How to deal with intense emotions and flashes

[Lightning_Puma]

Hello,

Ever since the move to a better and healthier, safer, more SS environment, I've noticed that part of me that has been locked away for years is opening up.

All the abuse I went through in my life are coming out in intense emotions and flashes.

For example:

I thought I wasn't scared of a man's touch anymore, but I started to be. My boyfriend has been helping me, however, when I feel these intense and overbearing emotions, any physical touch (even my own) feels like my skin is being burned. It hurts and it makes me feel scared.

Or sometimes these flashes of what had happened to me come flooding my psyche that I feel trapped, not safe and like I am in danger again.

Nobody taught me how to deal with emotions or how to better control them.
I have so much anger inside of myself that it just lashes out in every and any direction it can.

And whenever I distract myself by cooking or cleaning or anything else, it's okay for that moment, but when I stop? It's back to square one.

I am exhausted and fed up with everything. I hadn't realized what years of abuse did to me until I moved to a safer environment. I've done like 4 emotional healings. I've done them in the unsafe environment, so that's probably why it didn't help. Could be wrong. I don't know anymore.

Part of me feels that ignoring or pretending like these emotions and feelings don't exist makes it worse. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions.

Does anyone know what I could do?
Thank you.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

...

Oh and I forgot to add that so many simple things stress and tire me out than in the past.

 

[Blitzkreig [JG]]

Hello,

Ever since the move to a better and healthier, safer, more SS environment, I've noticed that part of me that has been locked away for years is opening up.

All the abuse I went through in my life are coming out in intense emotions and flashes.

For example:

I thought I wasn't scared of a man's touch anymore, but I started to be. My boyfriend has been helping me, however, when I feel these intense and overbearing emotions, any physical touch (even my own) feels like my skin is being burned. It hurts and it makes me feel scared.

Or sometimes these flashes of what had happened to me come flooding my psyche that I feel trapped, not safe and like I am in danger again.

Nobody taught me how to deal with emotions or how to better control them.
I have so much anger inside of myself that it just lashes out in every and any direction it can.

And whenever I distract myself by cooking or cleaning or anything else, it's okay for that moment, but when I stop? It's back to square one.

I am exhausted and fed up with everything. I hadn't realized what years of abuse did to me until I moved to a safer environment. I've done like 4 emotional healings. I've done them in the unsafe environment, so that's probably why it didn't help. Could be wrong. I don't know anymore.

Part of me feels that ignoring or pretending like these emotions and feelings don't exist makes it worse. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions.

Does anyone know what I could do?
Thank you.

I would agree that you shouldn't ignore them, but rather try to reflect and process. With a journal, you can catalogue and analyze your feelings and understand on a better level why you feel a certain way. Sometimes this is enough to calm down on your own, but other times you may realize you have take certain actions to alleviate what you are feeling.

If you read about cases of trauma, once the individual is away from the stress and able to relax, then this is when the flashbacks occur. For example, a soldier goes through war and may not have had time to stop and think, but only once he comes home does the gravity of what he had been through sink in, and then he becomes troubled, depressed, etc.

As I believe emotions, relating to the moon, deal heavily with security, usually the individual has to process and learn how to feel safe again. I had read about a person who was physically attacked, and for some time after the attack did they describe an obsession about understanding why that could happen to them. I believe this is the soul/mind attempting to repair the "hole" which may exist emotionally, if that makes sense.

Similarly, I think your own soul is reflecting on the stress it endured and trying to establish a sense of calm and security. If the imprint was made within you that male touch = danger, then now you have to retrain yourself to know that that isn't the case. The same can happen with other triggers. This is not always a matter of logic either, but I would try to focus on actively calming yourself in the presence of the trigger.

I would urge you to read about people who have gone through similar trouble as you have, as that can accelerate your understanding and processing. As mentioned before, also try to think about any actions which may need to take place, as probably this anger needs to be expressed towards whoever harmed you.

Also, I wouldn't say that your emotional healing workings didn't work. Don't ever doubt your workings, as healing can take time. Exhaustion is also normal and again we can see the connection to the Moon, which promotes restfulness. Those with PTSD report sleeping issues, often due to nightmares, as sleep is one way in which we process our feelings. I read a study where people who blocked their dreams, like with alcohol, had stronger flashbacks of nightmares later on, which I assume is because they were avoiding the healing process.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Keep up the good work, as your soul will heal and move past this. You are growing stronger and away from a position of ever getting as wounded again. An advanced soul is able to resist and defend itself more readily, plus it is better trained in healing procedures, etc. So there is progress here; don't feel like you are regressing.

 

[Eternal Sun]

Don't really know what could be the cause for this problem but if I had to guess then I would say It probably has something to do with you Natal Moon/4th House or the Ruler of your Natal 4th house. You said you Moved to a new location and then you started to experience these problems. The 4th house & Ruler of our Natal 4th house rule the Home but don't forget that the 4th house also rules over our psychological foundations.

Maybe there was a recent planetary event that caused this to happen to you such as a transit that somehow brought these emotions to the surface along with moving to a different living place, You could probably take a look at current planetary transits and look at your natal chart to see if anything like this recently occurred.

For dealing with the Issue, this sounds like the Wunjo Rune would be a good choice for healing from negative emotions and psychological stress like this.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

I would agree that you shouldn't ignore them, but rather try to reflect and process. With a journal, you can catalogue and analyze your feelings and understand on a better level why you feel a certain way. Sometimes this is enough to calm down on your own, but other times you may realize you have take certain actions to alleviate what you are feeling.

If you read about cases of trauma, once the individual is away from the stress and able to relax, then this is when the flashbacks occur. For example, a soldier goes through war and may not have had time to stop and think, but only once he comes home does the gravity of what he had been through sink in, and then he becomes troubled, depressed, etc.

As I believe emotions, relating to the moon, deal heavily with security, usually the individual has to process and learn how to feel safe again. I had read about a person who was physically attacked, and for some time after the attack did they describe an obsession about understanding why that could happen to them. I believe this is the soul/mind attempting to repair the "hole" which may exist emotionally, if that makes sense.

Similarly, I think your own soul is reflecting on the stress it endured and trying to establish a sense of calm and security. If the imprint was made within you that male touch = danger, then now you have to retrain yourself to know that that isn't the case. The same can happen with other triggers. This is not always a matter of logic either, but I would try to focus on actively calming yourself in the presence of the trigger.

I would urge you to read about people who have gone through similar trouble as you have, as that can accelerate your understanding and processing. As mentioned before, also try to think about any actions which may need to take place, as probably this anger needs to be expressed towards whoever harmed you.

Also, I wouldn't say that your emotional healing workings didn't work. Don't ever doubt your workings, as healing can take time. Exhaustion is also normal and again we can see the connection to the Moon, which promotes restfulness. Those with PTSD report sleeping issues, often due to nightmares, as sleep is one way in which we process our feelings. I read a study where people who blocked their dreams, like with alcohol, had stronger flashbacks of nightmares later on, which I assume is because they were avoiding the healing process.

Anyway, I hope this helps. Keep up the good work, as your soul will heal and move past this. You are growing stronger and away from a position of ever getting as wounded again. An advanced soul is able to resist and defend itself more readily, plus it is better trained in healing procedures, etc. So there is progress here; don't feel like you are regressing.

