fitzsaiying
New member
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2003
- Messages
- 0
First of all I would like to apologize. No doubt what I have to ask will be very familiar, as I am sure those of you who are reading this have seen these situations and questions I will be presenting many times before, from many other people. I have looked through and read other conversations on this group as an attempt to find the answers that I seek, but non have fully been able to answer what I have to ask.
Secondly, I would like to make it clear that I by no means intend to offend anyone with my questions, but as I am new to the idea of even looking into Satanism, I may inadvertently upset some people with either the content of my questions, or the way in which I present them.
Thirdly, as you can already see this will be a fairly long, uh, well "essay" may even be an appropriate word for it. I apologize, but it has taken a lot for me to even get this far and I wish to present all that I have to say in one message.
Now that I got that out of the way, I thank you if you are still reading and are perhaps willing to help me. Let me give you a little background of my life. I am sure it will sound very familiar to many of you.
I was adopted into a christian family when I was born. My parents are very extreme mix of protestants and political conservatism. I was forced from a very young age to go to a christian private school, and have been there throughout my entire preschool to high school years. Only when I was able to move on to college could I be free of the indoctrination. I was even forced during those years (even then it was against my wishes) to attend a youth group, a christian version of boy scouts known as "royal rangers," and church on Sundays. Every night I was forced to have devotional time for at least half an hour, and had to pray before every meal. This was how I was raised. This was all that I knew. I even thought it to be right, at least for the first 17 years.
When I finally moved on to college, I began to see just how...closed minded and subjugated my life has been up until then. I had never learned about evolution, and the curiosity led me to study it on my own. After years of the internal conflict between my logic and reasoning with the indoctrination of all that I was raised on, I finally accepted the fact that christianity is simply wrong. I was even able to admit to myself that I am bisexual (a "curse" I had been fighting privately for years, under threat of being disowned and possibly worse, ie gay camp).
I also grew an interest in quantum physics. (This may not seem relevant but I assure you that it is.) The world of quantum physics is incredible, and the lessons and theories that come from it are so close to being arcane. Take for instance quantum entanglement. It is the very idea that information can be directly influenced between two existing particles of matter regardless of their distance. Our minds are made of matter, so this (in a very basic sense) opens up the possibility of influencing our world (and the minds of others) through thoughts alone.
I did research into the occult and the arcane, and have studied what I suppose you could call the theoretical possibility of magick. Unfortunately, much to my GREAT disappointment, non of the experiments I have attempted yielded any observable results, as of yet. I do continue to attempt a few, on occasion, but still am having difficulty.
One last thing to mention before I get to the heart of my questions. I am currently in my third year of college. I am majoring in psychology, though I have a fairly extensive knowledge of programming as well (In other words, I operate on logic and reasoning above all else). One of the greatest things that I take from my classes is the idea of skepticism. The very teaching of the Joys of Satan web site (for I have read nearly everything on the site) agree with this notion, the idea that we should not take the word of the christian bible, or the torah, or the talmud, or the quaran, immediately as truth. I was brought up to believe that I should simply swallow everything that the bible tells me as reality, and that since it is "the word of god" it is never wrong. I will NOT fall into that trap again.
And this brings me to my main question. I will admit that I very much want to become a Satanist, and mean it. I wish to learn, and be able to preform the magick mentioned on the Joys of Satan website. I wish to be able to communicate with beings higher than myself, and learn from them. I desire power, yes, and I desire to improve myself.
BUT. If I were to simply and blindly accept what you teach as truth, then I would be no better than when I was a christian. Please, all that may be reading this, and those that are able to help me. I require proof, I need something to latch on to. My faith in christianity fell apart because it was an ENTIRELY faith-based religion. I need only the simplest of proofs, such as a demonstrable working spell of TRUE magick, for me to devote my very soul. There is so much logic in the teachings that I have read from the Joys of Satan website, and I find it all incredibly fascinating. I am willing to put faith into what I do, and grow my beliefs in faith. BUT there MUST be a solid grain of observable fact that I can base these all on. I look for evidence. Please understand that I am not trying to discredit ANY of you, as I believe that the path of Satanism is as close to the truth in religion as there can be. BUT just as I will NOT be blindly putting my faith back into the falsities of christianity, I cannot do the same to ANY other worldview. Please, try to understand my problem.
I do not know much about magick. I wish very desperately to learn of course, and would devote much of my time, and indeed life, to practicing it if I choose the path of Satanism. But I need your help, those of you who are willing to help. Magick is, in my limited understanding, a very powerful tool. Is there perhaps any of you who could use this tool to assist me? Again, I know very little about magick, but should any of you be able to observably prove to me the validity of the theory of magick (as i am currently calling it) I will be greatly in you debt.
I very likely have upset many of you reading this. I ask for your forgiveness if I have, but please do try to understand my viewpoint. And for those of you who have actually taken the time to read through my entire article, I thank you as well, even if you cannot assist me.
//Side note: my father is a doctor, and therefor has a decent amount of money. He is currently funding my college tuition. As soon as I am able to, I will be moving out, but I must finish college and acquire a job before this. Fortunately, he and I have come to a compromise. I may downright hate it, but I must go to church as often as I can (on Sundays that is) so long as it does not interfere with my college or work. It is an extremely frustrating situation, but I simply bring a book and shut out the filth as best I can. Again, this is a compromise, so it is something I must do if I wish to continue to go to college, and more importantly have both a home to live in and food to eat. It is extremely regrettable but it is a manage situation, for the time being. I just thought that this should be known. I am able to fool them, by appearing as another foolish "lamb" but I assure you that I am not.
