Kramer said:
I spent all this time doing what the brothers here advised me to do. Meditation, vibrating runes, the spiritual routine... But nothing works. In fact, it's always getting worse. I had decided to go back to fighting for my dream (which was my only reason for wanting to stay alive), but every day I get a big No in many different ways. When I get a no, I try to think of another plan to make my dream come true and again I get a no. It's like I'm surrounded and I don't have the right to dream. It's like my life is being controlled by something much bigger. It's like my life doesn't belong to me. It feels like I'm being forced to give up every dream I've ever had, no matter what they are. And to make matters worse, I'm all alone. I have no friends, the family members I live with don't care about me, my dreams or the pain I feel. I'm just having to deal with everything myself and keep it to myself because I have absolutely no one to talk to. I am again depressed and am daily being blamed for just staying in the room. I even lost the right to feel pain. My aunt right now is angry and complains and badmouths me for being like this. She didn't even try to talk to me, didn't show the slightest bit of interest. When I said my dreams are shattered, I told her why and she just acted like it was nothing. And she was the only and last person I could count on, since she is my mother's sister who passed away. But the truth is, I'm all alone. Not even when I try to communicate with the gods... I ask for help, I beg for help, company... but it's always all in vain. I'm really losing the will to live. Maybe I should just give up dreaming, give up going on. Living is being really painful for me. And even the aura cleaning jobs were also in vain.
Let's start with the fact that nothing in life is futile, because everything has an essence within a given paradigm, just as everything you do has a meaning, even if you now see that it doesn't. I believe you are in a bad and chaotic situation, but at this point stop, don't put yourself in a worse state of mind.
The dreams you are fighting for, keep them to yourself for a while. Don't let other people's opinions deter you from what would make you truly happy, just don't let them break the law. You may only be surrounded by people who can hurt you spiritually, but you need to shape your own soul, not others.
If you are not independent, then appreciate all that you are here for now on JoS, because you are here for a reason. Outsiders are outsiders because they either don't know Knowledge, or they know it but don't care, and neither is relevant to progress. You have countless opportunities to grow.
Are you in your room all day? So? Are you hurting someone? No. This is a time for your development, for clearing your aura and chakras, for banishing depression and for yoga. There may not necessarily be a change that day, but your mood and mood will take a constructive turn.
It may sound boring, but if you don't do these, you'll be a long way from progress. Spiritual Satanism will develop you through Spirituality, which will result in you developing physically, in which you can manifest material wealth. Do not throw away this virtue, depression is the worst possible companion to loneliness, believe me.
Many things bother me too, for example I want to be on good terms with everyone, I don't like to fight, but I can't be on good terms with everyone. If somebody doesn't like the way I am, let them leave me alone. I don't have to do anything, I just have to be nice to everyone, but if someone doesn't like me, I don't bother with them anymore. You have to understand that. If they look down on you or something, then don't bother about them.
Pretend to listen to them, but within yourself concentrate on Satan, Who is the Power, the Truth, the Light and the New Life. Don't take on the negative thoughts of others, and don't cling to them. The Runes and what you write are not nonsense, just keep going. If you are in a bad mood, do it faster, but do it anyway. Find something to keep you busy, create for your soul what you need.
There are countless nihilists and ignorant people in the world, don't add to their camp.