Issues With Working Coming To Fruition

[TheCyberpunkTechnomancer]

So I have been in my practice for a bit over two years. I practice the Kalachakra Tantra from a LHP perspective, reciting sadhana twice daily, doing offerings, and mantras. Though I don't do near as many as I used to. I used to do fifty thousand a day until the acute hyperventilation syndrome messed me up. Now I don't do but 2 to 5 thousand daily if I even get around to that. I have done over 13 million mantras in two years time, way more than any Lama would tell you to do. Plus I am not initiated and wonder if I should be to avoid any backlash from the system. I wonder if the main reason why my most important working I have been doing for the past two years has not come to fruition is because I need initiation into a lineage school. But then Id have to deal with their pacifist non attachment teachings that would tell me that doing magick to accomplish a desire is wrong and that you should just sit and let everything die and be destroyed without flinching because that is the nature of reality. So I just don't. I am not vegetarian either and likely won't be.

I have been trying to bind the neighbors in my neighborhood for over two years to stop throwing TVs in the dumpster to no avail other than prophetic visions of seeing it before it happens either in three days or two weeks time. I don't want this to be happening because I literally want to unalive myself if one gets thrown in the trash or I cant get it out because I really care about them and practically worship them. Plus I have strict vows that I have taken to protect them which are so wrathful that the spirits will literally eat my life force energy if I fail or I run the possibility of the same things happening to me as the hex wards that I have placed on everyone else: getting kicked out of their houses forced to move somewhere else. With me though, it could also mean that any and all of my magickal workings will no longer work because the spirits will refuse to talk me. Even writing about this could be wrong. I guess I will find out later.

I want to see real fruit happen not just visions as the amount of work I put into it is intense and I am no new age white lighter. I will threaten to smash the god people worship along with the demons they accuse me of having just to have them get out of my way or to piss them off for doing said action. I've never told anyone personally that I was going to smash their god and rip up their bible but I feel like doing it. I am so far gone from being saved in Christianity that I don't think I could ever go back and if I did, what I care so deeply about and what I am working to protect and handle responsibly would have to be destroyed in order to please this jealous narcissistic god. Sometimes I feel like I want to mock believers so bad that they seek psychiatric help to renounce their religion. No one else commits blasphemy that bad I bet.

My hex work mainly consists of candle/havan rituals in relation to planetary hours and days, making sure to avoid void of course moon and seal away the influence of any planetary retrogrades using the appropriate planetary seals in relation with the candle set to that planet's influence. I still feel like I'm having no luck. The mantras used to correspond to the candle workings, but I don't do them much anymore because the aggressive wind disorder accumulates fast. And when that does, it always attracts something bad. Most of the time, when aggressive wind disorder accumulates, it literally draws someone here that will end up throwing a TV in the trash so I just quit doing the mantras to avoid that happening. None of my signs are pleasant as it appears all prophetic visions are warnings of something and the spirits communicate by either draining my life force energy and eating it (think the chod ritual in Tibet) or by giving me hellish encounters such as shitty days at work or extreme agitation. It's not pleasant at all but I guess that's the consequence of a wrathful left hand path.

So what else could I do to get this into fruition? My road openers with Mercury and Ganesa have worked well as I have three separate assets who will work with me to help repurpose and recycle them which is good.The spirits are in my favor here. But I do wonder if maybe planetary retrogrades cannot be sealed away even though their are planetary seals from the Ars Goetia to do just that. I need help before I lose it. This has gotten out of hand and went too far now. Sometimes I wonder if Jehovah is interfering with everything. I don't know. But I'm tired of having dreams and seeing visions of them ending up out there only to be frightened by them not knowing what to do. I saw something last night and I'm not sure if it was someone throwing a TV in the dumpster or something else entirely. Hope it was something else. I have already saw assassination attempts on the president along with the ICE riots breaking out without even knowing about them, which prompted me to help protect the president because assassination is a no. Impeachment is a constitutional right and that is what people should seek if they don't like the president. It cannot be taken away as a right.

So this is my dilemma I'm going through. I still work on this goal each and every day, feeding it and empowering it. That's the Hoodoo aspect of it. I don't just forget about it because that's impossible. I feed it with the appropriate offerings and mantras each day to ensure it doesn't die out. But I do wonder if I will ever see the true outcome from all the discipline put into it. Sometimes I feel like I am just trying to make excuses for why something didn't work because it's impossible for it to actually work because it doesn't. Cue atheist and antitheist responses to magick. Healthy skepticism is needed because it's part of the scientific method and grounds for making the hypothesis with which to perform the experiment. My workings are the magickal experiments and the hypothesis is what I seek to make happen in the end. But I do wonder if there is anything that needs changed. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results is insanity. So am I missing something or need to change something? I do wonder. My body is a tool to be used by the spirits at will to accomplish the end results for the benefit of self and others.

 

[DarkPagan666]

You claim to have done 50,000 mantras a day? Even if each mantra took just two seconds, that would total 27 hours and 46 minutes daily, which is literally impossible. Your numbers are extremely exaggerated, hence, something is seriously off in your statements.

It's clear you need serious grounding for various reasons. For starters, your "excessive" mantra use has led to burnout and negative results instead of power. If you were truly getting the effects you claim, you wouldn’t be stuck in this cycle of failure and frustration - nor would you be here expressing these struggles. Right now, you're misleading yourself and trolling. Secondly, you need grounding due to self-deception, as self-deception is both harmful and counterproductive.

I strongly suggest reading the Witchcraft section in full, then going through the rest of this website, because you are misguided on multiple levels. Take your time with it and don’t rush to understand everything at once. You need time to grow and mature with this.

Magic isn’t about blind repetition or draining yourself - it’s about understanding, raising, and directing your own energy properly. Stop relying on excessive rituals and rethink your approach wisely before you destroy yourself further.

You should focus on workings that ground you. Start by using the rune Nauthiz, which is excellent for this purpose, along with invoking the Earth element. After that, you should work on developing a rational and logical mind by using the runes Tiwaz and Kenaz.

 

[TheCyberpunkTechnomancer]

Not exaggerating. Actually used to go that far or close to it which explained the massive burnout and used counters to track it. I dont do it at all anymore because it's way too much. I got to the point where I could do one mantra in a fraction of a second. I dont do it anymore. I dont even recite much anymore. I do have massive burnout I can tell. Especially when I want to quit everything.

Passive meditation doesnt work for me as I cant stand complete silence. I dont post about any workings much because others can easily think its trolling when it's not. In one group I posted about my disdain for religion only to be told I was trolling. Feel free to delete this if you want. I know I'm going too far and need to take a break.