I took the time this year to really focus on power mediations, cleansing/repairing/building/programming my aura, chakra work, returning curses, and cord cutting.
The hard work paid off and i've seen areas of my life improve. Chakra work was very intense however as I was purging so much repressed emotions it felt like I wasn't going to make it.
I'm really happy I pushed and motivated myself, but in all honesty im still very depressed and struggling deeply. I had a very traumatic childhood where I got physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused by extremist Christian parents, and then went to school and was bullied, ostracized, and scapegoated by my peers.
The physcal abuse by my parents even went into adult hood. they beat me down physically and emotionally so many times, they made it so i was dependant on them but would gaslight me why I dont have my life together? Like you beat down my goals, ambitions, and dreams and literally beat me up and expect me to be a well functioning, grounded human being?
I had to become homeless to escape them, which was traumatic too. I've had a lot of traumatic stuff happen up to even this year, but I won't get into it because I know people here will just call me crazy.
I'm really struggling to find my place in this world. I dont know what its like to be loved, respected, or cared about. I dont fit in with my peers and because im this outcasted blacksheep thats very different from them, they bully me too. I dont force my opinions of the vaccine for example, but they keep making fun of me for choosing not to put it in my body even pretending they share the same beliefs and then getting it shortly after to mock me.
Becuase i dont want to drink, do drugs, go to nightclubs, and participae in this toxic culture im treated very poorly. People call me strange an unusual. When I was 20 while everyone else was partying I was studying spirituality, meditating, and learning how to heal myself.
I'm at the point where this deep level of ostracization from my peers, family, and society is really wearing me down. I'm fighting suicial thoughts again.I feel like i cant trust anyone, cause whenver i do they do very evil things to me, or take my kindness for weakness, or covertly bully me, or scapegoat me, or project , or make mean comments disguised as jokes. I'm kind to people if theyre kind to me. ppl that do like me always say how I make them feel understood, heard, and accepted.
I can't do this anymore. I even programmed my aura to repel narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to weed out toxic people.
I've had visions of my past lives that got confirmed by outside sources, and in past lives i've had similar ostracization, like Being hunted for being a witch. This is history repeating itself all over again. To add on to this, people even sensed in this lifetime I was a witch before I even remembered/realized it. I had this christian guy say hes scared of me because im a witch, he even thought I was in the illuminati which I dont understand, calling me an illuminati witch and bullying me. An old roommate was scared of me and became catholic, and we got into a heated argument and the lights started flickering and she flpped out going "you see you see!!!" , since then when she saw me in public she hid behind her friend terrified of me despite me always showing her kindness. I saw a spiritual based healer recently and she too was scared of me, at the end of the session she said I was a witch in a past life. '
I know my heart, I know I don't deserve this. I just don't understand how im on this planet just to get abused, bullied, targeted, and ostracized. it feels like a nightmare. I've always just been very different from everyone and never belonged anywhere.
i'm sorry for complaining but idk what to do. im so hurt. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I live alone , and not because of vaccine passports im second class citizen. no family i can trust because they are evil and abusive.. no friends i can trust, or aren't fucked up on drugs and alcohol.
I'm really hurting.
The hard work paid off and i've seen areas of my life improve. Chakra work was very intense however as I was purging so much repressed emotions it felt like I wasn't going to make it.
I'm really happy I pushed and motivated myself, but in all honesty im still very depressed and struggling deeply. I had a very traumatic childhood where I got physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused by extremist Christian parents, and then went to school and was bullied, ostracized, and scapegoated by my peers.
The physcal abuse by my parents even went into adult hood. they beat me down physically and emotionally so many times, they made it so i was dependant on them but would gaslight me why I dont have my life together? Like you beat down my goals, ambitions, and dreams and literally beat me up and expect me to be a well functioning, grounded human being?
I had to become homeless to escape them, which was traumatic too. I've had a lot of traumatic stuff happen up to even this year, but I won't get into it because I know people here will just call me crazy.
I'm really struggling to find my place in this world. I dont know what its like to be loved, respected, or cared about. I dont fit in with my peers and because im this outcasted blacksheep thats very different from them, they bully me too. I dont force my opinions of the vaccine for example, but they keep making fun of me for choosing not to put it in my body even pretending they share the same beliefs and then getting it shortly after to mock me.
Becuase i dont want to drink, do drugs, go to nightclubs, and participae in this toxic culture im treated very poorly. People call me strange an unusual. When I was 20 while everyone else was partying I was studying spirituality, meditating, and learning how to heal myself.
I'm at the point where this deep level of ostracization from my peers, family, and society is really wearing me down. I'm fighting suicial thoughts again.I feel like i cant trust anyone, cause whenver i do they do very evil things to me, or take my kindness for weakness, or covertly bully me, or scapegoat me, or project , or make mean comments disguised as jokes. I'm kind to people if theyre kind to me. ppl that do like me always say how I make them feel understood, heard, and accepted.
I can't do this anymore. I even programmed my aura to repel narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to weed out toxic people.
I've had visions of my past lives that got confirmed by outside sources, and in past lives i've had similar ostracization, like Being hunted for being a witch. This is history repeating itself all over again. To add on to this, people even sensed in this lifetime I was a witch before I even remembered/realized it. I had this christian guy say hes scared of me because im a witch, he even thought I was in the illuminati which I dont understand, calling me an illuminati witch and bullying me. An old roommate was scared of me and became catholic, and we got into a heated argument and the lights started flickering and she flpped out going "you see you see!!!" , since then when she saw me in public she hid behind her friend terrified of me despite me always showing her kindness. I saw a spiritual based healer recently and she too was scared of me, at the end of the session she said I was a witch in a past life. '
I know my heart, I know I don't deserve this. I just don't understand how im on this planet just to get abused, bullied, targeted, and ostracized. it feels like a nightmare. I've always just been very different from everyone and never belonged anywhere.
i'm sorry for complaining but idk what to do. im so hurt. I don't know how much more I can take of this. I live alone , and not because of vaccine passports im second class citizen. no family i can trust because they are evil and abusive.. no friends i can trust, or aren't fucked up on drugs and alcohol.
I'm really hurting.