I love doing negative thoughts !!!

[Yagami Light]

After countless attempts for more than 10 years to get rid of them, I decided to make a post about it. :mrgreen:

I have talked about it with people I know personally - one of them said I may be more familiar with negative thoughts/experiences because of past lives. Another person said I should visit a psychiatrist (okay, I don't have money for that, and I'd rather be able to solve it on my own).

My negative thoughts are NOT about me... I am basically quite creative (I love coming up with scripts, scenarios, imaginary characters and so forth). I am also quite alone (quite literally lol), rather friendless, so this may explain why I am thinking of some of these stories BUT... it goes beyond that.

What I basically do is, I start thinking... and I've come up with these imaginary characters since I was 12 years old or so. These are all male characters, and there's always a gay couple in there - but I believe this doesn't matter. (this may have to do with some fetish of mine lol, and also with the fact that I've not experienced many things as a woman, so I'm more comfortable thinking of guys instead)

What DOES matter is that these stories ALWAYSSSSSSSS end up being SO fucking tragic that make me feel dead, and I don't want to meditate, I don't want to try doing anything in life... so I stop making these thoughts - I finally decide to STOP, and just do positive thoughts, or better yet, no thoughts (daydreaming) at all, and just ACT on what I want to achieve... and I can NEVER stop these thoughts for more than a week.

I've done munka and working with other runes to get rid of blockages, thoughtforms and whatever the fuck these thoughts could be...
In my aura of protection I include "negative thoughts" (that may be coming from others) in case these thoughts were of the enemy (I know they aren't though).
I've been doing void meditation and this STILL does not help... Sometimes I just want to fantasize of these characters - and although the fantasies always start off good, they ALWAYS end up extremely bad.

The main character (whom I've been thinking since I was 12) has the most tragic and disturbing back story. It's depressing and nauseating even thinking about it. (and his backstory had always been the same)

My question is, can this be solved without a psychiatrist's help? What the heck is my problem? Why am I doing this to myself?

I am thinking of any solutions, and I end up in a deadlock. Even if, for example, I were to start working out (yes I know it's unhealthy to be physically idle) and I got these endorphins having a party in my brain, when I am alone and have free time, I WOULD STILL start thinking of these things!!!! (I had actually tried it in the past, and my circumstances were actually a lot better back then... and I still did these negative fantasies)

Also "making friends" is not as easy as it sounds (taking into consideration the kind of people that exist around here), and I'm not that troubled about that... I am troubled with the fact that my thoughts always end up being extremely tragic and depressing.

 

[Eric13]

Well, from observing, most genuine creativity, especially when it comes to story telling and character creating, is all just a manifestation of our own inner self, life and personality. For instance, if a person writes a book that has 10 characters. Even though, it may appear those characters are different, they are all essentially versions of the author who wrote them. They all came from their mind and subjective view of people and personalities, ect. We are what we do. Everything we do, we are putting ourselves into. We’re putting our own finger print on everything. Even things as simple as folding our clothes or cleaning our cars. Everything you do, you do it your way.

So, if your characters are having all these bad back stories are they dramatizations of your own back story? Is this your way of expressing pain from you own upbringing? If so, that’s fine. It’s not the back story that matters, it’s what does the character develops into? Someone of significance? Someone better that who they began as? This, to me, would be more revealing than any back story.

When I was young, I would drift into fantasy as well and make characters. They, as well always had tragic back stories. But my upbringing was very disturbing so this makes sense in retrospect. However, I noticed all these characters always went on to achieve great things and surpass the expectations their upbringing would imply. I’ve had a lot of personal struggles, but I’ve always and still work hard to develop myself.

With these negative thoughts, you have to make an active attempt at training yourself to think more positively. And depending on your Astro makeup this may or may not be hard. Most fixed signs, especially when mercury is an fixed sign, can struggle with changing thought patterns. Nonetheless, you can definitely change them. I know from experience. And I’m very stubborn. There are runes that can be used. But more than anything awareness and consciously making attempts to think more positive is necessary. When you catch yourself being negative, take note of it, acknowledge it isn’t healthy and then reinforce a more positive perspective on the situation. Over time, the negativity will switch. This is how the mind works. It uses patterns. This can ruin us or be our best asset when we instill patterns that are good for us.

 

[Blackdragon666]

After countless attempts for more than 10 years to get rid of them, I decided to make a post about it. :mrgreen:

I have talked about it with people I know personally - one of them said I may be more familiar with negative thoughts/experiences because of past lives. Another person said I should visit a psychiatrist (okay, I don't have money for that, and I'd rather be able to solve it on my own).

My negative thoughts are NOT about me... I am basically quite creative (I love coming up with scripts, scenarios, imaginary characters and so forth). I am also quite alone (quite literally lol), rather friendless, so this may explain why I am thinking of some of these stories BUT... it goes beyond that.