Thank you JG Blitzkreig.

I will try journaling, although I dislike it. Perhaps this time will be different.

I will do my best to write back here if there is any change. Thank you!

Don't really know what could be the cause for this problem but if I had to guess then I would say It probably has something to do with you Natal Moon/4th House or the Ruler of your Natal 4th house. You said you Moved to a new location and then you started to experience these problems. The 4th house & Ruler of our Natal 4th house rule the Home but don't forget that the 4th house also rules over our psychological foundations.

Maybe there was a recent planetary event that caused this to happen to you such as a transit that somehow brought these emotions to the surface along with moving to a different living place, You could probably take a look at current planetary transits and look at your natal chart to see if anything like this recently occurred.

For dealing with the Issue, this sounds like the Wunjo Rune would be a good choice for healing from negative emotions and psychological stress like this.

I have looked and I see it. I have a planet affecting these emotions immensely. Thank you.

I'll look for a suitable time to start a healing working and do it then. Thanks!

 

[Epiphany]

Hello,

Ever since the move to a better and healthier, safer, more SS environment, I've noticed that part of me that has been locked away for years is opening up.

All the abuse I went through in my life are coming out in intense emotions and flashes.

For example:

I thought I wasn't scared of a man's touch anymore, but I started to be. My boyfriend has been helping me, however, when I feel these intense and overbearing emotions, any physical touch (even my own) feels like my skin is being burned. It hurts and it makes me feel scared.

Or sometimes these flashes of what had happened to me come flooding my psyche that I feel trapped, not safe and like I am in danger again.

Nobody taught me how to deal with emotions or how to better control them.
I have so much anger inside of myself that it just lashes out in every and any direction it can.

And whenever I distract myself by cooking or cleaning or anything else, it's okay for that moment, but when I stop? It's back to square one.

I am exhausted and fed up with everything. I hadn't realized what years of abuse did to me until I moved to a safer environment. I've done like 4 emotional healings. I've done them in the unsafe environment, so that's probably why it didn't help. Could be wrong. I don't know anymore.

Part of me feels that ignoring or pretending like these emotions and feelings don't exist makes it worse. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions.

Does anyone know what I could do?
Thank you.

When I feel fear, anxiety and anger, I have to do something. These are martian feelings so I push them into martian things. Work, exercise, fighting, etc. I believe this can be influenced by Mars' placement in your chart.

Maybe you should try to find a way to constructively go with the flow. Do martial arts or something. Alot of people with trauma find this cathartic. I found this especially among famous people who had difficult childhoods.

It helps to feel like you're defending yourself or pushing back against the world when you feel you've been encroached on, but there's nobody around you now who deserves retribution for what happened in the past, so you have to find a surrogate enemy, an alternative outlet.

Maybe a sport like BJJ will help you. There is alot of touching and grappling, but it's a controlled environment and less dangerous than impact sports like MMA.

The cooking and cleaning works only while you're doing them because it's a venereal activity. Mars is pacified by Venus. But in the end he is still Mars and without the charms of Venus, he will return to the war path. Mars lives for battle and can only truly be satisfied by battle.

Maybe fighting, in a constructive way, is what will help you the most. You need to restore the sense of control and boundaries and establish trust in yourself that you can keep yourself safe.

 

[Way_Seeker666]

Hello,

Ever since the move to a better and healthier, safer, more SS environment, I've noticed that part of me that has been locked away for years is opening up.

All the abuse I went through in my life are coming out in intense emotions and flashes.

For example:

I thought I wasn't scared of a man's touch anymore, but I started to be. My boyfriend has been helping me, however, when I feel these intense and overbearing emotions, any physical touch (even my own) feels like my skin is being burned. It hurts and it makes me feel scared.

Or sometimes these flashes of what had happened to me come flooding my psyche that I feel trapped, not safe and like I am in danger again.

Nobody taught me how to deal with emotions or how to better control them.
I have so much anger inside of myself that it just lashes out in every and any direction it can.

And whenever I distract myself by cooking or cleaning or anything else, it's okay for that moment, but when I stop? It's back to square one.

I am exhausted and fed up with everything. I hadn't realized what years of abuse did to me until I moved to a safer environment. I've done like 4 emotional healings. I've done them in the unsafe environment, so that's probably why it didn't help. Could be wrong. I don't know anymore.

Part of me feels that ignoring or pretending like these emotions and feelings don't exist makes it worse. I just don't know how to deal with these emotions.

Does anyone know what I could do?
Thank you.

In general, void meditation can help in the moment, but these things must not be just ignored, blocked out or locked away. You have to become free of them.
Something that unexpectedly helped me gain power over my emotions was the 666 meditation. It used to be that my mind was completely dominated by emotions, just powerless against them to the point it caused endless severe problems throughout my life. Doing the 666 meditation daily to raise my energies flipped this around so I could mentally handle and process my emotions with ease. No idea if it will help you but it's worth a try.

For what you most need, High Priestess Lydia once posted a working called "Healing Psychological Trauma" - the instructions for which are as follows.


START: Waning moon in Scorpio, Cancer or Pisces. Never start this working during the void of course moon.

1. Raise your energies
2. Vibrate WUNJO 40 times or 88 times.
3. Affirm 9 times:
“In a positive and healthy manner for me, the energies of [WUNJO or variation of] are totally and completely healing me from any and all psychological, mental and emotional damage and pain forever.”

Do this every day for 40 days, 80 days or 90 days, do not skip a day at any point.

This working may be difficult as it brings things to the surface and clears them out, like the "symptoms" you've been experiencing lately. Just know that this is you healing and let them go, and persevere through the working. You might have to do more than one cycle (40, 80, or 90 days) with a break in between, but when the working is successful you'll be free from all of this and you'll be whole again.

 

[Epiphany]

Priestess Lydia once posted a working called "Healing Psychological Trauma"

This one helped me.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

When I feel fear, anxiety and anger, I have to do something. These are martian feelings so I push them into martian things. Work, exercise, fighting, etc. I believe this can be influenced by Mars' placement in your chart.

Maybe you should try to find a way to constructively go with the flow. Do martial arts or something. Alot of people with trauma find this cathartic. I found this especially among famous people who had difficult childhoods.

It helps to feel like you're defending yourself or pushing back against the world when you feel you've been encroached on, but there's nobody around you now who deserves retribution for what happened in the past, so you have to find a surrogate enemy, an alternative outlet.

Maybe a sport like BJJ will help you. There is alot of touching and grappling, but it's a controlled environment and less dangerous than impact sports like MMA.

The cooking and cleaning works only while you're doing them because it's a venereal activity. Mars is pacified by Venus. But in the end he is still Mars and without the charms of Venus, he will return to the war path. Mars lives for battle and can only truly be satisfied by battle.

Maybe fighting, in a constructive way, is what will help you the most. You need to restore the sense of control and boundaries and establish trust in yourself that you can keep yourself safe.

I have felt that when I am feeling angry I just want to punch a pillow and let it all out. I'll see what could be done. Perhaps getting a punching bag would help, no?

Thank you for your advice.

