ylenia.aguilera
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- Nov 7, 2009
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Hello to all, I began to apologize for my english, I am trying to learn it alone and it is not easy, for that reason many phrases are translated on-line and i realize that the grammar will be meaningless ...Please, have patience I'm italian moreover -.-"
My name's Ylenia, I'm 20 years old, I come from a christian family even if they are not practicing, I attended a college of sisters and I have to say that I have always felt found out of place even if I knew not yet well why.
I have always been a little girl and subsequently a rebellious young girl, I always hated the male gender but my hate is not sexual but rather refers to the type of role that has the man in society ... I do not know your way of living, but here in Italy in some respects the people still seems to be to the Middle Ages if not worse.
I do not trample on easily and I am not very prone to forgiveness, I believe that in life can be mistaken, but not always can pretend nothing and it is more than just make as much as or even more. The following is my brief philosophy of life.
I have always hated the holy ...I don't know the exact word, mass maybe?,I got bored! I often was forced to leave because the desire to go to sleep was too strong .___." Other times I laughed and the people looked at me shocked, I have also always hated the priests especially when at 12 years old one of them tried a sexual approach with me :'( . From that day hewed bridges with churches and priests of shit!
At the age of 13 I began to be interested in the occult sciences, although I admit that i was always very naive ... I began to make séances without any logical sense, perhaps I just wanted to feel less alone. I having not the right knowledge and I have certainly attracted unwelcome guests.
After a few months I began to grunge to tarots that I started to read with extreme ease (and I don't know why ?__? ) and only then to satanism ...
I spoke of satanism also of my younger sister to me for three years ... the next days, weeks and months were a nightmare for both.
Please do not laugh about what I will tell you as a result because it is really successful and I do not know explain it correctly also because of my "trash"english
During the day I felt observed, I sensed more of a presence around me, the night someone jumped on me, I often kicks especially on the legs or someone sat on my chest not cleave to breathe.
Sometimes many strobe lights appeared from the door and then disappear immediately as soon as I felt.
My sister instead appeared female beings phosphorescent green or sometimes with male appearance and always tried to suppress it, I have never seen with my own eyes, but I do believe.
Of course, my parents knew nothing about this ...
Next years I began to resign myself and pray the christian god, but it was so boriiiiiiiiiiiiingggg ... I was very very very bored and especially distracted ... so I quit losing. Months after I have tried to evoke Beelzebub obviously without visual results, I was simply lying on the bed almost sleeping but not completely.
A buzz annoying into my ears I did wake up at all, I felt a warmth spread especially up my "ass" until my head ... a fantastic feeling lasted only a few seconds, but intense and especially without fear. The fear dominated me when the night I received those visits, instead, now I was alone with a crowned Prince of Hell, and I'm good.
The following days I have tried another time because I wanted to thank him, but i had no answer, the following days even so I quit losing. I cannot disturb an entity that has certainly has to do, but hear me that thank you (ok this phrase has not any sense but I hope you can understand something).
I have read ALL Joy of Satan in italian, even if the meditations I manage still difficult, but I'm trying to improve as I can (at the moment). A couple of days ago I made my dedication to Satan.
I do not know if Satan has considered me, I don't know if He accepted me ... or if he has heard my dedication.
I have made a bath, I have closed in the room, I lit a red candle and I read the prayer, I tried to take away mine with a razor but apart from the skin is not exit even a drop of blood. Then I burned the paper, extinguished the candle and nothing of that.
I fear not to be worthy as I am a girl transsexual. To be honest, I am changing sex from male to female.I am afraid to make vomiting Satan and all his demons. I feel and perceive my inner being as female has always been a little girl I felt female, as a teenager I had to do the accounts of reality and now after a painful transition I am perhaps a complete woman. But inside I am already a woman.
I do not perceive his presence yet all my thoughts turn to Him, when I go out, when I'm at home, when I've fear or when I am sad i think of him every moment ... I only understand if a person like me can be satanist or do I have to be denied even in this aspect of life. I thank you and I apologize again for as I write I will try to improve me, I promise.