What I basically do is, I start thinking... and I've come up with these imaginary characters since I was 12 years old or so. These are all male characters, and there's always a gay couple in there - but I believe this doesn't matter. (this may have to do with some fetish of mine lol, and also with the fact that I've not experienced many things as a woman, so I'm more comfortable thinking of guys instead)

What DOES matter is that these stories ALWAYSSSSSSSS end up being SO fucking tragic that make me feel dead, and I don't want to meditate, I don't want to try doing anything in life... so I stop making these thoughts - I finally decide to STOP, and just do positive thoughts, or better yet, no thoughts (daydreaming) at all, and just ACT on what I want to achieve... and I can NEVER stop these thoughts for more than a week.

I've done munka and working with other runes to get rid of blockages, thoughtforms and whatever the fuck these thoughts could be...
In my aura of protection I include "negative thoughts" (that may be coming from others) in case these thoughts were of the enemy (I know they aren't though).
I've been doing void meditation and this STILL does not help... Sometimes I just want to fantasize of these characters - and although the fantasies always start off good, they ALWAYS end up extremely bad.

The main character (whom I've been thinking since I was 12) has the most tragic and disturbing back story. It's depressing and nauseating even thinking about it. (and his backstory had always been the same)

My question is, can this be solved without a psychiatrist's help? What the heck is my problem? Why am I doing this to myself?

I am thinking of any solutions, and I end up in a deadlock. Even if, for example, I were to start working out (yes I know it's unhealthy to be physically idle) and I got these endorphins having a party in my brain, when I am alone and have free time, I WOULD STILL start thinking of these things!!!! (I had actually tried it in the past, and my circumstances were actually a lot better back then... and I still did these negative fantasies)

Also "making friends" is not as easy as it sounds (taking into consideration the kind of people that exist around here), and I'm not that troubled about that... I am troubled with the fact that my thoughts always end up being extremely tragic and depressing.

Do you have a retrograde Mercury or any hard aspect between Saturn and Neptune? Anyway, you need to enter a mild or deep trance and program your subconscious to end the negative thoughts. Try this daily for a couple of weeks and see if it works. Use 9 or a multiple of 9 for the reps (endings).

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

...

It depends: Are you actually depressed, or do you merely like exploring depressing topics? Like BlackDragon mentions, you should look at your astrology. Possibly something with Saturn or Pluto, such as an aspect or house placement, can make you think these things.

Sometimes lots of air can make one think of lots of "what-if" scenarios. This has been the case for me, and only requires more void control and so forth since it just comes from overactive thinking and exploring of all possible circumstances. The difference between this and what you experience, however, is that I take things lightly and don't feel sad about them.

Doing the Munka should work well in its own way, so this is a step forward. Like BlackDragon mentioned, doing self-hypnosis is another way, and will basically substitute for the therapy. You could also pair this with Eihwaz for changing your thinking patterns. Other runes could support this as well, perhaps Wunjo or Sowilo, but I would have to think more as to not overcomplicate this.

My main concern is more that you are making yourself feel so bad. Since this is coming up so much, I would attempt an additional, constructive working that allows your mind to work always in your favor. I am unsure if completely blocking out negative thoughts is the way forward, rather I envision something about transmuting yourself so you don't feel compelled to think these things, nor get so dragged down by them.

If you have already done work to remove any negatives or obstacles, then it is time to go the opposite route and add in positive aspects to yourself to balance this out. This full moon, on the 20th, is in Pisces and would work well for this sort of psychic transformation.

 

[MercuryWisdom]

Why don't you try being a writer? Instead of suppressing your thoughts and trying to remove them (which makes them worse)

Try to express them in a healthy way. Start writing these stories. Maybe even try to publish them online with other people if you feel comfortable.

There is a huge niche for sad and depressing stories. But also include that this is a tragic story as a disclaimer.

Maybe try to do it with some Yaoi (gay) anime character fanart. There is a huge market for Yaoi stories too.

Anyways I don't think these are just some negative thoughts. You seem to create stories not just negative thoughts. This should be expressed in a healthy way. Even if you just write it in a piece of paper or a word document and never share it. Suppressing it will only make it more extreme and destructive.

This is just my opinion on the matter.

Best of luck!!

 

[Dahaarkan]

How is this a problem?...

Why not make something cool out of those thoughts.

I personally do something similar, although I am actively writing a fantasy book on the side that integrates characters I come up with. Why don't you do the same?

Write about these characters and scenarios in your head. Add to them perhaps a more positive tone, or don't write and draw these scenarios on a canvas, or perhaps make music inspired by this?

Don't limit yourself. I have created some very grim storylines around tragedy, loss and cosmic horror, that also spin into positive and uplifting themes, or the reverse. It's all in good fun. Trying to remove this creative component of your soul seems foolish but you do you.

