I have been searching for years now something that would fill this void in me, call it in my heart or conscious I don't care but I have always felt left out and 'missing' from something. I grew up in an indoctrinating Christian house and although I went along with it in order to be a good boy I never felt like there was any merit to it. In my later teenage years my desire to remove myself from the right hand path grew so strong that I ran away and never went back. Since then I met someone at the place I was working (I was 18) and fell in love with her. Fast forward we are married now I have three children and she drags me all over the globe since she has joined the military 6 years ago. We have been married now for 7 years and I have been with her for nearly 8. Just recently (within the last 18 months) I have finally started finding a path that seemed to fit. I have been an atheist for years but even with that felt empty! I eventually stumbled upon the Laveyan Satanism and it seemed to make quite a bit of since, well it was a step in the right direction I'll put it that way. After a few months in that sect I still felt somewhat of a hole inside, not as big as before but yet still there. I have now found the Joy of Satan website and everything I read on it makes perfect since and it actually excites me somewhat to read and learn. The feeling I get from what I see in spiritual Satanism is that of that hole being filled completely so I feel this may be the right place for me, FINALLY! What I need now is guidance, I am so new to this that as many tips and advice I can get will be greatly appreciated. Like I said, I have a military Christian ;-( wife and three children all girls. I want to keep all things spiritual or religious in content away from them for I don't want to indoctrinate them as my parents did, so I can't do anything with them around and since I am a stay at home dad that steals most of my time. My youngest finally started school this year so I actually get several hours in the morning to myself which is very nice! My wife knows I am heading in the satanic direction and isn't saying much about it but if I start doing rituals and things in her presence I know that will lead to a divorce, and whether I want that to happen or not is besides the point I am in a situation that getting a divorce would be disastrous for me financially (I don't have a job remember)! I have tried forever to get a job, even went so far as to get an MBA and it is still incredibly hard to find a decent job (been hunting for 4 years now, hoping Satan can help here eventually!) Well, I guess I have gone on long enough, you know somewhat my situation and I just need advice on where to start and how to go forward. I am planning on going on a buying rampage on the Joy of Satan website for all the sermons and books and instructions and so on and so forth. Any advice don't hesitate, just don't disrespect! Thanks.
