Sometimes I feel I'm losing myself

[DarkPrince]

Good night Brothers and Sisters, usually I don't ask for anyone's help, but I can't seem to figure this out... My life is getting out of control, I don't have time to do anything, I have to wake up 2 hours earlier to meditate, thats ok... but the problem is that I wake up, drink coffee so i don't fall asleep during the meditation, but something always happen to fuck my meditations, despite the fact that i barely have time to meditate, or to do anything, when I have some time, almost everytime, something comes up to fuck my meditation,sometimes i need to pee and even though i pee before meditation, it always comes to screw me up; most of the times i fall asleep even though i had drink coffee before; i cant visualize anything properly...
Ah and by the way, I started the spiritual warfare training program a few months ago, and i stagnated because im stuck in the visualization exercise because i can't visualize it not even for 5 lousy seconds! i would like to re.start it but i'm not sure if im gonna make it... because i don't think ill improve my meditations even if i had passed trough the exercises... or tried at least...
One more thing, I can't seem to control my powers, when i think something bad is going to happen, it does happen, but if i think something very good will happen, i may be thinking all day that nothing will happen...
I am sorry for my english and for the confusing text, and I sincerely ask for some advice... i can't get to any conclusions, even in the ritual of love for Father Enki... i couldnt do it already, i always fall asleep even though i drink plenty of coffee moments before i do it... (im doing it like meditation because i can't do the ritual, and i do my meditations lying in my bed)
Thanks!

Hail Satan!!

 

[freenighttime5478]

It sounds like you have just a little too much on your plate to deal with for the moment. I'm not suggesting putting your training or any other responsibilities on the "back burner" at all, but I've found it helps tremendously to take a step back, catch your breath, some sleep, and maybe do a little reorganizing of your schedule so you can start back up refreshed and with a possibly more defined plan. Just know that the chaotic life always straightens out eventually if you keep striving for efficiency. I wish you luck and hope I helped some.
Hail Father!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "DarkPrince" <rui_miguel_2@... wrote:

Good night Brothers and Sisters, usually I don't ask for anyone's help, but I can't seem to figure this out... My life is getting out of control, I don't have time to do anything, I have to wake up 2 hours earlier to meditate, thats ok... but the problem is that I wake up, drink coffee so i don't fall asleep during the meditation, but something always happen to fuck my meditations, despite the fact that i barely have time to meditate, or to do anything, when I have some time, almost everytime, something comes up to fuck my meditation,sometimes i need to pee and even though i pee before meditation, it always comes to screw me up; most of the times i fall asleep even though i had drink coffee before; i cant visualize anything properly...
Ah and by the way, I started the spiritual warfare training program a few months ago, and i stagnated because im stuck in the visualization exercise because i can't visualize it not even for 5 lousy seconds! i would like to re.start it but i'm not sure if im gonna make it... because i don't think ill improve my meditations even if i had passed trough the exercises... or tried at least...
One more thing, I can't seem to control my powers, when i think something bad is going to happen, it does happen, but if i think something very good will happen, i may be thinking all day that nothing will happen...
I am sorry for my english and for the confusing text, and I sincerely ask for some advice... i can't get to any conclusions, even in the ritual of love for Father Enki... i couldnt do it already, i always fall asleep even though i drink plenty of coffee moments before i do it... (im doing it like meditation because i can't do the ritual, and i do my meditations lying in my bed)
Thanks!

Hail Satan!!

 

[saahirah_belladonna]

i totally agree with all that and id also liketo add in regards to your meditation, i found it helps to not do them in bed, especially not laying down as its a lot easier to fall asleep. i used to do it lke that all the time, but now i do it sitting up, on the floor with a pillow underneath me for comfort. it takes a while for your body to getused to sitting so still in that position but it helps with meditation a lot!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "freenighttime5478" <bluemoonrising5478@... wrote:

It sounds like you have just a little too much on your plate to deal with for the moment. I'm not suggesting putting your training or any other responsibilities on the "back burner" at all, but I've found it helps tremendously to take a step back, catch your breath, some sleep, and maybe do a little reorganizing of your schedule so you can start back up refreshed and with a possibly more defined plan. Just know that the chaotic life always straightens out eventually if you keep striving for efficiency. I wish you luck and hope I helped some.
Hail Father!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "DarkPrince" <rui_miguel_2@ wrote:

Good night Brothers and Sisters, usually I don't ask for anyone's help, but I can't seem to figure this out... My life is getting out of control, I don't have time to do anything, I have to wake up 2 hours earlier to meditate, thats ok... but the problem is that I wake up, drink coffee so i don't fall asleep during the meditation, but something always happen to fuck my meditations, despite the fact that i barely have time to meditate, or to do anything, when I have some time, almost everytime, something comes up to fuck my meditation,sometimes i need to pee and even though i pee before meditation, it always comes to screw me up; most of the times i fall asleep even though i had drink coffee before; i cant visualize anything properly...
Ah and by the way, I started the spiritual warfare training program a few months ago, and i stagnated because im stuck in the visualization exercise because i can't visualize it not even for 5 lousy seconds! i would like to re.start it but i'm not sure if im gonna make it... because i don't think ill improve my meditations even if i had passed trough the exercises... or tried at least...
One more thing, I can't seem to control my powers, when i think something bad is going to happen, it does happen, but if i think something very good will happen, i may be thinking all day that nothing will happen...
I am sorry for my english and for the confusing text, and I sincerely ask for some advice... i can't get to any conclusions, even in the ritual of love for Father Enki... i couldnt do it already, i always fall asleep even though i drink plenty of coffee moments before i do it... (im doing it like meditation because i can't do the ritual, and i do my meditations lying in my bed)
Thanks!

Hail Satan!!

 

[DarkPrince]

To bluemoonrising5478:
Yes you did, im glad to see you understood the whole text and gave some great advice... actually i did that last night already, i was trying to make the visualization of the ritual of love for Father Enki... and i kept failing... i thought if i sleep i will not do the visualization for father, but tomorrow i will do a good meditation and soon ill do the visualization... and this morning i meditated almost perfectly...

To ewarner63:
ive already thought about that but the problem is i cant curve my legs like this (http://www.smilebigtoday.com/img/meditation.jpg), it hurts me and if its hurting me i cant focus while meditating...

 

[saahirah_belladonna]

you dont have to sit in that position if it causes discomfort. sit any way you feel comfortable. another piece of advice is if you cant sit and do it, try laying on the floor instead of your bed. prehaps this will help you from falling asleep so easily. just keep a blanket handy so you dont get too cold and maybe invest in a yoga mat to lay on for extra comfort. i only suggest this as i do yoga both at home and in a class and this is another way i have been able to meditate. i find im just too comfortable in bed and thats why i used to fall asleep. trial and error is the best way to discover what works best. you have plenty of time so dont stress yourself out about it or you will make it harder on yourself.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "DarkPrince" <rui_miguel_2@... wrote:

To bluemoonrising5478:
Yes you did, im glad to see you understood the whole text and gave some great advice... actually i did that last night already, i was trying to make the visualization of the ritual of love for Father Enki... and i kept failing... i thought if i sleep i will not do the visualization for father, but tomorrow i will do a good meditation and soon ill do the visualization... and this morning i meditated almost perfectly...

To ewarner63:
ive already thought about that but the problem is i cant curve my legs like this (http://www.smilebigtoday.com/img/meditation.jpg), it hurts me and if its hurting me i cant focus while meditating...