 

[Yagami Light]

Thank you everyone for the responses, I appreciate it.

So, if your characters are having all these bad back stories are they dramatizations of your own back story? Is this your way of expressing pain from you own upbringing? If so, that’s fine. It’s not the back story that matters, it’s what does the character develops into? Someone of significance? Someone better that who they began as? This, to me, would be more revealing than any back story.

I have no doubt that my characters are affected by my personality and things from my past (this, and other lifetimes). However my characters never truly "evolve"... And what I focus the most in is the tragic backstory of the main character (either him bringing up memories of his past, or I'm thinking of him experiencing these bad experiences for the first time) and then I focus on outsiders who will see through his pain etc but will not be able to help him (or will not WANT to help him), or who will do veeeeery little to help him (but they will do it out of genuinely good will) but he will be ecstatic about it, as if they've saved him (but he will still keep experiencing the bad things).

From a psychological point of view I can understand how some of the things I'm thinking about are influenced by my own experiences/emotions/thoughts... But this still doesn't help those damn thoughts in going away.

A friend of mine suggested going to the psychiatrist, in case something is messed up with my hormones.. I was doing some research on this and it said that cortisol is the hormone responsible for our fight or flight reaction, and it is activated in stressful situations - and that it can actually increase our negative thinking.
I don't know if the last part is true, but I wonder if it's possible for me to somehow feel positive when a lot of cortisol is activated in my brain?

When I am thinking of these negative thoughts (and even the MERE thought of doing negative thoughts) makes me feel excited. It makes me feel the same way I feel when I buy a new item that I desire. It makes me feel... happy? It makes me feel enthusiasm. And then, after I do the bad thoughts, I feel horrible. Initially I feel good, but afterwards I feel horrible.

I wonder if it's possible that my hormones have "changed" (or something is wrong with my brain) because of some bad things I experienced as a child (very bad health issues in the family, infighting, bullying at school etc).

Do you have a retrograde Mercury or any hard aspect between Saturn and Neptune? Anyway, you need to enter a mild or deep trance and program your subconscious to end the negative thoughts. Try this daily for a couple of weeks and see if it works. Use 9 or a multiple of 9 for the reps (endings).

No, no retrograde Mercury. Since I'm no astrology expert, I'd bought HP HoodedCobra's astrological services and the only thing in regards to my mind is the constant thinking and a constant chit-chat in my brain, which is definitely true... He did mention negative thoughts and a lot of thoughtfulness... oh dear, I am re-reading my analysis, and he does indeed mention self-hypnosis as well. :? :? :? (to stop the negative thoughts)

However, I need to confess... I am quite... how to say this... doubtful? about myself with self-hypnosis. I have difficulty going into a deep trance (I may be able to do it once or twice, but not on a daily basis as I'd need to for self-hypnosis). Would a mild trance really do the trick? I'm afraid of wasting my time, but surely it won't hurt to try!!
Thank you for suggesting it (and getting me to re-read my astrological analysis by our HP).

...

I am actually open to any suggestions, thank you for your response.
I am not depressed, surely not. But as I said to Eric13 above, doing negative thoughts makes me feel enthusiastic and excited, so I kind of wonder if the problem has to do with hormones somehow. Not sure if self-hypnosis would help, but I can try.
Now, I'm wondering if SaTaNaMa could help in this... (with an appropriate affirmation)

A working to make myself happy, eh? How weird, I don't think I've ever done that. I've done so many workings to remove obstacles etc etc etc, and for healing and such. Not for being happy though. I don't think there are any runes for that. By the way Wunjo is my favorite rune ("your efforts are rewarded"). But still, these runes are for self-confidence and banishing depression - but I am not depressed... :? :? :?

I am really open to any working you can suggest me though; I just want to get out of this loophole.

Why don't you try being a writer?

Thank you for the suggestion!
I've actually written yaoi before. :lol: :lol:
It's just that, these specific thoughts make me feel so bad, I don't want to write them down. I do have created other gay characters, for whom I've written stories though.
These characters of course do have a sad background story (or some difficult circumstances), but the negative thoughts I'm doing are far more different from that - and they literally suck my inspiration away.
Thank you very much for the suggestion though, I appreciate it.

Why not make something cool out of those thoughts.

I know that intense negative emotions are behind of some of the best art out there (either musically or painting, films, photography and so forth), however these thoughts are very different.
And to be honest with you, once in the past I did try to express my sadness in a song (a guitar track). I really like the track I made, but whenever I listen to it I FEEL LIKE SHIT! It really makes me feel SO depressed! And it had the same effect to another person I had let them to listen to it as well. And I hate that. I don't like to make others feel that way.

