SalveSatanas
New member
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2024
- Messages
- 8
Greetings brothers and sisters, I am a Satanist who has been a devotee and a regular meditator for a little over 2 years now. I have not seen fit to use the forums unless I am in a really difficult situation, but all along I have been following and listening to your advice and taking my life in my hands, at least for a while. But some of the things I went through made me weak, you are the only people I trust to want the best for your Satanist brothers and sisters and so I would like to ask you to open up my feelings and give me advice on what I should do and how I should behave in a big brotherly way. It might be a bit long, so I will try to keep it as short as I can with the help of the AI. Please help me if you have time.
The process of becoming a Satanist and the things that happened afterwards, such as career and relationship, overlapped and they all became one in my eyes in a way that they shouldn't have been. It was like they were all connected. Because of my fear of loneliness I wanted my own soul mate and prayed to our Father for a long time, after a while I met my girlfriend who I believe is my soul mate. She was and still is a Muslim, although she is very susceptible to being SS, but I think I planted a seed of doubt by putting concepts like Tengrism and Norse beliefs in her head. She and I worked closer and worked together because of our similar career plan. In this process, everything happened together because I never missed my meditations.
This girl is someone I really love and at first I saw her as a sister and I had to take responsibility and sacrifice a lot for her. At times I cut people out of my life who I felt were harmful to me, I spent more time working than I should have so that we could have a future together and the stress+fatigue that came with this has physically harmed me; it still does and I will continue to be harmed if something doesn't change.
I really love this person, I remember it is against the forum rules to give my age, but I can do a round calculation and say without giving my exact age that I have always been distant from relationship issues for about 20 years and have always been looking for someone I really love; I was someone who did not want to have fun. I can say that this person taught me a sense of responsibility, love and adoption. Some of the things we went through were really difficult, from the slanderous remarks people threw at us to the perverted people who followed us. Going through these difficulties with her felt like a blessing and I wasn't bothered by the sacrifices I was making.
Then university issues intervened, I tried different universities to test myself and she only tried the one we both really wanted. I got into a really good university, but neither of us got into the one we really wanted. So I thought that I would take a year off from university, I would rest my head during this period and at the end of the process, my girlfriend and I would be studying at the same university. Now I have nothing to do, no goal to work towards, no motivation, nothing; there is nothing left, it's like we both don't want that university we want anymore.
Everything may seem fine now, but something feels wrong. For example, we haven't had frequent communication since this summer. I was uncomfortable about this and when I expressed my discomfort, he said that he had such a personality and that he preferred to spend more time with her family in the summer and relieve the tiredness he had gained throughout the year in this way. But I had met her family during the university exams and they seemed to like me because I thought they knew how much I embraced their daughter and what kind of personality I had. I was wrong. They didn't like me at all, they even told my friend things like “Keep your distance from her, she might be bothering you, she might affect you badly”.
My girlfriend didn't cut me out of her life, but she didn't stand up to her family and defend me. As a result, even though we both have a lot of free time, the intervals between our meetings have widened a lot and every conversation has turned into an argument. In the past, he was a good influence on me, and I think I was a good influence on her, but now we seem to be burdening each other with negative emotions. I feel like I am still trying to make sacrifices for her, to keep the frequency of communication, to maintain my intimacy and relationship with her, but he is not carrying this burden, he has put it all on me. This is a problem in itself, but when I add the career and health issues I am going through, I feel even more confused. When I asked her what her family's impression would be if we studied at the same university, he replied that it would be negative, so why should I put in more effort? I would like to remind you that he did not do anything for this, he did not defend me against her family.
Another thing that deepens this disappointment and makes me feel resentment + jealousy is that my girlfriend spends time playing games and spending time with people and men she doesn't know that she met in online games, even late at night. When I shared my thoughts about this, she gave me a negative answer, and it really upset me that a person for whom I put so much effort would avoid spending time with me because of her family and spend time with people she doesn't know and who she doesn't know. I told her this and he replied, “You are my favorite person I know, but my family doesn't want me to spend time with you like this; I have to explain, my family's room and my room are next to each other and our voices get lost”. When I asked her if people you don't know don't have a voice, she gave me an answer to brush it off and asked me to drop the subject.
