AskSatanOperator
Well-known member
Hello, I am in a verry bad spot right now, not physically but mentally, it's very hard to put it in words because I feel like my brain is being a table tennis ball being played with. I've been watching youtube, playing videogames, engagin in internet activities overall for more than 10 years now (I'm in my early 20s) and for the past years I feel like these things are draining my life out of me, destroying my view on life, social relationships, my mental wellbeing, and so on. But that isn't really the problem I'm facing right now, I know there are lots of spiritual working that I can do to repair things and I learnd by now that I just need to do stuff, start being productive, doing the right things etc. Actually, I started thinking and actively searching for better things for myself. I haven't really dropped and left behind my bad habbits, I still watch youtube, binge tv series, play videogames, smoke, drink, my sleep schedule isn't there yet, watch porn and a bunch of other stuff. I realized things and I am trying to destroy these bad habbits, I can watch myself from the outside and see how bad they are, not only for myself but for a larger perssepctive, to the extent that I can.
But whenever I try to make steps or think about doing something, I see the state of the majority of people, I don't try to be the enlightened one, because I am not, but I watch youtube for example, I see how 99% of people who choose a "career" in "content creation" the only thing that hold their "career" is forming parasocial relationships with the audience, and the flip side, seeing people forming parasocial relationships with these individuals. And their "work" is either "react content" which is fucking insane how this shit actually works somehow, they watch tiktoks or memes, or a fucking video of another "content creator" and the only thing they do is stop the video every 2 mins and say something, "Yo dude thats actually insane" then unpause the video watch for 2 mins and repeat. Other just recycle meaningless information that every other youtuber makes a video on and they say the same things, they never even bring a diferent opinion. Usually some get a big number of followers, and they become, somehow, idols, "supreme moralists", the ones that people turn to when we have problems etc, they embrace this status because why not dude? I can do that. They start making videos on more important events and they give useless information that even a 13 year old could come up with, or they are delusional. Making hundreds of thousands of dollars on nothing, destroying the views on the world of young people and even adults trying to "remake" the world based only on how they feel. The majority if not all, have 0 research on the topics they talk about or superficial research taken from weird websites, and give their opinion on the matter and the audience takes it as facts or advice. No wonder why so many of them have impostor syndrome. The audience, as I see it, become mindless creatures, hedonistic in the extreme, driven only about how they feel about a a certain situation, or regurcitating what they heard from their fav youtuber. Usually their emotion are so unstable, everything can change their opinion. Depresion, anxiety, and other mental "goodies" strive in their mind, becoming even more unstable mentally, picking up bad habbits, which everyone says thei are so good for you, weed, lsd, shrooms, porn/hentai etc. Their mental so destroyed that a good habit seems evil, someone who actually has a routine, good habits, are taking responsability, overall being a good human, becomes automaticly their enemy, having morals is imoral for them.
On the other hand, even if the communities go hand in hand or are the same ones, I see tiktokers and people mindlesly watching tiktoks. The amount of degeneration there is literally to insane levels. And somehow people like that, some that say this is bad are continuing to watch these. Now there is a trend, where people pretend to be NPC, and for every type of donation they do an action. Some do thousands in 4 hours. I see people that take tiktok as some core aspect of life, the amount of followers and like being somethings so important, like levels in a game. Also I see people on instagram treating it like actually being life, and real life is just a medium to get photos for IG. Posting reels or other type of status being more important than actual comunication and life. One time a friend told me that he went on vacation and didn't post any photos anywhere and when he came back from vacation, one coworker asked him if he went somewhere during offdays, he responded yes, and in return the coworked asked why didn't he posted anything on facebook or instagram asking after if he took any photos even.
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I'm sorry for the rant, whenever I want to start something, the above goes thru my mind. I don't know It's exagerated due to my mind state or not, but everything seems fucked, I have no motivaton to go forward in this world, feels like becoming a better person is useless. Right now people are malding cuz of a logo change of twitter, and I try to look from outside and I think it's insane. Bezos has neoslaves in his factories and waging psychological war on his employees and no one says anything. I am very fustrated, morals are very weird, people are weird, I lost my words right now and I can't explain how I feel about myself. When I look around me I get extremely demoralized. I look at certain individuals that don't use the internet or better said "western" internet and they are grounded in reality a lot more, I see some that do drugs and did drugs for extend period of times and they are more realistical about life, more responsible that those of my age group, even with self destructive habits. I don't know what to think anymore or what to do in this life. I also have problems of my own that are very very intense and I cannot deal with them and managing life seems imposible right now. At start I was thinking that the west is bringing good things, and that still lingers in me, I'm thinking that thats how life would be from now on.
