RayaMystika
New member
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2018
- Messages
- 22
Hi Everyone
I'm pretty new here and although i learned about Enki and the gods two yeas ago, i started my dedicated meditation practices only a month ago.
Since i have done the introduction ritual my life is changing very fast and old traumas are coming to surface.
I was born in Iran, raised in a muslim family in a muslim society, went to their schools and ....
The way that my family and the society viewed me a child, as a girl, as a woman was terrible, the things that they thought us in school about all that we were supposed to do and say as a woman and all the shame and guilt that they put on us.... it's all too frustrating for me. It's like my eyes have been opened to the real truth and now i want revenge from my oppressors.
Even though i used to practice islam before, i used to sitting in religion class, feeling suicidal because of all the crap that my teachers used to tell us, feeling guilty for all the "sins" i had done, getting called satanist just because i liked metal music ( i didnt mind getting called satanist at that time, but it had consequences for me since the system was really religious, specially in school. we had student spies that would report everything to the principals and get us suspended).
I knew in my heart that the truth should be different since all i felt was suffering and no way to escape and i was very young at that time too. It was only in the past two years that I started to dig into our ancient history and find out about Enki and the gods, and in recent months that i can see the amount of damage they did to my soul, to my mental health, my childhood and my life.
In these past couple weeks i am filled with rage and hatred toward all those who forced those negative feelings into me to the point that very scary thoughts come to my head about me beating those people as hard as I can to the point that i get scared of myself.
I dont want to hurt anyone but i kinda have a aggressive mentality (mostly due to being held down for so long, being beaten, yelled at, controlled, etc by my parents and in school) and i need help to calm myself down or turn my anger and the need to take revenge into something that's reasonable.
I keep doing void meditations and I clear my aura, but i still leave with my parents and im still exposed to these shadows of the past which i try to remove from my life.
I'd appreciate if you could give me some advice.
Hail Enki
I'm pretty new here and although i learned about Enki and the gods two yeas ago, i started my dedicated meditation practices only a month ago.
Since i have done the introduction ritual my life is changing very fast and old traumas are coming to surface.
I was born in Iran, raised in a muslim family in a muslim society, went to their schools and ....
The way that my family and the society viewed me a child, as a girl, as a woman was terrible, the things that they thought us in school about all that we were supposed to do and say as a woman and all the shame and guilt that they put on us.... it's all too frustrating for me. It's like my eyes have been opened to the real truth and now i want revenge from my oppressors.
Even though i used to practice islam before, i used to sitting in religion class, feeling suicidal because of all the crap that my teachers used to tell us, feeling guilty for all the "sins" i had done, getting called satanist just because i liked metal music ( i didnt mind getting called satanist at that time, but it had consequences for me since the system was really religious, specially in school. we had student spies that would report everything to the principals and get us suspended).
I knew in my heart that the truth should be different since all i felt was suffering and no way to escape and i was very young at that time too. It was only in the past two years that I started to dig into our ancient history and find out about Enki and the gods, and in recent months that i can see the amount of damage they did to my soul, to my mental health, my childhood and my life.
In these past couple weeks i am filled with rage and hatred toward all those who forced those negative feelings into me to the point that very scary thoughts come to my head about me beating those people as hard as I can to the point that i get scared of myself.
I dont want to hurt anyone but i kinda have a aggressive mentality (mostly due to being held down for so long, being beaten, yelled at, controlled, etc by my parents and in school) and i need help to calm myself down or turn my anger and the need to take revenge into something that's reasonable.
I keep doing void meditations and I clear my aura, but i still leave with my parents and im still exposed to these shadows of the past which i try to remove from my life.
I'd appreciate if you could give me some advice.
Hail Enki