i genuinely fucked up

[fate]

been lurking here for more than a year but i figured id finally take some things off my chest even if it doesnt make me feel better, i wanna be genuine in this post with my struggles.

i started researching the occult in early 2022 due to countless signs from someone(?); i kept seeing numbers on the clock like 12:12 12:21 22:22 15:15 (you get the point) literally 3-5 times every single day
it went away when i got a bit deeper into the occult and then conspiracy theories, it took me a long ass time to process all of the info, over time my entire worldview got shattered (in a constructive way)
i had an intuition for certain occult practices and would stay clear of them (jewish mysticism and brainless toxic positivity new age practices etc.) after a while i found the jos website and read through it which i found incredibly informative and kept researching it but after a while i read most of the sermons and just kinda stopped
over this time my emotions kept getting number and number due to my already existing depression getting worse and worse, covid psyop isolation also didnt make it better
i just have a complete memory blackout from that point onwards (mostly because my life literally just considered of waking up, eating and researching random shit and then going to sleep)

i researched various traditions of occultism and also new practices a few examples are LOA (nevile goddard stuff), some general magick, vajrayana (the dogmas were unbearable i have to say), chinese occultism, and various other books about other meditation systems (i didnt have a clear plan on what to study i just pieced stuff together over time i guess?)

but i could never make up my mind to actually start putting everything into practice

i have been procrastinating for literally an entire year about "finally being practical and starting an actual meditation regimen" and never actually practiced, my mental state is just complete garbage i have nothing to look forward to even when i imagine myself in the most fulfilling scenarios i still cant feel happiness, even seeing the option to reality shift which literally makes everything possible even all of your deepest fantasies still wasnt enough to get me to practice. sure, personally im stoic and dont complain about shit and im not trying to act like a victim here but i just genuinely have no idea where to go from here. i havent even made the dedication ritual yet mostly because of my stubbornness and procrastination and everything has been going downhill but i have never hurt myself or tried to end myself due to my rational mind. i stopped going to school altogether in early 2023 to self study but my motivation is at 0 and i currently have no goals in life nor ambitions. i figure some chanting and magical squares would help but i literally dont have the motivation to even do that. every night im just trying to escape from reality and the possibility of escaping is the only thing still keeping me alive

excuse me if i sound extremely pathetic, i am literally writing all of this with a blank expression. theres more stuff but even writing this alone took me an hour

i dont expect any replies nor should anyone feel obligated to reply to me with advice, im aware im kind of a lost cause atm, i just wanted to shoot my shot ig?

i have my birthday and timezone and exact time on my about me page if anyone cares about that, it may be related

(saw 11:11 pm while writing this post lol)

 

[Aquarius]

Welcome, so as you say your problem is escapism.

For that you need to some self introspection.

Ask yourself, what are you trying to escape from? Is escaping something that you can do long-term? Where do you see yourself in 10 years if you keep procrastinating life?

Now, an anti-goal. What do you NOT want to be in 1 year? And What do you want to BE in 1 year?

Do you want to keep being a goal-less loser or do you want to participate in life and enjoy its sweet fruits?

What I understood about you, is that you are a dopamine junky, consuming any kind of stimulating content on the web.

That has to stop, but don't stop just because I'm telling you so, but ask yourself where all this content is gonna bring you?

Are the mindless Youtube shorts gonna bring you to a beautiful future? Or is it just gonna degrade you and your brain?

 

[fate]

Welcome, so as you say your problem is escapism.

For that you need to some self introspection.

Ask yourself, what are you trying to escape from? Is escaping something that you can do long-term? Where do you see yourself in 10 years if you keep procrastinating life?

Now, an anti-goal. What do you NOT want to be in 1 year? And What do you want to BE in 1 year?

Do you want to keep being a goal-less loser or do you want to participate in life and enjoy its sweet fruits?

What I understood about you, is that you are a dopamine junky, consuming any kind of stimulating content on the web.

That has to stop, but don't stop just because I'm telling you so, but ask yourself where all this content is gonna bring you?

