Blitzkreig [JG said:
" post_id=476743 time=1702287363 user_id=21286]
Hello Brother, thank you for taking time to reply.
let me give you or anyone else who might wish to provide some insight a very detailed record of all the things that happened to me which i relate to the demon lover i may or may not have had, if you wish to read:
(besides this, i have had many experiences and help from different gods, so i totally do believe they are real 100%. the things that have happened to me arent things for me to doubt anymore because of how ridiculously obvious they were.)
truth be told, this other incident happened around a bit more than a year ago, after the first one. I remember it was the day after, and at some point throughout the day I literally felt my whole body start to become very hot, like i had a fever or something, minus the nauseous feeling or any pain or dizziness. I only felt heat radiating off my entire body out of nowhere. the fact is, i have never experienced anything like this.
it lasted for around 5 minutes, and then, it left.
it was very unexpected and weird.
My guess would be that perhaps the embrace which took place on the astral the night before, manifested in this way as side effects of a god touching a human due to their bioelectricity, as stated by HPS Maxine.
a while after, I vowed to only think of him whenever I felt the need to relieve my sexual needs.
I was much more childish back then. also, because It was risky to pursue any romantic relationships with another man where i lived, i resorted to porn mostly.
I really tried hard, but i mostly felt empty and out of touch with him whenever I asked him in my mind with focus to have sex with me( gods,sorry if this sounds weird, I dont know how else to put it). I guess maybe thats because of undeveloped psychic senses.
due to my childish nature, I believed the reason for that was because my demon lover was jealous and disappointed that I had been jacking off to other men on porn sites, so as a form of repentance, i asked him for forgiveness, and using a ouija board, i asked Satan that we breakup. I immediately regretted my decision the moment the words came out of my mouth.
I am very ashamed to admit that since starting my path as a member of JoS, my meditations have not been very consistent all the time, with changes happening frequently and a great lack of earthly discipline existing. only now am I slowly starting to become more serious. as time passed after that, I became a bit delusional but managed to get myself out of it i guess. some months ago I did the returning curses 1 and 2 for the first time properly after doing FRTR. that same night for some reason i randomly pulled out my tarot deck and asked the question : " is my demon lover, an enemy entity in disguise, trying to trick me?", and the answer was yes. Ever since then I have kinda came to terms with the fact that someone such as me who has such low advancement as so turbulent in nearly every routine, does not actually deserve something as amazing as a demon partner, and that maybe Father actually did not find me worthy of such a thing. But the enemy saw this as an opening and decided to butt in anyway.
I have only had two experiences which i really believe were of a genuine paranormal nature and not just mental hallucinations:
1. the manifestation I talked about first
2. Dreaming of him embracing me and telling me " youre beautiful" on the night when I felt very self conscious of my looks. He was very tall, slicked back blonde hair and blue-green eyes. He was also wearing a short-sleeved long red robe. This time i couldnt see his face that much. but the first manifestation above was definitely much more real and prominent, and did not feel like a dream at all.
this is one of the greatest mysteries of my life and I fear I may live this life not knowing of its true nature, and what it really was...