I think what Stormblood said has nothing to do with it. Maybe that's just an Italian thing. :lol:
What Jack said is kind of strange. Jack, you are homoerotic? Is that why you are so extremely focused on women all the time, to try to block out your homoerotic urges? That is the exact situation of the character named Mac on the show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It was an ongoing joke for years of him having gay urges or doing strange things like that, then in the most recent few seasons he admits that he is gay now. Like he would go to body builder competitions and rub oil on their muscles, and act like this is just some christian appreciation for God making man's form. Jack, there are straight men who are not as repressed as you, who have emotions and life and everything else.
Does it surprise you that I have a soul that is mostly feminine type energy, but I am still 100% heterosexual? I have feelings and emotions every day of my life, I don't repress that, and I don't have any shame against my body. And in all my life, I have never had any feeling that could ever have anything to do with anything homoerotic. Jack, if you are repressed and don't know how to feel any emotions because your parents didn't want you to, and some part of your mind is convinced that gay guys are allowed to have emotions so you need to be a little bit gay so you can be normal and be allowed to have emotions, that is not normal.
But I know that kind of situation. My grandfather's parents were horrible. His mother never loved him, and she left her children to run away and live with her boyfriend when my granddad was about 14 years old. His whole childhood before that, she never loved him and never said anything nice to him. She loved 2 of her children and hated the other 2. For more than a year before she left, she would never even talk to my granddad, she would just walk past him and pretend he didn't exist. If he tried to say something to her, she would pretend she didn't hear it. My great-granddad was left by himself to raise all 4 children, and he didn't know how to be loving either so he just hit them to make them do what he wanted. So my granddad never experienced anything loving or emotional from his parents in his whole childhood. So he basically doesn't have emotions, he thinks emotions are just a waste of time and he doesn't feel them. He is 100% logical and 100% "engineering mind" as he calls it. The only thing he is ever focused on is solving engineering problems in a logical way. At the company he works for, he is the second highest level guy under the owner, and all he does all day is fix all the problems that nobody else is able to fix. He personally invented much of the kinds of technology that this company works with. Any of these products that are still used now, my granddad personally helped to design basically every one of them. All the older designs, he worked in the couple different companies that invented them and he's the one who did most of the work designing the circuits and getting them to work, back when these were teams of just a few people designing the whole thing he was on all those teams. He invented a design himself, designed 100% of the circuit and PCB and all the parts. He had only 1 other person to help him with the programming, but he told that guy everything to do with the programming. And his design ended up being one of the most successful and commonly used circuit boards all over the world, after a bigger company bought it from him. And all the newer products by newer companies, he would call the owner of the company and tell them about every single design problem, call their top engineer a jackass, and tell them they need to get their head out of their ass and change this to make it work correctly and avoid the problem. So all these owners of these companies all love him, he fixes all their designs and he doesn't even work for them. So there is almost no design in this entire industry that he didn't help to create. He is lucky that he found a way to be perfectly successful, but he just doesn't really have much emotions. Maybe I said too much about his work, but the point is that he isn't missing anything, he just has all of his brain devoted purely to logical and engineering thinking instead of emotions with other people. So he's not broken, he just has his focus in another area. He is happy, he laughs, he gets annoyed and angry by dumb mistakes people cause, but he does not know how to love anyone or be sensitive like that at all. In their whole life together, he never said any compliment to my grandma, because he just doesn't think of things like that.
It's not his fault because for his whole childhood nobody ever cared about him or loved him before. That would ruin most people, but he is fine because he emphasized the other logical side completely and just ignored all emotion. I'm the only person he ever loved before because he is so proud of me and I'm smart enough to be like an equal level to him, but he never had much emotional connection with anyone else, not even his wife or daughters. If he drinks a lot of wine he tells me that he loves me, he always brags about me to the people he knows, but he never told his wife or daughters or anyone else that he loves them.
So Jack, what I saw you write before, it looks like you are a similar kind of situation as him. There is a way to still be successful and have a good life, and you don't need to force yourself to be a little bit gay to be allowed to have an emotion. You just need to work on removing those blockages and repressions. If you are repressed in one area of your personality, you have room to be that much more focused and advanced in some other area. Just find the best way for yourself, and don't waste it.