KC_GoldShine
New member
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2006
- Messages
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I am recently new to LHP and Satanism.
I was forced under duress at a young age (~5) into X-tianity.
Am forty now, and for the last five years or so have spent alot of time
studying, I have practically nearly studied my way right out of the bible and believing in X-tianity.
I know from what I have learned so far, it appears that it is somewhate required if not best to go alone in this belief.
However being new to this, I still have some questions and could use some extra help and guidance, which WILL be greatly appreciated.
I have had some very dramatic extreme experiences in my 35 year life or so as a X-tian which appear like and as-if there really was a higher powered conscious entity or being that was affecting things outside of my own ability to control.
Making it seem like Christianity was the way and the truth and the life -
BUT ultimately it has seemed more overall like my life has totally been DESTROYED due to X-tianity!
For example first off I guess, I am wondering how is it that so many seeming prophecies from alot of Christians I was around were able to practically at times come true?
How is it that they were able to read my mind sometimes, (some of their prophets and such) and tell me things as-to-which it seemed only I and God (the Divine ultimate ALL in all?) could know?
Perhaps my questions need not be answered, as I think that perhaps the ultimate Divine ALL in all was able to bring or send such to me at times as my heart was truly seeking the truth.
My belief system as I had it given to me by Christians from a young age has totally been destroyed now due to my own studying of it out as thoroughly as I have been able, combined with my own experiences of having my own dreams, prayers, etc NOT come true, (except very rarely) along with other questions and things that absolutely do not make any sense at all whatsoever with it,
For instance;
The fact that Hell in the bible is a mistranslation of about five different words that mean something entirely different from what the standard Christian belief system espouses.
Besides many others things - I have come to the awareness and realization of the following facts:
1) Jesus Christ (not even his real name) is / was just a fabrication of jewish controlled mis-information
2) The Children of Israel were also for the most part as far as I can tell also a fabrication along with the so called history of them supposedly being in the so called Holy Land.
3) The so called Holy Bible also is/was NOT a direct product of God (the Ultimate All in All or however else his / her best human reference to may be) and therefor a jewish fabrication compiled of much older stories stolen or taken from prior writings
4) The words Hell and Forever in the bible are mistranslations and Hell does not really exist
5) Satan may not even really exist as described in the bible nearly every-time as just a mere man
I am still battling recurring problems due to my extreme Christian upbringing. For instance when I am fearful and nervous I find myself calling out asking for help from the Christian God, by praying in tongues, etc (was taught that this was evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit at a young age)
I went a few years ago to a hypnotist (which is totally contrary to standard christian beliefs and doctrine) to have my mind reprogrammed with and into the belief system I wanted for myself, rather than the one which was given to me by my parents and their leaders.
It am not entirely sure how that went except that I went through a period of extreme cognitive dissonance occurring (that may have been prior to the reprogramming actually)
Recently I have had people actually try to kill me, actually physically was nearly killed by an assault with blunt force trauma to my head causing me to end up in the hospital ICU unconscious for a week and a half with my skull cracked, amongst multiple other broken bones, damages, etc. Including brain damage to the verbal part of my brain.
They told me I almost died 3-times. The perpetrators of this have still not been brought to justice yet.
I have been and am nearly constantly in perpetual fear for my very life. On the other hand I have also been so extremely discouraged and distraught with my life (seemingly from a very young age due to Christian beliefs HEAVILY and very rudely and FORCE-ABLY being applied to me.
The Christian God has failed me extremely it seems and has really let me down, ultimately so far...
I lost my wife, family, kids and everything I owned due to this I believe. Also, lost my job multiple times too. And now am on about the 3rd time of having lost nearly everything.
I was told and taught that God (the ultimate divine ALL in all,) was close to the broken hearted and those suffering, and so a few times I cried out to him for help and mercy as I had completely broken down and lost all hope nearly (also as I was taught and/or as it supposedly said in the bible) as has been my usual way and custom
of being nearly next to suicidal, with much crying and tears many many times to much!
It seems that once due to this fact that I actually CAUSED and EARTHQUAKE, or so as I was told along with a prophecy from about 25 years prior actually COMING TRUE!~
LATER other Christians told me that the prophet lady that prophecied such must have been actually NOT a real prophet of God, even though her prophecies actually came True!
I was told by my mother that she must have been a witch and she eventually committed suicide.
Things as such still have me confused, because at times it seems as-if the God of the bible is really there and true, albeit extremely rarely and only at times where it is nearly impossible it seems to even live under such extremes.
I am stuck now having to live with and around Christians, (my parents) and do not want to get caught into the misleading deceptions, which I know can possibly happen, as I have seen it or have had it happen many times before, ~ Especially if I get prayed over and/or prophesied to.
I guess my biggest worry right now is if I have to go to their church and some prophetess or prophet prophesies to me about having studied or learned or practiced "the occult" and/or "satanism".
Because I DO KNOW that they DO have the ability to read minds it seems and/or gather information somehow and prophesy at times what seems to be accurate and true!
