Jack
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This is a satirical article
SWITZERLAND—After serious deliberations deep inside the super-secret Nobel Prize Compound in Switzerland or wherever, the Nobel committee of medicine deciders have awarded the coveted Nobel Prize in Medicine to Russia’s President Vladimir Putin for singlehandedly ending the COVID pandemic practically overnight.
News of the swift and nearly-miraculous end to a years-long pandemic came at a serendipitous moment for members of a certain American political party.
“While Putin should receive credit for ending this pandemic, President Biden also deserves praise for ending the pandemic and fulfilling yet another campaign promise like all of the other campaign promises he totally keeps fulfilling,” said Jen Psaki to a journalist and future coworker at MSNBC, “Yes, Putin’s magical ability to end this pandemic bodes well for any democrat running for reelection this November, but that’s just a happy, happy coincidence.”
Thanks to the Russian President’s decisive blow against the COVID pandemic, Democrat-run states across the U.S. immediately began lifting draconian, life-crushing, and statistically racist mask and vaccine mandates in workplaces, restaurants, and even schools. This great news about the scientifically plausible and immediate end to the pandemic is sure to be one of President Biden’s main talking points during his first State of the Union speech.
And now ,in some news close to home
After World Realizes He Was Right About Everything, Alex Jones Appointed As New Head Of CDC
ATLANTA, GA—Alex Jones has been appointed as the new CDC director after everyone realized he was right about everything all along.
"We have been startled by the uncanny accuracy with which all his conspiracy theories have come true," said former director Robert Redfield. "Everything from the Wuhan lab leak to the Great Reset initiative was predicted by Mr. Jones. Eventually, we just said, 'Welp, this Jones guy seems to know something we don't know.' We thought it might be best to just let him run this whole operation."
"We should probably just let him run the WHO as well."
Dr. Anthony Fauci has been recently jailed and is currently being kept in a maximum security prison in a straightjacket before going on trial for his Mass Genocidal vaccine war and for hoaxing a pandemic.
In other news ,Bill Gates sold all his stocks in all his companies and gave a televised interview with Tucker Carslon about how he was part of an international pedophile death cult which had compromised scientists and academics with going along with the Bioweapons development he financed.
After giving up all the documents to Alex Jones personally during the interview, Jones punched him in the face and he was taken away and is currently being held in the jail cell next to his buddy ,Fauci.
International Outcry and Nationalist Revolution follows after startling international revelations
After Startling revelations of an International pedophile cult, All the Governments of the EU and US were overtaken by Nationalists and extreme right wingers were installed in their place. A peace deal has been made with Russia which Putin reportedly said "Thats what I've always wanted man. Just take our Gas and leave us the fuck alone bro. "
During the Globalist Pedophiles being arrested, it was discovered that the International conspiracy was actually a JEWISH conspiracy.
In a blistering speech after this Global discovery, Alex Jones apologized for masking his Antisemitic views because "he didn't want to be taken off air." Jones disowned his three jewish children and using the power as the head of the CDC declared a new pandemic. He said ,"The Jewish peoples of this world have been the real Pandemic for thousands of years to us Gentiles. It is now time to recognize that all of our suffering comes from the things jews invented - Feminism, Marxism, Bioweapons, War Everything you can think of. "
Following his speech ,the United Nations Court of International Peace in a startling 180 exonerated Adolf Hitler posthumously from all war crimes saying "We always knew Hitler did nothing wrong. "
April 20 was declared an International Holiday remembering the Greatest man that ever lived and remembering the fight against the International scourge that is the Jews.
There have been reports that the Western Governments are planning for Massive Soap factories around the world with 6 million production capabilities overall. The Israeli PM accused Alex Jones of being a mouthpiece for an international Nazi Satanist group run by a man named Cobra Commander. Jones has denied any connections to the group and has declared "A Universal war against Judea in all forms. "
A drunk Klaus Scwab was seen wandering around the streets shouting "You will own nothing, and you’ll have nothing " to teenagers before he was badly beaten up and arrested by the police.
Follow Reuters for more International and National News.