Are the mindless Youtube shorts gonna bring you to a beautiful future? Or is it just gonna degrade you and your brain?

meh youre kinda making assumptions here, im not into consumerism that much, ive quit gaming 2 years ago cuz it got boring and i dont really get excited about stupid shit most of the people my age are interested in like parties etc. i avoid all of that. i dont need mundane answers because mental problems arent all rooted in physical reality, as above so below. so in terms of what i am trying to escape from i guess just my mental problems even if i dont even have the conscious desire to get rid of them, its pretty weird and thats why im searching for answers beyond the generic "dopamine junkie" argument.

 

[Alexandros Iowno [JG]]

For the lazy people, the most dangerous thing is to imagine future scenarios and derive joy and happiness from this. What ifs. What will they do with this? Live inside their imagination more than in reality. So it is good that you do not feel ultra happy because of your imagination, as you have to seek these things in reality.

If you have been doing this until now, your mind is used to living off of delusions, imagination, creative forces, that at one point cease to exist as these are created and fueled by real life. As you are young, it is like you receive some skill points for your character, and you put them all in imagination, and now no skill points are coming up, and you cannot do much with your imagination without other critical skills. What do you do here, what does the character have to do? Earn some new skill points by completing quests. Start searching for these quests in your life, real life and complete them and do not put them all into the same thing again.

 

[fate]

For the lazy people, the most dangerous thing is to imagine future scenarios and derive joy and happiness from this. What ifs. What will they do with this? Live inside their imagination more than in reality. So it is good that you do not feel ultra happy because of your imagination, as you have to seek these things in reality.

If you have been doing this until now, your mind is used to living off of delusions, imagination, creative forces, that at one point cease to exist as these are created and fueled by real life. As you are young, it is like you receive some skill points for your character, and you put them all in imagination, and now no skill points are coming up, and you cannot do much with your imagination without other critical skills. What do you do here, what does the character have to do? Earn some new skill points by completing quests. Start searching for these quests in your life, real life and complete them and do not put them all into the same thing again.

i understand this however theres no energy and no motivation at all, talking about getting up and doing something is very easy however actually doing it is entirely another thing. this isnt watching a corny sigma male tiktok edit and suddenly opening a portal to agartha, there wouldnt be hundreds of millions of people suffering otherwise. chronic emptiness is something that mere words cannot fix but i personally believe that spirituality can fix it

 

[Alexandros Iowno [JG]]

i understand this however theres no energy and no motivation at all, talking about getting up and doing something is very easy however actually doing it is entirely another thing. this isnt watching a corny sigma male tiktok edit and suddenly opening a portal to agartha, there wouldnt be hundreds of millions of people suffering otherwise. chronic emptiness is something that mere words cannot fix but i personally believe that spirituality can fix it

There is energy, you eat as you survive (although this needs to be improved), you write, you ask for help, you are awake. Definitely under optimal but only because you have adopted this.

Getting up and doing something is not even in the realm of easy or hard, is just a default state of being. Be aware of what you think about here in correlation, for example your mind is filled with junk such as tiktok, idealization and emotional peaks. Yes, watching motivational videos from tiktok will make the situation even worse, not better. Better watch a long boring movie, it can be more creative and inspiring than any tiktok ever.

It is not about sigma, alpha males, but about being a normal functioning human being, able to have joy and able to manage your life brother. All the self-help on the internet is indeed "self-masturbation". True self-help is spiritual advancement, which can and must be measured.

Hundreds of millions of people do not suffer from "chronic emptiness", and if they do, why would it matter to you? Only to the end of accepting this as a reality, but it is a logical error to adopt this as well.

To that end, what would millions of people justify for your life if they are wrong as well? If you are stoic, which you aren't, but appears as so in your mind as to define your lack of implication in life, you shouldn't equate this to your life. You might assume people do not know your situations, what you are going by, how hard it can be, or that there aren't people that have been in deeper and harder situations and resolved this. You must keep open here, that's all.

