AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
Greetings everyone,
Before I talk about myself, I'll just go straight to the reason I'm writing this.
I started wondering if I'm worthy of the knowledge of JoS, as just recently I got more into this, and noticed there's a race know as "jews", and they are a different kind of species, apart from humans, by knowing this it's been really hard not to think about myself, "What if I'm not a Gentile?" and such, so my mind is really restless because of this.
In short, I'd like someone with spiritual knowledge to help me analyze my situation, here it seems it's the right place to ask, I hope it is.
I have yet to do the dedication ritual, even though in the past I used some of the basic meditations.
Because being honest, as an atheist I really didn't expect stuff to happen anyway, I kept repeatedly doing the "Energy Meditation", because I always felt a bit better, and I'm kind of an anxious person so it helped me relax. I even tried some other stuff like working with colors, some of the ones I liked were green, black mixed with red, and I tried yellow sometimes, etc. Related to this, one day I noticed a weird feeling on my spine but didn't care much about it, "Maybe I got into a bad posture", but the feeling didn't go away. I'll talk more about this at the end.
Before I knew JoS existed, I was a full atheist, in the correct way of saying it, thus not believing in the existence of god or gods, even though I used to think a lot about the universe, I really liked the topic.
When I was younger, I used to look at the moon when it was the most visible, and I really enjoyed looking at the starry sky. My "crazy" belief was that the universe has always been infinite, and just because of that, anything could be possible, so I wasn't afraid of death or anything, I just wanted to live as better as I could, while trying to keep a sane environment around my family, friends, or people in general.
Starting now I'll talk about myself, stuff I haven't told much people or anyone at all, but it's all or nothing right now.
I'll start by saying I wasn't always an atheist, as a kid, I was into my family's beliefs, they were christian, but I never liked doing what they did, however, I had no choice; they put me into "catechism", and I just went purposelessly, as I felt like I didn't learn anything, it was just a big waste of time. When I tried going against my parents, they mocked me as a fake "smartass", and that I didn't know anything about life, they said such stuff as "You should be scared just by thinking that there is no god", but I didn't remotely shared that feeling, and I really didn't need a "religion" to know what's good. Fun fact: They said I was born because of "a miracle", since my mother wasn't able to give birth, and she did everything she could to have me, just because they couldn't explain it they called it that.
Even more into my childhood, in the very early years, I was a very cheerful person and even a bit hyperactive, I liked doing "magic tricks" and "solving puzzles".
When I was in classes, I didn't pay much attention because, for some reason, I retained the information easier than others, so I used that time for recreation, I even used to "draw" and do "origami" or other paper based handcrafts, for fun, then I gifted my doings to other people or family members, I really liked art. As for the time for tests, I really didn't have problems, I always got the correct answers, but teachers weren't so happy about me having fun in classes, so they started prohibiting some of my behaviours, so eventually I started leaving classes, I just walked away through the door like nothing, that's where teachers started writing bad stuff about me, such as that I was escaping classes, but it's just that I got so bored, because I really didn't feel I needed much more from them.
Things started going through a gloomier side, as one of the teachers said I could have some kind of "mental disease", she clearly hated me, so she forced my parents to throw me into psychologists, they even thought I was an "indigo child", some kind of stuff they made up I guess. The last diagnosis was "asperger's syndrome", but that diagnostic is not used anymore, so let's just call it "high-functioning autism".
Maybe it's a bit offtopic, but I saw something about vaccines, my paternal grandmother was really against them, but my parents didn't really care about what she said, so they did all the vaccines on me, because "they couldn't take risks".
As I said, I started being constantly monitored. My parents and teachers tried to correct me the hard way, so I started "shutting down", or that's how I'd call it. Even my experiences with classmates started going bad, and yes, I was a victim of bullying. Most of the time I wanted to be alone, and people tried forcing me into socializing, there's even people that got into me just for them to later on say, "I was really never really your friend", then proceeding to just make fun of how dumb I looked by believing everything they said to me, so my voice got lower and I eventually stopped talking.
After all that, I finished basic education. Going to highschool, I was like an empty shell at that point, not much thought about anything or anyone, and I used to be very emotional and thoughtful of others, but I just started going away from people. On the first day of classes, a guy got up to me and hit me on the nose very hard. When he saw me there, twisting in pain, he actually got closer and patted my back, telling me he was sorry. So that was actually one of the first friends I got there.