I am also the one who maintains the friendship, as I said, he is not the one who takes the first step in communicating; but although he says I am her best friend, he makes an extra effort for me and does not compromise at times. We usually say that we make sacrifices for nothing, but one instinctively wants to see the return, at least some of the sacrifices that friendship requires. But in my case, I am the one who initiates the communication, if it coincides with my busy time, sometimes we don't even communicate for 1-2 weeks. As such, I can't help but feel that we are growing apart and distant.
Why does one maintain a friendship? Let's be honest, doesn't a good friendship require mutual sacrifice? Remember the story of Damon and Pythias, would there have been such an epic story if Damon was the only one who sacrificed? Of course not. In my case, I am the one making the sacrifice, I am aware that I sometimes stumble and make missteps when I am carrying the whole burden of a good friendship, but in the long run it is not my problem. There was a time when I really believed that people could be good and that it would be good to do small favors and sacrifices for them, but I realized that I was wrong. This girlfriend of mine seemed like a really caring person when we first met and became close, but the situation I was in became deplorable.
I also took steps to fix it, and when I complained to her, he said he would fix herself, but he didn't. I put some spirituality into it and did some work to protect the communication, I prepared special spells to protect us from bad influences and I became more connected to spirituality. Even though I see her as a kind of intermediary and love her extra as a result of being connected to spirituality because of her, when I write again, I see that I am immersed in spirituality to correct the discomfort he has caused me. her thoughts don't match his actions, even when he says otherwise, so I feel worthless, neglected and despised and belittled. My self-esteem seemed to be slowly unraveling with the career decision I made, the failure I experienced, the various sacrifices I made, and the fact that I was getting worse and worse with my health, which I now feel I can honestly admit to myself and put a stop to.
We didn't have many friends other than each other, which is why I felt a special attachment to her, but she preferred to spend time with people she met online. It felt like she belittled my sacrifices and occasional concerns for her. She said it was about her family. Now, even if you don't know the other person's personality because of what I have told you, wouldn't you go against your family for a person who you know really cares about you? Of course you would do your best, and she did things and kept me in her life but she never took herself out of her comfort zone.
This issue has stuck with me and it keeps hurting me. Look, I really don't want to lose my relationship, I love her very much, but what does it make me a sucker to continue this when I am exhausted and consumed by something that I cannot see in return? My heart hurts as I write this, my brothers and sisters who have really loved someone will understand the depth of this bond I am experiencing; it bothers me to even write these things and have bad thoughts about someone I love, but what else can I do? What else can I think?
I have some questions about this.
1-) Are these thoughts of mine, the path my thoughts have taken, are they right? I sometimes feel like I have filled myself with hatred and resentment, but I feel a bitter sense of righteousness because I feel that I have been harmed for months.
2-) My family saw me upset and said “distance yourself from your friend, you have been upset because of her for a while”. My family wants my well-being, it would bother me if they interfered in such things and I would oppose them. But did my girlfriend oppose her own family? Why should I in this situation? What I want to ask is, is this the right attitude I should take? Should I really keep my distance? I had tried in the past but after 2-3 weeks I was heartbroken and tried to communicate again and again.
3-) What are the magical practices that can help me? Would it be right for me to tear a person I love so much from my aura? I have been practicing for a long time to strengthen the frequency of communication with her and to intensify the understanding and love between us, sometimes it doesn't work instantly even after 40-80 days, but in my case, I don't know if it will work or not, I don't know how I will feel even towards her. Even if I do these things with pure desire and faith, it seems like I am rowing in vain. Would it be better for me to overcome and destroy the attachment I feel towards her than to strengthen the frequency of contact?
4-) I believed that I met this person thanks to the Gods, I don't know if I convinced myself or not. Maybe that's why I tried so hard to adopt her and keep her in my life, but is it a mistake? Don't hesitate to be honest, a friend tells the truth even if it's bitter and I need something that will hit me like cold water. The answer could be very different, I'm curious.
5-) I had convinced myself that my girlfriend was a Gentile and that she didn't have any silly spiritual problems, but is it possible that she is maybe Jewish, maybe a Spiritual Vampire? I don't know what it is, even if she knows about it and seems to be against it. When I clear my aura, normally she should get close to me, most people get close to me, but I feel like she is somehow not attracted to me; or maybe she is not attracted to me. I wonder if my aura is pushing her away from me?
