How do I advance while mentally sabotaging myself?

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

 

[Jrvan]

It sounds like you are in serious need of cleaning. I would try cleaning multiple times a day. You might even want to try the Witches Sabbath: https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=58191&p=258784

Energy direction comes very naturally to me so I don't know how to put it best into words, but I'll try. It's kind of like... hmm. first thing is to get a feel of what general energy feels like. Different energies have different feelings to them. You get used to picking up on specific energy signatures because you have felt them before so they are familiar. Some energies will feel more or less powerful depending on where it is coming from. If it's energy from the Gods for example then there's no mistaking it. If you feel them touch you then you will know it. If it's from a being that has energy which isn't as strong as yours then it won't feel as big of an effect as it would if it was someone with much stronger energy.

For general energy, in my own experience, most that I have experienced consciously tend to have some form of buzz or waviness or current, something like that. If it's bad energy or attack energy then it usually feels sharp or grating, just very unpleasant to me. I can usually easily distinguish between positive energy signatures and negative ones. It's a little bit different from the popular concept of "vibes," but mostly the same basic idea I think. Just with dense energy sensation.

When I use my visualization skills like for cleaning, I try to tap into my psychic senses to "push" in a sense. Like not only imagining, but "feeling" it pushing as if I'm really pushing it physically. It's difficult to describe like I said. For an exercise, feel what it's like to push and pull a pencil or some other object, just a simple excursion of force. Then imagine that feeling, but "feel" it pushing with your hands as if you are doing it physically. Once you get a feel for your psychic sense and psychic will like that just like your physical will, you will be able to imagine pushing the light down through your head, and feeling the light pushing the gunk all the way down through your body and out your feet.

Sometimes, especially when I'm tired, I will walk myself through the aura cleaning process out loud verbally. Like I'll speak Maxine's instructions as if it's an affirmation. So I'll imagine the bright light above my head as intensely as I can as if I'm seeing the actual white hot sun, and pull it down within me through my head. I'll actually say out loud "A brilliant light descending down through my head" and focus on the light shining inside my head. Then I'll say the next part "pushing down all of the dirt, filth and thoughtforms to the bottom" and imagine it working the gunk down through right before my neck. Then I'll say "descending down my throat" followed by "down my shoulders and chest" "down my stomach area" "down my hips" "down my legs" "and all the way down through my feet" and then "pushing out all of the dirt from my aura and soul" and then "into a pile on the floor in front of me"

After I've done that three times slowly and methodically, I clench my fists and say out loud "compact all of the pile of dirt into a ball..." "and return to the senders" and I'll repeat that 3 times. Then I'll say the affirmation 3 times followed by AUM.

It's an act of concentration and magickal will. You have to really focus and decide that you want it gone. Magick can't be lighthearted, you have to declare it and insist upon it. You must never allow your magick will to be overpowered. Strength of will in a general sense is important enough on its own, but magick will is perhaps even more important in my opinion. You can't accept anything less than the result you desire. Be determined for the filth to leave your soul, to leave your body, and to leave your home.

Moving energy gets easier the more you practice. At first it can feel like pulling teeth, and like things are working against you and you want to throw your hands up and do something else. But through persistence and keeping your focus, it will happen.

Tabby suggested to link this page as well: https://www.joyofsatan.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Directing_Energy.html

 

[Wayofthegods]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

Brother in my experience there are 3 meditations that need to be done, and only really 3, for a while.

Munka (MM-UU-NN-YAH-KAH)
Surya
Void

I would do 216+ of both Chants. As without Munka, some constantly return to square 1 over and over. Without Surya, you have to really deep clean the soul, this includes more then the Aura. Vibrating Surya through the chakras ECT. Then using Void to control the mind.

Until these 3 have been done for 2+ Years, people just seem to suffer. Especially if they are empowering the chakras. This is why many end up insane.

You only empower dirt and negative thoughtforms on the soul. To add with this Yoga and Alternate Nostril. That's how to truly advance to my understanding. But most blow their soul open and ignore all control. The result is battling imaginary things.

 

[Ol argedco luciftias]

I would say overactive imagination. You put so much effort into visualising something that then it is hard to stop visualizing it. I would say that this is just some little trick in your mind, and it is not necessarily connected to anything real. Do not worry about it.