 

[freenighttime5478]

Glad to have helped! Another thing that has helped me with meditating is to sit in a kind of couch chair/bean bag chair/something fluffy and prop my feet up with a few pillows or a short footrest to get your feet suspended. Also, here's a link off of JoS that really helped me with general meditating, even though it's specifically towards astral projection.
http://webzoom.freewebs.com/blacksun666 ... 0Bruce.pdf
Hail Father!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "saahirah_belladonna" <ewarner63@... wrote:

you dont have to sit in that position if it causes discomfort. sit any way you feel comfortable. another piece of advice is if you cant sit and do it, try laying on the floor instead of your bed. prehaps this will help you from falling asleep so easily. just keep a blanket handy so you dont get too cold and maybe invest in a yoga mat to lay on for extra comfort. i only suggest this as i do yoga both at home and in a class and this is another way i have been able to meditate. i find im just too comfortable in bed and thats why i used to fall asleep. trial and error is the best way to discover what works best. you have plenty of time so dont stress yourself out about it or you will make it harder on yourself.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "DarkPrince" <rui_miguel_2@ wrote:

To bluemoonrising5478:
Yes you did, im glad to see you understood the whole text and gave some great advice... actually i did that last night already, i was trying to make the visualization of the ritual of love for Father Enki... and i kept failing... i thought if i sleep i will not do the visualization for father, but tomorrow i will do a good meditation and soon ill do the visualization... and this morning i meditated almost perfectly...

To ewarner63:
ive already thought about that but the problem is i cant curve my legs like this (http://www.smilebigtoday.com/img/meditation.jpg), it hurts me and if its hurting me i cant focus while meditating...

 

[Desdemona the Wicked]

i underststand this situation as i myself cant sit in the same position for too long while meditating. i have found laying down while doing the meditaitons and training is the answer. it may not work for you but give it a try. i noticed by laying down im more open and relaxed for meditation then sitting. all you need is at least 15 mins a day to take time to yourlsed to do this. also what time of day or night do you work on your meditations? this can be a reason too. try doing them before going to bed. or in the morning when waking up. hope this helps.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "saahirah_belladonna" <ewarner63@... wrote:

you dont have to sit in that position if it causes discomfort. sit any way you feel comfortable. another piece of advice is if you cant sit and do it, try laying on the floor instead of your bed. prehaps this will help you from falling asleep so easily. just keep a blanket handy so you dont get too cold and maybe invest in a yoga mat to lay on for extra comfort. i only suggest this as i do yoga both at home and in a class and this is another way i have been able to meditate. i find im just too comfortable in bed and thats why i used to fall asleep. trial and error is the best way to discover what works best. you have plenty of time so dont stress yourself out about it or you will make it harder on yourself.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "DarkPrince" <rui_miguel_2@ wrote:

To bluemoonrising5478:
Yes you did, im glad to see you understood the whole text and gave some great advice... actually i did that last night already, i was trying to make the visualization of the ritual of love for Father Enki... and i kept failing... i thought if i sleep i will not do the visualization for father, but tomorrow i will do a good meditation and soon ill do the visualization... and this morning i meditated almost perfectly...

To ewarner63:
ive already thought about that but the problem is i cant curve my legs like this (http://www.smilebigtoday.com/img/meditation.jpg), it hurts me and if its hurting me i cant focus while meditating...

 

[DarkPrince]

I've tryed both ways, in the beggining i used to meditate before going to sleep it seem to be working but now, I can't seem to meditate in any part of the day, I always fall asleep or start falling asleep and I can't focus, when I feel Im falling asleep is when I can't focus, I try very hard to focus on anything but seconds later I'm thinking something else without even realising Im not meditating anymore...

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]That's why I do my power meditation when I first get up.I am the most rested,and not real hungry at 7:00 in the am.I wait till after to eat breakfast.this just works for me with my work habits,and the fact that I have always been a morning person anyway.
Hail Satan!
BG

--- On Thu, 3/31/11, DarkPrince <rui_miguel_2@... wrote:

From: DarkPrince <rui_miguel_2@...
Subject: [HellsArmy666] Re: Sometimes I feel I'm losing myself
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, March 31, 2011, 11:19 PM

  I've tryed both ways, in the beggining i used to meditate before going to sleep it seem to be working but now, I can't seem to meditate in any part of the day, I always fall asleep or start falling asleep and I can't focus, when I feel Im falling asleep is when I can't focus, I try very hard to focus on anything but seconds later I'm thinking something else without even realising Im not meditating anymore...

[/TD]