You will need a mental frame, emotions, actions and endurance to build from this. It is not a defined state you are in now, you are not trapped, you are not a prisoner. People who entered coma by drowning and survived days after being fished out, and now alive, full on energetic and motivated in life, and are not clowns of tiktok.

Your negative thought pattern must leave the belief and emotional system and start going about only what you KNOW is positive and what you can get to know. Slowly then embed the belief and emotions into a more positive platform of yourself.

The spiritual part, you are fully right here, but it must branch out in all the parts of life. Your body and mind is in a state of self-induced conservation, Please read this post: https://ancient-forums.com/index.php?members/nakedpluto-jg.21004/#profile-post-141

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

every night im just trying to escape from reality and the possibility of escaping is the only thing still keeping me alive

In addition to many advices on here, this sounds like a Neptune transit in your birth chart.
Neptune brings escapism, uncertainty, lack of consistency and weakens by its nature. However Neptune may also inspire, elevate, and bring closer to meditation and "higher states". You seems to have both influences at the moment in your life.
I would check if Neptune is touching any of your planets/houses so you can decide where to address energies, to which chakra for example, that may be weakened by a Neptune transit.
Also the lack of fire element, helps to go lazy (water is the opposite of fire, Neptune is a water planet).

 

[fate]

In addition to many advices on here, this sounds like a Neptune transit in your birth chart.
Neptune brings escapism, uncertainty, lack of consistency and weakens by its nature. However Neptune may also inspire, elevate, and bring closer to meditation and "higher states". You seems to have both influences at the moment in your life.
I would check if Neptune is touching any of your planets/houses so you can decide where to address energies, to which chakra for example, that may be weakened by a Neptune transit.
Also the lack of fire element, helps to go lazy (water is the opposite of fire, Neptune is a water planet).

although i have some fundamental knowledge i have to say my knowledge on advanced astrology is lacking, would you share some resources where i could read and research more about this?

 

[AFODO]

I'm in so much disappointment that nobody is warming you about publishing your natal chart.

You are very vulnerable, being a beginner with not much of Aura of Protection, and you are also on the corner of Nihilism and all that stuff. The enemy can easily curse you on your next bad transit, which could really make you some temporary or even permanent issues.

Please remove it, its really serious.

 

[Henu the Great]

I'm in so much disappointment that nobody is warming you about publishing your natal chart.

You are very vulnerable, being a beginner with not much of Aura of Protection, and you are also on the corner of Nihilism and all that stuff. The enemy can easily curse you on your next bad transit, which could really make you some temporary or even permanent issues.

Please remove it, its really serious.

I totally missed that, sorry. It should be reported to modetators.

 

[GoldenxChild1]

Another thing that's worth mentioning on top of the already great advice here is that you aren't going to get anywhere without an attitude adjustment, which was already said, I know, but not as straight forward as the OP needs for hear.

You literally just need to "sack-up", brother, and get your ass in gear.
(Same principle even if your female lol)

I say the above with no ill intent, but I've been where you are, and that is exactly what I needed to hear repetitively at the time.

 

[fate]

I'm in so much disappointment that nobody is warming you about publishing your natal chart.

You are very vulnerable, being a beginner with not much of Aura of Protection, and you are also on the corner of Nihilism and all that stuff. The enemy can easily curse you on your next bad transit, which could really make you some temporary or even permanent issues.

Please remove it, its really serious.

i dont see a point in hiding something that can easily be remote viewed. theres nothing more than can hurt me at my current state since i already lost all my pleasure in life and in regards to my natal chart i got nothing to hide and besides who would care about some snobby teenager. i may seem very weak mentally but i actually think very highly of my self and my various skills but not in a narcissistic way just in like a proud of my soul way ig? atp im friends with saturn so who cares

You literally just need to "sack-up", brother, and get your ass in gear.
(Same principle even if your female lol)

trust me, i would love to

In addition to many advices on here, this sounds like a Neptune transit in your birth chart.
Neptune brings escapism, uncertainty, lack of consistency and weakens by its nature. However Neptune may also inspire, elevate, and bring closer to meditation and "higher states". You seems to have both influences at the moment in your life.
I would check if Neptune is touching any of your planets/houses so you can decide where to address energies, to which chakra for example, that may be weakened by a Neptune transit.
Also the lack of fire element, helps to go lazy (water is the opposite of fire, Neptune is a water planet).