This time, I was kind of the same regarding retaining information. Some topics I liked were science and maths, but even then, I just started falling asleep in classes when I felt I didn't have much more to learn, and proceeded to not talk to anyone. People even tried to make contact with me many times, they got "amazed" when I said a few words, because when I was in class, it was like I wasn't really there. This time, teachers noticed I had good grades, so at least I could sleep in peace.
Some time later, in between high school, a girl started chasing me. She wasn't even in the same classroom, but during recesses she appeared out of nowhere, when I was there sitting on the ground, in the far corner of the school, "hiding from society". She got closer and just started staring at me, imitating my posture, she didn't even ask me for permission, so I tried changing spots but she always found me, so I started not caring, and that started being the usual, during recess or lunch, she was there, doing her things.
By this point, many months had passed. The same girl had already tried everything to get me to talk, she asked things, such as what I was doing, if I was feeling good, and, weirdly enough, I started socializing a bit more, this person from before (the one that punched me, yes) noticed that, and started being even more friendly with me. I got into my first group of friends. Even when I always felt suspicious they were hiding something, I just started going through it, and I even started doing recreative things, such as lending puzzles to classes, teaching them about topics they wanted to know, everything started going a bit better, "Maybe I needed to socialize after all".
One day, I didn't see this girl anymore. At first I didn't care much; I just got into my usual spot, where my friends were now, I wasn't quite alone anymore, but in my mind, I started remembering the last thing she did, she asked me for a hug, I didn't answer, so she just went with it, and I felt her warm, from that point onwards, something started flowing through me.
There's not much else to tell about high school except I started getting "a bit" social again. If I didn't say a word, now I at least could handle conversations and "smile".
When I finished high school, I had already changed. It was evident. My feelings started growing again, and I even felt connected to some people I didn't even know. I started feeling pain, love, and started reminiscing everything I've done, wishing I could've responded differently, but the most important thing for me, "I wish I could at least responded her hug". I became emotional with everything, and I wasn't hyperactive like before, but I started doing stuff for others. I tried talking to people in need, making "online" friends, and I bought some friends stuff that they really wanted, it really made me happy see others smile.
Even though this was all going "well", these feelings were kind of making me dizzy, "It was too much". Eventually, I started going out of energy, and out of nowhere, I fell into depression. I actually started thinking of ending my life, because I felt there was no meaning for me in life, and I knew religion was a fraud, "It would be useful for some people, not for me", it was a total chaos in my mind, but I didn't tell anyone, until I slipped and my parents noticed me, so here I go into psychologists again, but this time also psychiatrists, neurologists, and all the "ists" I guess. They started medicating me, so I slowly started changing again, it was like a never ending cycle; I couldn't get "peace".
While medicating, I started going to university, I was into technology so I got into something related to that, and I got more and more into online interactions, so I met even more friends. I even started making game content so others could enjoy. I didn't ask for money or anything, and I didn't ever gain more than "donations" for my work, and that didn't came close to the money I spent on maintaining the game servers themselves. I honestly just enjoyed seeing people having fun, I could spend hours and hours just looking at them playing, feeling like I was there, like a one sided connection. That was my way of socializing there, as I now felt the need for it, and that was enough at the moment.
Going back to a more recent time, the way I was told about JoS is from a friend I met in a particular socializing game. He a very kind person that I could talk to and spend time with. When he first started telling me about this, he was kind of indecisive if to tell me, as it was "opposed" to the usual beliefs. Honestly it a bit shocking, but because I predicted it was the case, that Satan was the real god of humans, that everything was "inverted".
I started learning more about this, I even observed him meditating. He was at an advanced level at my eyes. Sometimes he asked stuff to me, I tried my best but I didn't know how to help spiritually so I was there to listen, he said stuff such as sometimes he was being attacked and that he was doing spiritual advancement, and that hey joined JoS as a way to "pay" for their past doings, he ended up being the best person I've met, he even did "healing works" on me, as I said, I was kind of an anxious person, sometimes I just started shaking non stop, and eventually that went away, and at least it didn't reach dangerous levels anymore. We spent a lot of time together, and this is basically how I tried doing some of the works myself, even without dedicating, and some of the things that I really found amazing is the "Natal Chart" readings, as it's incredible how much of myself I could find on the "Astrology Portal".
