I'm back & I'm slowly dying

[Ignisalas]

Its been quite a while since I posted. I lost all faith in Satan and I wish I could go back and relive the days when I first found this and I felt so happy and enlightened and actually felt like I was a part of something awesome. I had strong faith and love for satan and the gods of hell, but over the years this path has gotten dull and lonely and boring and I cant handle this much longer.
What will happen if I died tonight? Will I be taken to hell or will I be left to rot and die on the astral?

I don't think that Satan ever notices most of his people down here. Only a select few get picked to live happily. I feel like im damned to rot and die without happiness and without hope.

I have let myself become 'evil' and Its the only way that I believe theres any hope to live happily. Im slowly rotting away into this third-world state of poverty and I don't see any way of breaking out of it other than turning into a complete monster and taking whatever I want whenever I want it. My childhood was ruined. My 20s are being destroyed in depression. I want out of this. I don't care about this retarded war we are having, I don't care how many people are dying, all I care about is my own happiness, and I guess this is the reason why im so down and depressed all the time. All I want is to have money and live happily. fuck everything else.

When I first came to JoS I wasn't like this. I was so much different and I was a benevolent person and all I wanted back then was to advance and help others and become part of this a little more. Deep down I wanted to become part of the clergy and what not, but most people here want that as well so its nothing new. I wish I had my own little website and things to help spread JoS and be happy that im doing something for Satan.

Listen Im not going to ramble on anymore and im getting to the point. I want to get close to the gods and be happy for a change. Id like to have conversations and things with them like other members here do, but I don't understand why Im left out in the cold like this. What did I do wrong? When I do rituals and things to them, or rather just start speaking to them because I don't have any type of altar or materials for an altar, I never get any response or anything.

To tell you the truth, I don't even know if they even exist or not. If I have to die to find this out, then I will, and it'll also give me some time to escape this bullshit life for a while. Until im thrown back into this shithole again. I want all of this stress and depression and poverty and all of this negative shit I go through to end. I want to escape. I guess if I actually end up killing myself over bullshit, itll have to be slow and painful too. I don't have a gun or anything to end it quick. Even right down to the cold bitter end I'll never have any relief or anything goes right.

Im so sick of sitting here everyday and doing all of these damned meditations and not getting any kind of results out of it. The struggle is very fucking real.
I just want to talk with you guys on the forums and get all of this bad shit out of my mind. Lets talk about your experiences with meditation and the gods. Im in a bit of a panic right now, ive been like this for a few days, Id like to have some conversations with members here and calm me down a bit. Im sorry for letting myself get this way. I hope Satan understands that im not some bad greedy person at heart, and all I want was to be happy for a change. Ive just been too stressed over the past year to really calm down and change things properly. Not sure on what I should do anymore. How exactly do I speak with the gods, Satan, and my guardian demons properly? I always feel like im just being ignored. I need some help because im just unsure about this path anymore.

 

[Hp. Hoodedcobra666]

I personally think this is some sort of troll and infiltrator game played to display a reality which is not existing.

For the slight chance that this is real...

You are just weak and you project this on Satan, that is all. You also sound like a big coward on top of it. You need to change this. Writting messages repeat and ad nauseum abput how you suck ans how you will kill yourself for months now. It is all very tiring to read.

If you are above 20 and all you do is sit around, write messages of tears, and not lift your fingers to improve your situation or get some ass up to get a job, while you act like a little bitch, this is not how you improve your life.

This is nature and life. With this mentality nobody can save you but you yourself.

If you ruin your own life with this behavior, you will never solve anything.

 

[Ignisalas]

I personally think this is some sort of troll and infiltrator game played to display a reality which is not existing.

Whatever, think of it as whatever you want. I've been a member of JoS since early 2015, I've helped spread JoS online, and i've done spiritual warfare, and the meditations like any other member. But somehow i'm some kind of troll and infiltrator now.

I don't really have anywhere else to go to explain worries and things. I don't really have much of a family and I don't have any friends or whatever that I can talk to and calm myself down whenever I'm feeling pretty bad. Its been hard for me the past year and when I finally log back on to the forums and make a topic explaining my worries and everything, I get called a troll and an infiltrator. I guess I cant catch a break wherever I go. But I do understand that my past topics aren't always positive and uplifting, so I guess most of the time I'll catch a lot of fire from posting them.
The few family members I have aren't Satanists and I cant talk with them about any of this obviously. The closest thing I have to any REAL family though is the people here on the forums.

You know maybe there will come a day in the future where I'll be a much better person and I can put all of this negative shit behind me and leave it in the past. But right now life isn't too good for me and I'm sorry for posting something so bad and negative, but I need to vent a little bit and talk with other members about things, because it helps me cope emotionally. Somehow I seem to draw all the negative comments and replies to me, even though I've seen other members on here go through pretty much the exact thing that I do, but none of them catch the same negativity that I do.

 

[retrograde]

...

It could always be worse, man. Stick around. Fear attracts fear and love attracts love, most of the time, I think. Just stick around.. Attempting suicide could be a decision you will later regret, from a vegetative state in a hospital bed, or from being forced into psychiatric care afterwords.. maybe even from beyond the grave. It's not going to help you. Thinking this through and responding to you is actually helping my life because it just occurred to me that we have to be tough sometimes in order to drive out the experiences we don't want to have in life and to get, or get back to, what we do want.

If you're trolling then you fooled me. I looked at some of your posts and felt empathy for you. I haven't been depressed since I was a teenager and now looking back I am disgusted that it took so much of my youth away. I feel robbed. Isolation & misery.. there is evil in the world. Just do the best you can - that's all anyone can ask, and that's what makes people like you and want to be around you. If there's no love in what sounds like the bleak life that you're living, then I guess you have to be the bigger person and be the person outputting it instead of the person waiting for someone else to bring it to you. This is another thing I personally realized about my own life. Everything you do stems from fear or love.. I feel like we're supposed to love each other, though I fail to do that almost every single day. For me, if I can get it right just once before I die then I'll feel like I did what I was supposed to.

Another thing I've noticed in life is that what I most desire will find it's way to me.. I'm not a spiritual authority so I can't say that this is a fact, but it's what I believe and what I've seen. You probably noticed it too but something or another has brought you down. Wherever you want to be, I think you'll get there eventually. This sounds great and it sounds encouraging, what's even more remarkable is that I really believe this.. these aren't airy, "get well," words of encouragement. "I'm sorry for your loss"... Energy is certainly real, and there is a definite link between how we feel and what manifests in our lives. Not all of it is, all the time, in our control.. but usually, it mostly is. You can remedy certain problems with the use of love.

I hope you do better, and when you do, I will be doing better too.

 

[Hp. Hoodedcobra666]

This day will come when you stop taking all these things seriously, and strive to do something better. You need first and foremost to start taking your mind away from the mess. If you continue to keep it there, this cannot help you out of this situation.

You need to get called out of this so you can snap out of it. If you sit there only lamenting you will lose more and more of your time and life. You have youth on your side and that is your most powerful ally. Others will also help you with other replies.

If you want some pat on your back talk for purposefully plummeting yourself in harder depression then I will not be doing this to you to help you. That's not help. You need to get out of this first.

You are correct about the family here on the forums. Start fixing your mentality, and you will definitely find help here to overcome your issues.

Other brothers and sisters will help you also in other ways. Explain further your situation so that others can help you in a more meaningful manner.

I personally think this is some sort of troll and infiltrator game played to display a reality which is not existing.

Whatever, think of it as whatever you want. I've been a member of JoS since early 2015, I've helped spread JoS online, and i've done spiritual warfare, and the meditations like any other member. But somehow i'm some kind of troll and infiltrator now.

I don't really have anywhere else to go to explain worries and things. I don't really have much of a family and I don't have any friends or whatever that I can talk to and calm myself down whenever I'm feeling pretty bad. Its been hard for me the past year and when I finally log back on to the forums and make a topic explaining my worries and everything, I get called a troll and an infiltrator. I guess I cant catch a break wherever I go. But I do understand that my past topics aren't always positive and uplifting, so I guess most of the time I'll catch a lot of fire from posting them.
The few family members I have aren't Satanists and I cant talk with them about any of this obviously. The closest thing I have to any REAL family though is the people here on the forums.

You know maybe there will come a day in the future where I'll be a much better person and I can put all of this negative shit behind me and leave it in the past. But right now life isn't too good for me and I'm sorry for posting something so bad and negative, but I need to vent a little bit and talk with other members about things, because it helps me cope emotionally. Somehow I seem to draw all the negative comments and replies to me, even though I've seen other members on here go through pretty much the exact thing that I do, but none of them catch the same negativity that I do.

 

[Blackdragon666]

Assuming you're not a troll... Astrology can be pretty brutal. Your issues probably stem from negative planetary placements. Have you ever considered the fact that even if the Gods help you, the real problem is still there? Your planets will still keep fucking you up, and the dirt on your soul will still keep bringing you negative karma. Trust me when I tell you that all of us here deal with problems, or have dealt with problems in the past, probably the clergy too. I have had it rough in life too. We live on a cursed planet, and very few have the knowledge about fixing their life problems, so you are VERY lucky you do. Have you tried fixing your problems with workings? You're probably still unconsciously hooked to the parasitic idea that the Gods magically transform our lives when we come to Satan, or that they owe us, which could be why you're whining against them so much. You have everything you need to fix your life. The Gods help you help yourself. This path is not for the weak, this is the path walked by Gods, the path that requires you to face all of your problems head on and do away with them for good. People want the good things in life but will barely work for them, so they resort to whining about it. You need to calm down and accept the fact that your life is indeed fucked, and that it can definitely be fixed. If you died now, you would be reincarnated with the same problems in life because you never got them out of your soul. You then need to stop making negative affirmations on yourself, you are just big time cursing yourself. Cleaning the soul helps a lot, you **should** do it daily, use whatever method works best for you. When you're a bit more stable, start freeing your soul. The meditations for that are on JoS. There's also Lydia's working for obliterating your Saturn, the link is on her signature. Stop whining for once and do try to fix your problems. As for your astral senses, you just have to keep working on them. The first time I spoke to my GD, I was in a trance. Practice getting into trance states and try communicating with your GD while in them. Finally, this war is everything. We are fighting those who have cursed this world to be in the state it is in which is part of the reason why you have your problems too. Absconding from the war is the worst type of betrayal a so called Satanist could do, as one might as well go back to kissing Christ's imaginary ass. Even Hitler was poor for a part of his life. You really have no excuse to give in to despair and other low instincts that make psychic attacks easy for the enemy. When you're depressed or low, they hardly have to try to get to you as you're doing a great job already. Whatever you need to get wealth and fix any other problems plaguing you, you have it already. You're just expecting it to magically work on its own and fix things for you.

 

[Harry]

All I want is to have money and live happily. fuck everything else.

Money comes with the right education i would recommend you to read or listen to Robert Kiyosaki's books they all can be found for free online.

https://www.pdfdrive.com/rich-dad-poor-dad-pdfdrive-e136494023.html

https://www.pdfdrive.com/cashflow-rich-dads-quadrant-edu-akadeemia-e37874817.html

 

[Yuna24]

Its been quite a while since I posted. I lost all faith in Satan and I wish I could go back and relive the days when I first found this and I felt so happy and enlightened and actually felt like I was a part of something awesome. I had strong faith and love for satan and the gods of hell, but over the years this path has gotten dull and lonely and boring and I cant handle this much longer.
What will happen if I died tonight? Will I be taken to hell or will I be left to rot and die on the astral?

I don't think that Satan ever notices most of his people down here. Only a select few get picked to live happily. I feel like im damned to rot and die without happiness and without hope.

I have let myself become 'evil' and Its the only way that I believe theres any hope to live happily. Im slowly rotting away into this third-world state of poverty and I don't see any way of breaking out of it other than turning into a complete monster and taking whatever I want whenever I want it. My childhood was ruined. My 20s are being destroyed in depression. I want out of this. I don't care about this retarded war we are having, I don't care how many people are dying, all I care about is my own happiness, and I guess this is the reason why im so down and depressed all the time. All I want is to have money and live happily. fuck everything else.

When I first came to JoS I wasn't like this. I was so much different and I was a benevolent person and all I wanted back then was to advance and help others and become part of this a little more. Deep down I wanted to become part of the clergy and what not, but most people here want that as well so its nothing new. I wish I had my own little website and things to help spread JoS and be happy that im doing something for Satan.

Listen Im not going to ramble on anymore and im getting to the point. I want to get close to the gods and be happy for a change. Id like to have conversations and things with them like other members here do, but I don't understand why Im left out in the cold like this. What did I do wrong? When I do rituals and things to them, or rather just start speaking to them because I don't have any type of altar or materials for an altar, I never get any response or anything.

To tell you the truth, I don't even know if they even exist or not. If I have to die to find this out, then I will, and it'll also give me some time to escape this bullshit life for a while. Until im thrown back into this shithole again. I want all of this stress and depression and poverty and all of this negative shit I go through to end. I want to escape. I guess if I actually end up killing myself over bullshit, itll have to be slow and painful too. I don't have a gun or anything to end it quick. Even right down to the cold bitter end I'll never have any relief or anything goes right.

Im so sick of sitting here everyday and doing all of these damned meditations and not getting any kind of results out of it. The struggle is very fucking real.
I just want to talk with you guys on the forums and get all of this bad shit out of my mind. Lets talk about your experiences with meditation and the gods. Im in a bit of a panic right now, ive been like this for a few days, Id like to have some conversations with members here and calm me down a bit. Im sorry for letting myself get this way. I hope Satan understands that im not some bad greedy person at heart, and all I want was to be happy for a change. Ive just been too stressed over the past year to really calm down and change things properly. Not sure on what I should do anymore. How exactly do I speak with the gods, Satan, and my guardian demons properly? I always feel like im just being ignored. I need some help because im just unsure about this path anymore.

I'm sorry for your suffering. I imagine that this has been a long and arduous journey and that you have tried as hard as you can.
The path we have taken is not an easy one and is very arduous, the results do not come quickly and it can often take decades to see the results.
A lot of things depend solely on us, self-care, employment, college, own house, car and yes Father Satan has power and wealth, however I think we should always ask for Father Satan's blessing and run after things that we want, Most of the time we have the blessing of Father Satan, however the things we desire do not appear suddenly, magically, also depend on our effort, the steps we take to reach our goals.
For example, If I ask Father Satan that I want to get married, I can't expect that the next day someone will show up at my door saying "Hi, love you, marry me"?

There are things that we can't really solve on our own, we try everything and we can't solve it, then it is really only with Father Satan and with the Gods and Goddesses of Duat.

One thing I think is important to remember is that the Duat Gods are Gods and are not our servants, Father Satan and the Duat Gods and Goddesses deserve to be respected, loved and honored.
I made so many dreams come true that I never imagined that it would be possible one day, but Father Satan blessed me and ran after it too.

I have never seen or heard the voice of the Gods and Goddesses of Duat, I have no idea who is mine or my GD, but I know that I am heard, countless times I received answers to my questions, I am protected and Father Satan also protects my family even they are not Spiritual Satanists and know that all of us children of Father Satan are loved by him.

Have confidence in Father Satan, talk to him,
have confidence in yourself, don't walk away from people, travel if possible, do the things you like.

Suicide is not a solution, you cannot erase what happened, but you can build yours today and reap the rewards in the future. Live today, don't create so many expectations and let things happen when it has to happen and if it has to happen too.

Many times the things are difficult, but lean on Father Satan and keep moving forward.
The path is sometimes so long that we don't see the end, but there always is, believe me.
Don't let anxiety, sadness and impatience be permanent. Take it one step at a time.

Obs 1: I never thought of being HP.
Obs 2: HP's correct me if I got it wrong in some (s) points of this post.

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

The situation as you mention is your state of mind and how its being influenced with the environment. The thing is the meditations will clean your psyche out however you have to learn to let go on the negative illusion you have created around yourself or you will just keep empowering this till it dominates your mind as negative program and this will become your karma. Karma is what you dwell on if you keep building this thought pattern that will become the fate of your life. You can curse yourself or bless yourself with your thoughts.

This is why the Yogic texts always mention the battle between the Deva's and Asura's the commentaries mention this is symbolic of the inner battle between the power of spiritual light and consciousness being generated by the mediations and the forces of negativity of the enemy and old programs that want to hold on and push off against the path of spiritual practices.

Mien bro the hardest battle you are fighting is the one to love yourself. Wage total war on the inner negativity with the spiritual power of your heart, mind and soul and evaporate all the forces of self hate and negativity and learn the truth about yourself that you are excellent and love yourself. The Gods care but you have to care as well. And its not bad to want something more in life you can have it all, however you have to develop yourself.

I know you can win and will win in the end of it all, mien bro. I have faith in you.

 

[SilentFlame]

I feel sorry for you, that you tried to vent like this, and the first response you got was basically just getting called a troll or an infiltrator without any proof. I believe that your experience you're reporting here is genuine. You said you want to hear about people's meditation experiences, so i guess i'll start with that.

