I am at the edge of killing myself right now and I need some meditations/tips/anything that will keep me alive

[lagoon88]

English for my sorry, i'm not too good at this.

I've been doing better lately with meditations, for the last 3 or 4 years I was also doing love spells on a >person<. It worked, but then everything was ruined by some drug addict girl who took that person away and forbidden him talking to me. He was my only friend, he was more important than my family for me. I had a suicide attempt in the past, quite serious, but Satan saved me (I was seeing electric blue fire while attempting suicide and while recocering, also when begging for ending me). I'm struggling with not killing myself, the only reason I'm not dead now is because 1. I know how every soul, even weak, is important in fight and 2. I'll reincarnate as miserable and ugly as now, if not worse.
I can't even meditate to calm my mind down, I am unable to focus, I cry, vomit and have panic attacks non-stop, the only thing I think about is jumping off the roof. How can I overcome this and not kill myself? How can I go over losing the only person I had?
I just can't believe that everything will be better. I hear those words since the age of, idk, 9 maybe and I'm still waiting for those magical better times. No matter how I try, what I do, I am not happy. And here I read on JOS that jews will make things worse and worse with this pandemic and other stuff and I just don't feel strong enough to live through this, ill and alone.

Also, I've seen jackdaw on my windowsill (which never happened with any bird) at 8th june 6:30am (took photo at 6:40am) and 9th june 6:50am, while reading JOS, and I thought it was some good omen about my love situation, because 6th-10th of june are Zepar days (or something like that, I'm probably not translating well), but I guess I read it wrong...

 

[victory666]

Hello lagoon88,

You said, " 1. I know how every soul, even weak, is important in fight and 2. I'll reincarnate as miserable and ugly as now, if not worse."
You have given the answers to your question.
The reason he was taken away from you is because HE is weak, not you. You have purpose without him. You don't need to be dependent on him to have life worth.
You are worth every ounce of life in the sight of Father Satan and needed here in this community to fight, as you have stated.
Many people here will help you with answers you need, but you gotta stick with it.
Life is hard for all of us here, but drawing from others does help. You have a full life ahead of you and every path is not gonna be a bed of Rose's. But this is how we become stronger.
Father Satan is with you.

 

[Alexandros Iowno [JG]]

The reality is that you don't want to kill yourself. You want to "kill" your situation and suffering born from the events you've been in. This is possible firstly by taking a step back and assure yourself time to breath and contemplate. Detach from everything for a couple of days.

Suicide is never an option, it is millions of times more painful and dreadful than what you are experiencing now.

Being here, as you are now, you can only climb up. You are here, in the Temple of Satan. Have faith and power derived from our Supreme Satan.

Vibrate everyday SATANAMA while visualizing everything positive you wish for. Perform cleaning and protection and do keep in touch every day to the Gods.

If you feel like it, please do write here everything that you hate about this situation and also the positives of your life. Having a rational approach to this is awesome.

I did a lot of reckless things by loving blindly a girl. To the point of beyond insanity and violence. The key in this is to wait. To let time and yourself exist while keeping close to everything JoS is. Believe me, nothing is truly lost as a SS. Not even the most dreadful life events can move out a strong and advancing SS out of their aim in happiness. Do consider that. Thank you.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

...

The world will only get temporarily worse, but then it will INFINITELY better as Satanism is restored. We have to stay strong during this transition period, however.

Whether or not some girl has stopped you from seeing your friend, there is still an astral connection between you two. This means that any feelings you guys share will still be had, even in the future. He will still feel the love workings/energy, as well.

Also, I don't know if this is healthy or not, but you can try to bind her from preventing his communication with you. You could also curse her to ruin their relationship. Don't curse her to death though, that is very cruel and irresponsible.

Think hard about the situation, and whether this is an appropriate use of your time and energy. It will take some time for this to play out and eventually restore your communication.

You should ask yourself whether or not this person can be replaced, and what is actually good for you. Were they a good match for you? Are they open to Satanism or not? These are all questions that decide whether this is worth the effort.

To conclude: This girl entering his life has been a setback for you, but it is not permanent. There are still actions that can be taken, just make sure you think it is a good idea.

----------------------------------------

Regardless of the actions you take, this will all take time and focus. For this, you must remain calm and stabilize yourself. If this won't imbalance you, try breathing in small amounts of earth energy to calm yourself.

You can also try any runes, such as vibrating wunjo or sowilo, and programming it to make you feel more optimistic and happier.

 

[lagoon88]

Thank you everyone for advices, it means a lot.