Dear brothers and sisters, I'm troubled...
All my life I've had an explosive temper and virtually nonexistent fuse to go along with it. To some extent, my efforts to train my dogs (which requires that I maintain a calm-assertive state of mind) has helped, but it wasn't enough.
Last year I found JoS and dedicated on the 16th of December. I have since been doing the breathing exercises and void meditation which I feel has helped me to improve the control I have over my thoughts and emotions, but I still don't feel like it's enough.
My temper still gets the better of me. Sometimes it's gone as quickly as it came, other times, despite my best efforts, it can stay with me for hours, if not days. Regardless of how long, it's always incredibly severe, and often, despite myself, I get violent as well.
I don't like it. It makes me feel weak and pitiful. If I'm not strong enough to control myself, how could I ever expect to control how situations in my life work out?I don't want to be weak, but I'm at a loss as to what more I can do to maintain control so that I don't end up in a blind rage.
I read on the JoS that one thing to do is to use void meditation in the moment. My problem there is that I lose all control of myself - it's like my mind isn't my own at that point - so it never occurs to me to stop and meditate... I figure if I can remedy that, it should go a long way to helping me overcome this weakness.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
HAIL SATAN!
All my life I've had an explosive temper and virtually nonexistent fuse to go along with it. To some extent, my efforts to train my dogs (which requires that I maintain a calm-assertive state of mind) has helped, but it wasn't enough.
Last year I found JoS and dedicated on the 16th of December. I have since been doing the breathing exercises and void meditation which I feel has helped me to improve the control I have over my thoughts and emotions, but I still don't feel like it's enough.
My temper still gets the better of me. Sometimes it's gone as quickly as it came, other times, despite my best efforts, it can stay with me for hours, if not days. Regardless of how long, it's always incredibly severe, and often, despite myself, I get violent as well.
I don't like it. It makes me feel weak and pitiful. If I'm not strong enough to control myself, how could I ever expect to control how situations in my life work out?I don't want to be weak, but I'm at a loss as to what more I can do to maintain control so that I don't end up in a blind rage.
I read on the JoS that one thing to do is to use void meditation in the moment. My problem there is that I lose all control of myself - it's like my mind isn't my own at that point - so it never occurs to me to stop and meditate... I figure if I can remedy that, it should go a long way to helping me overcome this weakness.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
HAIL SATAN!
