There is a hope for you, because you're here in the right place for help. Did you happen to read jos website, dedicate? Did you start meditate?
Once I was in similar position like you, depressed with suicidal though, blamed for everything etc., but after dedication, meditation, healing workings etc. I'm totally different person now.
I am healthy and happy, simply as that.
This is the reason why I can swear to you this all works, if only you give yourself a chance. (If you didn't start already to meditate. If so, then I encourage you to continue)
You have many options available here that you can use to help yourself. You just need to start using them. Just look at this list below:
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=54768&p=242350&hilit=Lydia+healing#p242350
Regardless of your problems, you can use this.
If you're new here, first dedicate before doing any of meditation. Dedication doesn't mean you're “solding your soul to devil”, this is not about it. This gives you protection from the Gods, as the enemy can attack you for advancing yourself. After dedication, you can start with 40 day beginner program.
And what exactly are your problems? Why do you see everything so dark? Why are you living isolated? You can write more about it if you want, so people will be able to advice you better. I want to help you somehow, but I don't know the exact cause of your condition.
Although, I still believe meditation is the proper way to help yourself.
Apart from that, I can only wish you good luck and perseverance. Don't give up and fight, because your life is precious and worth it. Focus on yourself. I believe that every problem can be fixed, although healing sometimes can take time.