Questioning Love

[allyshia93]

A while back I made a thread asking for help in regards to breaking up with a psychopathic man who was controling me and I was put in a situation where he was starting to become violent.

That relationship ended and though my ex has become overly obsessed with destroying me, I've moved on. I can now meditate daily morning and night like I used to. I can exercise and started to get out more and despite how my ex has been Ive been making a lot of progress.

Its been probably almost a month since the break up and well I rekindled a flame. an old one at that. TO be more correct my first lover, the one before my recent ex. When I fell in love over 4 years ago there was a feeling, the only way I could describe it was feeling like I was drawn, being pulled towards him. Sure the relationship lasted for two years but he became addicted to drugs, mingled with the wrong crowed and looked up to the wrong people despite what I told him that it would lead him into one big shit hole. When we ended I moved, took me a very long time but I got myself back together and did my best.

As it was, everything I said to him happened, his friends stole from him, no one supported him or even cared for him. All the women he cheated on me with left him and he was alone, deprived and went insane until he got himself together and did what he could do best. For two years he hasn't touched drugs, hasn't slept with a woman, not even a prostitute for that mater, dosn't drink, dosn't lie like he use to. A lot of things he did he dosn't do pretty much.

We recently started to hang out again, we both knew that what he wanted was to start over again, not go back but rebuild a new bridge and start a new. I've kept my distance because I know that I'm not entirly ready to move into a relationship again. I made that clear to my first ex thats how it was going to be and that we would take things slow.

Last saturday we where together and talked about why he was the way he was to me. He held onto a letter of his first girlfriend he was with and for seven years he's held onto it, a letter that she sent him telling him about how she cheated on him with five other guys and all the nasty shit she did to him. He didn't hesitate to burn it as proof of wanting to be committed to making things right. After a few more hours of talking we got a little intimate. since then I've told myself numerous times I dont love, I cant love and the shameful thing is every time  Ithink of him, the new man he has become I cant stop that same feeling I had before when I first met him. Its nothing like when I was with my last ex and I'm confused.

I'm not even sure if its right because my parents, well they just absolutely hate him, threaten to kick me out of the house because I talked to him. Everything has been on a low profile but I need to somehow figure out if its the right thing to do. I mean yes my heart beats and it feels like love but is it even the right thing? I mean everyone hates the old part of my first ex, not who he has become and I dont even know if I'm sane or not but I guess I need to get it off my chest and talk to someone, find a yes or no answer that would help me know that its right or wrong...

Hail Father Satan

Hail the Gods of Duat.

 

[S.S. 666]

I am not suggesting you what to do, this is only my point of view. I have issues with ex-girlfriend and I know women who had similar issues like you.
I will reply with a question: how can you be a NEW yourself, follow the Satanic path leaving the past behind your back and working to be a better yourself, if you stick to the past, with OLD people, habits and situations getting back to the same things?


From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 2015 22:27:55 -0800
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Questioning Love

  A while back I made a thread asking for help in regards to breaking up with a psychopathic man who was controling me and I was put in a situation where he was starting to become violent.

That relationship ended and though my ex has become overly obsessed with destroying me, I've moved on. I can now meditate daily morning and night like I used to. I can exercise and started to get out more and despite how my ex has been Ive been making a lot of progress.

Its been probably almost a month since the break up and well I rekindled a flame. an old one at that. TO be more correct my first lover, the one before my recent ex. When I fell in love over 4 years ago there was a feeling, the only way I could describe it was feeling like I was drawn, being pulled towards him. Sure the relationship lasted for two years but he became addicted to drugs, mingled with the wrong crowed and looked up to the wrong people despite what I told him that it would lead him into one big shit hole. When we ended I moved, took me a very long time but I got myself back together and did my best.

As it was, everything I said to him happened, his friends stole from him, no one supported him or even cared for him. All the women he cheated on me with left him and he was alone, deprived and went insane until he got himself together and did what he could do best. For two years he hasn't touched drugs, hasn't slept with a woman, not even a prostitute for that mater, dosn't drink, dosn't lie like he use to. A lot of things he did he dosn't do pretty much.

We recently started to hang out again, we both knew that what he wanted was to start over again, not go back but rebuild a new bridge and start a new. I've kept my distance because I know that I'm not entirly ready to move into a relationship again. I made that clear to my first ex thats how it was going to be and that we would take things slow.

Last saturday we where together and talked about why he was the way he was to me. He held onto a letter of his first girlfriend he was with and for seven years he's held onto it, a letter that she sent him telling him about how she cheated on him with five other guys and all the nasty shit she did to him. He didn't hesitate to burn it as proof of wanting to be committed to making things right. After a few more hours of talking we got a little intimate. since then I've told myself numerous times I dont love, I cant love and the shameful thing is every time  Ithink of him, the new man he has become I cant stop that same feeling I had before when I first met him. Its nothing like when I was with my last ex and I'm confused.

