glodsongloyn
New member
- Joined
- May 8, 2004
- Messages
- 2
A good evening to all brothers and sisters!
Please accept my apology for any grammaticaly error, I'm trying my best to be understandable but english isn't my mother language, and it might be i sound like a totally retard to you.
As you see I'm german and new to spiritual satanism.
I've read almost everything accessible on joyofsatan.org,now i do my best to read and understand the articles on vovimbaghie.com.
Now i would like to tell you a little bit about my experiences so far, and lastly, as mentioned in "subject" i got some questions.
I hope you will be so kind to help me out with your knowledge
(The first two parts are just the story how i came to satanism as such, and how i feel about it. Skip it if you aren't interested it will not burden me)
______________________________________________________________________
To my background : I grew up with xian grandparents, and atheistic parents.
Since my youth (age 9 or ten if i remember correct) i had a strong rejection and hate against xians. At this time i liked to fantasize about punish and fight against xians, the entire heaven, and even jehova himself. From age 13 till 16 i had a "psychic" episode. Wherever i was, a big, black, three dimensonal shadow was following me. Sometimes he was far away and just watching, i.e. while i was at work. But most he was near me, following me, running towards me with spread arms, or just standing behind me blowing his ice cold breath at my neck.
Some people i could talk with about this situations mentioned different reasons for that.
I.e. i fucked up my brain by excessive reading of books about magick (i've read a lot of books/grimoires at that time) and going insane, being afflicted by evil spirits or demons, or the entity could be a part of my soul / consciousness that was separated from me and was trying to come "back in". However, shortly after my 16th birthday i bought the "satanic bible". It was interesting to read but... it didn't feel right, mostly because they denied the real existence of satan, demons or gods as a total.
All this was ten years ago. After being dissapointed and frustrated by the laveyan satanism, and the lack of other "ways" or "teachings" on the Left hand path i spent the 10 years mostly as an atheist.
______________________________________________________________________
The last 2 weeks i had the strong desire to start again with the left hand path and magick. But it was hard to find the right book, or website.
I felt a strong rejection for most of the books and websites i found. Like i was looking on the cover, or frontpage and immediately there was a feeling of disgust and rejection.
Then i stumbled over joyofsatan.org.
After i've read there was... i don't know how to put in words... lets say my brain made "click", or... well, i had the strong feeling of "being on the right place" or "coming home"...I'm very sorry but it is hard to describe, especially in a foreign language.
However, i've read on joyofsatan.org and after a coupleof articles and sermons my mind was blown. Suddenly so many things made sense, i felt and did _know_,without a doubt, what i read is the truth.
The next day i was visitting my parents and decided to stay over night. However, i couldn't stop thinking about dedicating my sould to satan, but i had doubt, and i was a little bit anxious. I have racked my brain about the dedication for about 6 hours, and my fear would have ensured that i don't dedicate. But suddenly my body felt warm, almost burning hot, i felt so happy and full of energy like _never_ before in my life. (I never was a happy guy, most time i felt depressed and shiftless). This feeling lasted for good 2 hours. It was just amazing. Felt like i could handle everything, i was free from every fear, i felt strong and, well, i don't want to offend somebody here, but i felt horny like never before, like i would come by the littlest touch in the erogenous zones.
I took this as a sign and decided to dedicate. After everyone was asleep i performed the dedication ritual. And since then i'm somewhat changed. Many things i was anxious about can't bother me now. In situations where i normaly would lose my selfcontrol (i.e. a bad message, like that my wife want the divorce) don't bother me now. Maybe i'm not lucky with that but i don't feel crushed like i would have before dedication. Instead of getting angry or even mad at something/someone i stay calm. In short :to dedicate was the best decision in my life so far.
That was my story
if you have read the entire text, thank you for your interest! For those who have dedicated : i would like to hear how it was for you, before and after dedication.
For those who have not yet dedicated: maybe this text is food for thought and a help in making a decison.
