with the indoctrination. Until recently I was always afraid because of the heavy teachings. I recently had a bad stretch of bad luck. I mean it was one thing after another and another. I said to hell with it and asked father to help me get through the tough times I was having. Since then, I have been feeling less depressed and I've been a LOT more energetic. Also, sometimes when I'm in between sleep and awakeness I get the sense of somebody with me. At first I was afraid because I didn't know what it was but then,an entity came up to my bed, put it's hands on my shoulders and told me to relax. When I did a saw a beautiful woman with blond hair, beautiful blue eyes and a smile. I never felt so calm. Just give it time. Try to meditate because that has helped me. I hope this helps.