 

[Inflorescentia]

I also struggled with visualizing disintegrating heeb letters. What I noticed was that the longer I took, the harder it became. It was like my mind simply wanted to have something visualized despite my intention to remove the image.

The solution--at least in the short term--is to make it very brief. In the case of the RTR, visualize the characters collapsing as if they are of sand (or water) suspended in the air then falling. Don't linger on it. Make it quick.

In the case of the muck resulting from Returning Curses, have it shaking slightly as if barely held by a sling while you're adding to it. Eject it instantly away with a brief exhale.

The main idea is to avoid static imagery. Make it dynamic, have things flow, shimmer, swirl --or whatever you think is appropriate. That way it becomes easier to have 'items' change state or disappear.

I hope I conveyed this idea clearly. It has certainly helped my overcome my stubborn mind.

 

[Eric13]

The thing I’ve learned big time, is if you’re doing your part and call upon the demons, then they indeed do their part. So if a person does the returning curses, and asks for the filthy removed energy to be removed, it absolutely is removed, even if it’s still imprinted in the minds eye for some moments after for whatever reason. Rest assured, the negative energy is gone.

However, you are still wise to be concerned by this, as visualization is a huge part of directing energy. And if you’re visualizing nasty energy around you or Hebrew letters around you, this isn’t good. This is where a strong mind comes into play. Solar chakra work may help to strengthen the will, but void meditation as well. Empty the thoughts once you command the energy away. The problem you’re having is now you have this paranoia which is an emotional based thought, which is where this irrational habit is coming from. You have to be willing to observe the thought, but detach and not tie any emotion into it. It’s the emotion that won’t let you let go. If you can detach emotionally through void, then the thoughts will disappear gradually. Solar work, for will power and void to empty the thoughts are necessary. Flame meditation is good as well. But you do have to get it under control as having self control over our mind is so important for magic, rtrs and in general as you progress spiritually.

 

[NinRick]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

Lol.

I had the exact same issue like you, I swear.

Just do still do it and give it your best, it is hard but try your best each and every time.

With each time it will become easier the next time, after a week you won’t have much issues anymore.

This happens when you think of things that must not happen, try to banish them, or turn them into something good.

Don’t focus on things that you don’t want to happen, focus 100% on that what you want to achieve.

That’s it.

Also half-heartedness is a no go, or nothing will improve.

Good luck.

 

[NinRick]

I also struggled with visualizing disintegrating heeb letters. What I noticed was that the longer I took, the harder it became. It was like my mind simply wanted to have something visualized despite my intention to remove the image.

The solution--at least in the short term--is to make it very brief. In the case of the RTR, visualize the characters collapsing as if they are of sand (or water) suspended in the air then falling. Don't linger on it. Make it quick.

In the case of the muck resulting from Returning Curses, have it shaking slightly as if barely held by a sling while you're adding to it. Eject it instantly away with a brief exhale.

The main idea is to avoid static imagery. Make it dynamic, have things flow, shimmer, swirl --or whatever you think is appropriate. That way it becomes easier to have 'items' change state or disappear.

I hope I conveyed this idea clearly. It has certainly helped my overcome my stubborn mind.

Of course after you destroyed them you don’t rave on them, destroy them, throw any and all attention away from it and move on. Only focus on the letter you are currently destroying.

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

Energy direction comes very naturally to me so I don't know how to put it best into words, but I'll try. It's kind of like... hmm. first thing is to get a feel of what general energy feels like. Different energies have different feelings to them. You get used to picking up on specific energy signatures because you have felt them before so they are familiar. Some energies will feel more or less powerful depending on where it is coming from. If it's energy from the Gods for example then there's no mistaking it. If you feel them touch you then you will know it. If it's from a being that has energy which isn't as strong as yours then it won't feel as big of an effect as it would if it was someone with much stronger energy.

If the problem is with incorrectly sensing the energy after it's already gone, then you need still your mind to the point that your own imagination disappears, and try to pay attention to the energy of the Demon that is taking it away. If you manage to sense it accurately, then you'll be able to consciously see and feel the dirty energy disappearing, and that it is gone afterwards.