I'm not even sure if its right because my parents, well they just absolutely hate him, threaten to kick me out of the house because I talked to him. Everything has been on a low profile but I need to somehow figure out if its the right thing to do. I mean yes my heart beats and it feels like love but is it even the right thing? I mean everyone hates the old part of my first ex, not who he has become and I dont even know if I'm sane or not but I guess I need to get it off my chest and talk to someone, find a yes or no answer that would help me know that its right or wrong...

Hail Father Satan

Hail the Gods of Duat.

 

[iorost]

I am so glad you got out of that relationship as in still tryin to 'fix' the abusive one I am in. But I have to say almost exactly what S.S. 666 said....you can't go back to that loser. Just think about it, it's a terrible idea. If I were you I would move on and try to find someone better. Why just settle for someone like that?! There's tons of people out there, don't keep your standards so low you are a Satanist. It is your responsibility to see that you spend your time with like minded individuals. This dude is beyond hell it sounds like he is a dramaqueen and an idiot. Go out and find new people. Also, why don't you consult Satan or your guardian too? They listen to my crap all the time and it generally only takes them a second to think of meaningful advice.

 

[Sims Motal]

My question is, Does he know you're a Satanist? Is he ready to accept it? That matters immensely.
If he has changed, and if he knows you're a Satanist, he might be willing to listen and learn about Father.
If you are a Satanist, this is very important to a relationship. Since that wasn't mentioned in your post,
you need to address these things before considering anything else.
Hail Satan!
--------------------------------------------

On Mon, 12/21/15, allyshia93@... [JoyofSatan666] <[url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url] wrote:


Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Questioning Love
To: [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url]
Date: Monday, December 21, 2015, 10:27 PM


 









A while back I made a thread asking for help in
regards to breaking up with a psychopathic man who was
controling me and I was put in a situation where he was
starting to become violent.

That relationship ended and though my ex has
become overly obsessed with destroying me, I've moved
on. I can now meditate daily morning and night like I used
to. I can exercise and started to get out more and despite
how my ex has been Ive been making a lot of progress.

Its been probably almost a
month since the break up and well I rekindled a flame. an
old one at that. TO be more correct my first lover, the one
before my recent ex. When I fell in love over 4 years ago
there was a feeling, the only way I could describe it was
feeling like I was drawn, being pulled towards him. Sure the
relationship lasted for two years but he became addicted to
drugs, mingled with the wrong crowed and looked up to the
wrong people despite what I told him that it would lead him
into one big shit hole. When we ended I moved, took me a
very long time but I got myself back together and did my
best.

As it was,
everything I said to him happened, his friends stole from
him, no one supported him or even cared for him. All the
women he cheated on me with left him and he was alone,
deprived and went insane until he got himself together and
did what he could do best. For two years he hasn't
touched drugs, hasn't slept with a woman, not even a
prostitute for that mater, dosn't drink, dosn't lie
like he use to. A lot of things he did he dosn't do
pretty much.

We recently
started to hang out again, we both knew that what he wanted
was to start over again, not go back but rebuild a new
bridge and start a new. I've kept my distance because I
know that I'm not entirly ready to move into a
relationship again. I made that clear to my first ex thats
how it was going to be and that we would take things slow.


Last saturday we where
together and talked about why he was the way he was to me.
He held onto a letter of his first girlfriend he was with
and for seven years he's held onto it, a letter that she
sent him telling him about how she cheated on him with five
other guys and all the nasty shit she did to him. He
didn't hesitate to burn it as proof of wanting to be
committed to making things right. After a few more hours of
talking we got a little intimate. since then I've told
myself numerous times I dont love, I cant love and the
shameful thing is every time  Ithink of him, the new man he
has become I cant stop that same feeling I had before when I
first met him. Its nothing like when I was with my last ex
and I'm confused.

I'm not even sure if its right because my
parents, well they just absolutely hate him, threaten to
kick me out of the house because I talked to him. Everything
has been on a low profile but I need to somehow figure out
if its the right thing to do. I mean yes my heart beats and
it feels like love but is it even the right thing? I mean
everyone hates the old part of my first ex, not who he has
become and I dont even know if I'm sane or not but I
guess I need to get it off my chest and talk to someone,
find a yes or no answer that would help me know that its
right or wrong...

Hail
Father Satan

Hail the Gods
of Duat.









