AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
I've been dedicated for a while now, but I tried not to request help or contact the Gods, only in emergency situations. I don't really want to bother them with my problems, and I fear that even if I request help in specific situations and problems I'd fail in the end, and wouldn't be able to "pay back" to them, thus disappointing them greatly. I feel like I already disappointed the Gods enough times, I failed countless times before in my meditations.
In the past I used to talk with Father Satan and my GD almost daily. I was the stereotypical case of "all barks but no bite", always rambled about things I wanted to accomplish, yet reaching none of the goals I set to myself. I was ashamed of it, and for this reason I didn't really contacted the Gods since I came back, out of guilt and being ashamed. I also carry a lot of emotional wounds, past traumas and dross in myself, I'm working on it but I feel like it'd be disrespectful to approach the Gods. I imagine it like if I wanted to shake hands with someone while being covered in mud from head to toe. I have the urge to talk to Father Satan or to my GD, but I feel hesitant about it.
I also thought about meditating on the Sigils of other Gods and Goddesses, I don't really have a specific reason for it only I'd just like to try it out, maybe get to know them a little bit more. I assume that the Gods do know and notice when someone is meditating on their Sigil or doing their Ritual if they have one, and it made me rethink my choice. I just feel like I'd bother them at best, but more than likely make them angry. I don't have anyone in my life I could talk to, so I thought about talking with the Gods just for the sake of it, without any serious reason whatsoever. But again, it's kind of a dumb idea, given how busy they all are, and I doubt they'd be interested in such insignificant things. I don't know how could I define what I feel exactly, it's mostly a mixture of guilt and fear, possibly. I'm just lost on what should I do at this point.
In the past I used to talk with Father Satan and my GD almost daily. I was the stereotypical case of "all barks but no bite", always rambled about things I wanted to accomplish, yet reaching none of the goals I set to myself. I was ashamed of it, and for this reason I didn't really contacted the Gods since I came back, out of guilt and being ashamed. I also carry a lot of emotional wounds, past traumas and dross in myself, I'm working on it but I feel like it'd be disrespectful to approach the Gods. I imagine it like if I wanted to shake hands with someone while being covered in mud from head to toe. I have the urge to talk to Father Satan or to my GD, but I feel hesitant about it.
I also thought about meditating on the Sigils of other Gods and Goddesses, I don't really have a specific reason for it only I'd just like to try it out, maybe get to know them a little bit more. I assume that the Gods do know and notice when someone is meditating on their Sigil or doing their Ritual if they have one, and it made me rethink my choice. I just feel like I'd bother them at best, but more than likely make them angry. I don't have anyone in my life I could talk to, so I thought about talking with the Gods just for the sake of it, without any serious reason whatsoever. But again, it's kind of a dumb idea, given how busy they all are, and I doubt they'd be interested in such insignificant things. I don't know how could I define what I feel exactly, it's mostly a mixture of guilt and fear, possibly. I'm just lost on what should I do at this point.