I don’t sense energy. The last time I have felt anything was first starting the basic meditations and RTRs last year. I know when energies feel negative or positive but that’s it my pallet isn’t wide to enough to have nuance between the different types. The whole reason I started with this is because I believe someone is cursing and ripping from me OR it is an enemy ET such as an astral parasite that I have been targeted by for whatever reason. This started months ago and in may my blood was positive for an STD which may have been the reason for all of my symptoms so I wrote it off as a physical problem and not a spiritual one. But now this has been going on and on and I am really sick of it and I no longer believe that it is strictly a physical issue. It’s a daily struggle. Some are better than others.

the question is: are you keeping the pile of dirt there by continuing to consciously imagine it (projecting incorrectly)? Or is your subconscious mind failing to make you aware that the pile is gone already (sensing incorrectly)?

I cannot tell you what exactly is going on internally but I know that the dirt from yesterday is still right there where I left it. I can see it, which is why I haven’t bothered to do RC today because there is no point in adding more dirt to the pile when it is not going anywhere.

If the problem is with the former, then a solution is to intensely visualise the dirt shooting away and disappearing. When it disappears from your conscious imagination, your subconscious mind will follow the lead and send away the dirty energies it represented.

I do that but it just comes right back. I shoot it away then it will fly around for a bit then come back to me same with the letters. My subconscious is at war with me and enjoys spitting in my face at every opportunity. It’s like the scorpion and the frog my subconscious is the scorpion working against me even though that isn’t in its best interest.

Brother in my experience there are 3 meditations that need to be done, and only really 3, for a while.

Munka (MM-UU-NN-YAH-KAH)
Surya
Void

I would do 216+ of both Chants. As without Munka, some constantly return to square 1 over and over. Without Surya, you have to really deep clean the soul, this includes more then the Aura. Vibrating Surya through the chakras ECT. Then using Void to control the mind.

Until these 3 have been done for 2+ Years, people just seem to suffer. Especially if they are empowering the chakras. This is why many end up insane.

You only empower dirt and negative thoughtforms on the soul. To add with this Yoga and Alternate Nostril. That's how to truly advance to my understanding. But most blow their soul open and ignore all control. The result is battling imaginary things.

Thanks for the tip but that is exactly why I have avoided doing these things. I ultimately gain nothing from this, just more of a burden. It’s like more money more problems instead with the soul, except I don’t even get the benefits of having the “money” that comes with the problems. It may be because I am too dominated by the left brain but I don’t generally enjoy doing spiritual things . I don’t like meditating or yoga. I don’t like cleaning and empowering. I barely like doing the RTR the only satisfaction I get from it is knowing that it is chipping away at the enemy. This makes me confused and bitter because for most people here doing these things is the best part of their day while I see it as a chore. Again with my subconscious putting random thoughts in my head while trying to void or sometimes it will audibly tell me “this is stupid and a waste of time” or something similar. I have to fight the enemy externally and then mentally come home to another enemy that hates me. I sometimes wonder if this is even my own mind or if I have been subtly possessed. No one should have to put up with this.

 

[luis]

Its your willpower the problem. What helped me is void meditation and unblocking/cleaning the solar chakra which rules the willpower. Its normal that your mind does not do what you want because its not trained to listen to you.

 

[Jrvan]

Energy direction comes very naturally to me so I don't know how to put it best into words, but I'll try. It's kind of like... hmm. first thing is to get a feel of what general energy feels like. Different energies have different feelings to them. You get used to picking up on specific energy signatures because you have felt them before so they are familiar. Some energies will feel more or less powerful depending on where it is coming from. If it's energy from the Gods for example then there's no mistaking it. If you feel them touch you then you will know it. If it's from a being that has energy which isn't as strong as yours then it won't feel as big of an effect as it would if it was someone with much stronger energy.

If the problem is with incorrectly sensing the energy after it's already gone, then you need still your mind to the point that your own imagination disappears, and try to pay attention to the energy of the Demon that is taking it away. If you manage to sense it accurately, then you'll be able to consciously see and feel the dirty energy disappearing, and that it is gone afterwards.