I have and was actually taught how to do this in church myself and have at times done it, not really knowing how-to other than what they call step out in faith and say what comes to mind, or speak over and call into existence the things which are not, to be.
The fact that some of this is so accurate and seemingly true at times has me stymied, because yet still at the same time I can see the fallacies, the errors, the un-truths, and the numerous contradictions within the bible itself.
In other words, it really has and does seem to me, that some Christians have and do operate in the unseen and prophetic realm with abilities and even displays of power being made evident, as having done so myself, YET their are all these inconsistencies and contradictions, and teachings from in the bible that MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!
I am trying seriously to break free from the Christian programming and belief system that seems to have nearly and completely destroyed my life MULTIPLE TIMES OVER NOW.
Without ever really having done much to save, protect and preserve me, or give me much hope (especially in this life)
I see how the jews are really behind much of this and know that they are liars, and that the bible teaching is a fabricated lie and hoax which they use to manipulate and control, and actually rob, steal, kill and destroy.
Having the information I have found and come across here, it seems that I was tricked into serving the false god jehovah of the o.t. bible, who is truly the real wicked enemy of mankind!
I would like to know what to do next and how I should go about doing it. Yet am still extremely fearful and afraid at times, due to the heavy programming - afraid that I might lose my soul, etc, end up in hell, (which I see and know now cannot really be real)
The christians taught that I would be able to know and have a personal relationship with Jesus and he and the Holy Spirit would lead and guide me into all truth and show me the way to go, however I cannot really say that I have or do or ever have really KNOWN another being such as that, the evidences for such having NOT really occurred!
I think that what I thought to be Him was really my own mind just playing tricks on me at times.
I have never received any amount of extraordinary information above and beyond my own minds capacity, except for in rare cases of prophesies as afore-mentioned seemingly coming true.
I have honestly tried to apply the teachings and beliefs of the bible to my life the best that I knew how, only to have ended up many times let down and even almost dead or killed even, having "stepped out" in faith as they say, and ultimately to have the christian god fail me, and fail to back me up and protect me in many ways.
Many christians circular thinking and reasoning and logic is not only deceptive and false and very misleading, but can also be very destructive and hurtful.
I have had my parents too many times seemingly take advantage of me and practically nearly beat-me psychologically when I was down, and only trying to really help them and tell them the truth!~
It seems I am at some sort of crux (I hate that word now - come to think of it) or quandry as-to what-to-do.
I need help to give myself hope, somehow...but am thinking going and crying out to the christian god is perhaps the worst thing I could do.
You see, the purpose and the real reason behind that 25 year old prophecy coming true, actually never happened and I am sure WILL NOT because well for one thing I DO NOT WANT it to, I don't think anyway.
I do NOT want to become some preacher-teacher -super duper Benny Hinn boi as I call it, which it seems that my parents and the christian church was trying to make me into!~
I have recently read the Kybalion and it made so much sense to me!
It just seemed like it was/is actual good science that makes sense to me! Having known alot of how the radio frequency spectrum works and having studied alot of electrical theory, besides also some works Origen and wanting to learn more about Alchemy too.
And the scientific evidences in many ways also about past lives of people being remembered and such seems to fit in with the idea it presents of evolution of lives going from one to another and advancing upward (or back down at times as the case may be)
I do not know how to activate my Kundalini yet and/or meditate except I did end up doing ALOT of that as a christian it seemed, as they called it "soaking" in the presence of the Lord. However lately the last few years have not wanted anything much to do with it.
I think I almost left my body once while doing it however got scared by the extremely loud white noise and then woke up out of it.
I would like to know how to go about power meditating and learn how to actually have a relationship with our true creator Enki / Satan.
Though am still frightful that I might be doing the wrong thing and losing my soul forever in hell now, though that does not make sense to me, for a loving God to be towards someone who is really only trying to know and seeking the real true truth.
I was forced under duress at a young age (~5) into X-tianity.
Am forty now, and for the last five years or so have spent alot of time
studying, I have practically nearly studied my way right out of the bible and believing in X-tianity.
I know from what I have learned so far, it appears that it is somewhate required if not best to go alone in this belief.
However being new to this, I still have some questions and could use some extra help and guidance, which WILL be greatly appreciated.
I have had some very dramatic extreme experiences in my 35 year life or so as a X-tian which appear like and as-if there really was a higher powered conscious entity or being that was affecting things outside of my own ability to control.
Making it seem like Christianity was the way and the truth and the life -
BUT ultimately it has seemed more overall like my life has totally been DESTROYED due to X-tianity!
For example first off I guess, I am wondering how is it that so many seeming prophecies from alot of Christians I was around were able to practically at times come true?
How is it that they were able to read my mind sometimes, (some of their prophets and such) and tell me things as-to-which it seemed only I and God (the Divine ultimate ALL in all?) could know?
Perhaps my questions need not be answered, as I think that perhaps the ultimate Divine ALL in all was able to bring or send such to me at times as my heart was truly seeking the truth.