Secondly, I would like to make it clear that I by no means intend to offend anyone with my questions, but as I am new to the idea of even looking into Satanism, I may inadvertently upset some people with either the content of my questions, or the way in which I present them.
Thirdly, as you can already see this will be a fairly long, uh, well "essay" may even be an appropriate word for it. I apologize, but it has taken a lot for me to even get this far and I wish to present all that I have to say in one message.
Now that I got that out of the way, I thank you if you are still reading and are perhaps willing to help me. Let me give you a little background of my life. I am sure it will sound very familiar to many of you.
I was adopted into a christian family when I was born. My parents are very extreme mix of protestants and political conservatism. I was forced from a very young age to go to a christian private school, and have been there throughout my entire preschool to high school years. Only when I was able to move on to college could I be free of the indoctrination. I was even forced during those years (even then it was against my wishes) to attend a youth group, a christian version of boy scouts known as "royal rangers," and church on Sundays. Every night I was forced to have devotional time for at least half an hour, and had to pray before every meal. This was how I was raised. This was all that I knew. I even thought it to be right, at least for the first 17 years.
When I finally moved on to college, I began to see just how...closed minded and subjugated my life has been up until then. I had never learned about evolution, and the curiosity led me to study it on my own. After years of the internal conflict between my logic and reasoning with the indoctrination of all that I was raised on, I finally accepted the fact that christianity is simply wrong. I was even able to admit to myself that I am bisexual (a "curse" I had been fighting privately for years, under threat of being disowned and possibly worse, ie gay camp).
I also grew an interest in quantum physics. (This may not seem relevant but I assure you that it is.) The world of quantum physics is incredible, and the lessons and theories that come from it are so close to being arcane. Take for instance quantum entanglement. It is the very idea that information can be directly influenced between two existing particles of matter regardless of their distance. Our minds are made of matter, so this (in a very basic sense) opens up the possibility of influencing our world (and the minds of others) through thoughts alone.
I did research into the occult and the arcane, and have studied what I suppose you could call the theoretical possibility of magick. Unfortunately, much to my GREAT disappointment, non of the experiments I have attempted yielded any observable results, as of yet. I do continue to attempt a few, on occasion, but still am having difficulty.
One last thing to mention before I get to the heart of my questions. I am currently in my third year of college. I am majoring in psychology, though I have a fairly extensive knowledge of programming as well (In other words, I operate on logic and reasoning above all else). One of the greatest things that I take from my classes is the idea of skepticism. The very teaching of the Joys of Satan web site (for I have read nearly everything on the site) agree with this notion, the idea that we should not take the word of the christian bible, or the torah, or the talmud, or the quaran, immediately as truth. I was brought up to believe that I should simply swallow everything that the bible tells me as reality, and that since it is "the word of god" it is never wrong. I will NOT fall into that trap again.
And this brings me to my main question. I will admit that I very much want to become a Satanist, and mean it. I wish to learn, and be able to preform the magick mentioned on the Joys of Satan website. I wish to be able to communicate with beings higher than myself, and learn from them. I desire power, yes, and I desire to improve myself.
BUT. If I were to simply and blindly accept what you teach as truth, then I would be no better than when I was a christian. Please, all that may be reading this, and those that are able to help me. I require proof, I need something to latch on to. My faith in christianity fell apart because it was an ENTIRELY faith-based religion. I need only the simplest of proofs, such as a demonstrable working spell of TRUE magick, for me to devote my very soul. There is so much logic in the teachings that I have read from the Joys of Satan website, and I find it all incredibly fascinating. I am willing to put faith into what I do, and grow my beliefs in faith. BUT there MUST be a solid grain of observable fact that I can base these all on. I look for evidence. Please understand that I am not trying to discredit ANY of you, as I believe that the path of Satanism is as close to the truth in religion as there can be. BUT just as I will NOT be blindly putting my faith back into the falsities of christianity, I cannot do the same to ANY other worldview. Please, try to understand my problem.
I do not know much about magick. I wish very desperately to learn of course, and would devote much of my time, and indeed life, to practicing it if I choose the path of Satanism. But I need your help, those of you who are willing to help. Magick is, in my limited understanding, a very powerful tool. Is there perhaps any of you who could use this tool to assist me? Again, I know very little about magick, but should any of you be able to observably prove to me the validity of the theory of magick (as i am currently calling it) I will be greatly in you debt.
I very likely have upset many of you reading this. I ask for your forgiveness if I have, but please do try to understand my viewpoint. And for those of you who have actually taken the time to read through my entire article, I thank you as well, even if you cannot assist me.
//Side note: my father is a doctor, and therefor has a decent amount of money. He is currently funding my college tuition. As soon as I am able to, I will be moving out, but I must finish college and acquire a job before this. Fortunately, he and I have come to a compromise. I may downright hate it, but I must go to church as often as I can (on Sundays that is) so long as it does not interfere with my college or work. It is an extremely frustrating situation, but I simply bring a book and shut out the filth as best I can. Again, this is a compromise, so it is something I must do if I wish to continue to go to college, and more importantly have both a home to live in and food to eat. It is extremely regrettable but it is a manage situation, for the time being. I just thought that this should be known. I am able to fool them, by appearing as another foolish "lamb" but I assure you that I am not.
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