I don’t sense energy. The last time I have felt anything was first starting the basic meditations and RTRs last year. I know when energies feel negative or positive but that’s it my pallet isn’t wide to enough to have nuance between the different types. The whole reason I started with this is because I believe someone is cursing and ripping from me OR it is an enemy ET such as an astral parasite that I have been targeted by for whatever reason. This started months ago and in may my blood was positive for an STD which may have been the reason for all of my symptoms so I wrote it off as a physical problem and not a spiritual one. But now this has been going on and on and I am really sick of it and I no longer believe that it is strictly a physical issue. It’s a daily struggle. Some are better than others.

.......

Thanks for the tip but that is exactly why I have avoided doing these things. I ultimately gain nothing from this, just more of a burden. It’s like more money more problems instead with the soul, except I don’t even get the benefits of having the “money” that comes with the problems. It may be because I am too dominated by the left brain but I don’t generally enjoy doing spiritual things . I don’t like meditating or yoga. I don’t like cleaning and empowering. I barely like doing the RTR the only satisfaction I get from it is knowing that it is chipping away at the enemy. This makes me confused and bitter because for most people here doing these things is the best part of their day while I see it as a chore. Again with my subconscious putting random thoughts in my head while trying to void or sometimes it will audibly tell me “this is stupid and a waste of time” or something similar. I have to fight the enemy externally and then mentally come home to another enemy that hates me. I sometimes wonder if this is even my own mind or if I have been subtly possessed. No one should have to put up with this.

Just so everyone knows, he's not making it up and it's not only in his head. We sensed his energy months ago, and it was very dirty. At the time I was like "does this guy even clean his aura?" So I'm not at all surprised by this revelation.

You have to change your mindset if you want to get anywhere. You have to push yourself to meditate and do yoga and all these spiritual things you don't enjoy until it's a natural part of your routine. You have to decide to help yourself once you decide that it's worth it and necessary. I hated doing push-ups, but I did them everyday and it's not as difficult anymore. I hate doing the dishes, but it's just one of those things I have to do. Cleaning and maintaining a house that we live in is a chore and can be a pain, but it's the environment that we live in, and we don't want to live in filth. Your body is the house for your soul to live in, and cleaning and maintaining it is even more important than the house the body lives in. Keeping the soul itself clean is even more vitally important because it's literally you in totality. You have to think of yourself as worth it. Are you not worth the trouble of practicing spirituality each day? All it is is building a spiritual routine. Wake up in the morning, and the first thing you do before anything else is aura cleaning and aura of protection. Then yoga if you have time. And there you go, all set for the day. Have some breakfast, then do whatever else you need to do.

But yeah if you won't take care of yourself and do basic spiritual hygiene then it's also pointless to ask for help. You know what the problem is because you just identified it on your own. The solution is changing your mindset and wanting to help yourself, thinking of yourself as worth the spiritual effort. Summoning the willpower to decide to stop thinking of it as a chore. Physical hygiene is a chore, but through doing so we show ourselves that we love ourselves and can care for ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves then who will?

You can also try working with the Logr Rune. I think it might be exactly what you need.

#21. Conceals and symbolizes the unknown. Reveals and counteracts poisons. The hidden is revealed. Assists in the awareness of energies and enhances one’s sensitivity. Good for dowsers and pendulum workers. Helps in astral work. Can be used to enhance physical and psychic strength. Used in feminine magick and masking the forces of other runes.

Algiz too.

#15. This rune is used for protection. It is also used in consecration and the banishing of negative energies. It is excellent for the operator to wear when performing dangerous rituals as it protects against negative energies. Black tourmaline is the stone used with this rune.

Making a black tourmaline charm with Algiz is very effective for protection. If you do this then be sure to vibrate Algiz while making the Rune on the stone. I think paint works fine for this purpose, especially simple white paint. Silver paint might be even better for this specific purpose if you can get your hands on that.

A banishing ritual for your home can also be considered. It's very simple, and can be started on the full moon and repeated each day until the new moon. Just focus on the negative energy/entities in the home while vibrating "Vinasa "9x followed by saying "You are no more"
https://www.joyofsatan.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Banishing.html
Banishing ritual can be repeated each month until the negative entities are gone.

 

[tabby]

...

As someone who has had experience with possession, it’s taken 5 rounds of banishing to get my personality and other things back to being me again.