One day "my best friend", who I'd had for a long time, ended up cutting our friendship, saying it was "because I was annoying", although the reasons he told others, as someone informed me, is that he thought I was some kind of "nazi", and I never really told him about JoS or anything, so I was really weirded out when I found about it, but that last bit is just very recent. That friend I had was one the only one I could talk to when I first got into internet. We used to talk about our lives, technology, and similar interests, and I was the one that proposed that he should meet more people, so that's why I introduced him into mor games and overall socializing (he said i was his only friend). After that, he started just not caring, and eventually distanced himself in a way he knew would hurt me, so that's when I felt like my world fell apart, and I felt like everything I tried has been in vain, "Maybe I should stop caring too much about people". That happened together with COVID, and that when I was in bed, sick, a nearby house got into flames, and a lot more bad stuff happened. So I changed yet again, and got away from everyone, even from my good friend that showed me JoS, I cut my relationships and just got away yet again.
So finally, getting to the starting point of all of this, where I am at right now, I feel stronger, but that was not the end of the people coming to me just to "drain me" and leave me like I was worthless, this time I just felt it was my faith, and I don't know if it's bad, as I even started disliking the fact that people care about me, so now the only thing that I'm afraid of is the first thing I started with, because it really worries me I have been cursed from the start.
Talking about my family, we are from the lowest part of South America, on my dad's side they told me they have no jewish origins, and my mother doesn't either. Also, she has always been called out for a "witch", because it's like she holds a good energy, or that's what people said. More into my family: my mother, when she was younger used to cast "energy balls", to give them to the world. She was a lot different as she is now, she became infertile and not able to feel much physical touch because of the doctors, they purposely medicated her to ruin her life.
My parents had a hard time at first, when they got together they were poor, they strived to prepare an environment for a family, and they achieved it.
Now I'm thinking of dedicating. I found a brown and a red candle and saw all the instructions. I'm not afraid of anything; I just want to make my part and even try to help more people if this is the true way most people are missing.
Although, something I'd like to be explained, is why a lot of people have told me the same as they say for my mother, that I have "something", for some reason, some friends even joke that I'm better than them, though I know for a fact that's not remotely the case, and I haven't even done proper spiritual progression, that's all because I've helped them in the past, or just because of "being me", they said they don't compare themselves, and that really made me feel bad, it's like they purposedly call themselves a lower being. I really makes me sad to see such stuff.
As a final note, I'd like to talk a bit about my experiences.
Some time ago, I tried meditating again, and once more, while doing so, I felt the weird feeling in my spine. This time when I noticed it, I felt different, like I was happy, then after, I even tried reading "Natal Charts" for other people, to try and help them, because I started my journey through rejoining society again, and doing as much good as I can.
In the past, I have had "unusual" experiences, such as one time, when I was playing on my computer, I got a strong force on my headset, it felt like they punched my head, and I even heard the metallic sound of my headset, but there was nothing to be found. I was all alone in my house, nothing fell from the roof, my headset didn't explode or anything, and I searched every single inch of my room but I found no clue about the reason of this event.
Not so long ago, while I was sleeping, one day I was feeling really depressed. I was on my left side, trying to sleep on my bed, and suddenly I feel someone hugging me from behind. I was kind of sleepy, so I didn't think much about it, it lasted a while before it went away, and then my senses kick in, and I woke up, noticing my door locked and that there was no one to be seen.
And this happened a few days ago. When I was sleeping, I was really tired so I slept a whole day. On the next morning, I was considering to continue sleeping, but a strong "clap" woke me up. I instantly looked the way the sound came from, but there was nothing there, yet nothing to explain this occurrence.
I'm pretty sure some more stuff happened on my life, like one time I "predicted" the lights would go off exactly as I was counting down (the entire neighborhood went off), but right now I can't recall everything, and I feel like I don't want to make this much longer, I don't even know if this much text is allowed.
If you read all of this, I'd be really thankful, I don't like asking for stuff from others, but this time I have been desperate. Yesterday I tried in some way asking the gods for help, in my own weird way. It just ended up in me crying because I didn't get a response. I know it may be bad to have done that, but I felt like I kept being "harassed", like a weird force is making me even more anxious and sad, like I'm reaching the end.
And I just want to know if I should continue.