Please give me some advice on what to do, and how to manage things. I feel totally destoryed, and without a way to rebuild myself, ever. I used to be addicted to youtube, still am, cannot see life without the "connection" that internet brings. If I don't check my phone I feel intense anxiety.'
Sorry for the rage and gramatical errors
But whenever I try to make steps or think about doing something, I see the state of the majority of people, I don't try to be the enlightened one, because I am not, but I watch youtube for example, I see how 99% of people who choose a "career" in "content creation" the only thing that hold their "career" is forming parasocial relationships with the audience, and the flip side, seeing people forming parasocial relationships with these individuals. And their "work" is either "react content" which is fucking insane how this shit actually works somehow, they watch tiktoks or memes, or a fucking video of another "content creator" and the only thing they do is stop the video every 2 mins and say something, "Yo dude thats actually insane" then unpause the video watch for 2 mins and repeat. Other just recycle meaningless information that every other youtuber makes a video on and they say the same things, they never even bring a diferent opinion. Usually some get a big number of followers, and they become, somehow, idols, "supreme moralists", the ones that people turn to when we have problems etc, they embrace this status because why not dude? I can do that. They start making videos on more important events and they give useless information that even a 13 year old could come up with, or they are delusional. Making hundreds of thousands of dollars on nothing, destroying the views on the world of young people and even adults trying to "remake" the world based only on how they feel. The majority if not all, have 0 research on the topics they talk about or superficial research taken from weird websites, and give their opinion on the matter and the audience takes it as facts or advice. No wonder why so many of them have impostor syndrome. The audience, as I see it, become mindless creatures, hedonistic in the extreme, driven only about how they feel about a a certain situation, or regurcitating what they heard from their fav youtuber. Usually their emotion are so unstable, everything can change their opinion. Depresion, anxiety, and other mental "goodies" strive in their mind, becoming even more unstable mentally, picking up bad habbits, which everyone says thei are so good for you, weed, lsd, shrooms, porn/hentai etc. Their mental so destroyed that a good habit seems evil, someone who actually has a routine, good habits, are taking responsability, overall being a good human, becomes automaticly their enemy, having morals is imoral for them.
On the other hand, even if the communities go hand in hand or are the same ones, I see tiktokers and people mindlesly watching tiktoks. The amount of degeneration there is literally to insane levels. And somehow people like that, some that say this is bad are continuing to watch these. Now there is a trend, where people pretend to be NPC, and for every type of donation they do an action. Some do thousands in 4 hours. I see people that take tiktok as some core aspect of life, the amount of followers and like being somethings so important, like levels in a game. Also I see people on instagram treating it like actually being life, and real life is just a medium to get photos for IG. Posting reels or other type of status being more important than actual comunication and life. One time a friend told me that he went on vacation and didn't post any photos anywhere and when he came back from vacation, one coworker asked him if he went somewhere during offdays, he responded yes, and in return the coworked asked why didn't he posted anything on facebook or instagram asking after if he took any photos even.
-------------------
I'm sorry for the rant, whenever I want to start something, the above goes thru my mind. I don't know It's exagerated due to my mind state or not, but everything seems fucked, I have no motivaton to go forward in this world, feels like becoming a better person is useless. Right now people are malding cuz of a logo change of twitter, and I try to look from outside and I think it's insane. Bezos has neoslaves in his factories and waging psychological war on his employees and no one says anything. I am very fustrated, morals are very weird, people are weird, I lost my words right now and I can't explain how I feel about myself. When I look around me I get extremely demoralized. I look at certain individuals that don't use the internet or better said "western" internet and they are grounded in reality a lot more, I see some that do drugs and did drugs for extend period of times and they are more realistical about life, more responsible that those of my age group, even with self destructive habits. I don't know what to think anymore or what to do in this life. I also have problems of my own that are very very intense and I cannot deal with them and managing life seems imposible right now. At start I was thinking that the west is bringing good things, and that still lingers in me, I'm thinking that thats how life would be from now on.
Please give me some advice on what to do, and how to manage things. I feel totally destoryed, and without a way to rebuild myself, ever. I used to be addicted to youtube, still am, cannot see life without the "connection" that internet brings. If I don't check my phone I feel intense anxiety.'
Sorry for the rage and gramatical errors
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