Question #5597: I need clarity about this.

[AskSatanOperator]

I realise what I'm about to say is disgusting, I apologize for this. I have many issues and things to improve, the most troublesome area to me is sexuality. Again I'm sorry to speak about such things, I'll try to avoid unnecessary details and be as direct as possible.
I can only get sathisfaction if I receive suffering, humiliation and abuse. I'm not adding details but I'm sad to admit this involves grossly revolting things, and the effect it has on me afterwards is not pleasant. My mood can shift to being depressed, I feel guilty, fatigued, I'm less energic and of course I feel like a worthless piece of trash.
Let me further clarify, I'm not talking about consensual bdsm situations, I'm talking about real life situations where consent was just a formality.
To add to this, I only feel attraction towards the worst human beings possible, the more parasitic and gross their behaviour, the more I feel attracted towards them. If I see a sociopath or an abuser weirdly I feel attracted to it.
I feel attraction towards other men, only if they fit the category, if I imagine something just romantic and non perverted with a normal (non parasitic piece of trash) man I don't get turned on. But if I imagine myself as a woman, I can imagine the situation with normal (non parasitic pieces of trash) men and wemen.
I don't want to start any discussion on gender identity bullshits, just telling what I'm experiencing.
Time ago, I started a Sun Square, I vibrated it and used affirmations to gain more clarity and a healthy secuality. Since then, I stopped the sadomasochistic relationship I had (I was a slave to this guy), I've met a girl, we've been in a relationship 5 years now, we have sex regularly, regular high and lows in the relationship.
However I writing this because sometimes sex is not as sathisfying, and I must fuel the desire with fantasies, and somewtimes old habits try to surface back wich is worrying.
I know Satan and the Demons do not judge what we do in the bedroom, as long as it's not foolishly stupid or dangerous to oneself or others. But I need to understand this further if I can, possibly healing this.
How can I get rid of this crap? Where does this even come from? How do I get back a healthy romantic sexuality?
I also don't want to waste your time here, I hope I was direct and straight to the point. Any ideas? Whatever info is necessary I'll provide.
I'm sorry for the bad vibes..

 

[Schwarze Sonne]

Sexual negative behaviors and problems often come from childhood traumas or even past lives traumas.

You have to start cleaning and purifying your Sacral Chakra very well first. An Aura of protection, other than the one you usually cast around your entire Soul, can be done for the Chakra itself specifically to avoid negative energies (the need to be abused to get satisfaction) that may target your Chakra. Third Eye cleaning and empowerment is also crucial when it comes to comprehend what is healthy or not for you.

Then you can start a freeing the Soul working with ÜRUZ (connected to sexual energy), the 26th of December is a good date as there's a Waning Moon in Scorpio. I know it might sounds too long to wait until that day, but using the right timing will have tremendous benefits. Also, aside of daily cleaning, you can focus more on purifying on every Saturday, let's say with VISUDDHI for example. You will arrive at the 26th of December with a cleaner Soul, ie. you will tone down any backlash from the freeing working. The working has to last 40 or even 90 days, your choice depending on how serious you feel your problem is.

When you have finished the freeing working you can start building your correct sexual mindset, for example using the Rune DAGAZ to refine the sexual energies.

Another thing that many don't consider: you have a partner, talk to her! This will propel you way faster in the correct healing process.

 

[AFODO]

Woman have been forced to "like this" over the centuries.

What you can do is
-Deep cleaning from HPS Lydia
-Freeing working: 49x MUNKA 3x "This energy completely frees myself from all malicious sexual karma, in the most beneficial way for me" for at least 80 days. (if you can't handle 49 vibration than do any multiple of 7.)
-Than a returning curses pt1.

In this order.
This is a very strong cleaning routine and you can surely get rid of this problem with this.

 

[Schwarze Sonne]

Sexual negative behaviors and problems often come from childhood traumas or even past lives traumas.

You have to start cleaning and purifying your Sacral Chakra very well first. An Aura of protection, other than the one you usually cast around your entire Soul, can be done for the Chakra itself specifically to avoid negative energies (the need to be abused to get satisfaction) that may target your Chakra. Third Eye cleaning and empowerment is also crucial when it comes to comprehend what is healthy or not for you.

Then you can start a freeing the Soul working with ÜRUZ (connected to sexual energy), the 26th of December is a good date as there's a Waning Moon in Scorpio. I know it might sounds too long to wait until that day, but using the right timing will have tremendous benefits. Also, aside of daily cleaning, you can focus more on purifying on every Saturday, let's say with VISUDDHI for example. You will arrive at the 26th of December with a cleaner Soul, ie. you will tone down any backlash from the freeing working. The working has to last 40 or even 90 days, your choice depending on how serious you feel your problem is.

When you have finished the freeing working you can start building your correct sexual mindset, for example using the Rune DAGAZ to refine the sexual energies.

Another thing that many don't consider: you have a partner, talk to her! This will propel you way faster in the correct healing process.