In general, void meditation can help in the moment, but these things must not be just ignored, blocked out or locked away. You have to become free of them.
Something that unexpectedly helped me gain power over my emotions was the 666 meditation. It used to be that my mind was completely dominated by emotions, just powerless against them to the point it caused endless severe problems throughout my life. Doing the 666 meditation daily to raise my energies flipped this around so I could mentally handle and process my emotions with ease. No idea if it will help you but it's worth a try.

For what you most need, High Priestess Lydia once posted a working called "Healing Psychological Trauma" - the instructions for which are as follows.


START: Waning moon in Scorpio, Cancer or Pisces. Never start this working during the void of course moon.

1. Raise your energies
2. Vibrate WUNJO 40 times or 88 times.
3. Affirm 9 times:
“In a positive and healthy manner for me, the energies of [WUNJO or variation of] are totally and completely healing me from any and all psychological, mental and emotional damage and pain forever.”

Do this every day for 40 days, 80 days or 90 days, do not skip a day at any point.

This working may be difficult as it brings things to the surface and clears them out, like the "symptoms" you've been experiencing lately. Just know that this is you healing and let them go, and persevere through the working. You might have to do more than one cycle (40, 80, or 90 days) with a break in between, but when the working is successful you'll be free from all of this and you'll be whole again.

Thank you!
Do you mean 666 meditation as VU VA VO?
Because if so, I do it everyday with Satanas to raise my energies before each meditation. It does help calm me down.

And I had done HPS Lydia emotional healing twice. Same with JG Blitzkreig's. I did feel JG Blitzkreig's working more, but I think it's the affirmation difference. I'll do it when the time is right. Moon is Waxing right now.

Thank you kindly!!

 

[Way_Seeker666]

Yes, the Vu Va Vo
It may be strange that it helped me, I don't recall ever seeing anyone else mentioning the same.

There are various possible reasons the workings didn't help much (number of reps, quality of reps IE calmness, focus and pronunciation, length of cycle, number of cycles) and
it could also be that something caused a delay in the workings and they're now manifesting - High Priest Hooded Cobra has said this can happen.
Perhaps this is a good time for another cycle since these things are showing themselves.

I suggest you ask your Guardian or Father Satan for guidance on how to solve this issue, it seems it may not be so straight forward. Just keep at it, you can find your way through this into a much better place.

 

[Henu the Great]

I have felt that when I am feeling angry I just want to punch a pillow and let it all out. I'll see what could be done. Perhaps getting a punching bag would help, no?

You need a healthy outlet for this energy, and yes, a punching bag is one option. There are also other options, and if you happen to choose something along the lines of calisthenics or endurance sports such as running, over time you will see positive physical and mental adaptations related to that process. I highly recommend implementing sports into your life as it will increase the value of life.

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

I have felt that when I am feeling angry I just want to punch a pillow and let it all out. I'll see what could be done. Perhaps getting a punching bag would help, no?

Thank you for your advice.




Thank you!
Do you mean 666 meditation as VU VA VO?
Because if so, I do it everyday with Satanas to raise my energies before each meditation. It does help calm me down.

And I had done HPS Lydia emotional healing twice. Same with JG Blitzkreig's. I did feel JG Blitzkreig's working more, but I think it's the affirmation difference. I'll do it when the time is right. Moon is Waxing right now.

Thank you kindly!!

Like said before, when you move out of a situation everything that wasn't processed starts to process.
Thats why the flashbacks occur ...

I have done Lydia's healing working in the past (2 cycles of 90 days actually) and although it helped, some things did not change. I think I will opt for another cycle myself later on.

Getting the pent up energy out would really help. So indeed punching your pillow a couple of times, or even finding a place where you can go to with an instructor where you can actually learn things would also be helpful rather than be on a path of random destruction lol.

You could also consider going into therapy..

Whilst you are processing this trauma, it leaves you with less than that you'd have been capable of, but keep in mind that this is only temporary. Once its done, its done, and you should be better off eventually.

There are crystals that can be used when one is experiencing traumatic experiences. Here is a list from Judy Hall's Crystal bible (At the back of the book there is a list with indications/words. These were listed under 'trauma'):
Pink Calcite, Chiastolite, Fuchsite, Tangerine Quartz, Rose Quartz, Rhodonite, Zincite, Tourmalinated quartz.

Pick what suits you. The only ones I've got experience with are Rose Quartz and Golden Healer (Not indicated as helping with trauma by Judy Hall, but was listed as such elsewhere; its listed under Quartz in The Crystal Bible, Volume III by Judy Hall - though if you search around the web you could probably still find the info). The latter one also releases negative energy from your chakra's and I've found that this is not a stone that I want to carry with me all day long.

I would also like to remind you, that cleaning (AC) is important during this time.

Some other thing I'd like to mention here, are breathing exercises. These are also listed and often used in therapy (again, search the web) to help you be more in the here and now. Those also often include feeling parts of your body. (Because what oftens happens with trauma, is you disconnect.)

If I find anything else I might add it, but that depends.

 

[WoadWarrior]

My advice is somewhat different but you can use Isa as a stopgap to provide you emotional relief as you do other longer term workings, by vibrating Isa into your head while visualising it as a cool white light and affirming that in a strictly positive and beneficial way for you the energies of Isa are keeping you emotionally calm and binding and preventing harmful unwanted thoughts you will find very quick and immedate relief at least its worked that way in my experience, the issue is however is that isa is a rune of binding as such as you clean your soul you will remove this binding but thats a good thing its only really a stopgap bandaid solution for when you are desperate.

The ritual of Anubis may also help you as his energy is extremely calming and gentle conversely Baalzebul or Amon their energies may fill you with greater confidence and burn some of the negativity away but I would try Anubis first as the latter rituals may overstimulate you and Baalzebul due to his rulerships his energy may cause you to have to confront these emotions which in the long term is extremely beneficial but may be too much for you right now. It is extremely important after doing the ritual to look at the sigil of the God I do so for at least 5 minutes this is how you recieve their energy, if you dont do this then you wont recieve anything (at least in my experience).

Longer term solutions include what others have mentioned but I can personally reccomend vibrating SaTaNaMa throughout your soul, no affirmation is neccesary and you can can focus it on specific body parts or chakras, its always a beneficial chant, it always helps and you can no literally never go wrong by using that mantra, chant it while focusing and meditating but you can also do it whole watching tv or reading a book, remeber to breathe in bright energy on the inhale as you do the mantra however or you may exhaust your soul.

But let it never be said that rage is a bad thing, have you tried cursing those who abused you? Its extremely important to get justice in order to recover from abuse if these peoples abuse was more emotional and you dont want to seriously harm them e.g your parents you can use Ehwaz to make them feel and understand the pain they caused you and feel the full weight of the guilt that they deserve which dosent harm them but it does get you justice, if however you want them to suffer I strongly reccomend cursing them, cursing those who wrong you is wonderful and empowering.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Yes, the Vu Va Vo
It may be strange that it helped me, I don't recall ever seeing anyone else mentioning the same.