Before I talk about myself, I'll just go straight to the reason I'm writing this.
I started wondering if I'm worthy of the knowledge of JoS, as just recently I got more into this, and noticed there's a race know as "jews", and they are a different kind of species, apart from humans, by knowing this it's been really hard not to think about myself, "What if I'm not a Gentile?" and such, so my mind is really restless because of this.
In short, I'd like someone with spiritual knowledge to help me analyze my situation, here it seems it's the right place to ask, I hope it is.
I have yet to do the dedication ritual, even though in the past I used some of the basic meditations.
Because being honest, as an atheist I really didn't expect stuff to happen anyway, I kept repeatedly doing the "Energy Meditation", because I always felt a bit better, and I'm kind of an anxious person so it helped me relax. I even tried some other stuff like working with colors, some of the ones I liked were green, black mixed with red, and I tried yellow sometimes, etc. Related to this, one day I noticed a weird feeling on my spine but didn't care much about it, "Maybe I got into a bad posture", but the feeling didn't go away. I'll talk more about this at the end.
Before I knew JoS existed, I was a full atheist, in the correct way of saying it, thus not believing in the existence of god or gods, even though I used to think a lot about the universe, I really liked the topic.
When I was younger, I used to look at the moon when it was the most visible, and I really enjoyed looking at the starry sky. My "crazy" belief was that the universe has always been infinite, and just because of that, anything could be possible, so I wasn't afraid of death or anything, I just wanted to live as better as I could, while trying to keep a sane environment around my family, friends, or people in general.
Starting now I'll talk about myself, stuff I haven't told much people or anyone at all, but it's all or nothing right now.
I'll start by saying I wasn't always an atheist, as a kid, I was into my family's beliefs, they were christian, but I never liked doing what they did, however, I had no choice; they put me into "catechism", and I just went purposelessly, as I felt like I didn't learn anything, it was just a big waste of time. When I tried going against my parents, they mocked me as a fake "smartass", and that I didn't know anything about life, they said such stuff as "You should be scared just by thinking that there is no god", but I didn't remotely shared that feeling, and I really didn't need a "religion" to know what's good. Fun fact: They said I was born because of "a miracle", since my mother wasn't able to give birth, and she did everything she could to have me, just because they couldn't explain it they called it that.
Even more into my childhood, in the very early years, I was a very cheerful person and even a bit hyperactive, I liked doing "magic tricks" and "solving puzzles".
When I was in classes, I didn't pay much attention because, for some reason, I retained the information easier than others, so I used that time for recreation, I even used to "draw" and do "origami" or other paper based handcrafts, for fun, then I gifted my doings to other people or family members, I really liked art. As for the time for tests, I really didn't have problems, I always got the correct answers, but teachers weren't so happy about me having fun in classes, so they started prohibiting some of my behaviours, so eventually I started leaving classes, I just walked away through the door like nothing, that's where teachers started writing bad stuff about me, such as that I was escaping classes, but it's just that I got so bored, because I really didn't feel I needed much more from them.
Things started going through a gloomier side, as one of the teachers said I could have some kind of "mental disease", she clearly hated me, so she forced my parents to throw me into psychologists, they even thought I was an "indigo child", some kind of stuff they made up I guess. The last diagnosis was "asperger's syndrome", but that diagnostic is not used anymore, so let's just call it "high-functioning autism".
Maybe it's a bit offtopic, but I saw something about vaccines, my paternal grandmother was really against them, but my parents didn't really care about what she said, so they did all the vaccines on me, because "they couldn't take risks".
As I said, I started being constantly monitored. My parents and teachers tried to correct me the hard way, so I started "shutting down", or that's how I'd call it. Even my experiences with classmates started going bad, and yes, I was a victim of bullying. Most of the time I wanted to be alone, and people tried forcing me into socializing, there's even people that got into me just for them to later on say, "I was really never really your friend", then proceeding to just make fun of how dumb I looked by believing everything they said to me, so my voice got lower and I eventually stopped talking.
After all that, I finished basic education. Going to highschool, I was like an empty shell at that point, not much thought about anything or anyone, and I used to be very emotional and thoughtful of others, but I just started going away from people. On the first day of classes, a guy got up to me and hit me on the nose very hard. When he saw me there, twisting in pain, he actually got closer and patted my back, telling me he was sorry. So that was actually one of the first friends I got there.