I forgot to mention Yoga, as our beloved HPS Lydia said many times Yoga is a great helper in healing issues pertaining Chakras.

Yoga: Sacral issues

The asanas here can be used along with a working for the Sacral chakra. This helps with sexual repression, sex addiction, low sex drive, reproductive issues, or to heal sexual traumas. In addition to the mantras given on the JoS for this chakra, Bjarkan rune is great for women for balancing and...

ancient-forums.com

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

I realize what I'm about to say is disgusting, I apologize for this. I have many issues and things to improve, the most troublesome area to me is sexuality. Again I'm sorry to speak about such things, I'll try to avoid unnecessary details and be as direct as possible.

I support all said in previous posts about cleaning and meditations, to overcome issues.
But there is also a physical and mental part you need to do, as I have direct experience on overcoming traumas I learned that. I'll try to relate useful facts, sorry for being straight, but I am right, your unconscious mind already knows all.
You have a lot of "red flags" for childhood abuse, that you seem having suffered. Conscious mind "deletes" (better said, stores elsewhere) memories of abuses, physical or emotional. So many people live with desires and emotions driving them to behaviors they cannot explain logically. I was one of them for many many years. This can come from previous life too, and repeats in present life due to karma.
Each time I meet a person who seems to have similar issues, I feel sadness in my heart, profound. But I always say to myself, if that person is working to solve issues, he/she is on the path to recovery and healing so will find peace and happiness again. So I am alway both sad and happy.

I can only get sathisfaction if I receive suffering, humiliation and abuse. I'm not adding details but I'm sad to admit this involves grossly revolting things, and the effect it has on me afterwards is not pleasant. My mood can shift to being depressed, I feel guilty, fatigued, I'm less energic and of course I feel like a worthless piece of trash.

Those are all traits of Complex-PTSD , a psychological issue of people who suffered childhood abuse.
How would a gulag prisoner reincarnate, for example? I can't imagine the degree of humiliation and violence, leading a soul to feel like trash. Each time an open, young, or subdued mind suffers sexual abuse, a deep sense of low-value, guilt and self-hate arises. This is due to the fact, in most cases abusers scapegoat the victim and use advances psychological games to bring guilt on the victim. How is it possible a victim is responsible for being a victim? Is trash responsible for being trash? NO. NO FAULT ON THE PART OF THE VICTIM, ANYTHING MAKING YOU FEEL AS TRASH IS NOT YOUR FAULT, NOT IT IS IN ANY LOGIC, LEGAL, REASONABLE AND TRUE WAY POSSIBLE - IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Feeling responsible of anything bad caused by an offender, is the prime cause of desiring to live life as shit.
I did that with clothing. I fought years as I was dressing "normally" only because others expected this from me, but I wanted the worst worn out, old and uncolored clothes existing on earth, that I kept ready for my moments, like going to bed, or to work, etc. I overcome this. Not to mention sex.

I feel attraction towards other men, only if they fit the category, if I imagine something just romantic and non perverted with a normal (non parasitic piece of trash) man I don't get turned on. But if I imagine myself as a woman, I can imagine the situation with normal (non parasitic pieces of trash) men and wemen.

Abusers, that are obviously perverted and trash people, may convince their victim they are aroused by them. It is a sort of energy projection, I think they reach your second chakra so deeply that their arousal becomes partially yours. I read books where it says some children get aroused during abuse (mostly the "soft" abuse without violence, where the abuser play games with the young victims to ask for sexual gratification). So those kids will always blame themselves because they have been said "they liked it" while it is not true at all, and theim maind was confused at the point of having an erection, or so, without willing or understanding it. It is complicated but it all leads to : self blam.
Do not self blame yourself! Any possible cause of this is NOT your fault. I know this, I read so many books, examples, and I know on myself.

I don't want to start any discussion on gender identity bullshits, just telling what I'm experiencing.
Time ago, I started a Sun Square, I vibrated it and used affirmations to gain more clarity and a healthy secuality. Since then, I stopped the sadomasochistic relationship I had (I was a slave to this guy), I've met a girl, we've been in a relationship 5 years now, we have sex regularly, regular high and lows in the relationship.
However I writing this because sometimes sex is not as sathisfying, and I must fuel the desire with fantasies, and somewtimes old habits try to surface back wich is worrying.

This girl may be a very big help for you as she keeps up a healty sexuality. It happened to me.
Munka meditation to cancel previous programming and unhealty fantasies and desires, is very helpful on here. You may need to repeat 40 or even 90 days sessions, depending on severity.

My last advice.
All my recovery journey, that is long but leading to better "me", started when I seated down in silence, void meditation, and talked to myself like I would talk to me as a 5 years old children and I asked "What happened to you?". It is worth trying.
Paramount is your GD guidance, from that point on.

 

[Schwarze Sonne]

Then you can start a freeing the Soul working with ÜRUZ (connected to sexual energy), the 26th of December is a good date as there's a Waning Moon in Scorpio.

Update: the 31th of October (Samhain) is a better date and is even nearer.