just checked my transit and neptune is very close to my north node

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

been lurking here for more than a year but i figured id finally take some things off my chest even if it doesnt make me feel better, i wanna be genuine in this post with my struggles.

i started researching the occult in early 2022 due to countless signs from someone(?); i kept seeing numbers on the clock like 12:12 12:21 22:22 15:15 (you get the point) literally 3-5 times every single day
it went away when i got a bit deeper into the occult and then conspiracy theories, it took me a long ass time to process all of the info, over time my entire worldview got shattered (in a constructive way)
i had an intuition for certain occult practices and would stay clear of them (jewish mysticism and brainless toxic positivity new age practices etc.) after a while i found the jos website and read through it which i found incredibly informative and kept researching it but after a while i read most of the sermons and just kinda stopped
over this time my emotions kept getting number and number due to my already existing depression getting worse and worse, covid psyop isolation also didnt make it better
i just have a complete memory blackout from that point onwards (mostly because my life literally just considered of waking up, eating and researching random shit and then going to sleep)

i researched various traditions of occultism and also new practices a few examples are LOA (nevile goddard stuff), some general magick, vajrayana (the dogmas were unbearable i have to say), chinese occultism, and various other books about other meditation systems (i didnt have a clear plan on what to study i just pieced stuff together over time i guess?)

but i could never make up my mind to actually start putting everything into practice

i have been procrastinating for literally an entire year about "finally being practical and starting an actual meditation regimen" and never actually practiced, my mental state is just complete garbage i have nothing to look forward to even when i imagine myself in the most fulfilling scenarios i still cant feel happiness, even seeing the option to reality shift which literally makes everything possible even all of your deepest fantasies still wasnt enough to get me to practice. sure, personally im stoic and dont complain about shit and im not trying to act like a victim here but i just genuinely have no idea where to go from here. i havent even made the dedication ritual yet mostly because of my stubbornness and procrastination and everything has been going downhill but i have never hurt myself or tried to end myself due to my rational mind. i stopped going to school altogether in early 2023 to self study but my motivation is at 0 and i currently have no goals in life nor ambitions. i figure some chanting and magical squares would help but i literally dont have the motivation to even do that. every night im just trying to escape from reality and the possibility of escaping is the only thing still keeping me alive

excuse me if i sound extremely pathetic, i am literally writing all of this with a blank expression. theres more stuff but even writing this alone took me an hour

i dont expect any replies nor should anyone feel obligated to reply to me with advice, im aware im kind of a lost cause atm, i just wanted to shoot my shot ig?

i have my birthday and timezone and exact time on my about me page if anyone cares about that, it may be related

(saw 11:11 pm while writing this post lol)

To give a simple answer, depression is caused by a lack of fire energy. For example, solar energy expects a reward and is motivated to obtain this, which is how it helps develop goals. A lack of solar energy or other blockages here make people assume their work may not be rewarded or worthwhile.

If you don't have the motivation even for chanting, then focus on any form of exercise. The breath of fire is easy to do, same with Qigong, walking outside, even just jumping jacks.

I understand you are trying to escape to something better, but you must try hard to see these activities as the stepping stone to that. Remind yourself that positive action builds, and all you need to do is just create a small spark, giving you the fuel to do more.

Also, please delete any personal information. Just because someone can psychic view you doesn't mean you are not making it incredibly easy for them. No defense is impenetrable, but it only needs to provide enough of an obstacle.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

been lurking here for more than a year but i figured id finally take some things off my chest even if it doesnt make me feel better, i wanna be genuine in this post with my struggles.

