It might be a bit helpful if we think of different bits of life as in computer games. Not thinking of life as a game, no, but some things in life in computer game terminology or graphics.
In a lot of games, we have numbers and metres. Depending on the point (aim, goal, objective) of the game, or any respective level/mission, we might need to increase numbers before we can achieve something - e.g. in real-life, we need to increase numbers of our money from 0 to say 10 so we can go buy a loaf of bread, sandwich filler, some marge/butter, and milk. Throughout the day, a metre, like a bar, increases - this is a food metre; after we eat properly enough, the bar is empty. Throughout the day, it increases slowly, until we 'activate' or 'trigger' a thing (like in games), that we need to eat. There are many of these metres - needing drink, getting sleep...; and numbers - paying rent, paying taxes...
Likewise, when we move from being as we were to what we are to what we will be, there are many different numbers which need increasing - or as the case may be, decreasing - and many metres which need filling up or perhaps draining. As you say, you have 'filled-up the metre' of self-acceptance - "the self-awareness is pretty much complete", you said. Another thing, "[the] problem is that I can't accept myself as I am" (please don't say "my"; don't accept it, have it, keep it, love it; instead,
don't accept it, have it, keep it, love it) - from the past to the now, this metre or those numbers are lacking. These need to increase. You need to 'find some in-game items and events' - do things in real-life and deliberately cause things to happen - that help give you and help to develop pride, self-esteem, self-acceptance, self-worth...
In computer games, these things have low (rather, zero) jeopardy (zero because it's a game and it's not real-life; it's not actually dangerous, etc.). In real-life, however, it might still have little or zero jeopardy, but it is not as easy, perhaps. You actually have to get up, get out, and get going. You have to be proactive.
See what's what in your life -
- see who and what you were,
- see who and what you are,
- see who and what you can be;
likewise,
- see how and what you did,
- see how and what you do now,
- see how and what you can do;
and
- see who and what you had,
- see who and what you have and achieve,
- see who and what you can have and achieve
See your progress. Go into your 'in-game statistics'. Check the leader-board of your life. Check your achievements, see which trophies you won - this can also be real-life, not necessarily actual trophies, but things you have accomplished and things which made you feel good and be more and better and improved and empowered and advanced.
To take a bit of a sentence from a radio station in a computer game -
WOMAN: Life does not have a reset button.
This may be irrelevant to you, but I
just experienced a couple of coincidences. I am watching an old episode of ITV's The Chase (a quiz programme for contestants to hope to win money). A tall vicar.priest, with dog collar, called Paul (biblically, "Paul" means small (the Chaser in this episode is also called Paul and he is small/short)) won £10 000 in his cash-builder round. 10 is the jewish numerology number of perfection. 2 Women got £5 000 each, and Bradley Walsh said if 3 of the 4 contestants (one lost and went out of the game) win, they will win £6 666 each; the vicar/priest contestant Paul smirked/smiled/lolled under his breath. In real-life, we don't have to answer some questions to give the jew entertainment as to how ignorant we are so we can win a pittance; we can - and have to, and we
must - work hard to make things happen.
6 is the number of hard work and labour, yes? 666 is a decent number, also, yes?! Lol. You'll get there. Don't forget - the Mind has been closed and has been made to be fucking stubborn. I am noticing and realising more and more and more and more in life that - as I said before, the jew has slowed things right down to a snail's pace in many various different ways that - many people on Planet Earth have way too much Water/Ice - they have been slowed down, they are obsessed and fixated, depressed, anxious... Look at any in-group - different sub-cultural groups, workers, addicts, whomever, whatever. Everyone has one or a few things in life that they focus upon and with the nature and culture of quick fixes and quick satisfaction, this just drives us deeper and deeper into that obsession and fixation and addiction. Even those who might be free spirits are still stuck in ways; it's as if after a certain age, and reincarnation of course, everyone gets stuck in something, in one thing or another. It's as if whatever bad habits or free-spiritedness or whatever anyone is in, they can't adapt to much, or anything, else. The jew's magic and curses have buried so deeply into various bits and pits and pockets and sacs within our lives and existences that trying to move on - in
aaallllllll of the many different bits and pieces of life - is not easy. Adapting, changing into something else, being a different person... We might have a decent job; a nice home; a sexy, loving, amazing partner; fantastic, gorgeous, beautiful Children... - these numbers and metres have increased and we've achieved these objectives and importances and we've won these trophies (or for us Spiritual Satanists, we have
created and
designed and
manufactured these trophies;
our own things, rather than achieving goals and objectives which someone else decided for us) - but the numbers and bars of pride, self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, etc. have been neglected. We might have some overflow from all of these things, and more, in life, but we have to work directly on improving our pride, self-esteem, self-worth, self-acceptance, etc.
