Hi Clayface, I hope this message finds you well. I have a number of suggestions and observations to add to what the other members have written that I think you might find useful.
Self-Image
The most obvious thing that jumps out from your posts is that you have a negative self-image. This is true in regards to your appearance, your voice, and your capabilities (i.e. to get a job, to become independent from your mother). It is very likely that this is accompanied by guilt, shame, feelings of being unworthy and very high levels of social anxiety.
Many people in your situation will act like perpetual victims or live in denial. You, on the other hand, have reached out to this forum for assistance and you've taken magical action to better your situation. For this I commend you.
But you need to cut the sub-human shit. I don't know where you picked it up, but I do know that it doesn't serve you. Your habitual thoughts can work for you or against you. If you spend most of your mental energy cursing yourself then
you will be cursed.
Stopping this kind of thought pattern cold turkey is next to impossible, but you can do it with consistent practice over time. Every time you catch yourself thinking that you're sub-human (or a loser, or a lost cause, or whatever self-judgement or negative projection of the future) re-direct your thoughts. Here is a basic strategy for doing so:
First, decide if you are in fact telling yourself the truth. For example if you think "I'm sub-human", recall that this is not at all true. Then follow up the initial thought with a truthful re-frame that puts things in a better light. "Others have been in hard situations like me and made something of themselves. What one man can do, another can do."
Another example, you think "I'm too fat for anyone to ever care for me". You then reflect and find that yes you are currently carrying an unhealthy amount of fat, but that doesn't mean that no one will ever care for you. And then the re-frame - "I'm working on getting healthier, and I'm already better off then I was. Soon I'll be living a healthy lifestyle without even thinking about it, and fitness will be the natural result."
Recognizing the truth is good - if you are obese you are obese, if you have social anxiety you have social anxiety. Don't lie to yourself. But also don't use your situation as an excuse to denigrate yourself, that is foolish and self-destructive.
Techniques to help you control your thoughts and direct them productively include
void meditation,
cognitive behavioral therapy, aura cleansing, aura of protection, and aura strengthening.
You have a choice that will make all of the difference - are you a sub-human
or are you a child of Satan, a god in the making? Choose wisely. Be a hero.
Appearance
First off, your situation is probably not as bad as you think it is in this regard. Weight loss can dramatically improve your looks even if you don't have much to work with. Compare Ethan Suplee (actor) before and after weight loss:
Still not the handsomest man in the world, but I'm sure you can see how much difference this can make.
Now compare Christian Bale at different weights:
You can see that even a handsome man's appearance can shift dramatically when he puts on weight.
This video has a more in-depth breakdown of the situation:
https://youtu.be/0LnGll42GH4
Okay, but what if you're truly
UGLY? You still shouldn't let it limit you.
Danny Devito is a little troll man. Whatever you or anyone else thinks of him, he has millions of fans, a decades long career in film and TV, and a wife and kids. If being ugly was going to stop you from succeeding in any industry you would think it would be that one, but he's confident and puts it on the line and he succeeds. He actually uses his appearance to his advantage -- (Warning: naked Danny Devito)
https://youtu.be/lKjkc5NW2dA?t=59
How about Ricky Berwick? Not my cup of tea, but he has over 3 million Youtube subscribers. Is he getting poon thrown at him 24/7? Of course not. Does that define his life and limit him to basement dwelling misery? Of course not. Attitude counts. Personality counts. Actions count. Whatever your challenges are you get to decide how you meet them.
This is just a couple of examples of ugly men excelling in some area. Look for them in different walks of life and you're bound to find them. Use their successes as examples and fuel for your own success.
Family Relations
Aquarius said:
Clayface said:
I didn't explain enough, when my mom was close I would feel a weight on my shoulders, everything would be fine when my mom was away but when I felt her influence, everything became hard to handle and I would feel a lot of negativity and I would lose focus and I didn't know why
Perceiving her negatively, you become more tense and agitated, that's because your brain associated her with a lot of negativity and pain.