Ylenia.
My name's Ylenia, I'm 20 years old, I come from a christian family even if they are not practicing, I attended a college of sisters and I have to say that I have always felt found out of place even if I knew not yet well why.
I have always been a little girl and subsequently a rebellious young girl, I always hated the male gender but my hate is not sexual but rather refers to the type of role that has the man in society ... I do not know your way of living, but here in Italy in some respects the people still seems to be to the Middle Ages if not worse.
I do not trample on easily and I am not very prone to forgiveness, I believe that in life can be mistaken, but not always can pretend nothing and it is more than just make as much as or even more. The following is my brief philosophy of life.
I have always hated the holy ...I don't know the exact word, mass maybe?,I got bored! I often was forced to leave because the desire to go to sleep was too strong .___." Other times I laughed and the people looked at me shocked, I have also always hated the priests especially when at 12 years old one of them tried a sexual approach with me :'( . From that day hewed bridges with churches and priests of shit!
At the age of 13 I began to be interested in the occult sciences, although I admit that i was always very naive ... I began to make séances without any logical sense, perhaps I just wanted to feel less alone. I having not the right knowledge and I have certainly attracted unwelcome guests.
After a few months I began to grunge to tarots that I started to read with extreme ease (and I don't know why ?__? ) and only then to satanism ...
I spoke of satanism also of my younger sister to me for three years ... the next days, weeks and months were a nightmare for both.
Please do not laugh about what I will tell you as a result because it is really successful and I do not know explain it correctly also because of my "trash"english
During the day I felt observed, I sensed more of a presence around me, the night someone jumped on me, I often kicks especially on the legs or someone sat on my chest not cleave to breathe.
Sometimes many strobe lights appeared from the door and then disappear immediately as soon as I felt.
My sister instead appeared female beings phosphorescent green or sometimes with male appearance and always tried to suppress it, I have never seen with my own eyes, but I do believe.
Of course, my parents knew nothing about this ...
Next years I began to resign myself and pray the christian god, but it was so boriiiiiiiiiiiiingggg ... I was very very very bored and especially distracted ... so I quit losing. Months after I have tried to evoke Beelzebub obviously without visual results, I was simply lying on the bed almost sleeping but not completely.
A buzz annoying into my ears I did wake up at all, I felt a warmth spread especially up my "ass" until my head ... a fantastic feeling lasted only a few seconds, but intense and especially without fear. The fear dominated me when the night I received those visits, instead, now I was alone with a crowned Prince of Hell, and I'm good.
The following days I have tried another time because I wanted to thank him, but i had no answer, the following days even so I quit losing. I cannot disturb an entity that has certainly has to do, but hear me that thank you (ok this phrase has not any sense but I hope you can understand something).
I have read ALL Joy of Satan in italian, even if the meditations I manage still difficult, but I'm trying to improve as I can (at the moment). A couple of days ago I made my dedication to Satan.
I do not know if Satan has considered me, I don't know if He accepted me ... or if he has heard my dedication.
I have made a bath, I have closed in the room, I lit a red candle and I read the prayer, I tried to take away mine with a razor but apart from the skin is not exit even a drop of blood. Then I burned the paper, extinguished the candle and nothing of that.
I fear not to be worthy as I am a girl transsexual. To be honest, I am changing sex from male to female.I am afraid to make vomiting Satan and all his demons. I feel and perceive my inner being as female has always been a little girl I felt female, as a teenager I had to do the accounts of reality and now after a painful transition I am perhaps a complete woman. But inside I am already a woman.
I do not perceive his presence yet all my thoughts turn to Him, when I go out, when I'm at home, when I've fear or when I am sad i think of him every moment ... I only understand if a person like me can be satanist or do I have to be denied even in this aspect of life. I thank you and I apologize again for as I write I will try to improve me, I promise.
Ylenia.
