New to Satanism and mixing up experiences

[new_horizon7]

Hello people,

I am very new to this, so please forgive me if you heard my questions a few times already. In the beginning of this week I "accidentally" stumbled upon the JOS-Webpage. I literally spent hours and days reading the articles and sermons by HPS Dietrich and others. But now i actually want to speak with u people about it.

Since my birth, my parents took me to the mormon church. They were active members of this sick sect and for the first 15 years of my life I had to constantly take in their brainwashing bullshit. However deep inside me I always knew this was not the truth. Part of why I never gave in to their lies was becaus I knew I was gay. Being gay is a grave sin in all of the christian churches and for the mormons even more. But how can the way I was created alone be enough to be damned in all eternity? When I was 15 I had the courage to talk to my parents that I won't go to this place ever again and formally dropped out soon after. 
After that my life changed drastically to the better. I began to train Martial Arts and discovered that I was empathic and could "feel" the true emotions of most people. I began to research ancient traditions since I felt they were much closer to the truth than any of the "modern" beliefs. A few times I was drawn to Satanism, but at that time I sadly only found these "christian" sects who loved to be the bad guys and practiced blood rituals and stuff just for fun... I started meditating some years ago with the help of some shamanic and wiccan friends. The wiccan tradition however felt not right as well, so i stayed with the shamanic and my own intuition. I produced some (for me) decent results, since I managed to do some of both white and black magick as well as other meditations.

And here I have some questions: In the shamanic tradition there are guardian animal spirits ("Krafttiere" in german). After some meditations I found my guardian animal and we have been close friends since. However I seem to not be able to hear everything he says to me (for example his name or advise he gives me for topics who mentally stress me). He told me his name once, but I immediatly forgot it afterwards... With the new information I had from JOS I asked him if he was a Demon of Satan. He told me he isn't, but he is a spirit sent by Satan. So I wanted to ask you, is it normal to have a permanent guardian spirit? What is he? He appears mostly in his animal form, but sometimes changes in a humanoid form as well.
Aside from this, is there any advise you can give me? This form of Satanism is very new to me and it is difficult forme to change the thought patterns that Satanists are actually the good guys Do you have any good links for me which I should read aside from the obvious ones on the JOS main page?

I also struggle with the thought why my creator (probalby Satan, forgive me I'm not 100% sure yet) made me gay. Did someone ever found an answer or asked a demon?

Sorry for the long post, I hope it wasn't too much. Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to read all this and for your reply. This means very much to me.

 

[lisadragomir13]

Hello there!
For reading, I first recommend you read this:
Exposing Christianity  

And for the questions about your sexual orientation, take a look here:
Third Sex 666  You'll find most of the answers around here - either on the websites or in the groups I hope you'll do the dedication ritual and officially join us ^^

 

[saffiresaffre]

I gotta say your story is pretty interesting, I went from Xianity to Wicca back to Xianity then back to Wicca then into Spiritual Satanism, and still am to this day. Not many people are friendly toward gays but people will usually not say anything or openly oppose it for fear of being ridiculed. But I'm glad you are looking into joining us, some people roaming this group can be idiots but for the most part can get really good advice from this group.
Hail Satan!

 

[new_horizon7]

@ lisadragomir13:

Thank you very much for the links. I didnt knew about the 3rd sex at this point. These articles were really nice. I totally agree with being a guardian / warrior - type of person. I really need to train harder now, blackbelt 2017 here i come

@saffiresaffre:

Your story sounds kind of hard, too. I am very glad I have a very good intuition and never believed the xian brainwashes. Wicca sounded better, but they only have a very "fixed" point of view. I had the feeling they were never able to see the true nature of magick.
People only insult gay people as long nobody fights back. As soon as you say "Excuse me, but I am one of them", most people are shocked and don't know what to say. I don't even blame them. Our society teaches us to hate everybody who is different (fear- and hateful people are easy to control after all).

I'm really glad I found this place and look forward to discuss stuff with you guys and girls!