Last time I sensed your energy it looked like gooey black tar, so I think you’re going to need something stronger along with what you’re currently doing. Morning and especially at night, clean your energy (at night is really important before bed because we spend all day around others energies and astrally interacting with people). I like to vibrate RAUM at high reps when I feel particularly dirty, and feel and see myself as a burning hot sun. If you have trouble shooting it away, stand outside if you can so that any residue energy won’t be sitting in your house.

Try using blue Satanic fire to incinerate the left over residue and feel the heat of it burn away the last of the gunk on the floor.

I would suggest making a daily affirmation for yourself to aid in programming into yourself that you deserve to be healthy, clean, and free from negative energies. Do not doubt this. Doubt in any working will subdue its effectiveness. Feel in your heart that you desire to be clean, make it the strongest feeling possible and will your body to burn that negative energy.

At first it can feel ridiculous (especially since we’ve grown up in a world without regular magick for a long time) but remember this is real. Believe in every fibre of your being that meditation and energy works. The first part of magick is overcoming what the mind has been conditioned to think is impossible or “a waste of time”.

Since meditation is not your thing, try this as a primer. Let yourself just sit and do nothing but stare at a wall, scenery, or the ceiling. Let yourself be bored so to speak but train yourself not to reach for something to get rid of it, but just sit still. Don’t focus inside your head, but instead what can you hear around you, focus on the sounds around you and try pick up as many different sounds as possible. (No need to strain just stay relaxed). If a thought comes into your head, don't be mad at yourself and get frustrated, just refocus your hearing.

I like to use the prayer mudra to get me in the mood for meditating.

After about a minute or two, focus your hearing to be feeling instead, and feel your body. Feel your heart beating, your breath moving in your lungs, the tension spots in your muscles, the heat of the blood in your body, the rush of it in your veins. Become aware of your body as much as possible. Actively control your breathing to be deliberate and slow, and focus on how the air passes into your nose and lungs and then out again.

Then just relax. You can increase the duration that you do this but train with it in small bursts each day. Start with literally 30 seconds, and after a week increase it to a minute, so on and so forth.

Keep with it each day and you’ll start to notice a difference. It may be subtle at first, but this should help with Void and being comfortable with meditations.

 

[Someone.something_]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

I get what you mean. When I first started doing chakra spins it frustrated me so much because the chakras would, instead of spinning in the way I wanted, would literally bounce up and down and turn upside down and all of the sorts. It made it really hard to do it and now it's still hard but I've managed to find a way to visualize it and feel it mostly right. I just wanted to say that to let you know you're not alone lol

What I did was just keep visualizing throughout the day triangles spinning and the heart chakra type object spinning. I also did chakra spins like 3-4 times a day. Basically just practiced until my mind finally let me visualize it. Now I still have problems but it's much better and much less frustrating then it used to be. I know how frustrating and annoying it can be to have this happening.

It might be something from curses or negative energy in your case but I just wanted to let you know what I did for my overactive imagination in case it is that too

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

You mentioned an STD was found in your blood; have you healed from that? I've fortunately never had one myself, but I've heard some of them can be rather difficult for one's immune system to get rid of. I also know there's flu-like diseases that can, very rarely, cause symptoms such as fatigue and difficulty concentrating for months or even half a year; I got that when I was teenager after sharing a bottle with my brother after he happened to catch some form of "kissing disease", as saliva is one of the ways it's transmitted. I was almost completely bedridden for nearly half a year, and unable to even play a video game because it was that hard for me to focus, but I gradually got better again just by getting a lot of rest.

There's all sorts of ways in which getting sick can throw the systems in one's body off balance, and in turn the mind as one's body is the temple of the Soul. Do you think that perhaps something like that happened when you got sick back then?

I don’t know how many different “kissing diseases” there are but it is a variation of EBV which is funny because I have a very similar experience as you with this. I had to have gotten it from someone else’s drink or toothbrush as I had no intimate physical contact with anyone in the time window that I caught this. I was mostly bedridden for about 2 weeks at that time. All of the symptoms are still here today just not always present and strong. The fatigue is said to potentially last for months and I do have mental haze sometimes. I haven’t felt normal and how I should since April and it has certainly hindered my practices and it only makes advancement more difficult.