There are various possible reasons the workings didn't help much (number of reps, quality of reps IE calmness, focus and pronunciation, length of cycle, number of cycles) and
it could also be that something caused a delay in the workings and they're now manifesting - High Priest Hooded Cobra has said this can happen.
Perhaps this is a good time for another cycle since these things are showing themselves.

I suggest you ask your Guardian or Father Satan for guidance on how to solve this issue, it seems it may not be so straight forward. Just keep at it, you can find your way through this into a much better place.

Thank you! That is a great idea! I'll search for a suitable time. I do want to start another working alongside it on the 23rd of this Month.

You need a healthy outlet for this energy, and yes, a punching bag is one option. There are also other options, and if you happen to choose something along the lines of calisthenics or endurance sports such as running, over time you will see positive physical and mental adaptations related to that process. I highly recommend implementing sports into your life as it will increase the value of life.

Thank you!
As of right now, I am in no position in getting an instructor or such to help me with this. It's hard for me to open up to people nowadays, just part of me feels like I'm still in danger and not safe.

In this new environment there is an exercise bike, I'll see if that'll help let off some steam.

Like said before, when you move out of a situation everything that wasn't processed starts to process.
Thats why the flashbacks occur ...

I have done Lydia's healing working in the past (2 cycles of 90 days actually) and although it helped, some things did not change. I think I will opt for another cycle myself later on.

Getting the pent up energy out would really help. So indeed punching your pillow a couple of times, or even finding a place where you can go to with an instructor where you can actually learn things would also be helpful rather than be on a path of random destruction lol.

You could also consider going into therapy..

Whilst you are processing this trauma, it leaves you with less than that you'd have been capable of, but keep in mind that this is only temporary. Once its done, its done, and you should be better off eventually.

There are crystals that can be used when one is experiencing traumatic experiences. Here is a list from Judy Hall's Crystal bible (At the back of the book there is a list with indications/words. These were listed under 'trauma'):
Pink Calcite, Chiastolite, Fuchsite, Tangerine Quartz, Rose Quartz, Rhodonite, Zincite, Tourmalinated quartz.

Pick what suits you. The only ones I've got experience with are Rose Quartz and Golden Healer (Not indicated as helping with trauma by Judy Hall, but was listed as such elsewhere; its listed under Quartz in The Crystal Bible, Volume III by Judy Hall - though if you search around the web you could probably still find the info). The latter one also releases negative energy from your chakra's and I've found that this is not a stone that I want to carry with me all day long.

I would also like to remind you, that cleaning (AC) is important during this time.

Some other thing I'd like to mention here, are breathing exercises. These are also listed and often used in therapy (again, search the web) to help you be more in the here and now. Those also often include feeling parts of your body. (Because what oftens happens with trauma, is you disconnect.)

If I find anything else I might add it, but that depends.

Thank you kindly for this wonderful information!! It was very much appreciated! I'll see if I can get a Rose Quartz as that one helps with the heart too as I've been experiencing heart palpitations from the stress.

And you are right about disconnecting part.
I find that just doing things everyday helps keep my mind off of things. I'm productive and I move around, instead of just laying in bed all day or such. But the downside (I think?) Is that I end up doing too much and stress myself out. I just can't stop.

But yes, thank you for the information! It is much appreciated. I appreciate everyone's given information and advice!

 

[Lightning_Puma]

My advice is somewhat different but you can use Isa as a stopgap to provide you emotional relief as you do other longer term workings, by vibrating Isa into your head while visualising it as a cool white light and affirming that in a strictly positive and beneficial way for you the energies of Isa are keeping you emotionally calm and binding and preventing harmful unwanted thoughts you will find very quick and immedate relief at least its worked that way in my experience, the issue is however is that isa is a rune of binding as such as you clean your soul you will remove this binding but thats a good thing its only really a stopgap bandaid solution for when you are desperate.

The ritual of Anubis may also help you as his energy is extremely calming and gentle conversely Baalzebul or Amon their energies may fill you with greater confidence and burn some of the negativity away but I would try Anubis first as the latter rituals may overstimulate you and Baalzebul due to his rulerships his energy may cause you to have to confront these emotions which in the long term is extremely beneficial but may be too much for you right now. It is extremely important after doing the ritual to look at the sigil of the God I do so for at least 5 minutes this is how you recieve their energy, if you dont do this then you wont recieve anything (at least in my experience).

Longer term solutions include what others have mentioned but I can personally reccomend vibrating SaTaNaMa throughout your soul, no affirmation is neccesary and you can can focus it on specific body parts or chakras, its always a beneficial chant, it always helps and you can no literally never go wrong by using that mantra, chant it while focusing and meditating but you can also do it whole watching tv or reading a book, remeber to breathe in bright energy on the inhale as you do the mantra however or you may exhaust your soul.

But let it never be said that rage is a bad thing, have you tried cursing those who abused you? Its extremely important to get justice in order to recover from abuse if these peoples abuse was more emotional and you dont want to seriously harm them e.g your parents you can use Ehwaz to make them feel and understand the pain they caused you and feel the full weight of the guilt that they deserve which dosent harm them but it does get you justice, if however you want them to suffer I strongly reccomend cursing them, cursing those who wrong you is wonderful and empowering.

I have thought of cursing them in the past, but I just knew I wasn't strong enough back then. I'll see what can be done over time. I don't want to do too much meditations in a day as that ends up just burning me out eventually.

As for Isa, I just now remembered HPS Lydia's email from last year where she mentioned to vibrate Mannaz or Isa for 20 times with no affirmation to help calm one's mind or such. But I'll keep your suggestion in mind.

And yes, I'll do SaTaNaMa mantra later today. It is calming I agree. I didn't know about visualising a bright light tho, so thank you.

And thank you for the suggestion of the Gods rituals. I find the new ritual helps me release tension and feel happier.

 

[Henu the Great]

chant it while focusing and meditating but you can also do it whole watching tv or reading a book

Absolutely not.

Going further in this, all what I was listening and being focused on, it programmed my vibrations without knowing. It took me time to understand and clean all of this mess.

I know we are living life and things happen surrounding us. Listening to music, putting a show while you do your "boring routine". I know advanced people have done this, but this is wrong. Even as a begginer, avoid this.

Focus exclusively

When I was a begginer, and I did vibrations and foundation meditation, I did this with exclusive focus and big curiosity. Started then too see that this really works, and had small biolectricity increase, my mind was peaceful, my body came to be very comfortable. Well, from this good comfort...

www.ancient-forums.com

 

[WoadWarrior]

Absolutely not.

Going further in this, all what I was listening and being focused on, it programmed my vibrations without knowing. It took me time to understand and clean all of this mess.

I know we are living life and things happen surrounding us. Listening to music, putting a show while you do your "boring routine". I know advanced people have done this, but this is wrong. Even as a begginer, avoid this.

Focus exclusively

When I was a begginer, and I did vibrations and foundation meditation, I did this with exclusive focus and big curiosity. Started then too see that this really works, and had small biolectricity increase, my mind was peaceful, my body came to be very comfortable. Well, from this good comfort...

www.ancient-forums.com

Strange thats always been the opposite of my experience when I watch things it allows my senses to focus on something but allows my mind to focus on the vibration and its affects kinda like flame meditation, I also always assumed a part of spiritual progression was the ability to merge the physical and spiritual e.g perform spiritual activities during everyday life, such as energy breathing when exercising or at work, but this idea of vibrations and energies being subconciously programmed is something I hadnt really considered, I will have to consult with the Gods about this to see if I should change my routine.