This time, I was kind of the same regarding retaining information. Some topics I liked were science and maths, but even then, I just started falling asleep in classes when I felt I didn't have much more to learn, and proceeded to not talk to anyone. People even tried to make contact with me many times, they got "amazed" when I said a few words, because when I was in class, it was like I wasn't really there. This time, teachers noticed I had good grades, so at least I could sleep in peace.
Some time later, in between high school, a girl started chasing me. She wasn't even in the same classroom, but during recesses she appeared out of nowhere, when I was there sitting on the ground, in the far corner of the school, "hiding from society". She got closer and just started staring at me, imitating my posture, she didn't even ask me for permission, so I tried changing spots but she always found me, so I started not caring, and that started being the usual, during recess or lunch, she was there, doing her things.
By this point, many months had passed. The same girl had already tried everything to get me to talk, she asked things, such as what I was doing, if I was feeling good, and, weirdly enough, I started socializing a bit more, this person from before (the one that punched me, yes) noticed that, and started being even more friendly with me. I got into my first group of friends. Even when I always felt suspicious they were hiding something, I just started going through it, and I even started doing recreative things, such as lending puzzles to classes, teaching them about topics they wanted to know, everything started going a bit better, "Maybe I needed to socialize after all".
One day, I didn't see this girl anymore. At first I didn't care much; I just got into my usual spot, where my friends were now, I wasn't quite alone anymore, but in my mind, I started remembering the last thing she did, she asked me for a hug, I didn't answer, so she just went with it, and I felt her warm, from that point onwards, something started flowing through me.
There's not much else to tell about high school except I started getting "a bit" social again. If I didn't say a word, now I at least could handle conversations and "smile".
When I finished high school, I had already changed. It was evident. My feelings started growing again, and I even felt connected to some people I didn't even know. I started feeling pain, love, and started reminiscing everything I've done, wishing I could've responded differently, but the most important thing for me, "I wish I could at least responded her hug". I became emotional with everything, and I wasn't hyperactive like before, but I started doing stuff for others. I tried talking to people in need, making "online" friends, and I bought some friends stuff that they really wanted, it really made me happy see others smile.
Even though this was all going "well", these feelings were kind of making me dizzy, "It was too much". Eventually, I started going out of energy, and out of nowhere, I fell into depression. I actually started thinking of ending my life, because I felt there was no meaning for me in life, and I knew religion was a fraud, "It would be useful for some people, not for me", it was a total chaos in my mind, but I didn't tell anyone, until I slipped and my parents noticed me, so here I go into psychologists again, but this time also psychiatrists, neurologists, and all the "ists" I guess. They started medicating me, so I slowly started changing again, it was like a never ending cycle; I couldn't get "peace".
While medicating, I started going to university, I was into technology so I got into something related to that, and I got more and more into online interactions, so I met even more friends. I even started making game content so others could enjoy. I didn't ask for money or anything, and I didn't ever gain more than "donations" for my work, and that didn't came close to the money I spent on maintaining the game servers themselves. I honestly just enjoyed seeing people having fun, I could spend hours and hours just looking at them playing, feeling like I was there, like a one sided connection. That was my way of socializing there, as I now felt the need for it, and that was enough at the moment.
Going back to a more recent time, the way I was told about JoS is from a friend I met in a particular socializing game. He a very kind person that I could talk to and spend time with. When he first started telling me about this, he was kind of indecisive if to tell me, as it was "opposed" to the usual beliefs. Honestly it a bit shocking, but because I predicted it was the case, that Satan was the real god of humans, that everything was "inverted".
I started learning more about this, I even observed him meditating. He was at an advanced level at my eyes. Sometimes he asked stuff to me, I tried my best but I didn't know how to help spiritually so I was there to listen, he said stuff such as sometimes he was being attacked and that he was doing spiritual advancement, and that hey joined JoS as a way to "pay" for their past doings, he ended up being the best person I've met, he even did "healing works" on me, as I said, I was kind of an anxious person, sometimes I just started shaking non stop, and eventually that went away, and at least it didn't reach dangerous levels anymore. We spent a lot of time together, and this is basically how I tried doing some of the works myself, even without dedicating, and some of the things that I really found amazing is the "Natal Chart" readings, as it's incredible how much of myself I could find on the "Astrology Portal".
