sonofenki1
New member
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2002
- Messages
- 12
Darkest greetings to all brothers and sisters,
This is my first post on this group. I have been a member of earlier JOS groups also.
I have been a dedicated spiritual Satanist for seven years now. This Friday (June 18) was the seventh anniversary of my dedication ritual which I decided to celebrate. There're some things I wish to share with you all and I hope not to forget a thing.
Let's see, starting from the beginning I was disillusioned with my life. I had trouble in my life since young at school, at home, around people I became a very shy person who didn't fit or felt at ease anywhere but within my own world, a frustrated person who nevertheless had personal talents such as writing and playing music which I've always been attracted to. But in the end I always ended giving up on everything involving big and/or long time projects mostly because I felt all my joy and strength were continuously being drained out. I felt like a loser, n self-confidence, no will power to carry out a project. So I decided to take up on the bible, reading and following it, hoping to get some improvement. The actual result was in fact funny if it wasn't so sad I became kind of a walking talking zombie, believing in all that bullshit and that I had to accept and obey everything so that I was not met with some terrible consequences. Actually, a lousy job and not much rest was I all I ended up with. The things I really wanted and needed were never granted. Something I forgot to mention about all of this which is probably not new to anyone I believe that something in my life changed for the worse at some point after primary school. Cursing through envy can be destructive especially amongst family members.
Moving on, in my late twenties I found out a book in a megastore, of all things guardian angel stuff with jewish kabala and xtian rituals. I was looking through an occult section when this book falls off the shelf. I regarded it as a sign and decided to try it out. Of course I don't need to tell you the results. I spent more than a year praying every morning, after a while things started happening but not without its side effects I was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, always thinking more about the others than myself, always wanting to do or say the right thing, no swearing, clean life, etc, etc, always subject to the whims of angels, never feeling like I had what I needed; instead I had what they were willing to give me, no sense of fulfillment, independence, actual courage or real confidence. For lack a better analogy I was sort of a puppy on a tight leash waiting for a pat or the next treat if I behaved. To top it all I went on a self destructive gambling spiral every month which left me virtually penniless without being able to save a dime for things I wanted to buy. Also, I went to places I feel uncomfortable mentioning here, with the risk of my own health and my family's. Not a pretty sight. I always believed in spirituality and the search for it, but the answer was not here either. This was just morbid masochistic dependence and a waste of my life. I once actually felt an angel trying to communicate with me in my mind, but as I told above, by the way things were going, I realized I should get the hell out of there.
And then here we are. One day I found JOS on the net and thought to myself- why the Hell not? I took the plunge and did the ritual after a while. When I first got internet I was still on angel/xtian mode. It took me a while to discover online surfing and understand the range and potential of it. I searched and there was this site different in content than anything I had ever been fed about Satanism over the years. It redefined and cleared all my misconceptions on Satan and spirituality; everything fit in its place and made perfect sense. I confess that I had my setbacks due to my stupid former incursions on angel magic. But I never felt less than loved by Father Satan and the Demons. I feel they always believed in me and were patient to this day, guiding me and protecting me from myself and making me realize and clean up after my own mistakes. The feeling of being lured and teased at was gone; not belonging gone; not being myself, having to live according to unreasonable rules and standards gone; of being coerced, gone.
And almost at the end here I'd like to illustrate my words. For example, the night of my ritual I was worried that my family would be up and I'd be interrupted on my ritual it so happens that an opportune power shortage came a couple of hours before, so, everyone went to bed early and as a bonus my building was unusually silent, all the perfect ingredients for a successful ritual. I have a little trouble with void meditation also, and some very inconvenient not to say offensive thoughts come to me once in a while. Well, just expressing concern about it is enough to gain concentration and calm my thoughts. At times like that I know that Father Satan and the powers of Hell can sense your needs, look after you, protect you and guide you every step of the way never turning their back on you. I remember once after I did my dedication, I passed next to a gambling house and kept on walking without going in. It was something else.
There are a lot more examples I could write about, but it's a becoming a long post by now and I'm sure I'll have other opportunities to post it, to share my experiences and benefit from everyone else's.