I don't have much personal experience with healing since I've only gotten sick once since I started meditating and got better quickly, but I've heard that the SaTaNaMa mantra and hatha yoga can be great for restoring balance. Perhaps you could try that?

I inhaled the sun and did SATANAMA when it first started. It didn’t provide any benefit that I could feel.

 

[Academic Scholar]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

Visualizing the Hebrew letters being destroyed during the RTRs is optional, you don’t have to do it. I personally don’t do the visualization part because it’s too energy draining for me and takes me like 2 hours to do it.

You should use Satanic Hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Here are affirmations you could use in Satanic Hypnosis:

”I’m free from sabotaging myself.”

“I am positively accepting the new habit of meditation in my life, and I know it is positive for me.” This affirmation is especially important, this is an affirmation everyone should use since most people are programmed to be against meditation since infancy. HP HoodedCobra explains the importance of this affirmation in this sermon: https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=43486

“I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day.“

“I have perfect concentration.“

“I forgive myself. I love myself.” (This is if you have subconscious hatred, which can cause issues)

If you don’t want to use Satanic Hypnosis, here’s another method you could do:

When one encounters problems and obstacles, one should go to the bottom of this and every night before going to sleep, affirm 20-30 times when relaxed, for example: "I have perfect concentration."

Other affirmations for example- "I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day", “I always have time to do quality meditations", “I am able to enter deep trances easily" you get the general idea. Remember, affirmations should always be in the present tense because the subconscious mind and soul do not have a time frame such as in the future tense "will" happen. Always make your affirmations in the present tense.

Before sleeping, affirmations should be done some 25-30 times for 40 days straight.

Source: JoS Newsletter 2008-2009 Sermons and Important Messages (Page 8)

You may have to do a working to remove negative karma, negative karma could be a cause of this. In my opinion, all SS should do the working below at least once anyways.

Working For Negative Karma by Luis

START: Waning moon in Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces. Recommended to do in the hour of the Sun but any hour works. Never start this working during the void of course moon.

1. Raise your energies: https://archive.fo/nLuwC
2. Vibrate MUNKA 9 times into each of your seven chakras (from root chakra to crown chakra) while visualizing a brilliant white-gold light.
3. Affirm 9 times:
“In a positive and healthy way for me, my seven major chakras and their extensions are completely and permanently free from any and all negative karma now and forever.”

Do this for 40 days, 80 days or 90 days.

How to pronounce MUNKA: https://archive.is/87FxL

Original working: https://archive.is/lGUvl

 

[NinRick]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

Visualizing the Hebrew letters being destroyed during the RTRs is optional, you don’t have to do it. I personally don’t do the visualization part because it’s too energy draining for me and takes me like 2 hours to do it.

You should use Satanic Hypnosis to reprogram your subconscious mind.

Here are affirmations you could use in Satanic Hypnosis:

”I’m free from sabotaging myself.”

“I am positively accepting the new habit of meditation in my life, and I know it is positive for me.” This affirmation is especially important, this is an affirmation everyone should use since most people are programmed to be against meditation since infancy. HP HoodedCobra explains the importance of this affirmation in this sermon: https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=43486

“I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day.“

“I have perfect concentration.“

“I forgive myself. I love myself.” (This is if you have subconscious hatred, which can cause issues)

If you don’t want to use Satanic Hypnosis, here’s another method you could do:

When one encounters problems and obstacles, one should go to the bottom of this and every night before going to sleep, affirm 20-30 times when relaxed, for example: "I have perfect concentration."

Other affirmations for example- "I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day", “I always have time to do quality meditations", “I am able to enter deep trances easily" you get the general idea. Remember, affirmations should always be in the present tense because the subconscious mind and soul do not have a time frame such as in the future tense "will" happen. Always make your affirmations in the present tense.

Before sleeping, affirmations should be done some 25-30 times for 40 days straight.

Source: JoS Newsletter 2008-2009 Sermons and Important Messages (Page 8)

You may have to do a working to remove negative karma, negative karma could be a cause of this. In my opinion, all SS should do the working below at least once anyways.

Working For Negative Karma by Luis

START: Waning moon in Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces. Recommended to do in the hour of the Sun but any hour works. Never start this working during the void of course moon.

