Snowdrop666
New member
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2020
- Messages
- 8
Hello everyone,
I figure I should probably start by introducing myself. I'll try to keep it somewhat quick. I dedicated to Satan almost 7 years ago when I was 19. My astral senses have always been pretty naturally open and despite being raised in an xtain family I'd always felt a very deep connection to Satan. So finding The Joy of Satan was amazing and answered a lot of things for me. At the time I was trying to collect myself after breaking off an engagement with my highschool boyfriend, going to school for mortuary science and funeral services, and spending my free time advancing spiritually. I ended up dropping out of school because I learned that as someone with no relatives in the field and as a female, statistically I was highly unlikely to find a job once I graduated. After that, I started working long hours at a new job, and really started slipping on the consistency of my meditations. Then I met my current pothead boyfriend, and moved in with him after only knowing him for two months. Then It was kind of all down hill from there.
At first we were living in a frat house. With the continuous shenanigans that happened there I unfortunately stopped meditating all together. Then we moved into a studio were I was able to meditate again. I never did any sort of mantras though, as I didn't have any privacy from my boyfriend. While we were there he convinced me to start using weed with him. At first it was just to help with menstrual cramps, then I started using it just on the weekends. Even though it wasn't that much, doing this completely stunted any spiritual progress that I could have made. My astral senses became way duller. I had no motivation to advance anymore. Soon everytime I got high it was almost like I'd forget I was a Satanists and I'd fall into this mindset of "death is inevitable, soon I'll be entering into the black void of eternity while my corpse rots back into the earth...ect) That continued on for a few years. Then last year I went to a "protest" to try to stop my state from clear cutting in a state forest. Basically, it was me and a bunch of hippies in the woods holding hands and singing "native American" songs. That's when I had this moment of -"what the actual fuck am I doing?" So I went off, sat on a log, and decided to start getting serious about my spiritual path again.
It wasn't until last December that I completely stopped using weed, but since then I've been extremely rigorous with advancing. I did a ritual to Satan to apologize for being such a buffoon for so long. During the ritual I felt a very warm hand touch my leg, which was really comforting. I also tried meditating on who I'm about 85% sure is my guardian demon to try to apologize to him aswell for being MIA, and I very clearly heard a voice say "don't stray again". That experience has really helped me keep in line. It's kind of embarrassing, but I didn't even know about the RTRs until a few months ago. Since learning about them I haven't missed a day, and have been doing them as much as possible. I do feel really guilty that I wasn't doing them all along with you guys when I definitely should have been. It does fuel me to do more, but I know that doesn't change the past. Fortunately, I am back on track now though.
So about the veganism....
When I was a young teenager I got bamboozled by those "peta undercover in a slaughter house" videos. That plus having a tendency to anthropomorphize animals I fell for the veganism trap. When I first dedicated I figured that everything was all fine and dandy, because in my mind "surely Satan would be against the 'murder' of innocent animals". I never once thought that my diet was part of an elaborate jewish scheme to weaken gentiles. Since realizing the truth, I've been taking steps to get back to a normal diet. When I first decided to quit, I thought that I'd be able to just start eating meat again, no problem... However, I'm finding that I have some serious psychological blocks. In the past five months I've only had fish three times, and each time I've had to mentally work myself up to it. I'm doubting if I'll ever even be able to bring myself to eat chicken or something. I'm also feeling a lot of shame and guilt about eating meat again. The only one who knows is my boyfriend because I had him buy it for me since I was to embarrassed to buy it myself. I also know that that's just jewish programming, which makes me feel even worse about it. I did go back and forth between veganism and vegetarianism for a while. I don't know if that makes a difference for my health at all, but hopefully.
I have been thinking about doing a runic working for this, but I'm not sure which ones would be best. I'm also considering the possibility of the potential long-term health issues that could spring up from not eating meat for half my life, and wondering if there are any workings that could possibly help offset that. I'm sure that the RTRs will help some, but I don’t know if it will be enough. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.(Also though, I'm looking for actual spiritual advice, not someone telling me to "just go eat a damn hamburger" if it was that easy for me I wouldn't be on here right now. lol.)
