I have felt the same. This is how I see it.
When you're doing rituals, meditations, talking to father or your guardian/other demons you feel GREAT. Life gets better even when nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
This is how it should be.
When you start going to church and stuff, it really becomes a challenge.
You will feel guilty, you will feel wrong, you will feel fear.
DO NOT GIVE IN.
This will pass.
Just try to meditate and talk to father about it,
even if you aren't sensitive enough to hear him or anything,
just take a moment every day and relax
and talk to him.
When at church, pay attention, ask questions, point out errors in the bible, challenge them.
Envision your mind in a blue-golden light and envision walls, strong walls, around you and your mind when you're around a lot of christians/atchurch.
Also, you can always try to find reasons/excuses to not go to church,
hang int here,
things will be okay,
stay strong
And should you ever start to doubt father, think of your life before being a stanist and then think of how it became afterwards.
I know for me, in the very short amount of time I've been a satanist (2 1/2 months) I have been so much happier than, well, my whole life.
Once again, just hang in there and be strong :3
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[url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "xxperfectxdisasterxx" <xxperfectxdisasterxx@... wrote:
my father found out about me worshipping satan and is sending me to church now... its really confusing now.... i feel and evil aura surrounding me and i dont like it... what should i do?
Hail Satan!