i started researching the occult in early 2022 due to countless signs from someone(?); i kept seeing numbers on the clock like 12:12 12:21 22:22 15:15 (you get the point) literally 3-5 times every single day
it went away when i got a bit deeper into the occult and then conspiracy theories, it took me a long ass time to process all of the info, over time my entire worldview got shattered (in a constructive way)
i had an intuition for certain occult practices and would stay clear of them (jewish mysticism and brainless toxic positivity new age practices etc.) after a while i found the jos website and read through it which i found incredibly informative and kept researching it but after a while i read most of the sermons and just kinda stopped
over this time my emotions kept getting number and number due to my already existing depression getting worse and worse, covid psyop isolation also didnt make it better
i just have a complete memory blackout from that point onwards (mostly because my life literally just considered of waking up, eating and researching random shit and then going to sleep)

i researched various traditions of occultism and also new practices a few examples are LOA (nevile goddard stuff), some general magick, vajrayana (the dogmas were unbearable i have to say), chinese occultism, and various other books about other meditation systems (i didnt have a clear plan on what to study i just pieced stuff together over time i guess?)

but i could never make up my mind to actually start putting everything into practice

i have been procrastinating for literally an entire year about "finally being practical and starting an actual meditation regimen" and never actually practiced, my mental state is just complete garbage i have nothing to look forward to even when i imagine myself in the most fulfilling scenarios i still cant feel happiness, even seeing the option to reality shift which literally makes everything possible even all of your deepest fantasies still wasnt enough to get me to practice. sure, personally im stoic and dont complain about shit and im not trying to act like a victim here but i just genuinely have no idea where to go from here. i havent even made the dedication ritual yet mostly because of my stubbornness and procrastination and everything has been going downhill but i have never hurt myself or tried to end myself due to my rational mind. i stopped going to school altogether in early 2023 to self study but my motivation is at 0 and i currently have no goals in life nor ambitions. i figure some chanting and magical squares would help but i literally dont have the motivation to even do that. every night im just trying to escape from reality and the possibility of escaping is the only thing still keeping me alive

excuse me if i sound extremely pathetic, i am literally writing all of this with a blank expression. theres more stuff but even writing this alone took me an hour

i dont expect any replies nor should anyone feel obligated to reply to me with advice, im aware im kind of a lost cause atm, i just wanted to shoot my shot ig?

i have my birthday and timezone and exact time on my about me page if anyone cares about that, it may be related

(saw 11:11 pm while writing this post lol)

Most of this depressive mindset, as I mentioned before, is suited around the assumption that nothing will get better, or can change. However, the fact that you typed all this out means that there is a motivation to change, as well as communicate, build relationships, and so on. There are underlying elements of motivation for these activities, in which meditation should be seen as a way to better obtain these.

If we are on the topic of easy ways to build motivation, we must also directly look at the Gods for help and inspiration. Meditation on their sigil is a great way to build social connections, as well as feel empowered by their energy. Plus, this doesn't take anything massive effort.

If you are citing a lack of motivation, why not pick a God like Andras to meditate on? https://joswiki.org/index.php/Sigil_of_Andras
Focus on the sigil and feel his energy, letting it empower your soul. You should also ask him to please guide you.

 

[fate]

To give a simple answer, depression is caused by a lack of fire energy. For example, solar energy expects a reward and is motivated to obtain this, which is how it helps develop goals. A lack of solar energy or other blockages here make people assume their work may not be rewarded or worthwhile.

makes sense, i should work on my lower chakras; especially the solar plexus. i have read a lot in JoS about new age practices only focusing on the upper chakras and it being a fatal mistake and i can see why now

If you don't have the motivation even for chanting, then focus on any form of exercise. The breath of fire is easy to do, same with Qigong, walking outside, even just jumping jacks.

I understand you are trying to escape to something better, but you must try hard to see these activities as the stepping stone to that. Remind yourself that positive action builds, and all you need to do is just create a small spark, giving you the fuel to do more.

yes, i am familiar with qigong and related practices like tummo etc. I should try that today instead of just being lazy all day. music helps me a lot to light that small little fire that still keeps me going so ill just use that to motivate myself, i mostly have small energy bursts like for example one time i went out into the forest i wandered for around 5 hours and then came back, it was a pretty nice experience

Also, please delete any personal information. Just because someone can psychic view you doesn't mean you are not making it incredibly easy for them. No defense is impenetrable, but it only needs to provide enough of an obstacle.

okay fine fine i deleted the birth date, i understand that youre concerned for my privacy etc. and i respect that

If we are on the topic of easy ways to build motivation, we must also directly look at the Gods for help and inspiration. Meditation on their sigil is a great way to build social connections, as well as feel empowered by their energy. Plus, this doesn't take anything massive effort.

