" post_id=464090 time=1695358293 user_id=21286]
Charlotte61903 said:
If you have been victimized in a past life, then it is not surprising that you display such behaviors and feelings now. The paranoia comes from the fear of these events possibly repeating, like unresolved trauma. Through trauma, we can get a newfound depth to life, such as on an emotional basis, but this is not done in a voluntary or pleasurable manner.
So one possibility is that, through your own victimization, you learned how important family really is, which is why you want to do a lot for them, yet you also have lingering fears that it can backfire against you. With these events, you could have felt like you were reliving the invasions to privacy and safety that you possibly felt in a past life, thus you feel large amounts of stress from them.
Normally, we would not expect the people who are supposed to be closest to us to violate us, but this is how you feel in this situation. So, you are trying to come up with ways to resolve your anxiety, and by covering up everything that could get you in trouble, you feel safe. However, home should be where we receive comfort and love, regardless of this, not because we hide things and conform.
As a result of this, you may feel that family comes with a cost of pain, and that have to give something up in order to stay. This devalues yourself and makes the assumption that your position in the family is less solid than others. However, this shouldn't be the case, as it would not be normal for a family to take pleasure in the persecution of their own daughter.
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So, you should take some steps to restore the situation with your family, because there is an unhealthy dynamic here. Yes, it is an uncomfortable truth, but nothing that is unheard of, nor cannot be fixed.
Despite what they may think, it would be a tragedy for them to lose you, just as it would be terrible for you to be kicked out. However, you cannot yield on your Satanic path for anyone, because the loss would be too great.
What I would suggest doing is a working with Berkano and Wunjo that permanently creates/improves feelings of love, safety, and happiness between you and your family. Berkano specifically involves proper emotional and familial boundaries and prevents invasions, so this should be used here, but it can also be used in an AOP. As an AOP, you could use a small amount of Berkano to specifically conceal and prevent any persecution of yourself by your family.
Your affirmation should be something that covers your own internal state, as well as the situation with your family, such that this is resolved. While it may be a stretch to assume they would fully accept Satanism (at least without more work), you can certainly achieve a state where your feel perfectly comfortable, safe, and loved, without fear of danger or threat by your own family.
As the sign of Cancer currently falls during a waning period, you could start this on this upcoming Pisces moon, for example, during the hour of the moon. Looking past that, the October Esbat, with its Moon in Taurus, could also be a decent date for a full Moon Square.