Of course, you did say to add a positive note to the stories as well, but I don't feel that these stories, these thoughts I have are to be shared. They are extremely disturbing and it's like... these fucked up movies or songs that just make you feel sad for the sake of feeling sad and nothing else. Those fucked up things that don't have a positive message in the end (or any message for that matter), and they just exist to make you feel... bad.

I'd rather create things that inspire others and make them feel powerful. And I don't feel like these stories have a place in my creativity. Thank you very much for the suggestion though.

And again, thank you everyone for the suggestions and your further questions about it. It really does help me to discuss it with others as I'm trying to find a solution to this. I do hope to be able to heal myself for whatever this is, either through a working, self-hypnosis or anything, and to not need to go to a psychiatrist and take pills... If there are issues with my hormones, I wonder how far our healing methods can go. I wonder how much I can do about myself through meditation and magick. And thank you again, I truly appreciate it.

 

[Blackdragon666]

...

I think you'll be good with self-hypnosis. Creativity is great especially when it isn't focused on one dimension, especially one involving tragic stories. When you deal with the issue you can try creating stories with better themes and maybe even share them on the forums someday.

 

[Yagami Light]

Almost a month later I come with an update.
It's now been 25 days since I started self-hypnosis to get rid of the negative thoughts and fantasies.

On the 4th day I was still doing these fantasies, but they were not negative AT ALL! I was also enthusiastic to draw and write, and do other things.

On the 5th day I saw two very disturbing dreams. In one of them I accidentally killed the neighbor's dog. In the other, I was a teacher and my students (ages around 15-16) had done something stupid, so I had them punished (to stay after school, or something like that). One of my students kept asking me about one of his classmates (if I had any news from him) but I couldn't even remember his classmate. I kept telling my student to stop asking and I was talking to him as if we were friends.
We later learn that that student (whom I couldn't remember) died.
We were then walking in some kind of a parade, or perhaps his funeral? I was walking next to my student and holding his hand, and he saw a delusion of his classmate's spirit.

His classmate looked very outgoing and happy. My student looked grim, he had black circles and his hair was wavy shoulder-length. (the reason I mention this is because, for all my life, I felt very attracted (NOT sexually, but just attracted) to men with black circles under their eyes and wavy shoulder-length hair. I felt like they had a painful past and I felt attracted to them, but not sexually. I just wanted to hang out with them, to be with them. I stopped being attracted to them some years after I started meditating)

I felt like my student was a depressing child, and his classmate who died was like a sun in his life. And that sun was now lost. And I felt like I betrayed my (alive) classmate. I felt INCREDIBLE bad.

On the 7th day and for the following 3-4 days I would out of the blue remember embarrassing moments from my childhood.

On the 9th day onward I noticed that my mind was... constantly chatty. Without me wanting to. And as my mind kept thinking of things (not fantasies, but irrelevant things), the thoughts always ended up being negative. But I was NOT focusing on the negative thoughts, like I did in the past. I just let them go.

On the 15th day onward I noticed that I *do* feel an excitement with negative thoughts... More specifically, I had read something in a comic about a child having been abandoned by his parents and I felt... excited... with the thought of doing negative thoughts like this.. But I did NOT want to do them, so I didn't. But I did feel excited with this script, and I understand this is fucked up.

On the 19th day my sister suggested to me that I may have manic depression. I was incredibly sad when she suggested for two reasons.
My first thought was: Ten years of meditation and I have manic depression?? Really? Is nothing working with me right? Why was I even born so problematic? Why do I even exist?
My second thought was: So, my sister supports that me being enthusiastic about things is an effect of... manic depression. So, my happy moments are an effect of a disorder.

Anyway, I read the symptoms of manic depression and, other than the negative thoughts (WHICH make me feel HORRIBLE and make me think negatively about everything!), nothing else fits... But I was very sad with what she said.

After that day, I haven't stopped doing negative thoughts.

I do NOT feel the same excitement (about doing negative thoughts) as I did before. But I do feel a little bit of excitement.
I do NOT think of incredible bad thoughts like I did before - but they ARE still bad.
I DO feel shit after doing them, as shit as I did before starting the self-hypnosis.

Now I wonder if I should stop it.
Now I wonder what I should do.

The negative thoughts that USED to excite me were: a child being alone, poor, terribly abused, and then receiving TINY help from others (and I cry my eyes out, and feel like shit for the following 2-3 days) - or not being able to receive help from others (while some do TRY to help, they may be too afraid, too embarrassed to do much), so the child always remains alone, or with the tiny help he had received to give him hope for a better future.

The negative thoughts that NOW excite me are: a grown-up person (but who is very quiet and easily manipulative) being mistreated by his boss, or strangers on the street. Or having had a bad childhood that still haunts him in some way.

I want to note that if I hear/read on the news about incidents like that, I feel both RAGE and DEPRESSED. I don't get excited AT ALL with knowing real-life events like these happening. The abuse of a child is an unforgiving thing that makes me incredibly sad.