______________________________________________________________________
Now to the questions :
Since i can remember i often feel a "shudder" on my back, in the middle under the shoulder blades. (on height of the sternum i belief, but on my back instead of front). I don't think that there are external reasons, because this shudder comes under every condition, be it warm or cold, rainy or sunny, windy or windless. It feels like a light and fast, but cold touch or something, and a cold tingling feeling spreads from the spot at my back in my entire body. ( imagine the water ripples on a lake if a stone is thrown in and you know what i mean). It feels unpleasent so i meditate since a couple of days for empowering my aura and for cleaning this spot of my body, and it works. The shudders come less often and less intesive. Now i think it could be the touch of my Guardian Demon, but he/she (sadly i didn't had contact with him/here till now) wouldn't be deterred or blocked by this, or would he?
So where could that feeling come from?
What confuses me too is a heavy pressure on my heartchakra/chest. It's kinda strange. Sometimes it feels just like i book lies on my chest, on other days it feels someone is sitting on my chest. And i can feel most of my chakras (i.e. 1., 2. and throat chakra) but not my heart chakra. there is nothing but this big pressure, almost as i have no heart chakra.
After trying the method of "Severing the Enemy Link" my chest feels a lot better and i think i start to feel my heart chakra. But it confuses me.
Any ideas what this could be, and further advises how to handle this problem?
I've read about a "six month spiritual warfare program", but can't find further information.What is that, and where do i get the informations and exercises i need?
I'm practicising the exercises from the mentioned pages atm, but joyofsatan is kind of chaotic, some of the articles are down, and vovimbaghie is hard to understand for me to be honest. So a compact 6months step for step program would be great.
And my last question : Because i'm german and english isn't my mother language i have a hard time reading, understanding, and, because of this, doing the meditations/exercises from joyofsatan and vovimbaghie. I would like to know if anyone in this group is german too, or speaks german so maybe he or she could help me to get full understanding of the texts and exercises. This would be great!
______________________________________________________________________
Thank you for reading this long text
May the forces of Hell be with you
HAIL SATAN!
HAIL TO THE TRUE GODS!
Please accept my apology for any grammaticaly error, I'm trying my best to be understandable but english isn't my mother language, and it might be i sound like a totally retard to you.
As you see I'm german and new to spiritual satanism.
I've read almost everything accessible on joyofsatan.org,now i do my best to read and understand the articles on vovimbaghie.com.
Now i would like to tell you a little bit about my experiences so far, and lastly, as mentioned in "subject" i got some questions.
I hope you will be so kind to help me out with your knowledge
(The first two parts are just the story how i came to satanism as such, and how i feel about it. Skip it if you aren't interested
it will not burden me)______________________________________________________________________
To my background : I grew up with xian grandparents, and atheistic parents.
Since my youth (age 9 or ten if i remember correct) i had a strong rejection and hate against xians. At this time i liked to fantasize about punish and fight against xians, the entire heaven, and even jehova himself. From age 13 till 16 i had a "psychic" episode. Wherever i was, a big, black, three dimensonal shadow was following me. Sometimes he was far away and just watching, i.e. while i was at work. But most he was near me, following me, running towards me with spread arms, or just standing behind me blowing his ice cold breath at my neck.
Some people i could talk with about this situations mentioned different reasons for that.
I.e. i fucked up my brain by excessive reading of books about magick (i've read a lot of books/grimoires at that time) and going insane, being afflicted by evil spirits or demons, or the entity could be a part of my soul / consciousness that was separated from me and was trying to come "back in". However, shortly after my 16th birthday i bought the "satanic bible". It was interesting to read but... it didn't feel right, mostly because they denied the real existence of satan, demons or gods as a total.
All this was ten years ago. After being dissapointed and frustrated by the laveyan satanism, and the lack of other "ways" or "teachings" on the Left hand path i spent the 10 years mostly as an atheist.
______________________________________________________________________
The last 2 weeks i had the strong desire to start again with the left hand path and magick. But it was hard to find the right book, or website.