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds, and to anyone who read my saga,
~Snowdrop
I figure I should probably start by introducing myself. I'll try to keep it somewhat quick. I dedicated to Satan almost 7 years ago when I was 19. My astral senses have always been pretty naturally open and despite being raised in an xtain family I'd always felt a very deep connection to Satan. So finding The Joy of Satan was amazing and answered a lot of things for me. At the time I was trying to collect myself after breaking off an engagement with my highschool boyfriend, going to school for mortuary science and funeral services, and spending my free time advancing spiritually. I ended up dropping out of school because I learned that as someone with no relatives in the field and as a female, statistically I was highly unlikely to find a job once I graduated. After that, I started working long hours at a new job, and really started slipping on the consistency of my meditations. Then I met my current pothead boyfriend, and moved in with him after only knowing him for two months. Then It was kind of all down hill from there.
At first we were living in a frat house. With the continuous shenanigans that happened there I unfortunately stopped meditating all together. Then we moved into a studio were I was able to meditate again. I never did any sort of mantras though, as I didn't have any privacy from my boyfriend. While we were there he convinced me to start using weed with him. At first it was just to help with menstrual cramps, then I started using it just on the weekends. Even though it wasn't that much, doing this completely stunted any spiritual progress that I could have made. My astral senses became way duller. I had no motivation to advance anymore. Soon everytime I got high it was almost like I'd forget I was a Satanists and I'd fall into this mindset of "death is inevitable, soon I'll be entering into the black void of eternity while my corpse rots back into the earth...ect) That continued on for a few years. Then last year I went to a "protest" to try to stop my state from clear cutting in a state forest. Basically, it was me and a bunch of hippies in the woods holding hands and singing "native American" songs. That's when I had this moment of -"what the actual fuck am I doing?" So I went off, sat on a log, and decided to start getting serious about my spiritual path again.
It wasn't until last December that I completely stopped using weed, but since then I've been extremely rigorous with advancing. I did a ritual to Satan to apologize for being such a buffoon for so long. During the ritual I felt a very warm hand touch my leg, which was really comforting. I also tried meditating on who I'm about 85% sure is my guardian demon to try to apologize to him aswell for being MIA, and I very clearly heard a voice say "don't stray again". That experience has really helped me keep in line. It's kind of embarrassing, but I didn't even know about the RTRs until a few months ago. Since learning about them I haven't missed a day, and have been doing them as much as possible. I do feel really guilty that I wasn't doing them all along with you guys when I definitely should have been. It does fuel me to do more, but I know that doesn't change the past. Fortunately, I am back on track now though.
So about the veganism....
When I was a young teenager I got bamboozled by those "peta undercover in a slaughter house" videos. That plus having a tendency to anthropomorphize animals I fell for the veganism trap. When I first dedicated I figured that everything was all fine and dandy, because in my mind "surely Satan would be against the 'murder' of innocent animals". I never once thought that my diet was part of an elaborate jewish scheme to weaken gentiles. Since realizing the truth, I've been taking steps to get back to a normal diet. When I first decided to quit, I thought that I'd be able to just start eating meat again, no problem... However, I'm finding that I have some serious psychological blocks. In the past five months I've only had fish three times, and each time I've had to mentally work myself up to it. I'm doubting if I'll ever even be able to bring myself to eat chicken or something. I'm also feeling a lot of shame and guilt about eating meat again. The only one who knows is my boyfriend because I had him buy it for me since I was to embarrassed to buy it myself. I also know that that's just jewish programming, which makes me feel even worse about it. I did go back and forth between veganism and vegetarianism for a while. I don't know if that makes a difference for my health at all, but hopefully.
I have been thinking about doing a runic working for this, but I'm not sure which ones would be best. I'm also considering the possibility of the potential long-term health issues that could spring up from not eating meat for half my life, and wondering if there are any workings that could possibly help offset that. I'm sure that the RTRs will help some, but I don’t know if it will be enough. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.(Also though, I'm looking for actual spiritual advice, not someone telling me to "just go eat a damn hamburger" if it was that easy for me I wouldn't be on here right now. lol.)
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds, and to anyone who read my saga,
~Snowdrop