Am I just fucked up? After so many years of meditation, am I still at step zero? Do I just need to go to a psychiatrist/psychologist? I get freaked out with the thought of opening up to a stranger. I feel like they'll judge me, but I understand it's their job. I just get freaked out. I feel like I should know better. I should know by now. I should be able to help myself.

I feel like I'm being obnoxious just writing about my problems here. Is there any hope for me?

I also want to say something more... When I make these negative thoughts that make me feel horrible, I had many times thought of just.. you know, "ending it" here. I'm not talking about the thoughts, but about my life. But I would NEVER do that, because I know how stupid it'd be. Because I would ruin my family's life. Because I would just reincarnate, and nothing would get solved. I understand how stupid it is, but I feel hopeless. I feel like I should have been able to do better by now. I should have been able to be at a better place by now. I should have been able to grow up by now. I should have been able to have some good friends by now. I should have been able, I should have, I should have...

I will never commit suicide, because of all the logical reasons why it won't solve anything. But I do feel helpless and useless because BY NOW I should have been able to overcome so many things.
I've talked to Satan, my Guardian and the Gods about this. I don't know how in the world they could even help me. The thought of needing to talk to a psychologist freaks me out. I know they can't take into account any spiritual experiences we have, or past lives etc.
But what if I'm just mentally problematic? What if it really is manic depression? What if I'm just problematic? What if I need pills? What if this road isn't for me? I don't want to believe that, I've had so many beautiful experiences in the past, and I feel like I've grown in many ways.

Not entirely, apparently. I don't know what to do.

Something important: Some years ago (on 2018), I had done munka to get rid of "regrets, guilt and any feeling of embarrassment that exist in my soul, my aura and chakras". On the night of the 23rd day (out of 40), I woke up with an intense dizziness and as I opened my eyes I realized that I had... convulsions. My body was moving like crazy. I wondered what the hell was going on. The convulsions stopped very soon. I didn't feel any fear, or any "comfort" or anything. After they stopped, I fell asleep again, right away, as if nothing had happened.

It was the first and last time something like that had happened to me. An SS I knew back then suggested that perhaps a spiritual blockage was released in a physical way. I don't know.

The ONLY thing that was happening back then was that I was doing the munka meditation. I wasn't doing anything else "weird" or overdoing anything, physically or spiritually. (just the usual, protection and RTRs)

I did not feel any difference after that day (in regards to munka, or to me feeling better or more relaxed). I also didn't have many dreams (as I tended to do while doing munka for something I needed to get rid of).

Is it possible that some kind of a regret/guilt is creating these thoughts? That I subconsciously try to reenact a certain situation, or some conditions that had happened in the past?
If this is the case, HOW THE HELL DO I GET RID OF THIS?????????????????????????????

 

[< 0 >]

The negative thoughts that USED to excite me were: a child being alone, poor, terribly abused, and then receiving TINY help from others (and I cry my eyes out, and feel like shit for the following 2-3 days) - or not being able to receive help from others (while some do TRY to help, they may be too afraid, too embarrassed to do much), so the child always remains alone, or with the tiny help he had received to give him hope for a better future.

The negative thoughts that NOW excite me are: a grown-up person (but who is very quiet and easily manipulative) being mistreated by his boss, or strangers on the street. Or having had a bad childhood that still haunts him in some way.
I feel like I should know better. I should know by now. I should be able to help myself.

I feel like I'm being obnoxious just writing about my problems here. Is there any hope for me?

Do you still make stories, like ina diary? Not just snippets but hanging onto one of the negative thoughts of a fantasy character, then delving into a world around them. Alot of super heros have tragic beginnings, same with real life heros. Introduce subtle interactions with the gods to your negative thought characters that guide them into a healthier way of living. Like other sisters/brothers here have said already, indugle your creative thinking. Take control of your thought process by adding in guidance like how the gods do for us.

I also want to say something more... When I make these negative thoughts that make me feel horrible, I had many times thought of just.. you know, "ending it" here. I'm not talking about the thoughts, but about my life. But I would NEVER do that, because I know how stupid it'd be. Because I would ruin my family's life. Because I would just reincarnate, and nothing would get solved. I understand how stupid it is, but I feel hopeless. I feel like I should have been able to do better by now. I should have been able to be at a better place by now. I should have been able to grow up by now. I should have been able to have some good friends by now. I should have been able, I should have, I should have...

It seems to me your very hard on yourself with all the "should" talk. Attempt making a conscious effort of changing "should" to "I am now" when ever your thoughts run astray about past/current effort. Even when in beta brainwaves just going about daily life, consistent self talk has a big affect on overall thought process and can potentially cancel out any deep trance affirmations.

