Satan will not punish you for this, it can hardly be called betrayal. The Gods pay more attention to your feelings, your motivation, what you can do for their good and the good of your Race.
You should probably work on Deprogramming your Mind from Enemy Attitudes. People who have devoted themselves to Satan are often still under the influence of Enemy Religions. When the Enemy brainwashes people for many years, they form the habit of fearing God. But Satanism is not Evil, just as Satan is not a misanthrope or a demiurge who punishes people for any transgression.
It is a normal phenomenon in neophytes. The process of getting rid of it may take some time. Just remember that Satan and Gods love you, they will help you.
You should realize yourself and Satan in the Meditations as well as in the Power Rituals of the Gods. They will give you something akin to insight and incredible feelings of oneness with the Gods.