SWITZERLAND—After serious deliberations deep inside the super-secret Nobel Prize Compound in Switzerland or wherever, the Nobel committee of medicine deciders have awarded the coveted Nobel Prize in Medicine to Russia’s President Vladimir Putin for singlehandedly ending the COVID pandemic practically overnight.
News of the swift and nearly-miraculous end to a years-long pandemic came at a serendipitous moment for members of a certain American political party.
“While Putin should receive credit for ending this pandemic, President Biden also deserves praise for ending the pandemic and fulfilling yet another campaign promise like all of the other campaign promises he totally keeps fulfilling,” said Jen Psaki to a journalist and future coworker at MSNBC, “Yes, Putin’s magical ability to end this pandemic bodes well for any democrat running for reelection this November, but that’s just a happy, happy coincidence.”
Thanks to the Russian President’s decisive blow against the COVID pandemic, Democrat-run states across the U.S. immediately began lifting draconian, life-crushing, and statistically racist mask and vaccine mandates in workplaces, restaurants, and even schools. This great news about the scientifically plausible and immediate end to the pandemic is sure to be one of President Biden’s main talking points during his first State of the Union speech.
And now ,in some news close to home
After World Realizes He Was Right About Everything, Alex Jones Appointed As New Head Of CDC
ATLANTA, GA—Alex Jones has been appointed as the new CDC director after everyone realized he was right about everything all along.
"We have been startled by the uncanny accuracy with which all his conspiracy theories have come true," said former director Robert Redfield. "Everything from the Wuhan lab leak to the Great Reset initiative was predicted by Mr. Jones. Eventually, we just said, 'Welp, this Jones guy seems to know something we don't know.' We thought it might be best to just let him run this whole operation."
"We should probably just let him run the WHO as well."
Dr. Anthony Fauci has been recently jailed and is currently being kept in a maximum security prison in a straightjacket before going on trial for his Mass Genocidal vaccine war and for hoaxing a pandemic.
In other news ,Bill Gates sold all his stocks in all his companies and gave a televised interview with Tucker Carslon about how he was part of an international pedophile death cult which had compromised scientists and academics with going along with the Bioweapons development he financed.
After giving up all the documents to Alex Jones personally during the interview, Jones punched him in the face and he was taken away and is currently being held in the jail cell next to his buddy ,Fauci.
International Outcry and Nationalist Revolution follows after startling international revelations
After Startling revelations of an International pedophile cult, All the Governments of the EU and US were overtaken by Nationalists and extreme right wingers were installed in their place. A peace deal has been made with Russia which Putin reportedly said "Thats what I've always wanted man. Just take our Gas and leave us the fuck alone bro. "
During the Globalist Pedophiles being arrested, it was discovered that the International conspiracy was actually a JEWISH conspiracy.
In a blistering speech after this Global discovery, Alex Jones apologized for masking his Antisemitic views because "he didn't want to be taken off air." Jones disowned his three jewish children and using the power as the head of the CDC declared a new pandemic. He said ,"The Jewish peoples of this world have been the real Pandemic for thousands of years to us Gentiles. It is now time to recognize that all of our suffering comes from the things jews invented - Feminism, Marxism, Bioweapons, War Everything you can think of. "
Following his speech ,the United Nations Court of International Peace in a startling 180 exonerated Adolf Hitler posthumously from all war crimes saying "We always knew Hitler did nothing wrong. "
April 20 was declared an International Holiday remembering the Greatest man that ever lived and remembering the fight against the International scourge that is the Jews.
There have been reports that the Western Governments are planning for Massive Soap factories around the world with 6 million production capabilities overall. The Israeli PM accused Alex Jones of being a mouthpiece for an international Nazi Satanist group run by a man named Cobra Commander. Jones has denied any connections to the group and has declared "A Universal war against Judea in all forms. "
A drunk Klaus Scwab was seen wandering around the streets shouting "You will own nothing, and you’ll have nothing " to teenagers before he was badly beaten up and arrested by the police.
Follow Reuters for more International and National News.