If it is the case I will have to reduce my workload massively as I currently dedicate about 6 hours a day to exclusively spiritual work and I simply would get bored and distracted but its definitly something I will investigate.

 

[Cosmic6999]

Me with journaling I focus more on void meditation and I write music but I stop n I do it every now and again

 

[Henu the Great]

Strange thats always been the opposite of my experience when I watch things it allows my senses to focus on something but allows my mind to focus on the vibration and its affects kinda like flame meditation

That is not something out of the ordinary, but having one part of the mind focus on media which in this case has its own set of influence on the mind is not recommended, especially in the context of this topic.

Even if you are able to have success in this manner, your consciousness would be split fifty-fifty between these two tasks, unless you are making yourself go 200% for the duration of the task which seems unrealistic, and even then there is the risk of having outside influence your meditation.

I also always assumed a part of spiritual progression was the ability to merge the physical and spiritual e.g perform spiritual activities during everyday life, such as energy breathing when exercising or at work, but this idea of vibrations and energies being subconciously programmed is something I hadnt really considered, I will have to consult with the Gods about this to see if I should change my routine.

This is doable with some methods to an extent, but not in most cases. For example, some breathing exercises and void meditation can be implemented in this manner, yes.

If it is the case I will have to reduce my workload massively as I currently dedicate about 6 hours a day to exclusively spiritual work and I simply would get bored and distracted but its definitly something I will investigate.

It is quite alarming that you associate some form of instant gratification with meditation practices. That surely can not be a good point to grow from.

At the end of the day if you want to do things this way, please do so if you must, but please refrain from advising others to do the same because others might not have superpowers and would get hindered.

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

Thank you kindly for this wonderful information!! It was very much appreciated! I'll see if I can get a Rose Quartz as that one helps with the heart too as I've been experiencing heart palpitations from the stress.

And you are right about disconnecting part.
I find that just doing things everyday helps keep my mind off of things. I'm productive and I move around, instead of just laying in bed all day or such. But the downside (I think?) Is that I end up doing too much and stress myself out. I just can't stop.

But yes, thank you for the information! It is much appreciated. I appreciate everyone's given information and advice!

Hey, I thought of a couple of other things.

Moving homes by itself is already stressful, and stress can also trigger flashbacks.

Some information I was looking at about addictions is that they say that often they wanted to escape from something, or not feel something. Although we all need a break from stuff from time to time tbf, there are unhealthy ways to do this. Note: I am not talking about alcoholism, smoking and drug abuse here, though these are the most apparent ones.
Keeping yourself busy all day, or binge watching series and being unable to stop doing this (or even obsessive compulsive cleaning) is a form of escapism, but also a trend in addiction.

One of the videos that ended up in my to watch suggestions was literally titled 'Addicted? Quit rejecting yourself' (translated title).

It is also important that you do take time off, and just be with yourself (take your time). I understand that this can be hard and maybe not something that you want to do right now.

Something I always found helpful when I wasn't feeling well was going out in nature. Nature frequencies (energy) are healing to the body. Sometimes an hour is not enough. But an afternoon maybe. Or maybe even longer is necessary. On an energetic level, exchanging with the environment, it changes the vibration of the aura, in turn affecting your emotions.
Natural earths energy works harmonizing, thats why it feels so healing.. Some therapies litterally prescribe forest bathing as part of the treatment..

Meditating on sigils also changes the pattern of energy.. if you know the sigil of your guardian you could ask if you can meditate on it for this purpose.

... HPS Lydia posted the '5 element Qi Gong practice' a couple of years ago. This practice works on bringing the 5 elements in balance (TCM) which correspondent with certain organs, but in TCM also feelings are linked to the organs. By working on balancing your health, you also bring your emotions back in balance.
I noticed that by doing this practice, to me, the emotions that I had were not as overwhelmingly intense as they were before I started..

From a book that I was reading (but paused atm) listed an exercise that is supposed to help with becoming aware of the body. It is described as follows:
The therapist asks the cliënt to make the VUU sound, till the breath runs out and to focus on feeling this in the belly. He then asks to imagine that they are a misthorn in a foggy harbor, whilst making the sound, to alert the ships on approaching land, and to bring them to a safe haven. (This inspires the cliënt to the accepting of a protective role; seafarers and passengers must be protected against possible danger.)Draw the breath back in, till the lungs are full, no pressure, then breathe it all out again (don't force it out, do this relaxed), making the VUU sound. Repeat a couple of times, then rest. Draw the attention to the body, in particular the lower belly. How does it feel?
[Peter A. Levine - De stem van je lichaam - page 155 / 156]

.. I wish I knew of a way to get rid of trauma completely.. something that works, and can be explained in text properly.. but this is all I've got so far.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Hey, I thought of a couple of other things.

Moving homes by itself is already stressful, and stress can also trigger flashbacks.

Some information I was looking at about addictions is that they say that often they wanted to escape from something, or not feel something. Although we all need a break from stuff from time to time tbf, there are unhealthy ways to do this. Note: I am not talking about alcoholism, smoking and drug abuse here, though these are the most apparent ones.
Keeping yourself busy all day, or binge watching series and being unable to stop doing this (or even obsessive compulsive cleaning) is a form of escapism, but also a trend in addiction.

One of the videos that ended up in my to watch suggestions was literally titled 'Addicted? Quit rejecting yourself' (translated title).

It is also important that you do take time off, and just be with yourself (take your time). I understand that this can be hard and maybe not something that you want to do right now.

Something I always found helpful when I wasn't feeling well was going out in nature. Nature frequencies (energy) are healing to the body. Sometimes an hour is not enough. But an afternoon maybe. Or maybe even longer is necessary. On an energetic level, exchanging with the environment, it changes the vibration of the aura, in turn affecting your emotions.
Natural earths energy works harmonizing, thats why it feels so healing.. Some therapies litterally prescribe forest bathing as part of the treatment..

Meditating on sigils also changes the pattern of energy.. if you know the sigil of your guardian you could ask if you can meditate on it for this purpose.

... HPS Lydia posted the '5 element Qi Gong practice' a couple of years ago. This practice works on bringing the 5 elements in balance (TCM) which correspondent with certain organs, but in TCM also feelings are linked to the organs. By working on balancing your health, you also bring your emotions back in balance.
I noticed that by doing this practice, to me, the emotions that I had were not as overwhelmingly intense as they were before I started..

From a book that I was reading (but paused atm) listed an exercise that is supposed to help with becoming aware of the body. It is described as follows:
The therapist asks the cliënt to make the VUU sound, till the breath runs out and to focus on feeling this in the belly. He then asks to imagine that they are a misthorn in a foggy harbor, whilst making the sound, to alert the ships on approaching land, and to bring them to a safe haven. (This inspires the cliënt to the accepting of a protective role; seafarers and passengers must be protected against possible danger.)Draw the breath back in, till the lungs are full, no pressure, then breathe it all out again (don't force it out, do this relaxed), making the VUU sound. Repeat a couple of times, then rest. Draw the attention to the body, in particular the lower belly. How does it feel?
[Peter A. Levine - De stem van je lichaam - page 155 / 156]

.. I wish I knew of a way to get rid of trauma completely.. something that works, and can be explained in text properly.. but this is all I've got so far.