Perhaps some things in life you have not managed to do yet. I don't know your personal life, of course, but say you don't have a partner nor Children. Every day, hopefully, your Hunger Metre fills up; you need to eat every day. In life, your Partner Metre and your Offspring Metre may be lacking. These can be filled-up. The hunger metres fill-up daily; the other metres fill-up much slower; once we have achieved e.g. getting a partner, if we do it properly, these bars will remain full forever; the hunger bar continues refilling. If any of the trophies and achievements and objectives have not been met yet, then they can be done in the future, if you are so inclined to do so.
Likewise, in real-life, as in computer games, there are those darn
hidden trophies. We don't know what they are, and we're not supposed to know - we're not "allowed" to know. We have to stumble upon them and hope for the best. That's bad, though - like anyone who wants an unfair advantage (so sayeth the jew), we can go online and check for a list of hidden trophies and achievements and we can use cheat codes to help us. We have that in real-life - it is the Joy of Satan Ministries and Magick and workings and meditations and Satan and the Gods and Goddesses. These damn
hidden trophies are like the Siddhis which we can develop and have the infinite health cheat (never dying) and doing whatever else, as long as it is possible Physically.
Take a step back. Perhaps, if you can, go out of yourself - literally - go out of Body and have a nice swim around the atmosphere of your life. Have a freeing fly around the sky and fly among the clouds like a dragon, and in the depths of the oceans like a dolphin, and see what you have in life. If need-be, do this but also around your Physical neighbourhood literally not just metaphorically in your life. See what you can do... and what others - your neighbours, mates (friends or colleagues) and neighbours and strangers - can't. You've achieved
amazing things. If you can't do Astral projection/out-of-Body movement yet, then this is a trophy for the future; so for now, check your checklist (in-game, this would be something like an objectives list or orders from your commander or whatever) of what you have managed to do and what you can do, the things that you have crossed-off, and see how different you are now than before.
After we have managed to do some of the things of Spirituality, we might still need to work on being able to accept these things. While we might feel as if we have no business being here, that's like a Nursery Child learning how to do life things, with the teachers there who know how do do everything and more. We might be so inadequate, but we're only Babies at the moment. Nature decided that Animals are born with instincts and from birth, more or less, they tend to be able to just
know things which they need and which they need to do. Humans, however, don't have this; we have to learn and get more and more and become more and more. This is not a downer - it's an upper; we can get and do and achieve and be more and more - forever. In Animals, they are 'locked' in their existences; we can be so much greater than our original selves, and by extension we can help improve Animals to certain extents. Do Babies have no business being here? Smelling up the place 5 times per day with waste in their nappies, crying and screaming, keeping us up at night, needing feeding a few times per day, needing burping, teething, having clothes that will fit for only 5 minutes? Teaching them to walk and talk and learn and understand and become more? You're like a Baby practitioner/Mage; you have
so much more ahead of you. If you had no business being here and doing things, then you'd be the enemy and you'd be stopped and defeated.
It may be necessary that you need to look at these achievements and trophies repeatedly, do these things repeatedly, remind yourself repeatedly. Why? Because this is another bunch of numbers, or metres, which need filling up. Depending on too many factors and personal things about you, these numbers and metres may stay full, or they may decrease and need re-filling. Then perhaps there is yet another bunch of numbers or metres which, when full, will 'lock' these other numbers/metres in-place so that they don't need re-filling. You've unlocked things in life, and once they are unlocked they surely cannot be re-locked -
if we keep going steadily and properly.
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