Jigsaw_666
New member
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2017
- Messages
- 16
For the first time in my life I feel suicidal.
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.
Joy of Satan, my old friends.
This is the last straw.
I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.
So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.
Help me.
-Jigsaw
I am nothing but a failiure.
I feel like my existence has been cursed to be an endless loop of false hope and misery and suffering.
The only time I have ever truly felt love and happiness, is when I am close to the Gods.
So I feel like it is best to end this pathetic existence and join them in the great beyond.
Perhaps when I am reincarnated, I won't be a failiure like I am right now.
No matter what I do, I just fail at it. I become lazy, and procrastinate all day long. I try to do my best and be above average, but I always end up being just average.
All the ignorant kids at my school are so fucking happy. They have girlfriends. They have friends. People like them. But no one likes me.
Hardly anyone speaks to me anymore.
I am alone, because I am socially awkward and couldn't strike up a simple fucking conversation even if I tried.
I humiliate myself over and over again.
I just fail at everything, and whenever I try to fix something with meditaion or majick I just find some lame excuse not to do it. I have never been happy ever in the past few years of my life. Everything is a cycle of suffering.
And it is all because of those subhuman pieces of shit.
I never asked for any of this.
All I ever wanted was to live a happy life, but oh no! By just living and breathing, I have commited a crime worthy of death. I am nothing more than a slave to them.
I have to suffer, all for nothing.
I am stuck. Stuck in this limbo state where I accomplish nothing. Where everything just repeats. I tell Satan that I will change, that I will make something productive, and then next thing I know I find myself once again laying in bed crying like the loser that I am, begging Satan to help me for the millionth time. And I give nothing in return.
I feel like a xian.
At times I wonder If he has grown tired of my uselessness. If he is mad, or disappointed at me? But it's my fault I can't speak to him. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy piece of shit I would actually have done meditations so that I would achieve clairvoyance by now, but no. I was too lazy to do that. I was always lazy.
I love the fact that I fantasize of becoming a powerful God, but yet I have not even mastered the simplest of meditations even after an entire year of being SS. I am an embarassment to all of you guys. You guys are just so advanced and wise. And here I am, still at base 0. And I cannot help but feel you are all rolling your eyes and facepalming as you read this. And if you are, that's fine with me, because I feel like I deserve to be ridiculed for my weakness.
Joy of Satan, my old friends.
This is the last straw.
I want to be like all of you.
I want to be powerful.
I want to become the best that I possibly can.
I want to be free from this miserable life.
I want to prove myself to the Gods.
I want to feel happy.
I want to feel loved.
I want to break free of this cycle of insanity and torture.
So let me ask you something.
It is two simple words.
Help me.
-Jigsaw