Achatina Prisma
New member
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2022
- Messages
- 82
tabby said:I guess this is the best time to say it, I have no hard feelings towards you, mate. You seem to be making good progress for yourself at your own pace, and in the end, that's all that matters.Prisma said:
I have some regrets about things towards you of my own. Out of confusion and my own trauma, I lashed out sometimes, when instead, you didn't need anything else other than help in a difficult time. As the saying goes, we fear what we don't understand... Nonetheless, I hope you continue to grow and advance.
Many, whether they'll admit it or not or know it or not, need help to some extent. Everyone's been deeply affected by what has happened to this world, and whether we like it or not... we've all been in the position of the sleepwalker before coming to Father Satan. No one here has come from somewhere perfect. We're going to make mistakes, and say stupid shit, lie to ourselves, and fuck up... but someday, these get less and less as we learn and grow. Yet we shame each other for our mistakes and shortcomings, for our flaws and imperfectness, for our differences, for what we don't understand about each other, and our own lives.
The past is there to learn from it. There's no good future if we don't learn and grow from the past.
Thank you, both of you.jrvan said:Prisma said:There is no use in dwelling on the past, nor feeling ashamed now over what I was like in the past. What matters is whether or not I've learned from my experiences. I can gladly say that I'm proud of how much I've improved.Ol argedco luciftias said:
Therefore, your disgust is as irrelevant to me as mine is to you. But I will judge you for your errors in the present nonetheless, idiot.
I was thinking of saying along the same thing to him last night, that bringing up your past doesn't invalidate what you said in the present, nor does it make him less of a retard. However, I decided to refrain in order to give you the opportunity to stand up for yourself because I believed you were strong enough to do so. Looks like I was right. Good job.
To be honest, I held hard feelings towards both of you. I resented Jrvan as I thought him to be arrogant and overly hostile, and felt sorrowful regarding Tabby, as I was hurt by her words but couldn't bring myself to resent her while knowing her own issues weighed on her too. But the past week or so, my feelings have begun to change.
I recently started a working to free myself from unhealthy social behaviour, and it brought to mind memories from my first lifetime. In that life, I only did what I believed to be right, and yet I suffered terrible consequences for my actions at the hands of others. I always believed that I did nothing wrong, and that everyone else was unfair. But as I reflected on those memories, I realised what a limiting mindset that is. Even if it's out of principle, I was refusing to learn from a situation in which my actions led to negative consequences.
I realised how antisocial my behaviour really was, and that I've made the same mistakes again in this life.
I did what I believed to be right, and so did you. What were we supposed to do, something we believe is wrong? That's outrageous. But if I had been more considerate of how others might feel, all the hurt feelings could've been avoided. Perhaps others could've too, but there's no point in dwelling on that anymore. I understand now that I was as much to blame as the people I considered unfair.
There's so much I'd love to talk about, if I could. All the things I misunderstood, all the things I understood correctly, and often a combination, where I was right for the wrong reasons, or wrong for the right reasons. I think perhaps you'd be disappointed in me, shocked, and happy for me all at the same time, if you knew all the details of my situation now. But unlike before, I find myself unable to talk about it so openly anymore. Back then I was detached from reality, and from my own body; but now, it just feels so personal. But perhaps that's for the best; there's really no need for everyone to know everything.
Anyway, I appreciate the kind words from both of you. As much as I tried to close it off, it warms my heart.