Our dog's living conditions we're degrading since it got a stroke a few months ago, he could barely stand up and his muscles were atrophying due to that. He was very old for a shitzu, he was becoming blind in one eye and he would bump into nearly everything and had what looked like cancerous cell growths over various parts of his body. He also could no longer contain his bowels as appropriately as he used to. None of us ever got mad if he suddenly relieved himself, it wasn't his fault.
This degradation continued for months on end, last he was relatively okay was in early July. He suddenly had a stroke one day and his conditions never improved since then. He lived a very long life for such a small dog, he aged 15 or 16 last October. I didn't want him to die of course but making him live like this would have imposed more suffering on this dog. I also did not believe forcing him to die so miserably (what was becoming the natural way of dying for him) was any better.
Still whenever I would look into his eyes in those final months, i could see a fire, a passion, a desire to continue despite all the issues he was facing. He would never give up. When we found him at six months old, it instantly wanted us to take him from its current owner. This owner who managed to scarr the dog for most of his life, would beat the dog up with various ordenances (ie broom) and then keep it locked in a cage for hours on end without a real reason for it beyond hating the puppy. We all had to witness and endure the psychological effects of this negligence: he would shout when doors were being closed, when stairs were being walked and when brooms and vacuums were being handled. He would never allow himself to be touched or handled unless we gave him a walk or brought him for a car ride. In its twilight years, it eventually understood that where he was living was never going to be danger to him, he was surrounded by those who truly loved him. So this mental scarring had stopped for a few years before his final days came to pass. For the first time in months, i saw him huddle with us on a Yule night. He felt safe finally, after ALL this time.
Two weeks ago we all woke up early in the morning to visit the local vet. The dog was shaking in the car, despite enjoying car rides, it knew when he was due for a bath / trimming, I don't think it realized what was happening until we gave him what amounted to a continued petting of about 20-25 minutes in the car (its cold outside afterall and he was shaking). I couldn't tell if it knew we we're all crying that day but he sure loved the petting. My brother who took care of him the most, took him inside the vet and watched him be put to sleep. He felt his little heart stop in his arms. The dog appeared to have fallen into a blissful sleep, it looked, happy and relieved, sort of.
When we took the box and placed it in the other car to drive it to our own farm (the farm had soft soil under some edifices, otherwise frozen dirt everywhere else) the neighborhood dogs howled, due to their heightened senses the entire place was mourning in that instant. The crows we feed peanuts to? They we're unusually close to the house that day. They tend to be nervously skittish around us despite our good intentions. We love all animals here, even some of the creepy crawlies. Parasites need not apply.
Earlier this year I thought I would not attempt a standard ritual to Satan, my reasoning was because I thought I was not open enough to see and hear. But I was so stricken with grief that I just wanted to be sure our dog would be safe. He was like a little brother to me and we all miss him dearly. In that moment of great sorrow I wrote a plea to make sure the dog was taken care of safely and that I would repay the favor by doing what i could within my power in return. I do not know if this is related but the following day or so I inexplicably had the urge to triple my RTRs and i did so until our current RTR schedule.
Unfortunately I do not think i could sense, see or hear any response when I attempted to do this ritual. I'm just not advanced enough to see, hear and feel demons (similar to when i dedicated). I know Satan is very busy too. I am concerned that my message may not have gone through and I've spent a few nights already worrying about it while trying to focus on his sigil.
Even though after the sign i received on the 8th or 9th December when i thought I couldn't communicate with him (he very clearly sent me a signal to say along the lines of, "I hear you loud and clear!") I don't really feel like I have been getting any feedback at all recently which just compounds my worries a bit. Especially on YULE i observed his day speaking my worries about the dog and speaking my mind about my new years resolution. But as usual i could not feel or see feedback.
I typically do not mind it when i can't sense or get signs, because I love demons (i understand how busy they are) and I aim to remain committed regardless. Its just that I miss my little brother very much and I wanted the best for him. I wish I could give him a final goodbye hug.
This degradation continued for months on end, last he was relatively okay was in early July. He suddenly had a stroke one day and his conditions never improved since then. He lived a very long life for such a small dog, he aged 15 or 16 last October. I didn't want him to die of course but making him live like this would have imposed more suffering on this dog. I also did not believe forcing him to die so miserably (what was becoming the natural way of dying for him) was any better.
Still whenever I would look into his eyes in those final months, i could see a fire, a passion, a desire to continue despite all the issues he was facing. He would never give up. When we found him at six months old, it instantly wanted us to take him from its current owner. This owner who managed to scarr the dog for most of his life, would beat the dog up with various ordenances (ie broom) and then keep it locked in a cage for hours on end without a real reason for it beyond hating the puppy. We all had to witness and endure the psychological effects of this negligence: he would shout when doors were being closed, when stairs were being walked and when brooms and vacuums were being handled. He would never allow himself to be touched or handled unless we gave him a walk or brought him for a car ride. In its twilight years, it eventually understood that where he was living was never going to be danger to him, he was surrounded by those who truly loved him. So this mental scarring had stopped for a few years before his final days came to pass. For the first time in months, i saw him huddle with us on a Yule night. He felt safe finally, after ALL this time.
Two weeks ago we all woke up early in the morning to visit the local vet. The dog was shaking in the car, despite enjoying car rides, it knew when he was due for a bath / trimming, I don't think it realized what was happening until we gave him what amounted to a continued petting of about 20-25 minutes in the car (its cold outside afterall and he was shaking). I couldn't tell if it knew we we're all crying that day but he sure loved the petting. My brother who took care of him the most, took him inside the vet and watched him be put to sleep. He felt his little heart stop in his arms. The dog appeared to have fallen into a blissful sleep, it looked, happy and relieved, sort of.
When we took the box and placed it in the other car to drive it to our own farm (the farm had soft soil under some edifices, otherwise frozen dirt everywhere else) the neighborhood dogs howled, due to their heightened senses the entire place was mourning in that instant. The crows we feed peanuts to? They we're unusually close to the house that day. They tend to be nervously skittish around us despite our good intentions. We love all animals here, even some of the creepy crawlies. Parasites need not apply.
Earlier this year I thought I would not attempt a standard ritual to Satan, my reasoning was because I thought I was not open enough to see and hear. But I was so stricken with grief that I just wanted to be sure our dog would be safe. He was like a little brother to me and we all miss him dearly. In that moment of great sorrow I wrote a plea to make sure the dog was taken care of safely and that I would repay the favor by doing what i could within my power in return. I do not know if this is related but the following day or so I inexplicably had the urge to triple my RTRs and i did so until our current RTR schedule.
Unfortunately I do not think i could sense, see or hear any response when I attempted to do this ritual. I'm just not advanced enough to see, hear and feel demons (similar to when i dedicated). I know Satan is very busy too. I am concerned that my message may not have gone through and I've spent a few nights already worrying about it while trying to focus on his sigil.
Even though after the sign i received on the 8th or 9th December when i thought I couldn't communicate with him (he very clearly sent me a signal to say along the lines of, "I hear you loud and clear!") I don't really feel like I have been getting any feedback at all recently which just compounds my worries a bit. Especially on YULE i observed his day speaking my worries about the dog and speaking my mind about my new years resolution. But as usual i could not feel or see feedback.
I typically do not mind it when i can't sense or get signs, because I love demons (i understand how busy they are) and I aim to remain committed regardless. Its just that I miss my little brother very much and I wanted the best for him. I wish I could give him a final goodbye hug.
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1738971726){kind=avatar}