To free yourself from this you need to train void meditation and especially have a clear mind(free from thoughts) when she is around you, this can prove harder at the beginning, but as you relax your mind around her you're gonna feel much better around her.
I'll add to this that it sounds as though there is some (likely) unconscious energy vampirism happening. From the JOS website:
There is another kind of attachment and that is what is called "psychic vampirism." Psychic vampirism occurs when an individual attaches him/herself astrally to another's soul. He/she usually attaches at one or more of the host's chakras [in most cases, the heart], and drains the host's energy. In all close relationships, there is a mutual soul attachment for better or for worse. In the case of a psychic vampire, the relationship is analogous to that of a parasite and a host. A psychic vampire does not even have to be involved in a relationship, as it is natural for his/her soul to feed off of the energies of others.
The host's energy eventually becomes depleted, especially when in close proximity to the psychic vampire. Whether the vampire is physically near to his/her host, or at a distance, once a psychic vampire has attached him/herself to the host, he/she can drain the host.
Psychic vampires can be strangers, but in many cases, a psychic vampire can even be a family member.
In almost all cases of psychic vampirism, there is a weakness on the part of the host person. The parasite/host relationship often satisfies an unfulfilled need for one or both of the individuals involved. The attaching person's energy feeds off this.
For more in-depth information, written from a scholastic and educated point of view, also including the subject of blood drinkers and explaining the vampire legends, this book is highly recommended:
Vampires: The Occult Truth, by Konstantinos, © 2004
See the rest of that page for potential actions steps:
https://satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Detaching.html
Regarding spiritual practices while living with your mother, take a page from the book of medieval Satanists who had to hide their practices from the church. If you are writing things down use codewords. If you want to meditate without detection, make as though you are praying. Find an isolated area to practice in and go there for walks "for health" (bonus, the walking will be healthy). Build an astral temple to work in
https://satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Temple.html. Be creative.
Overcoming Social Anxiety
Going by what you've written, you are suffering from social anxiety and possibly agoraphobia. In my experience the best remedy for this is exposure - go out of your way every day to speak to a stranger.
You can start with just making eye contact and nodding as you pass someone in the street. Maybe go to a store like Walmart and ask someone for help finding an item. Find excuses to interact with others. At first it will be difficult and feel terrible, and you are likely to run into unpleasant encounters (both because of your initially screwy energy and because there are screwed up people in your environment). Push through this, keep at it until the "charge" of the negative reaction has worn off. This will happen if you keep up. In fact, if you keep at it and have the right attitude you can have fun with this and eventually get enjoyment from interacting with others.
Volunteer somewhere. Shop around a bit until you find a volunteer position that appeals to you and then go for it. This will do a number of things for you - give you regular exposure to social interaction, give you experience interacting with a team in a work setting, and give you something to add to your resume. You might also make friends or at least grow a social network that you can tap into for job hunting purposes.
Magically, you can do workings with the following runes to assist - ANSUZ TIWAZ ÜRUZ THURISAZ.
Physical Health - Practical Steps
In terms of your physical health the most important thing to do is get started. You can start with very small changes to your daily routine - a little bit of light exercise, a bit less snacking. Your initial goal should be to develop some very basic habits to improve your health.
First, do something today (or tomorrow, depending on when you're reading this). Don't wait any longer than that. You'll be tempted to make excuses and procrastinate, but that can easily end with you not starting for weeks, months, years, or ever. After that your goal becomes to do something for your health two days in a row, then three, then a full week. Make it into a game - see how many days in a row you can keep it up. If you miss a day (or more), start back at day one the next day and work at beating your record. Keep on it and eventually it will be more natural for you to stick with your routine than to miss it.
What should you do? First, every day you should be active in some way. Without knowing your current capabilities I can't say where to begin. For some people it is standing up and walking ten steps away from their chair and then ten steps back, or lifting their arms above their head ten times. For other people it might be walking around their block. If you're in relatively average shape then you can start with a basic hatha yoga routine (check youtube).