Thank you for reading
Thank you JOS
Hail Satan!!
This is my first post on this group. I have been a member of earlier JOS groups also.
I have been a dedicated spiritual Satanist for seven years now. This Friday (June 18) was the seventh anniversary of my dedication ritual which I decided to celebrate. There're some things I wish to share with you all and I hope not to forget a thing.
Let's see, starting from the beginning I was disillusioned with my life. I had trouble in my life since young at school, at home, around people I became a very shy person who didn't fit or felt at ease anywhere but within my own world, a frustrated person who nevertheless had personal talents such as writing and playing music which I've always been attracted to. But in the end I always ended giving up on everything involving big and/or long time projects mostly because I felt all my joy and strength were continuously being drained out. I felt like a loser, n self-confidence, no will power to carry out a project. So I decided to take up on the bible, reading and following it, hoping to get some improvement. The actual result was in fact funny if it wasn't so sad I became kind of a walking talking zombie, believing in all that bullshit and that I had to accept and obey everything so that I was not met with some terrible consequences. Actually, a lousy job and not much rest was I all I ended up with. The things I really wanted and needed were never granted. Something I forgot to mention about all of this which is probably not new to anyone I believe that something in my life changed for the worse at some point after primary school. Cursing through envy can be destructive especially amongst family members.
Moving on, in my late twenties I found out a book in a megastore, of all things guardian angel stuff with jewish kabala and xtian rituals. I was looking through an occult section when this book falls off the shelf. I regarded it as a sign and decided to try it out. Of course I don't need to tell you the results. I spent more than a year praying every morning, after a while things started happening but not without its side effects I was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, always thinking more about the others than myself, always wanting to do or say the right thing, no swearing, clean life, etc, etc, always subject to the whims of angels, never feeling like I had what I needed; instead I had what they were willing to give me, no sense of fulfillment, independence, actual courage or real confidence. For lack a better analogy I was sort of a puppy on a tight leash waiting for a pat or the next treat if I behaved. To top it all I went on a self destructive gambling spiral every month which left me virtually penniless without being able to save a dime for things I wanted to buy. Also, I went to places I feel uncomfortable mentioning here, with the risk of my own health and my family's. Not a pretty sight. I always believed in spirituality and the search for it, but the answer was not here either. This was just morbid masochistic dependence and a waste of my life. I once actually felt an angel trying to communicate with me in my mind, but as I told above, by the way things were going, I realized I should get the hell out of there.
And then here we are. One day I found JOS on the net and thought to myself- why the Hell not? I took the plunge and did the ritual after a while. When I first got internet I was still on angel/xtian mode. It took me a while to discover online surfing and understand the range and potential of it. I searched and there was this site different in content than anything I had ever been fed about Satanism over the years. It redefined and cleared all my misconceptions on Satan and spirituality; everything fit in its place and made perfect sense. I confess that I had my setbacks due to my stupid former incursions on angel magic. But I never felt less than loved by Father Satan and the Demons. I feel they always believed in me and were patient to this day, guiding me and protecting me from myself and making me realize and clean up after my own mistakes. The feeling of being lured and teased at was gone; not belonging gone; not being myself, having to live according to unreasonable rules and standards gone; of being coerced, gone.
And almost at the end here I'd like to illustrate my words. For example, the night of my ritual I was worried that my family would be up and I'd be interrupted on my ritual it so happens that an opportune power shortage came a couple of hours before, so, everyone went to bed early and as a bonus my building was unusually silent, all the perfect ingredients for a successful ritual. I have a little trouble with void meditation also, and some very inconvenient not to say offensive thoughts come to me once in a while. Well, just expressing concern about it is enough to gain concentration and calm my thoughts. At times like that I know that Father Satan and the powers of Hell can sense your needs, look after you, protect you and guide you every step of the way never turning their back on you. I remember once after I did my dedication, I passed next to a gambling house and kept on walking without going in. It was something else.
There are a lot more examples I could write about, but it's a becoming a long post by now and I'm sure I'll have other opportunities to post it, to share my experiences and benefit from everyone else's.
Thank you for reading
Thank you JOS
Hail Satan!!