Sister (if I may call you like that), thank you kindly for your immense help and advices.

The 2 main reasons why I do so much everyday is to 1) escape all these flashes and emotions, and 2) so I don't feel like a burden or like I'm a leech to my bf. He says I've done so much already and to stop and rest, but part of me is feeling like I didn't even do that much.

I think it's to do that even back home even when I did so much it wasn't enough or even appreciated, just critiqued and belittled. I think it damaged my self-esteem in many ways, not just from this, but many other reasons. I hate feeling like I'm not enough.

VUU exercise really calmed me down. Thank you!! I could feel this calming energy overcoming my lower body and solar chakra. It felt really nice. Thank you!!

Munka can get rid of trauma, no?

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

Sister (if I may call you like that), thank you kindly for your immense help and advices.

Yes, of course. And you're welcome

The 2 main reasons why I do so much everyday is to 1) escape all these flashes and emotions, and 2) so I don't feel like a burden or like I'm a leech to my bf. He says I've done so much already and to stop and rest, but part of me is feeling like I didn't even do that much.

I think it's to do that even back home even when I did so much it wasn't enough or even appreciated, just critiqued and belittled. I think it damaged my self-esteem in many ways, not just from this, but many other reasons. I hate feeling like I'm not enough.

VUU exercise really calmed me down. Thank you!! I could feel this calming energy overcoming my lower body and solar chakra. It felt really nice. Thank you!!

Munka can get rid of trauma, no?

Sometimes its also acknowledging that we can't carry the burden of the entire world on our shoulders. There are unfortunately people out there that do not understand anothers situation and find it hard to have true compassion. It is like they just see you whilst you are on your 15 minute break, and just tell you go to back to work because you're loitering around or w/e.

(Those kind of people do not belong in your life either ... )

It is difficult to overcome but start by accepting that if you are tired and stressed and you still did the laundry, you still did something (even if you did nothing that day, don't blame yourself for it. We all need rest and complete days off). Taking care of yourself, so that you feel happy and healthy and have a buffer for when things don't go as well or don't go as planned.. so you can deal with social situations properly.. is worth way more than overtaxing yourself to 'prove yourself' or something.

Also we humans have something like an 'adjustment period'.. Some people deal with changes better than others but in general getting into a routine takes less energy than constantly having to deal with or compensate for changes or unforseen circumstances coming onto your path.

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

I would recommend to do some spiritual sun squares later on to boost your confidence / self esteem / sense of self worth. But to also work on your mental health, so negative thought patterns won't keep creeping up on you.



... what I meant by this: "I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely" is that due to trauma certain responses can get stuck in the body. Triggers were mentioned before, things that provoke a certain response out of you. You can look at it, think about it, think maybe 'next time I want to try x y or z'.
But sometimes such responses are so hard-wired into you, that you cannot open up to even see new sides to a situation or to even be able to take a step back and try a different response.
Such behavior becomes part of you, some might consider it even being a personality trait of you, but it does not have to appear in your natal chart. Such responses are involuntary.
In example you read something of an unpleasant nature and your vision gets blurry or covered with black spots (=you black out). Or one person says just one word to you and you are immediately trembling on your legs. (I am not talking doctors office bad news talk here. I am talking flight / fight / freeze response *and beyond that* here, taken outside of a healthy situation, wherein normally this response is necessary to protect your life.)

Look, for a working always visualize the best possible outcome that you can think of. I am certain that gains can be made and things can be completely resolved, but depending on the severity of the situation you might need additional help (which is why I mentioned therapy in an earlier post).


If someone disagrees with me on the latter part; it would be interesting to see your opinion/findings too.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Yes, of course. And you're welcome



Sometimes its also acknowledging that we can't carry the burden of the entire world on our shoulders. There are unfortunately people out there that do not understand anothers situation and find it hard to have true compassion. It is like they just see you whilst you are on your 15 minute break, and just tell you go to back to work because you're loitering around or w/e.

(Those kind of people do not belong in your life either ... )

It is difficult to overcome but start by accepting that if you are tired and stressed and you still did the laundry, you still did something (even if you did nothing that day, don't blame yourself for it. We all need rest and complete days off). Taking care of yourself, so that you feel happy and healthy and have a buffer for when things don't go as well or don't go as planned.. so you can deal with social situations properly.. is worth way more than overtaxing yourself to 'prove yourself' or something.

Also we humans have something like an 'adjustment period'.. Some people deal with changes better than others but in general getting into a routine takes less energy than constantly having to deal with or compensate for changes or unforseen circumstances coming onto your path.

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

I would recommend to do some spiritual sun squares later on to boost your confidence / self esteem / sense of self worth. But to also work on your mental health, so negative thought patterns won't keep creeping up on you.



... what I meant by this: "I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely" is that due to trauma certain responses can get stuck in the body. Triggers were mentioned before, things that provoke a certain response out of you. You can look at it, think about it, think maybe 'next time I want to try x y or z'.
But sometimes such responses are so hard-wired into you, that you cannot open up to even see new sides to a situation or to even be able to take a step back and try a different response.
Such behavior becomes part of you, some might consider it even being a personality trait of you, but it does not have to appear in your natal chart. Such responses are involuntary.
In example you read something of an unpleasant nature and your vision gets blurry or covered with black spots (=you black out). Or one person says just one word to you and you are immediately trembling on your legs. (I am not talking doctors office bad news talk here. I am talking flight / fight / freeze response *and beyond that* here, taken outside of a healthy situation, wherein normally this response is necessary to

Yes, of course. And you're welcome



Sometimes its also acknowledging that we can't carry the burden of the entire world on our shoulders. There are unfortunately people out there that do not understand anothers situation and find it hard to have true compassion. It is like they just see you whilst you are on your 15 minute break, and just tell you go to back to work because you're loitering around or w/e.

(Those kind of people do not belong in your life either ... )

It is difficult to overcome but start by accepting that if you are tired and stressed and you still did the laundry, you still did something (even if you did nothing that day, don't blame yourself for it. We all need rest and complete days off). Taking care of yourself, so that you feel happy and healthy and have a buffer for when things don't go as well or don't go as planned.. so you can deal with social situations properly.. is worth way more than overtaxing yourself to 'prove yourself' or something.

Also we humans have something like an 'adjustment period'.. Some people deal with changes better than others but in general getting into a routine takes less energy than constantly having to deal with or compensate for changes or unforseen circumstances coming onto your path.

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

I would recommend to do some spiritual sun squares later on to boost your confidence / self esteem / sense of self worth. But to also work on your mental health, so negative thought patterns won't keep creeping up on you.