One day "my best friend", who I'd had for a long time, ended up cutting our friendship, saying it was "because I was annoying", although the reasons he told others, as someone informed me, is that he thought I was some kind of "nazi", and I never really told him about JoS or anything, so I was really weirded out when I found about it, but that last bit is just very recent. That friend I had was one the only one I could talk to when I first got into internet. We used to talk about our lives, technology, and similar interests, and I was the one that proposed that he should meet more people, so that's why I introduced him into mor games and overall socializing (he said i was his only friend). After that, he started just not caring, and eventually distanced himself in a way he knew would hurt me, so that's when I felt like my world fell apart, and I felt like everything I tried has been in vain, "Maybe I should stop caring too much about people". That happened together with COVID, and that when I was in bed, sick, a nearby house got into flames, and a lot more bad stuff happened. So I changed yet again, and got away from everyone, even from my good friend that showed me JoS, I cut my relationships and just got away yet again.
So finally, getting to the starting point of all of this, where I am at right now, I feel stronger, but that was not the end of the people coming to me just to "drain me" and leave me like I was worthless, this time I just felt it was my faith, and I don't know if it's bad, as I even started disliking the fact that people care about me, so now the only thing that I'm afraid of is the first thing I started with, because it really worries me I have been cursed from the start.
Talking about my family, we are from the lowest part of South America, on my dad's side they told me they have no jewish origins, and my mother doesn't either. Also, she has always been called out for a "witch", because it's like she holds a good energy, or that's what people said. More into my family: my mother, when she was younger used to cast "energy balls", to give them to the world. She was a lot different as she is now, she became infertile and not able to feel much physical touch because of the doctors, they purposely medicated her to ruin her life.
My parents had a hard time at first, when they got together they were poor, they strived to prepare an environment for a family, and they achieved it.
Now I'm thinking of dedicating. I found a brown and a red candle and saw all the instructions. I'm not afraid of anything; I just want to make my part and even try to help more people if this is the true way most people are missing.
Although, something I'd like to be explained, is why a lot of people have told me the same as they say for my mother, that I have "something", for some reason, some friends even joke that I'm better than them, though I know for a fact that's not remotely the case, and I haven't even done proper spiritual progression, that's all because I've helped them in the past, or just because of "being me", they said they don't compare themselves, and that really made me feel bad, it's like they purposedly call themselves a lower being. I really makes me sad to see such stuff.
As a final note, I'd like to talk a bit about my experiences.
Some time ago, I tried meditating again, and once more, while doing so, I felt the weird feeling in my spine. This time when I noticed it, I felt different, like I was happy, then after, I even tried reading "Natal Charts" for other people, to try and help them, because I started my journey through rejoining society again, and doing as much good as I can.
In the past, I have had "unusual" experiences, such as one time, when I was playing on my computer, I got a strong force on my headset, it felt like they punched my head, and I even heard the metallic sound of my headset, but there was nothing to be found. I was all alone in my house, nothing fell from the roof, my headset didn't explode or anything, and I searched every single inch of my room but I found no clue about the reason of this event.
Not so long ago, while I was sleeping, one day I was feeling really depressed. I was on my left side, trying to sleep on my bed, and suddenly I feel someone hugging me from behind. I was kind of sleepy, so I didn't think much about it, it lasted a while before it went away, and then my senses kick in, and I woke up, noticing my door locked and that there was no one to be seen.
And this happened a few days ago. When I was sleeping, I was really tired so I slept a whole day. On the next morning, I was considering to continue sleeping, but a strong "clap" woke me up. I instantly looked the way the sound came from, but there was nothing there, yet nothing to explain this occurrence.
I'm pretty sure some more stuff happened on my life, like one time I "predicted" the lights would go off exactly as I was counting down (the entire neighborhood went off), but right now I can't recall everything, and I feel like I don't want to make this much longer, I don't even know if this much text is allowed.
If you read all of this, I'd be really thankful, I don't like asking for stuff from others, but this time I have been desperate. Yesterday I tried in some way asking the gods for help, in my own weird way. It just ended up in me crying because I didn't get a response. I know it may be bad to have done that, but I felt like I kept being "harassed", like a weird force is making me even more anxious and sad, like I'm reaching the end.
And I just want to know if I should continue.