Is it possible that some kind of a regret/guilt is creating these thoughts? That I subconsciously try to reenact a certain situation, or some conditions that had happened in the past?
If this is the case, HOW THE HELL DO I GET RID OF THIS?????????????????????????????

It's possible what your going through is past life trauma surfacing from successfully cleaning your soul. I'd attempt another self hypnosis working for 40 days, observe the results(log them in a book/computer file) for a couple weeks and go at it again with another working. I'm not skilled with the planetary squares but maybe if you email someone like blitzkreig or lydia about a square to help counter balance the detriment cobra made aware in your chart could help.

GL, keep fighting the good fight.

 

[Yagami Light]

Thank you very much for your answer.

It seems to me your very hard on yourself with all the "should" talk. Attempt making a conscious effort of changing "should" to "I am now" when ever your thoughts run astray about past/current effort. Even when in beta brainwaves just going about daily life, consistent self talk has a big affect on overall thought process and can potentially cancel out any deep trance affirmations.

This is definitely something I need to do.

And yes, I will most likely do another self-hypnosis (when the 40 days are over) if I see the problem persisting, and most likely another munka in regards to regrets.
I am happy that I even had two horrible dreams, that were most likely past life residues (so there is no questioning as to the fact that what I'm doing is working).

Today I'm starting anew again. Keeping myself busy as well, as to not let the fantasies get a hold of me. Funny thing, I had actually put the Gods' guidance in these fantasies in the past (I had imagined the characters found the Gods and started meditating etc), but at some point the fantasies go again back to the beginning (the horrible childhood of the protagonist, traumas, weaknesses etc). It's like these thoughts keep restarting.

Thank you though, I have a much clearer head right now, and I really like the idea of changing my "should" to "I am now". This is something I need to do and I will implement it into my life. Thank you. :mrgreen:

 

[Immortal]

After countless attempts for more than 10 years to get rid of them, I decided to make a post about it. :mrgreen:

I have talked about it with people I know personally - one of them said I may be more familiar with negative thoughts/experiences because of past lives. Another person said I should visit a psychiatrist (okay, I don't have money for that, and I'd rather be able to solve it on my own).

My negative thoughts are NOT about me... I am basically quite creative (I love coming up with scripts, scenarios, imaginary characters and so forth). I am also quite alone (quite literally lol), rather friendless, so this may explain why I am thinking of some of these stories BUT... it goes beyond that.

What I basically do is, I start thinking... and I've come up with these imaginary characters since I was 12 years old or so. These are all male characters, and there's always a gay couple in there - but I believe this doesn't matter. (this may have to do with some fetish of mine lol, and also with the fact that I've not experienced many things as a woman, so I'm more comfortable thinking of guys instead)

What DOES matter is that these stories ALWAYSSSSSSSS end up being SO fucking tragic that make me feel dead, and I don't want to meditate, I don't want to try doing anything in life... so I stop making these thoughts - I finally decide to STOP, and just do positive thoughts, or better yet, no thoughts (daydreaming) at all, and just ACT on what I want to achieve... and I can NEVER stop these thoughts for more than a week.

I've done munka and working with other runes to get rid of blockages, thoughtforms and whatever the fuck these thoughts could be...
In my aura of protection I include "negative thoughts" (that may be coming from others) in case these thoughts were of the enemy (I know they aren't though).
I've been doing void meditation and this STILL does not help... Sometimes I just want to fantasize of these characters - and although the fantasies always start off good, they ALWAYS end up extremely bad.

The main character (whom I've been thinking since I was 12) has the most tragic and disturbing back story. It's depressing and nauseating even thinking about it. (and his backstory had always been the same)

My question is, can this be solved without a psychiatrist's help? What the heck is my problem? Why am I doing this to myself?

I am thinking of any solutions, and I end up in a deadlock. Even if, for example, I were to start working out (yes I know it's unhealthy to be physically idle) and I got these endorphins having a party in my brain, when I am alone and have free time, I WOULD STILL start thinking of these things!!!! (I had actually tried it in the past, and my circumstances were actually a lot better back then... and I still did these negative fantasies)

Also "making friends" is not as easy as it sounds (taking into consideration the kind of people that exist around here), and I'm not that troubled about that... I am troubled with the fact that my thoughts always end up being extremely tragic and depressing.

Might as well give my feedback even though is a few months old, but it pales when comparing to the 10 years :lol:

So, first regarding the psychiatrist, I would try this only if I had severe symptoms involving pain in need of medication, but I don't see this being the case

Second, if you are talking about a psychologist, after a few sessions with one(I went there in regards to a career change issue), I came to realize the chances to actually solving anything are almost zero to none. Why do I say this? First, because the session was 50 mins long and you had to keep an eye on the clock. I was once above the specified limit and I got interrupted coldly saying my time was up and I was like but,but...my problems you know :?:

Then, that person doesn't really know you so let's say you say to her like I dreamt I was wearing a black sweater and it goes oh you are depressed, but hey maybe I really love being dressed in black. So, they actually have no way of matching what you say to what it means to you. I reckon it takes about 10 sessions just to know you at a basic level. Also, as you know it costs alot and you probably schedule a session once per week, so in between you have like 7 days where your mood changes like dozen times and by your next appointment you don't even remember how you felt then and yet somehow they expect you to pick up where you left. Or worse, you expect this and they just approach another topic. For me, it was so frustrating I gave up.