If you are citing a lack of motivation, why not pick a God like Andras to meditate on? https://joswiki.org/index.php/Sigil_of_Andras
Focus on the sigil and feel his energy, letting it empower your soul. You should also ask him to please guide you.

i think its kinda shameless for me to ask for help from the Gods considering i havent formally dedicated myself yet so i dont want to make a shitty impression of a lazy and dependent slob who cant get his ass to do anything and requests help from others

 

[AFODO]

i dont see a point in hiding something that can easily be remote viewed. theres nothing more than can hurt me at my current state since i already lost all my pleasure in life and in regards to my natal chart i got nothing to hide and besides who would care about some snobby teenager. i may seem very weak mentally but i actually think very highly of my self and my various skills but not in a narcissistic way just in like a proud of my soul way ig? atp im friends with saturn so who cares

Sure, whats the point in building protection if there will always be some enemy entity that can out rule your protection?
Not to mention that in very bad cases, the Gods would protect you from the enemy to remote-view your natal chart, or just your protection in less serious cases.
At this point, why would they protect you if you want to be an open book? They will let you learn it yourself if you are so stubborn.
But maybe you aren't even dedicated which would make it even worse.

No SS wants to know your natal chart.
The fact that there is an option to give your birthday is a problem.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

makes sense, i should work on my lower chakras; especially the solar plexus. i have read a lot in JoS about new age practices only focusing on the upper chakras and it being a fatal mistake and i can see why now

yes, i am familiar with qigong and related practices like tummo etc. I should try that today instead of just being lazy all day. music helps me a lot to light that small little fire that still keeps me going so ill just use that to motivate myself, i mostly have small energy bursts like for example one time i went out into the forest i wandered for around 5 hours and then came back, it was a pretty nice experience

okay fine fine i deleted the birth date, i understand that youre concerned for my privacy etc. and i respect that

i think its kinda shameless for me to ask for help from the Gods considering i havent formally dedicated myself yet so i dont want to make a shitty impression of a lazy and dependent slob who cant get his ass to do anything and requests help from others

The 40 day guide opens the chakras in a top-down manner to ensure a proper energy flow, so be mindful not to go overboard with stimulating the lower chakras if the upper ones are not yet open. At them same time, I would assume that this may apply less if your solar chakra needs more activity or assistance.

No, it is not necessarily shameless to ask for help, especially if you are the type of person to take it seriously and also feel more willing to return the favor. People have all sorts of reasons why they don't want to talk to the Gods, and while it is certainly understandable, these should all be avoided, as the focus should be on improving ourselves as best as we can, especially if we are coming from a negative situation. Feeling unable to meditate after a year is certainly a reason to seek help or advice.

Regardless, you can still meditate on their sigil and build positive connections without necessarily needing to make any requests. On the same note, you should also not feel much obstacle to the dedication ritual if you are already in agreement with it. Although I would recommend still creating the blood tie, some of the other steps, like obtaining a candle or burning the paper, can be skipped if these are making you procrastinate on it.

 

[Engineered Trasformation]

although i have some fundamental knowledge i have to say my knowledge on advanced astrology is lacking, would you share some resources where i could read and research more about this?

There is good Astrology section in JoS here.
You can also use astro.com or similar websites to calculate transits, solar revolutions, etc. Neptune transiting (or natal?) near the South Node may have to do with fate and your destiny in this life, but I am not enough skilled to say more on this conjunction.

I should have mentioned to not disclose your Natal Chart on here, it's like giving a map with sensitive targets to an enemy who wants to bomb you - so to speak. Same for pictures, name, links to your social media, etc, also advisable not to use your personal email.