For beginner strength training, consider
Convict Conditioning https://www.amazon.com/Convict-Conditioning-Weakness-Survival-Strength/dp/1942812159 or
Strength and How to Obtain It https://www.evilcyber.com/downloads/Strength and How to Obtain It - Eugen Sandow.pdf. Convict Conditioning is a calisthenics program, meaning that it involves exercises that use your own body weight to build strength. The system begins with very simple exercises that are suitable for almost anyone and progress to highly advanced routines.
Strength and How to Obtain It is an old school strength training treatise that outlines a beginner routine using light dumbbells.
The most important principle for you to understand in relation to this is
progressive overload. Essentially this means gradually increasing your strength capacity over time as your exercise. Although the concept originates with strength training, you will find that it can be applied to develop in many areas of life.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progr...ll stimulate muscle growth and strength gain.
That should give you a good start, both in terms of routines and information, but you'll should continue to study and develop your understanding. There is plenty of information available in books, on youtube and in other social media, just be aware that there are plenty of 'fitness experts' that are out to sell you products rather than educate. Use discernment.
There are two things to be aware of in terms of diet - volume and quality. If you want to loose weight, or maintain a healthy weight range, you will need to eat an appropriate amount of food (calorie-wise) for your level of activity and your basal metabolic rate (the amount of energy your body uses just to maintain itself). It is also important to eat appropriate foods that meet your body's needs in terms of both macronutrients (protein, fat, carbohydrates) and micronutrients (vitamins and minerals).
In terms of volume there are two approaches to this that I know of that have been found to be effective - calorie restriction and time restriction. Calorie restriction involves calculating your caloric needs based on your weight, body composition, and level of activity. Then you keep track of the calories you are taking in through your food and drink, being careful to stay within the appropriate range. Time restriction (more commonly known as intermittent fasting) involves restricting the time interval within which you consume food, typically an eight hour period. This has the advantages of simplicity and of stimulating autophagy, but both methods have their proponents and have been shown to be effective anecdotally and in scientific studies.
Some individuals are able to maintain a healthy weight through "intuitive eating", simply following their body's signals. This is, to my mind, the gold standard. However we live in an environment with abundant food that has been engineered to be 'hyperpalatable', and most people at this point have what amounts to a physiological addition to certain foods because of hormonal imbalances (insulin resistance) caused by poor eating and exercise habits. If you are significantly overweight, it is important to fist level-set your body's hormonal system. You should practice either calorie restriction or time restriction until you have the situation under control, after which you may have success eating intuitively.
In terms of quality of food, the main key is to avoid highly processed and hyperpalatable foods - try to eat traditional foods and dishes rather than factory foods. Watch out for people marketing miracle diets and hocking needless garbage to people following otherwise good diets. Do some research and pay attention to the diets of people and cultures who have demonstrably good (long term!) outcomes.
JOS Sermon
Here is an mp3 compilation of JOS sermons that I think you will find relevant:
Compilation from Joy of Satan Forum- Special for those dealing with depression or suicidal feelings-Living as a Hero HP HC- Repost- SELF CONFIDENCE-Joy and Happiness and Cleaning The Soul HP HC-Protection and Cleaning the Soul
https://www.dropbox.com/s/swt7267zl...oul HP HC-Protection and Cleaning th.mp3?dl=1
Keeping on Track
Last, but not least, a bit about keeping on track.
- Start small and build a solid foundation, then add to it progressively over time.
- Do something as soon as you can. Don't procrastinate.
- Focus on what you can do, not on things that are out of your control.
- Make a game out of this. Track your progress and challenge yourself to keep improving.
- Make yourself a priority. Every time you do something to better your life think of it as a gift to your future self. Love that guy like no one else ever can or will.
- Come back to this thread and give us some updates. Tell us what you've done and how your life is getting better.
Okay, that's what I've got for you. I hope at least some of it is useful to you or anyone else who stumbles on it.
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