I think those sessions are suited to people who lack even the most simple reflexive thoughts. A person like you on the other hand seems like to belong to the other side of the universe. I think you're better off talking to a friend about this, but alas people who understand all these topics you mention are scarce today.

Ok, now moving on to the negative thoughts. This in itself is not an issue, we are bound to have thoughts from all the spectrum I guess :lol: What matters is their impact on you.

Now, if the impact is negative(lol), I guess you should worry. It could go all the way to past lives, birth, childhood. A possibility it would be to have an attached entity and these to not really be yours. I know it sounds far-fetched, but it might be. If you were having them from birth let's say, but only acknowledged them as a teenager let's say you couldn't even tell the difference since they were always there. I don't think it is, but it should be mentioned. The reason I do is because you must act as a detective, leave no stone unturned. And if what you find as evidence doesn't make sense, or you can't actually believe it, just remember this quote "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"

You say however it makes you also happy. This appears to be a contradiction and yet is not. Let me give you a personal example. I love reading reddit relationship advice thread, it has lots of problems people experience in their life with their partners. Now, I understand this makes me happy for two reasons: seeing how miserable are other people, makes me feel good and appreciat more of what I have and also I realize I might help many of them just by talking to them, but you know I'm no therapist so there is that.

To me, one of the underlining issues here seems to be loneliness. And you can even feel lonely among family and relatives if they are not on the same level as you are. Another one seems to be lack of action. You are so lost in thought, reflecting on your do's and don'ts that you are missing the action part. I don't know what exactly would mean in your case though.

What is peculiar to me is that you feel happy when indulging in these negative thoughts, but feel unhappy afterwards. This is similar to what one would experience after a sexual experience, but a somewhat lacking one. Let me give you an example. Let's say you are denied the physical aspect of the sexual encounter, but your body yearns for it. So you go watch porn. But since you have no physical partner you must overcompensate with visual images. So you go watch alot of it(and it doesn't seem to be enough) and also indulge into weird/fetish scenes which you would not normally not do in physical life. And after the craving goes, you are left ashamed. But this was in reality only your sexual energy trying to express itself and since it found no other venues except that small pipe it had to use alot if it. In reality there is no sin, there is no shame to be experienced, just understand the process and try to find in the future physical ways to express it lol. What the xians do when this happens they put it all on sin and try to forget it and put the blame on other beings/reality etc. Your gay characters also seem to suggest you are lacking in this area of life. Please do not take this as condescent or judgemental cause it really is not.

So, if this is the case(even partially) there is no wonder meditation can't help. Meditation is a tool of the mind to give you let's say an external & detached view of yourself. But it is never meant to replace action. Also please note that action means thoughts in motion, while yours seem to be rather static(the character's story doesn't evolve etc).

Also, my opinion is that you should go towards the problem and not away from it. If it brings you happiness have a go at it. It means something positive in itself. Go find out what it is. Also, if it brings you pain, try and mentally focus on the issue, not away from the issue. If these thoughts are persistent, it means there are unresolved issues hidden beneath. Unless they are solved, your forgetting techniques will only go so far. Worse, you may start to experience other symptoms related to this and can't even tell since you did such a good job of convincing yourself to let go.

What it really makes them go away, is find the reason why, understand, clean and destroy this let's say blackhole of negative thinking and build something healthy in its place. But do not build a nice white house on top of a cemetery filled with corpses, if you know what I mean. If you don't, go watch a good horror movie :lol:

For what is worth, I don't think you are depressed. It's hard for a Satanist to be. We are happy on the inside by default it's just the outside world trying to teach us there is nothing out there but doom and gloom. Normies don't get this and they can sense our happiness and they do their best to ruin our internal serene mood. And afterwards we feel our mojo is fuked up and wonder what happened and "think" we must be depressed or they tell us we are. But it really is their weak minds projecting their pain on us. I've experienced this many times with coworkers and family. Also most jobs are without any spiritual/magic parts left so this also adds to feelings of despair/loneliness etc. This is because the end result has been switched from the greater good to the greater greed.

Cheers :mrgreen:

 

[Yagami Light]

...

Hey!
I know you've posted that answer for a long time now (months!) and although I started responding to it, my response kept changing, my mood kept changing, so I left it at that. :?

Regardless, I wanted to thank you very much for your response, and indeed some things that you said were right on point.