6-) Has this relationship really gotten to the point where it's affecting us, and more than us, it's affecting me? Is there any way to save it and does it make sense to try to save it? Or do I need to go back to myself, and if I go back to myself, what can I do to fix my other problems, my health, my career, my psychology, and maybe how do I make the damage of parting ways manageable?
Your analysis, your answers and everything else is very meaningful and important for me.
The process of becoming a Satanist and the things that happened afterwards, such as career and relationship, overlapped and they all became one in my eyes in a way that they shouldn't have been. It was like they were all connected. Because of my fear of loneliness I wanted my own soul mate and prayed to our Father for a long time, after a while I met my girlfriend who I believe is my soul mate. She was and still is a Muslim, although she is very susceptible to being SS, but I think I planted a seed of doubt by putting concepts like Tengrism and Norse beliefs in her head. She and I worked closer and worked together because of our similar career plan. In this process, everything happened together because I never missed my meditations.
This girl is someone I really love and at first I saw her as a sister and I had to take responsibility and sacrifice a lot for her. At times I cut people out of my life who I felt were harmful to me, I spent more time working than I should have so that we could have a future together and the stress+fatigue that came with this has physically harmed me; it still does and I will continue to be harmed if something doesn't change.
I really love this person, I remember it is against the forum rules to give my age, but I can do a round calculation and say without giving my exact age that I have always been distant from relationship issues for about 20 years and have always been looking for someone I really love; I was someone who did not want to have fun. I can say that this person taught me a sense of responsibility, love and adoption. Some of the things we went through were really difficult, from the slanderous remarks people threw at us to the perverted people who followed us. Going through these difficulties with her felt like a blessing and I wasn't bothered by the sacrifices I was making.
Then university issues intervened, I tried different universities to test myself and she only tried the one we both really wanted. I got into a really good university, but neither of us got into the one we really wanted. So I thought that I would take a year off from university, I would rest my head during this period and at the end of the process, my girlfriend and I would be studying at the same university. Now I have nothing to do, no goal to work towards, no motivation, nothing; there is nothing left, it's like we both don't want that university we want anymore.
Everything may seem fine now, but something feels wrong. For example, we haven't had frequent communication since this summer. I was uncomfortable about this and when I expressed my discomfort, he said that he had such a personality and that he preferred to spend more time with her family in the summer and relieve the tiredness he had gained throughout the year in this way. But I had met her family during the university exams and they seemed to like me because I thought they knew how much I embraced their daughter and what kind of personality I had. I was wrong. They didn't like me at all, they even told my friend things like “Keep your distance from her, she might be bothering you, she might affect you badly”.
My girlfriend didn't cut me out of her life, but she didn't stand up to her family and defend me. As a result, even though we both have a lot of free time, the intervals between our meetings have widened a lot and every conversation has turned into an argument. In the past, he was a good influence on me, and I think I was a good influence on her, but now we seem to be burdening each other with negative emotions. I feel like I am still trying to make sacrifices for her, to keep the frequency of communication, to maintain my intimacy and relationship with her, but he is not carrying this burden, he has put it all on me. This is a problem in itself, but when I add the career and health issues I am going through, I feel even more confused. When I asked her what her family's impression would be if we studied at the same university, he replied that it would be negative, so why should I put in more effort? I would like to remind you that he did not do anything for this, he did not defend me against her family.
Another thing that deepens this disappointment and makes me feel resentment + jealousy is that my girlfriend spends time playing games and spending time with people and men she doesn't know that she met in online games, even late at night. When I shared my thoughts about this, she gave me a negative answer, and it really upset me that a person for whom I put so much effort would avoid spending time with me because of her family and spend time with people she doesn't know and who she doesn't know. I told her this and he replied, “You are my favorite person I know, but my family doesn't want me to spend time with you like this; I have to explain, my family's room and my room are next to each other and our voices get lost”. When I asked her if people you don't know don't have a voice, she gave me an answer to brush it off and asked me to drop the subject.
I am also the one who maintains the friendship, as I said, he is not the one who takes the first step in communicating; but although he says I am her best friend, he makes an extra effort for me and does not compromise at times. We usually say that we make sacrifices for nothing, but one instinctively wants to see the return, at least some of the sacrifices that friendship requires. But in my case, I am the one who initiates the communication, if it coincides with my busy time, sometimes we don't even communicate for 1-2 weeks. As such, I can't help but feel that we are growing apart and distant.
Why does one maintain a friendship? Let's be honest, doesn't a good friendship require mutual sacrifice? Remember the story of Damon and Pythias, would there have been such an epic story if Damon was the only one who sacrificed? Of course not. In my case, I am the one making the sacrifice, I am aware that I sometimes stumble and make missteps when I am carrying the whole burden of a good friendship, but in the long run it is not my problem. There was a time when I really believed that people could be good and that it would be good to do small favors and sacrifices for them, but I realized that I was wrong. This girlfriend of mine seemed like a really caring person when we first met and became close, but the situation I was in became deplorable.
I also took steps to fix it, and when I complained to her, he said he would fix herself, but he didn't. I put some spirituality into it and did some work to protect the communication, I prepared special spells to protect us from bad influences and I became more connected to spirituality. Even though I see her as a kind of intermediary and love her extra as a result of being connected to spirituality because of her, when I write again, I see that I am immersed in spirituality to correct the discomfort he has caused me. her thoughts don't match his actions, even when he says otherwise, so I feel worthless, neglected and despised and belittled. My self-esteem seemed to be slowly unraveling with the career decision I made, the failure I experienced, the various sacrifices I made, and the fact that I was getting worse and worse with my health, which I now feel I can honestly admit to myself and put a stop to.
We didn't have many friends other than each other, which is why I felt a special attachment to her, but she preferred to spend time with people she met online. It felt like she belittled my sacrifices and occasional concerns for her. She said it was about her family. Now, even if you don't know the other person's personality because of what I have told you, wouldn't you go against your family for a person who you know really cares about you? Of course you would do your best, and she did things and kept me in her life but she never took herself out of her comfort zone.
This issue has stuck with me and it keeps hurting me. Look, I really don't want to lose my relationship, I love her very much, but what does it make me a sucker to continue this when I am exhausted and consumed by something that I cannot see in return? My heart hurts as I write this, my brothers and sisters who have really loved someone will understand the depth of this bond I am experiencing; it bothers me to even write these things and have bad thoughts about someone I love, but what else can I do? What else can I think?
I have some questions about this.
1-) Are these thoughts of mine, the path my thoughts have taken, are they right? I sometimes feel like I have filled myself with hatred and resentment, but I feel a bitter sense of righteousness because I feel that I have been harmed for months.
2-) My family saw me upset and said “distance yourself from your friend, you have been upset because of her for a while”. My family wants my well-being, it would bother me if they interfered in such things and I would oppose them. But did my girlfriend oppose her own family? Why should I in this situation? What I want to ask is, is this the right attitude I should take? Should I really keep my distance? I had tried in the past but after 2-3 weeks I was heartbroken and tried to communicate again and again.
3-) What are the magical practices that can help me? Would it be right for me to tear a person I love so much from my aura? I have been practicing for a long time to strengthen the frequency of communication with her and to intensify the understanding and love between us, sometimes it doesn't work instantly even after 40-80 days, but in my case, I don't know if it will work or not, I don't know how I will feel even towards her. Even if I do these things with pure desire and faith, it seems like I am rowing in vain. Would it be better for me to overcome and destroy the attachment I feel towards her than to strengthen the frequency of contact?
4-) I believed that I met this person thanks to the Gods, I don't know if I convinced myself or not. Maybe that's why I tried so hard to adopt her and keep her in my life, but is it a mistake? Don't hesitate to be honest, a friend tells the truth even if it's bitter and I need something that will hit me like cold water. The answer could be very different, I'm curious.
5-) I had convinced myself that my girlfriend was a Gentile and that she didn't have any silly spiritual problems, but is it possible that she is maybe Jewish, maybe a Spiritual Vampire? I don't know what it is, even if she knows about it and seems to be against it. When I clear my aura, normally she should get close to me, most people get close to me, but I feel like she is somehow not attracted to me; or maybe she is not attracted to me. I wonder if my aura is pushing her away from me?
6-) Has this relationship really gotten to the point where it's affecting us, and more than us, it's affecting me? Is there any way to save it and does it make sense to try to save it? Or do I need to go back to myself, and if I go back to myself, what can I do to fix my other problems, my health, my career, my psychology, and maybe how do I make the damage of parting ways manageable?
Your analysis, your answers and everything else is very meaningful and important for me.