... what I meant by this: "I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely" is that due to trauma certain responses can get stuck in the body. Triggers were mentioned before, things that provoke a certain response out of you. You can look at it, think about it, think maybe 'next time I want to try x y or z'.
But sometimes such responses are so hard-wired into you, that you cannot open up to even see new sides to a situation or to even be able to take a step back and try a different response.
Such behavior becomes part of you, some might consider it even being a personality trait of you, but it does not have to appear in your natal chart. Such responses are involuntary.
In example you read something of an unpleasant nature and your vision gets blurry or covered with black spots (=you black out). Or one person says just one word to you and you are immediately trembling on your legs. (I am not talking doctors office bad news talk here. I am talking flight / fight / freeze response *and beyond that* here, taken outside of a healthy situation, wherein normally this response is necessary to protect your life.)

Look, for a working always visualize the best possible outcome that you can think of. I am certain that gains can be made and things can be completely resolved, but depending on the severity of the situation you might need additional help (which is why I mentioned therapy in an earlier post).


If someone disagrees with me on the latter part; it would be interesting to see your opinion/findings too.

protect your life.)

Look, for a working always visualize the best possible outcome that you can think of. I am certain that gains can be made and things can be completely resolved, but depending on the severity of the situation you might need additional help (which is why I mentioned therapy in an earlier post).


If someone disagrees with me on the latter part; it would be interesting to see your opinion/findings too.

Sister, thank you so much for this!!

I was feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed, but reading your response really helped calm me down and made me feel better. I appreciate what you do!

For a long time, from both it being drilled into my mind and from low self esteem, I've thought that having time to myself is too selfish and wrong. It would explain why I would end up burning myself out with meditation a lot and doing too much to where it overwhelmed me. It was only because I wanted to feel useful for once, you know?

Thank you kindly!

I do want to go to therapy, but I have to sort out a bunch of legal stuff first before I can. I have a feeling that everything is going to be okay.

 

[Wotanwarrior]

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

Good luck to you! I hope it isn't overwhelming!

 

[Lightning_Puma]

...

Hey, I just wanted to say that my bf got me a rose quartz! At first it took me a bit to get familiar with it, but afterwards it felt like it was actually healing me. It is very nice to hold it!

I ended up falling asleep with it and I had the most peaceful sleep in years. No bad dreams, no feeling like I didn't even get enough sleep, nothing like that! It feels great!!

I've been also reading this book about trauma and it is very interesting. It is by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

Sister, thank you so much for this!!

I was feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed, but reading your response really helped calm me down and made me feel better. I appreciate what you do!

For a long time, from both it being drilled into my mind and from low self esteem, I've thought that having time to myself is too selfish and wrong. It would explain why I would end up burning myself out with meditation a lot and doing too much to where it overwhelmed me. It was only because I wanted to feel useful for once, you know?

Thank you kindly!

I do want to go to therapy, but I have to sort out a bunch of legal stuff first before I can. I have a feeling that everything is going to be okay.

Sometimes the people that tell you and call you selfish are the selfish ones themselves. A lot of things have been said to me in the past, often without context, and it was just being a reflexion of themselves.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to feel useful for someone, but it must also be appreciated. When you do hard work and there is no reward, not even a compliment though you deserve one, or a positive note on something, you can get hung up on it and it can really harm your self esteem.
Compliment yourself for the things that you can do/are doing. Do not hate yourself (or be mad at yourself) for what you did not accomplish yet.

I still struggle with things. 5 years ago it was suggested to me to consider talking to a psychologist, but I did not want to back then. It's only when things got so bad that I was having trouble in the day to day life that I considered giving it a try. Over here there is a waiting list so its not like you can sign up and get started straight away. In the meantime I ended up trying to finish some big things that were weighing on my mind quite heavily, and therapy just clashed with the amount of effort I had to put into these.
Then when I ended up somewhere we were twisting and turning around the thing, not going anywhere, so I ended up opting for a different therapist.

It has been and still is an ongoing journey for me.

Healing trauma takes time and a lot of energy so its good that you want to finish these legal things first.

Hey, I just wanted to say that my bf got me a rose quartz! At first it took me a bit to get familiar with it, but afterwards it felt like it was actually healing me. It is very nice to hold it!

I ended up falling asleep with it and I had the most peaceful sleep in years. No bad dreams, no feeling like I didn't even get enough sleep, nothing like that! It feels great!!

I've been also reading this book about trauma and it is very interesting. It is by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

Glad to hear this!
I heard that name before - I think I saw it mentioned in a youtube video.
There was a video about how trauma changes the brain - I am not sure if Bessel Van Der Kolk was linked to that or if it was someone else.

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

Sometimes the work for trauma healing and psychological healing can be require very long time , I am doing a healing work with the Wunjo rune that Blitzkreig published and when I started to notice a substantial improvement was when I reached 240 days, I plan to do it for a whole year or even longer depending on how I see it.

I noticed when doing Lydia's psychological healing that at first it'd seem to do a lot, but over time it lessened. Like maybe it needed more of a buffer or it needed to build up more for more deep seated things? Increasing the reps helped, I remember. I wonder if you experienced the same thing?

 

[Henu the Great]

To be completely honest, I am not sure if munka can get rid of trauma completely, but it can help to get rid of negative energy (or karma) connected to a situation.

When we are talking about emotional trauma one needs to harmonize their mind from such events. Munka distances yourself from what caused it, but the consequence, ie. trauma, has to be operated on separately.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Sometimes the people that tell you and call you selfish are the selfish ones themselves. A lot of things have been said to me in the past, often without context, and it was just being a reflexion of themselves.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to feel useful for someone, but it must also be appreciated. When you do hard work and there is no reward, not even a compliment though you deserve one, or a positive note on something, you can get hung up on it and it can really harm your self esteem.
Compliment yourself for the things that you can do/are doing. Do not hate yourself (or be mad at yourself) for what you did not accomplish yet.

I still struggle with things. 5 years ago it was suggested to me to consider talking to a psychologist, but I did not want to back then. It's only when things got so bad that I was having trouble in the day to day life that I considered giving it a try. Over here there is a waiting list so its not like you can sign up and get started straight away. In the meantime I ended up trying to finish some big things that were weighing on my mind quite heavily, and therapy just clashed with the amount of effort I had to put into these.
Then when I ended up somewhere we were twisting and turning around the thing, not going anywhere, so I ended up opting for a different therapist.

It has been and still is an ongoing journey for me.

Healing trauma takes time and a lot of energy so its good that you want to finish these legal things first.


Glad to hear this!
I heard that name before - I think I saw it mentioned in a youtube video.
There was a video about how trauma changes the brain - I am not sure if Bessel Van Der Kolk was linked to that or if it was someone else.

Sister, I am so sorry you went through such terrible stuff, it is not nice.
I hope you are feeling better. You are doing great!

And you are right, not being thanked after doing something good is bad. I never got a thank you when I did something good.

Like there was this one time when I went to collect my dogs droppings in a trash bag and then my mom was thanking, yes, thanking, my dog for literally shitting. That made me feel absolutely pathetic and useless.

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I noticed when doing Lydia's psychological healing that at first it'd seem to do a lot, but over time it lessened. Like maybe it needed more of a buffer or it needed to build up more for more deep seated things? Increasing the reps helped, I remember. I wonder if you experienced the same thing?