I did self-hypnosis for these thoughts. I also thought of doing a working for a specific purpose but it didn't help with the thoughts after all. It doesn't matter.

I try to avoid them with willpower now. :lol:

The other time I had done these bad thoughts again, and I was feeling extremely bad... and I talked to my Guardian and told her that "Okay, from tomorrow it will be a new start for me! (again) I know I've said it so many times, but I will try again tomorrow!" and other thoughts came to my mind, and eventually I realized that it's a matter of choices.

Regardless of the reason that negative thoughts satisfy me, it's a matter of whether I choose to, or not to do these thoughts.

Anyway, it's still something I'm working towards (being able to just stop them for good).

Thank you again for your response, and I re-read it many times because you said many things that resonated with me and I needed to think of them more carefully. So thank you!

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

...

Pisces energy is both incredibly receptive, dreamy, as well as changeable, so this can explain your situation. Pisces people are known to have depressing thoughts under certain conditions, as well. As far as manic-depressive, check if you have bad pluto aspects to your moon, venus, or related transits. Yet, your deep thinking about this situation shows that you are internalizing this all, perhaps too much, which again is what Pisces influence or water can make someone do.

What you did with Munka and so forth sounds good like you were reliving some of these situations and resolving them. You should follow this up by adding more earth energy to stabilize your moods or let you control them better.

 

[Satnam666]

you said some of the characters were gay,did you have xian upbringing does it stem from that, it may not be the whole problem but ive seen a christard or two who foam at the mouth if you mention gay (reeeeeee muh jew in sky not likes gay how dare you think for you self it bes bad),anyway it also can cause some psychological problems, i had heard of some ex jokehovah witnesses on youtube who were gay and straight, an they all had sexual problems,self confidence problems,etc, thing is this is not just a spiritual problem but a psychological one as well,but the best thing one can do, if you cant do self hypnosis is just do a affirmation an repeat it over an over while you are meditating,it may help

 

[Yagami Light]

...

Thank you very much for the response. My mother was xtian but she was never religious. As for the gays, I believe the main reason for that is because I always had issues with my gender (being a female), and this originates from past life trauma. I know I need to do more things to unblock my sacral chakra, but I don't believe that the obsession over negative thoughts is affected by it. I believe that thinking of a gay couple (two men) instead of a woman and a man feels more *comfortable* to me right now.

" post_id=339667 time=1648607686 user_id=21286]...

Thank you for this information, although I have no Pisces energy in my chart. (no planet in Pisces) I do have a heavy Mercury influence though, which can explain my overthinking. I just need to understand the source of things and then plan a working to deal with them (if they need to be dealt with spiritual means - which is the only way that has tremendously helped my life).
I've been trying to get my hand in astrology in vain. :lol: (despite having so much information in Azazel's astrology)
My mind is all over the place and it doesn't feel like I could/should focus on that right now (big changes are waiting for me very soon, and I need to deal with these first and foremost).

Regardless, thank you again for your input. I keep on blaming me for not choosing to not do these thoughts. (I mean, I choose not to, but then I end up doing them)
I'm starting to see a pattern regarding when I start doing these thoughts (when I want to avoid a responsibility, or when I see/read something beautiful or romantic, and I want to imagine the characters in my head doing it as well... Basically *I* want to live that, but I'm not able to do so, so these thoughts occupy the gap instead). Why the thoughts turn bad after a while (and I get an instant but temporary satisfaction from them), is still a mystery.

Feeling terribly bad after doing the bad thoughts, I believe is normal. I also have an extremely hard time focusing after the bad thoughts, and cleaning my aura/chakras etc. When I do manage to do the cleaning (although usually the *next* day I do the cleaning), I feel extremely relaxed like my aura/chakras were very-very dirty.
I assume this is normal.

 

[Immortal]

...

Thank you again for your response, and I re-read it many times because you said many things that resonated with me and I needed to think of them more carefully. So thank you!

Glad to hear it, sometimes the self needs to see other's point of view to cover his own blind spots so to speak.
Anyway, regarding thoughts there is this old movie which may help with some visuals: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118929/?ref_=tt_sims_tt_i_1

Also, I don't think I have covered it in my original reply, but if some of those thoughts are not really yours, or you suspect them not be, then I guess you'll have to do extensive detective(energy) work to trace them to their roots.

You also might wanna check this https://www.amazon.com/Practical-Psychic-Self-Defense-Handbook/dp/1571746390 Chapter Five Core images.

Anyway since you're clearly more advanced than myself in this topic, please forget my humble recommendations if they are beneath whatever methods you have already tried.

As a last resort, I also like to add the utmost hatred to the sheer willpower. For me at least, it just helps :lol:

Also, you seem to have a great relationship with your GD, so I kinda envy you for that :mrgreen: