Lonliness

[jokerjake6]

I have been dedicated for about 8 months, and since day one I have felt larger than life. Like im apart of something so much bigger than me...seriously, just writing that gave me chills. But at the same time, i have never felt so alone, and lately rhe harder i try to meditate the worse i do, i get so frustrated. I used to believe i was open minded enough to tell the difference between my thoughts and thise of the Gods, but anymore all i hear is my blood flowing in my ears. I cant seem to snap out of this funk and there is NOONE to talk to. No one. I call out to Father Satan, my guardian, anyone whos listening... Nothing. Even an enemy attack would be welcome if it meant i was significant enough for one. Ive been looking for a truth in life and i want so badly for this to be it. Its been less than a year since i found ss and even in middle school i had strong ties to father just not in This light. I need to know, how do i find my place in this new world? Upon completing my dedication i felt i had started over. Now im compelled to do the same in every aspect of my life. I feel i owe it to myself. Ive been in a relationship for the last 5 yrs to a woman i never should have been with in the first place. Im completly unhappy here and i think she plays a big role in my negative energy. She has 3 kids none are mine, and i cant stand being around them. They have no self reliance, no respect and it bothers me. Ive never been a dan of kids mainly bc i havent truly grown up myself, im not a role model, im not a father, but she guilts me into being here. I constantly have a knot in my chest. I imagine my future and they are not in it. Even if i wanted them there, i still cant picture it. The worst part abiut it is that i do care about them, All of them, and i know leaving would devistate them. Its the one thing keeping me here, is i dont want to hurt them, but the longer im here the worse it will be when i go. Not if, when. I need some guidance. I need some help. In finding the truth, i happened to lose my sight on just what it was i am aiming for. It doesnt help my whole world was flipped like a damn pancake upon finding HP Maxine...im lost. Its eerily quiet, and the only light is interdimentional and i cant fuckin get to it. I feel like im just feeling my way through the dark still, the only difference now is that i know what im looking for. I still cant see shit tho. Any ideas?

 

[reimerwesley]

"I lead to the straight path without a revealed book." Live from your heart, not out of guilt. Study JoS some more. I remember when I first came to JoS. I was absolutely shocked and felt a happiness I had never felt before. But for a year or two I had been a complete slacker and such. Then I came and read the site again and I understood it WAY differently than I did the first time. I nearly cried at that moment, cause everything made sense up to that point. Just keep meditating, and if you haven't already dedicated, do so. Unless you don't feel you are ready, if you aren't ready to dedicate, wait.

 

[maryvtanguay]

NOOOO NEVER HOPE FOR AN ATTACK I haven't talked to anyone either, but getting a lot of attacks SUCKS. TRUST ME DON'T WISH FOR ATTACKS. I let the enemy get in my head and I suffered for a LOOOONG TIME. This is the enemy messing with you, making you feel alone,hopeless, weak.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You can talk to us one here and Ea protects his own, if you haven''t open your clairaudience points or third eye you won't be able to tell if your guardian is around. I'd work on that, keep your aura clean&protected, and do these meditations (http://thelightofea.webs.com/apps/blog/ ... ction-more) (http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... _Back.html) (http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpent ... ching.html) And keep reading everything.

 

[joseph_val_v]

Stop! Stop it. Lost orientation. Just this. Start with only feel happy, because you are a privileged person and meet Satan. What do you really want? I see that you have no control of your life. Take control and let those who have no respect for you. Be happy alone. Make yourself happy, and grateful every day Father Satan. He has not strayed. You've done away. Do this, and things will change.

 

[golden.serpent666]

If you cant stand being in the situation, get out. You dont hold their feelings over your happiness. Just relax and focus on your meditations.

 

[Kareem Zedan]

1) Are you meditating every single day? Are you working on your astral senses so that you can actually SEE? If not that than this is like a blind person who is offered vision but refuses to take it due to there being "other" things that need taking care of. You cannot improve your life if you cannot SEE what and who influences it.

2) Are you thinking for yourself? Or are you focusing solely on how other people see you in their eyes? Are you thinking about what's best for you? Or are you thinking about what's best for other people?

3) Are you willing to leave your comfort zone and take beneficial action for yourself? Or are you willing to remain comfortable in your wallowing self degenerating pity?
4) Are you taking the choice on what you want to do? Or are you letting 'life's circumstances' take the choice for you?
Hail Satan!!!!
On Friday, 4 April 2014, 12:10, "jokerjake6@..." <jokerjake6@... wrote:
  I have been dedicated for about 8 months, and since day one I have felt larger than life. Like im apart of something so much bigger than me...seriously, just writing that gave me chills. But at the same time, i have never felt so alone, and lately rhe harder i try to meditate the worse i do, i get so frustrated. I used to believe i was open minded enough to tell the difference between my thoughts and thise of the Gods, but anymore all i hear is my blood flowing in my ears. I cant seem to snap out of this funk and there is NOONE to talk to. No one. I call out to Father Satan, my guardian, anyone whos listening... Nothing. Even an enemy attack would be welcome if it meant i was significant enough for one. Ive been looking for a truth in life and i want so badly for this to be it. Its been less than a year since i found ss and even in middle school i had strong ties to father just not in This light. I need to know, how do i find my place in this new world? Upon completing my dedication i felt i had started over. Now im compelled to do the same in every aspect of my life. I feel i owe it to myself. Ive been in a relationship for the last 5 yrs to a woman i never should have been with in the first place. Im completly unhappy here and i think she plays a big role in my negative energy. She has 3 kids none are mine, and i cant stand being around them. They have no self reliance, no respect and it bothers me. Ive never been a dan of kids mainly bc i havent truly grown up myself, im not a role model, im not a father, but she guilts me into being here. I constantly have a knot in my chest. I imagine my future and they are not in it. Even if i wanted them there, i still cant picture it. The worst part abiut it is that i do care about them, All of them, and i know leaving would devistate them. Its the one thing keeping me here, is i dont want to hurt them, but the longer im here the worse it will be when i go. Not if, when. I need some guidance. I need some help. In finding the truth, i happened to lose my sight on just what it was i am aiming for. It doesnt help my whole world was flipped like a damn pancake upon finding HP Maxine...im lost. Its eerily quiet, and the only light is interdimentional and i cant fuckin get to it. I feel like im just feeling my way through the dark still, the only difference now is that i know what im looking for. I still cant see shit tho. Any ideas?