Severe imbalance of elements

[Endsieg_Enjoyer]

I am somewhat new to Satanism, I dedicated about 3 months ago and I dabbled in the occult for 3 months before that(mostly with angelic GOM garbage). I've recently been working with the elements(invoking) and I have found severe imbalances in my astrological chart. My elemental makeup if it could be put into quantifiable numbers would be something like Water: 5.5, Earth: 5, Fire: 1.5, Air: 1. Yet even though I am severely lacking in Fire and Air I still possess some of the qualities of both. All my life I can see that I have tried to extremely overcompensate for the lack of these elements while repressing my dominant ones, I always viewed the qualities in fire and air, until recently, as my own. I can now see that I was only overcompensating for my lack of the element, perhaps because strong water dominance brings extremes of behavior.

For lack of fire I overcompensated by always trying to be the most optimistic and outgoing person I could be, I would purposefully be controversial to the extreme in order to prove I didn't care what others thought and that I was bold and a risk taker. I became extremely narcissistic and I was very concerned with acheiving something and being superior to others, I would punish myself if I didn't achieve my goals yet no matter what I did I still lost the motivation and drive that I tried to artificially create. Lack of air led me to overcompensate by being extremely talkative and seek attention as the class clown. I completely repressed my emotions and basically became a sociopath and machiavellian(the worst of this led me to MGTOW, redpill and PUA), I proved my intellectual ability by getting all A's in my classes and I read very advanced works in philosophy and history, I wanted to be known as superior to those around me. I never lost my cool around others and became pretty detached. Yet it always felt very wrong to me and I could only repress my water(emotional) side for so long. Since discovering spiritual satanism I have become more of my true personality and learned to embrace my dominant elements and their qualities, my daemoness has really helped me remove the repression of my water qualities and I have begun to accept earth like qualities as well. I really do like both of my dominant elements as water(along with aspects in my chart) really helps me to experience the occult and I can easily feel daemons/spiritual presence, and earth has provided material grouding and practicality. Yet now that I have assumed the qualities of my elemental makeup I can feel the lack of fire and air very profoundly. I am now quite introverted and have problems with lack of motivation, my daemoness has to motivate me to get up some days and to do my meditations(though they always get done).

I guess my question is what is the best way to rectify my situation? I am tired of fighting against my natural qualities and personality, yet qualities gained from fire and air are very important for me to have especially due to my career field. I invoked fire recently(x7 retaining) and it felt amazing! It gave me the feeling I have wanted for a long time and the motivation, but it was only for a short time(maybe 3 hrs). Is their any way to permanently increase an element or motivation, extroversion, charisma and other positive qualities from air and fire? I invoke Ether daily x11 after doing so I affirm "The ether is balancing my elements in a totally safe and positive way for me" x9 and I can't notice too much of an effect so far. Or is it just better to min/max my soul and focus on my dominant elements. Also does lack of fire negatively effect wealth workings?

Sorry about the length of the post but I am very confused on how to proceed any advice is appreciated.

 

[CaspianTheDreamer]

Have you not read the meditation table properly?
You are new, you are not supposed to be putting chaos in your soul with doing stuff like this.
Invoking and evoking elements is for people who are advanced.
Meaning that they have spent almost each day meditating, from 0.
Look to the beginner column.

 

[Endsieg_Enjoyer]

Have you not read the meditation table properly?
You are new, you are not supposed to be putting chaos in your soul with doing stuff like this.
Invoking and evoking elements is for people who are advanced.
Meaning that they have spent almost each day meditating, from 0.
Look to the beginner column.

I have spent much time in the beginner column and intermediate. Those 3 months(and somewhat before that) I have been doing consistent and regular meditation and thought I might experiment with more advanced meditations, I have read all of the warnings and used the search function on JOS to read about how to properly invoke using affirmation to minimize any backlash, in fact when I invoked fire I got very little backlash from water due to affirmation. Its not like I am consistently invoking the elements, only Akasha which is completely safe. I like to push myself in regards to these things, I just want to know how to permanently balance my soul and retain the positive aspects of the elements I lack. Whether beginner or not I think it is important.

 

[CaspianTheDreamer]

Have you not read the meditation table properly?
You are new, you are not supposed to be putting chaos in your soul with doing stuff like this.
Invoking and evoking elements is for people who are advanced.
Meaning that they have spent almost each day meditating, from 0.
Look to the beginner column.

I have spent much time in the beginner column and intermediate. Those 3 months(and somewhat before that) I have been doing consistent and regular meditation and thought I might experiment with more advanced meditations, I have read all of the warnings and used the search function on JOS to read about how to properly invoke using affirmation to minimize any backlash, in fact when I invoked fire I got very little backlash from water due to affirmation. Its not like I am consistently invoking the elements, only Akasha which is completely safe. I like to push myself in regards to these things, I just want to know how to permanently balance my soul and retain the positive aspects of the elements I lack. Whether beginner or not I think it is important.

still i think you could have gone a bit too far. maybe for now focus on cleaning your chakras and your soul.