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[Vadric]

Well I think you're in a vulnerable state right now, after that break up. I know when I go through that I get a longing for that closeness/connection with someone. Him being your first bf makes it incredibly hard to make a decision. My first gf cheated on me and it was just as hard to make that decision. We got back together at least 3 times before I had to break off all connections with her. 
You see, even if you rebuild a new bridge there will still be that anxiety deep down, just eating away at you, that he'll go back to those ways. Personally I wouldn't want to go through that again, and I wouldn't advise you to try to endure it. 
It could be that you want what you two used to have. That's how it was for me, but things won't be the same as before. His first gf cheated on him, so it seems he's been surrounded by infidelity for a while. 
The others are right. Being a Satanist you do what's best for you. Being able to walk away from him takes strength. If you can do that, in the future you'll have absolutely no issue removing anything that is detrimental to your well-being.
Here, I was looking through the site for some info on consecration and came across this meditation that may help with breaking the connection.
http://www.angelfire.com/hailtosatansvi ... _Soul.html
This is a piece from it:
When you are finished with the vibration, you need to do your affirmation for 9 times. 9 is the number of endings for workings like this.
For example: Engulf yourself in white-gold light like the sun and affirm: "I am totally and completely free from [whatever is binding or hindering you]."
Another one, for a hampered love life: "I am totally and completely free and absolved from any and all former vows and ties regarding my love life and extending into past lives." "I am now totally free to have a happy and fulfilling love relationship with whomever I consciously desire in my present life right now."

On Dec 22, 2015, at 12:27 AM, allyshia93@... [JoyofSatan666] <[url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url] wrote:

  A while back I made a thread asking for help in regards to breaking up with a psychopathic man who was controling me and I was put in a situation where he was starting to become violent.

That relationship ended and though my ex has become overly obsessed with destroying me, I've moved on. I can now meditate daily morning and night like I used to. I can exercise and started to get out more and despite how my ex has been Ive been making a lot of progress.

Its been probably almost a month since the break up and well I rekindled a flame. an old one at that. TO be more correct my first lover, the one before my recent ex. When I fell in love over 4 years ago there was a feeling, the only way I could describe it was feeling like I was drawn, being pulled towards him. Sure the relationship lasted for two years but he became addicted to drugs, mingled with the wrong crowed and looked up to the wrong people despite what I told him that it would lead him into one big shit hole. When we ended I moved, took me a very long time but I got myself back together and did my best.

As it was, everything I said to him happened, his friends stole from him, no one supported him or even cared for him. All the women he cheated on me with left him and he was alone, deprived and went insane until he got himself together and did what he could do best. For two years he hasn't touched drugs, hasn't slept with a woman, not even a prostitute for that mater, dosn't drink, dosn't lie like he use to. A lot of things he did he dosn't do pretty much.

We recently started to hang out again, we both knew that what he wanted was to start over again, not go back but rebuild a new bridge and start a new. I've kept my distance because I know that I'm not entirly ready to move into a relationship again. I made that clear to my first ex thats how it was going to be and that we would take things slow.

Last saturday we where together and talked about why he was the way he was to me. He held onto a letter of his first girlfriend he was with and for seven years he's held onto it, a letter that she sent him telling him about how she cheated on him with five other guys and all the nasty shit she did to him. He didn't hesitate to burn it as proof of wanting to be committed to making things right. After a few more hours of talking we got a little intimate. since then I've told myself numerous times I dont love, I cant love and the shameful thing is every time  Ithink of him, the new man he has become I cant stop that same feeling I had before when I first met him. Its nothing like when I was with my last ex and I'm confused.

I'm not even sure if its right because my parents, well they just absolutely hate him, threaten to kick me out of the house because I talked to him. Everything has been on a low profile but I need to somehow figure out if its the right thing to do. I mean yes my heart beats and it feels like love but is it even the right thing? I mean everyone hates the old part of my first ex, not who he has become and I dont even know if I'm sane or not but I guess I need to get it off my chest and talk to someone, find a yes or no answer that would help me know that its right or wrong...

Hail Father Satan

Hail the Gods of Duat.

 

[allyshia93]

Well thats the thing when I got with him I told him everything. He knows all about me being an SS and has always accepted that, he even gets involved in rituals at times as well, though he isn't dedicated as of yet. What he is though is a strong necromancer like myself and he does have potential with his own spiritual power its just I dont think back then he was ready, but now its like he does seem ready.

I know moving on would better myself and your right SS666 but I question things. I use to be young and naive and I changed for the better, learned from my mistakes and clearly he has too. I cant say things would be good or bad, in fact I'm not even sure because I feel my emotions twist and turn everytime.

I've decided to meditate on this all later today hopefuly I can clear my head and emotion and came to a full front idea as to what I need to do.

Hail Father Satan
Hail the Gods of Duat