1. Raise your energies: https://archive.fo/nLuwC
2. Vibrate MUNKA 9 times into each of your seven chakras (from root chakra to crown chakra) while visualizing a brilliant white-gold light.
3. Affirm 9 times:
“In a positive and healthy way for me, my seven major chakras and their extensions are completely and permanently free from any and all negative karma now and forever.”

Do this for 40 days, 80 days or 90 days.

How to pronounce MUNKA: https://archive.is/87FxL

Original working: https://archive.is/lGUvl

Wtf?

Visualisation enhances your magick by a lot.
Just practice it.
You will become better at it, and by that in all aspects of life.

It took me 40-50mins to do a RTR, because I was also not able to „destroy“ the letters once and for all.
It takes me 15 mins now, no issues to destroy them and keep them destroyed.

Don’t give into half-heartedness.

 

[Sundara]

So those of you that read my posts know that I am basically back at the beginning of my advancement because of this problem I am about to elaborate on.

My subconscious mind cannot stop sabotaging me.

Whenever I am doing something related to advancement and to the benefit of my soul it becomes apparent. When I clean my aura and do returning curses, it says put the dirt in a pile and then ask a demon to take care of it, or shoot it away. Even after doing that the pile of dirt is still sitting right in front of me and remains there until I do something else or just forget about it. I have almost entirely refrained from doing the RTRs that require visualizing the destruction of the Hebrew letters because of this. All I can see are those letters circling my head, waiting to penetrate my aura even after I have destroyed them. It is obsessive. How do I stop this?

Or is this a non-issue and just my imagination being overactive? Such as the dirt actually being taken away, but my imagination still sees it there. Or have those letters actually been destroyed and it’s just my mind making them up?

Something I’ve wanted to write in depth about for a long time is a subset of OCD that involved spirituality and it can create a lot of fake visuals. There’s other reasons for repeated intrusive negative thoughts and images but actually any negative visual really doesn’t matter. Even when the gods are relaying something of negative matters it comes through in a positive way. Do your best, this is a pretty common thing and sucks to deal with but just continue on and live your life.

 

[SouthernWhiteGentile]

I never really considered that kissing diseases might be considered STDs, but I just looked it up and apparently they are... I guess I've had one before then. It's just rather ironic that I've only had one while I was still a virgin. :lol:

STD is a bad term to use anyway because lots of diseases can be transmitted sexually it doesn’t mean that they are sexual in nature.

Perhaps the disease was still directly affecting you directly when it just started, and it was too soon to overcome it with just a mantra or meditation. I would recommend trying it again now that your body has started to recover to see if it feels any different. Also, do not underestimate just how much yoga can help to get the energy flowing again and clear up your mind. I occasionally miss a day, and then the next day I feel a bit feverish physically and find that my mind isn't as sharp as usual; it always reminds me to do yoga again ASAP and gets better right away after I do. I understand if you can't find the time for it right now, but please do consider trying it as I've personally found it to be remarkably helpful for staying in top shape both mentally and physically.

I don’t think recovering is the right word I believe it is still in my system, I need to have a vial taken to see. But I have been very restful this week because it is flaring up. There is no way that I could have a regular schedule or Job with this illness.

Not much used to be known about conditions like this where a viral infection causes symptoms that remain long after it's gone, but lately the topic has been getting far more attention as it commonly occurs in people who have been infected with covid (from what I heard, about 30% of diagnosed people have symptoms lasting over a month). This is referred to as long covid, and due to the high amount of people that suffer from it these days, people have started figuring out how to best deal with it. Here's an article I found:
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/news/coronavirus-and-your-health/long-covid
As the article mentions, the information applies not only to long-lasting symptoms from covid, but also from other viral infections. As the symptoms are very similar, that should include variants of EBV as well. Near the bottom of the page some tips are mentioned:

I believe the “long covid” to be a nothingburger and just a way for the medical establishment to write off everything under the sun as the China virus so that they can say “look how strange it behaves, it is very dangerous”. It’s just a ploy to give legitimacy to their restrictions. Maybe I’ve had covid before, a junk at home test wouldn’t be able to tell me. You can stick it in a pile of dirt and it will come back positive.