Despite my account name i haven't really meditated anywhere near as much as i really should. But if you do it right, i can confirm it will have undeniable effects on you. What's the most important, i think, are the breathing exercises. Try the pranayamas Mageson posts about. It's very important that when the meditation instructions say you should hold a breath that you actually hold it and not just breathe in and out over and over. Do not ever at all hold it for longer than's comfortable or you might damage your nervous system, but assuming it is comfortable, you need to have a period of holding the breath and focusing the attention at the important spot. This is so the bio-electricity can actually get flowing without constantly being the same due to you always breathing in and out and not giving it time to collect. At least that's how it seems to work. Eventually you're definitely going to feel the bioelectric current if you do it right and consistently. Even a few weeks should be enough for you to feel something. Just remember you have to reach certain thresholds for major change to happen and otherwise you might be stuck at a ceiling you're not putting in the effort to break through, if you're doing it wrong you might go in circles for a long time without getting anywhere. If you eventually start feeling pressure or what feels like a current of energy, you're doing it right. You might wonder if you're placebo'ing yourself and that's a valid concern, but at a certain point it's just obvious that it's a real electrical phenomenon that's happening to you. One you might want to try is the breathing exercise based on putting the tip of the tongue between the two front teeth while inhaling with both nostrils, holding breath for a few seconds, then exhaling, all while focusing your conscious attention on the philtrum. AKA, that part of your nose right at the base of the nose, but not the part right above the upper lip, the part of the nose right above that, between the two nostrils. I'm not sure where the link to the article is, but you'll find it if you look through the important articles section.

If you do the breathing exercises that are part of the regular meditations to build yourself up and also do pranayamas like that one, you should definitely feel something relatively quickly. Within weeks, really, something should happen, especially if you ever manage to set aside a 30 minute chunk of time to meditating and figure out how to make it work. I've never had any experiences like seeing ghosts or anything provably supernatural, but i can definitely at least say the breathing exercises do work if you keep on doing them along with the meditations and some level of yoga. Specifically, you will eventually end up able to feel some kind of electricity-like current when you do these exercises. Heat and pressure could occur too. These things let you know that this is triggering real force in your body, it is not just 'supernatural' mumbo jumbo, it really does exist. I'm sorry to hear you haven't had much luck so far. Just try to keep setting aside a few minutes of meditation every day and you should get more results if you follow the advice i listed.

Its been quite a while since I posted. I lost all faith in Satan and I wish I could go back and relive the days when I first found this and I felt so happy and enlightened and actually felt like I was a part of something awesome. I had strong faith and love for satan and the gods of hell, but over the years this path has gotten dull and lonely and boring and I cant handle this much longer.
What will happen if I died tonight? Will I be taken to hell or will I be left to rot and die on the astral?

I don't think that Satan ever notices most of his people down here. Only a select few get picked to live happily. I feel like im damned to rot and die without happiness and without hope.

I have let myself become 'evil' and Its the only way that I believe theres any hope to live happily. Im slowly rotting away into this third-world state of poverty and I don't see any way of breaking out of it other than turning into a complete monster and taking whatever I want whenever I want it. My childhood was ruined. My 20s are being destroyed in depression. I want out of this. I don't care about this retarded war we are having, I don't care how many people are dying, all I care about is my own happiness, and I guess this is the reason why im so down and depressed all the time. All I want is to have money and live happily. fuck everything else.

When I first came to JoS I wasn't like this. I was so much different and I was a benevolent person and all I wanted back then was to advance and help others and become part of this a little more. Deep down I wanted to become part of the clergy and what not, but most people here want that as well so its nothing new. I wish I had my own little website and things to help spread JoS and be happy that im doing something for Satan.

Listen Im not going to ramble on anymore and im getting to the point. I want to get close to the gods and be happy for a change. Id like to have conversations and things with them like other members here do, but I don't understand why Im left out in the cold like this. What did I do wrong? When I do rituals and things to them, or rather just start speaking to them because I don't have any type of altar or materials for an altar, I never get any response or anything.

To tell you the truth, I don't even know if they even exist or not. If I have to die to find this out, then I will, and it'll also give me some time to escape this bullshit life for a while. Until im thrown back into this shithole again. I want all of this stress and depression and poverty and all of this negative shit I go through to end. I want to escape. I guess if I actually end up killing myself over bullshit, itll have to be slow and painful too. I don't have a gun or anything to end it quick. Even right down to the cold bitter end I'll never have any relief or anything goes right.

Im so sick of sitting here everyday and doing all of these damned meditations and not getting any kind of results out of it. The struggle is very fucking real.
I just want to talk with you guys on the forums and get all of this bad shit out of my mind. Lets talk about your experiences with meditation and the gods. Im in a bit of a panic right now, ive been like this for a few days, Id like to have some conversations with members here and calm me down a bit. Im sorry for letting myself get this way. I hope Satan understands that im not some bad greedy person at heart, and all I want was to be happy for a change. Ive just been too stressed over the past year to really calm down and change things properly. Not sure on what I should do anymore. How exactly do I speak with the gods, Satan, and my guardian demons properly? I always feel like im just being ignored. I need some help because im just unsure about this path anymore.

 

[Eric13]

You can curse yourself or bless yourself with your thoughts.

Beautifully said. I’m going to carve that into something probably and stare at it everyday.