I felt a strong rejection for most of the books and websites i found. Like i was looking on the cover, or frontpage and immediately there was a feeling of disgust and rejection.
Then i stumbled over joyofsatan.org.
After i've read there was... i don't know how to put in words... lets say my brain made "click", or... well, i had the strong feeling of "being on the right place" or "coming home"...I'm very sorry but it is hard to describe, especially in a foreign language.
However, i've read on joyofsatan.org and after a coupleof articles and sermons my mind was blown. Suddenly so many things made sense, i felt and did _know_,without a doubt, what i read is the truth.
The next day i was visitting my parents and decided to stay over night. However, i couldn't stop thinking about dedicating my sould to satan, but i had doubt, and i was a little bit anxious. I have racked my brain about the dedication for about 6 hours, and my fear would have ensured that i don't dedicate. But suddenly my body felt warm, almost burning hot, i felt so happy and full of energy like _never_ before in my life. (I never was a happy guy, most time i felt depressed and shiftless). This feeling lasted for good 2 hours. It was just amazing. Felt like i could handle everything, i was free from every fear, i felt strong and, well, i don't want to offend somebody here, but i felt horny like never before, like i would come by the littlest touch in the erogenous zones.
I took this as a sign and decided to dedicate. After everyone was asleep i performed the dedication ritual. And since then i'm somewhat changed. Many things i was anxious about can't bother me now. In situations where i normaly would lose my selfcontrol (i.e. a bad message, like that my wife want the divorce) don't bother me now. Maybe i'm not lucky with that but i don't feel crushed like i would have before dedication. Instead of getting angry or even mad at something/someone i stay calm. In short :to dedicate was the best decision in my life so far.
That was my story
if you have read the entire text, thank you for your interest! For those who have dedicated : i would like to hear how it was for you, before and after dedication.
For those who have not yet dedicated: maybe this text is food for thought and a help in making a decison.
______________________________________________________________________
Now to the questions :
Since i can remember i often feel a "shudder" on my back, in the middle under the shoulder blades. (on height of the sternum i belief, but on my back instead of front). I don't think that there are external reasons, because this shudder comes under every condition, be it warm or cold, rainy or sunny, windy or windless. It feels like a light and fast, but cold touch or something, and a cold tingling feeling spreads from the spot at my back in my entire body. ( imagine the water ripples on a lake if a stone is thrown in and you know what i mean). It feels unpleasent so i meditate since a couple of days for empowering my aura and for cleaning this spot of my body, and it works. The shudders come less often and less intesive. Now i think it could be the touch of my Guardian Demon, but he/she (sadly i didn't had contact with him/here till now) wouldn't be deterred or blocked by this, or would he?
So where could that feeling come from?
What confuses me too is a heavy pressure on my heartchakra/chest. It's kinda strange. Sometimes it feels just like i book lies on my chest, on other days it feels someone is sitting on my chest. And i can feel most of my chakras (i.e. 1., 2. and throat chakra) but not my heart chakra. there is nothing but this big pressure, almost as i have no heart chakra.
After trying the method of "Severing the Enemy Link" my chest feels a lot better and i think i start to feel my heart chakra. But it confuses me.
Any ideas what this could be, and further advises how to handle this problem?
I've read about a "six month spiritual warfare program", but can't find further information.What is that, and where do i get the informations and exercises i need?
I'm practicising the exercises from the mentioned pages atm, but joyofsatan is kind of chaotic, some of the articles are down, and vovimbaghie is hard to understand for me to be honest. So a compact 6months step for step program would be great.
And my last question : Because i'm german and english isn't my mother language i have a hard time reading, understanding, and, because of this, doing the meditations/exercises from joyofsatan and vovimbaghie. I would like to know if anyone in this group is german too, or speaks german so maybe he or she could help me to get full understanding of the texts and exercises. This would be great!
______________________________________________________________________
Thank you for reading this long text
May the forces of Hell be with you
HAIL SATAN!
HAIL TO THE TRUE GODS!