Yes it happened to me, when there are many accumulated traumas at the beginning there is usually a lot of resistance and then as you go cleaning it and freeing yourself it becomes less hard.
I already did another similar work in 2019 that was even harder than this one.

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

Sister, I am so sorry you went through such terrible stuff, it is not nice.
I hope you are feeling better. You are doing great!

And you are right, not being thanked after doing something good is bad. I never got a thank you when I did something good.

Like there was this one time when I went to collect my dogs droppings in a trash bag and then my mom was thanking, yes, thanking, my dog for literally shitting. That made me feel absolutely pathetic and useless.

There are people out there that unfortunately do not think or consider this towards another person. And it seems to be something that is more common in the earlier (or at least, the last before us) generations.

What you said here does not sound like she appreciated you.. It sounds more like what a slavedriver (literally translated this word from dutch so its probably non excistent in english - slavendrijver - it is someone that would put slaves to work; work till you drop kind of vibes) would do.

Growing up in the household that I did grew up in, I didn't feel that much appreciated either, but at least my parents cared, and tried to help me (though they didn't really show it, and it was in a rather distant manner). It just really sucked that it felt like I could not trust them with what was going on in my life outside of the house (because of their behavior and things they said).

I was looking for some course paperwork that I had followed when I was 13. But I cannot find it. It had some exercises on it and I was thinking that maybe they could be helpful for others. But then I need to find it and see what they were first haha.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

There are people out there that unfortunately do not think or consider this towards another person. And it seems to be something that is more common in the earlier (or at least, the last before us) generations.

What you said here does not sound like she appreciated you.. It sounds more like what a slavedriver (literally translated this word from dutch so its probably non excistent in english - slavendrijver - it is someone that would put slaves to work; work till you drop kind of vibes) would do.

Growing up in the household that I did grew up in, I didn't feel that much appreciated either, but at least my parents cared, and tried to help me (though they didn't really show it, and it was in a rather distant manner). It just really sucked that it felt like I could not trust them with what was going on in my life outside of the house (because of their behavior and things they said).

I was looking for some course paperwork that I had followed when I was 13. But I cannot find it. It had some exercises on it and I was thinking that maybe they could be helpful for others. But then I need to find it and see what they were first haha.

You are right, thank you.

And I am sorry it was like that with your parents. Hopefully the new generation of parents (either SS or good people that care) are better parents than the previous generation in all honesty.

I hope you can find those exercises then! I hope they help you too!

 

[Lunar Dance 666]

You are right, thank you.

And I am sorry it was like that with your parents. Hopefully the new generation of parents (either SS or good people that care) are better parents than the previous generation in all honesty.

I hope you can find those exercises then! I hope they help you too!

Well, I did not find them.. but thats fine. I remember some of the things that I had to do though.

Like... write down a scenario, and the behavior that I had. Write down the thoughts, flip it around, make it a positive thought (I was not good at this). Compliment myself on the things that I did well.

Most that I struggled with back then, was that I thought, that any compliment that was made by someone else (I rarely got any anyway) they just made as a joke and that in reality they thought something really awful of me. Like it wasn't meant. That they were just playing me for a fool.
...

Anyway, I found this article. Its something that you are asked to fill in if you do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Its an example of a behavioral diagram:

Event
I walk through the forest and see a man with a dog.

Feeling and how strong was this feeling in %
Fear 80%

Behavior, what did you do or did you not do:
With a wide circle I went around the dog and the man.

Thinking out automatic thoughts / images and testing them. Why does it feel so nasty to think this? What can happen in the worst case scenario? What does this mean for my life / future?
If I get attacked I get injured and I end up in the hospital.

Select the central thought and the credibility. Write the most important thought that you want to explore.
I get attacked by the dog 80 %

Evidence for those that support the central thought:
I have been attacked before by a dog.
I have seen on tv that there are a lot of people bitten by a dog.
The dog looked at me as if it was wicked (or mad).

Evidences that devalue the central thought:
I walk a lot through the forest and I've never been attacked by a dog.
The dog listened good to the man.
I saw the dog was wagging its tail. Then he is happy.

How credible is the central thougth now in % ?
60%

Helping thought. Realistic balanced thought, credibility of this new thought:
Dogs can attack, thats why its good to be careful. But a small circle is enough.

The effect of the new thought:
Relief, had a bit more excitement about going to the forest.

What am I going to do as a concrete step to belief this thought? Which behavioral experiment am I going to execute?:
I am going to watch to a video of Martin Gauss to see how to act with dogs and then I am going to make the wide bends that I've been walking, smaller.

What were the most important thinking mistakes that I've made previously?
I did not estimate the chance well enough.
I underestimated my own possibilities.

[Source: Vizier, Winter 2019, page 11] Sorry, I probably butchered some sentences. Translating from dutch to english out the top of your head is not the easiest.

 

[Lightning_Puma]

Well, I did not find them.. but thats fine. I remember some of the things that I had to do though.

Like... write down a scenario, and the behavior that I had. Write down the thoughts, flip it around, make it a positive thought (I was not good at this). Compliment myself on the things that I did well.

Most that I struggled with back then, was that I thought, that any compliment that was made by someone else (I rarely got any anyway) they just made as a joke and that in reality they thought something really awful of me. Like it wasn't meant. That they were just playing me for a fool.
...

Anyway, I found this article. Its something that you are asked to fill in if you do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Its an example of a behavioral diagram:

Event
I walk through the forest and see a man with a dog.

Feeling and how strong was this feeling in %
Fear 80%

Behavior, what did you do or did you not do:
With a wide circle I went around the dog and the man.

Thinking out automatic thoughts / images and testing them. Why does it feel so nasty to think this? What can happen in the worst case scenario? What does this mean for my life / future?
If I get attacked I get injured and I end up in the hospital.

Select the central thought and the credibility. Write the most important thought that you want to explore.
I get attacked by the dog 80 %

Evidence for those that support the central thought:
I have been attacked before by a dog.
I have seen on tv that there are a lot of people bitten by a dog.
The dog looked at me as if it was wicked (or mad).

Evidences that devalue the central thought:
I walk a lot through the forest and I've never been attacked by a dog.
The dog listened good to the man.
I saw the dog was wagging its tail. Then he is happy.

How credible is the central thougth now in % ?
60%

Helping thought. Realistic balanced thought, credibility of this new thought:
Dogs can attack, thats why its good to be careful. But a small circle is enough.

The effect of the new thought:
Relief, had a bit more excitement about going to the forest.

What am I going to do as a concrete step to belief this thought? Which behavioral experiment am I going to execute?:
I am going to watch to a video of Martin Gauss to see how to act with dogs and then I am going to make the wide bends that I've been walking, smaller.

What were the most important thinking mistakes that I've made previously?
I did not estimate the chance well enough.
I underestimated my own possibilities.

[Source: Vizier, Winter 2019, page 11] Sorry, I probably butchered some sentences. Translating from dutch to english out the top of your head is not the easiest.

Sister.. The things you describe feels like you are describing me 100%... I am sorry you experienced so much negativity in your life, but I am glad you are here with us.

I hope your life gets better in the future, I really do!

And you are right, translating from another language at the top of your head is hard.

But thank you, this is interesting. I hope I can go to therapy in the future.

Good luck to you, sister.