serpentwalker666
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2017
- Messages
- 1,367
I'm just going to get straight to the point. The first person I ever loved and still deeply care about is not someone of my own race. And is biracial. Of both white and black race. I am white. The reason I am writing this is I feel terribly conflicted inside. More so then I have ever felt in my entire life. This person is the only person who I have ever felt and had a deep soul to soul bond connection with. We both come from a background of terrible childhoods, mental abuse to an extent on my side. And more of physical abuse she dealt with in her life. I have always cared deeply about this person. Very deep at the soul level. I have spent a long time trying to move on and find someone who made me feel the same way she did. And I have never found anything close. I write this as I am currently in a relationship with said person. And I feel extremely deeply conflicted and in deep psychological pain and emotional pain, over the fact that it is in direct opposition for me to be with this person. This is the only person in my life i can say I ever fully truly cared for, and had made me happy for once in my life. And the fact that I cannot be with this person because it would be treason to the Aryan race. Leaves me inexplicably, and violently torn inside. And makes me at the moment wish I could just be homeless on the street inn the cold. With no relations to anyone. I know i have the gods. And I wouldn't never want to go against their wishes. But how I feel at this moment. Is just completely broken inside. I know it isn't okay, I know in the depths of my being it isn't okay. I've been a Satanist for 4 years and have read all of the sites and accompanying articles . And I just do not know how to feel at this moment in my life. I borderline wish I was just dead. I wrote this because I could not just lurk in the shadows and Satan and the gods I know would want me to write this.