My belief system as I had it given to me by Christians from a young age has totally been destroyed now due to my own studying of it out as thoroughly as I have been able, combined with my own experiences of having my own dreams, prayers, etc NOT come true, (except very rarely) along with other questions and things that absolutely do not make any sense at all whatsoever with it,
For instance;
The fact that Hell in the bible is a mistranslation of about five different words that mean something entirely different from what the standard Christian belief system espouses.
Besides many others things - I have come to the awareness and realization of the following facts:
1) Jesus Christ (not even his real name) is / was just a fabrication of jewish controlled mis-information
2) The Children of Israel were also for the most part as far as I can tell also a fabrication along with the so called history of them supposedly being in the so called Holy Land.
3) The so called Holy Bible also is/was NOT a direct product of God (the Ultimate All in All or however else his / her best human reference to may be) and therefor a jewish fabrication compiled of much older stories stolen or taken from prior writings
4) The words Hell and Forever in the bible are mistranslations and Hell does not really exist
5) Satan may not even really exist as described in the bible nearly every-time as just a mere man
I am still battling recurring problems due to my extreme Christian upbringing. For instance when I am fearful and nervous I find myself calling out asking for help from the Christian God, by praying in tongues, etc (was taught that this was evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit at a young age)
I went a few years ago to a hypnotist (which is totally contrary to standard christian beliefs and doctrine) to have my mind reprogrammed with and into the belief system I wanted for myself, rather than the one which was given to me by my parents and their leaders.
It am not entirely sure how that went except that I went through a period of extreme cognitive dissonance occurring (that may have been prior to the reprogramming actually)
Recently I have had people actually try to kill me, actually physically was nearly killed by an assault with blunt force trauma to my head causing me to end up in the hospital ICU unconscious for a week and a half with my skull cracked, amongst multiple other broken bones, damages, etc. Including brain damage to the verbal part of my brain.
They told me I almost died 3-times. The perpetrators of this have still not been brought to justice yet.
I have been and am nearly constantly in perpetual fear for my very life. On the other hand I have also been so extremely discouraged and distraught with my life (seemingly from a very young age due to Christian beliefs HEAVILY and very rudely and FORCE-ABLY being applied to me.
The Christian God has failed me extremely it seems and has really let me down, ultimately so far...
I lost my wife, family, kids and everything I owned due to this I believe. Also, lost my job multiple times too. And now am on about the 3rd time of having lost nearly everything.
I was told and taught that God (the ultimate divine ALL in all,) was close to the broken hearted and those suffering, and so a few times I cried out to him for help and mercy as I had completely broken down and lost all hope nearly (also as I was taught and/or as it supposedly said in the bible) as has been my usual way and custom
of being nearly next to suicidal, with much crying and tears many many times to much!
It seems that once due to this fact that I actually CAUSED and EARTHQUAKE, or so as I was told along with a prophecy from about 25 years prior actually COMING TRUE!~
LATER other Christians told me that the prophet lady that prophecied such must have been actually NOT a real prophet of God, even though her prophecies actually came True!
I was told by my mother that she must have been a witch and she eventually committed suicide.
Things as such still have me confused, because at times it seems as-if the God of the bible is really there and true, albeit extremely rarely and only at times where it is nearly impossible it seems to even live under such extremes.
I am stuck now having to live with and around Christians, (my parents) and do not want to get caught into the misleading deceptions, which I know can possibly happen, as I have seen it or have had it happen many times before, ~ Especially if I get prayed over and/or prophesied to.
I guess my biggest worry right now is if I have to go to their church and some prophetess or prophet prophesies to me about having studied or learned or practiced "the occult" and/or "satanism".
Because I DO KNOW that they DO have the ability to read minds it seems and/or gather information somehow and prophesy at times what seems to be accurate and true!
I have and was actually taught how to do this in church myself and have at times done it, not really knowing how-to other than what they call step out in faith and say what comes to mind, or speak over and call into existence the things which are not, to be.
The fact that some of this is so accurate and seemingly true at times has me stymied, because yet still at the same time I can see the fallacies, the errors, the un-truths, and the numerous contradictions within the bible itself.
In other words, it really has and does seem to me, that some Christians have and do operate in the unseen and prophetic realm with abilities and even displays of power being made evident, as having done so myself, YET their are all these inconsistencies and contradictions, and teachings from in the bible that MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!
I am trying seriously to break free from the Christian programming and belief system that seems to have nearly and completely destroyed my life MULTIPLE TIMES OVER NOW.
Without ever really having done much to save, protect and preserve me, or give me much hope (especially in this life)
I see how the jews are really behind much of this and know that they are liars, and that the bible teaching is a fabricated lie and hoax which they use to manipulate and control, and actually rob, steal, kill and destroy.
Having the information I have found and come across here, it seems that I was tricked into serving the false god jehovah of the o.t. bible, who is truly the real wicked enemy of mankind!
I would like to know what to do next and how I should go about doing it. Yet am still extremely fearful and afraid at times, due to the heavy programming - afraid that I might lose my soul, etc, end up in hell, (which I see and know now cannot really be real)
The christians taught that I would be able to know and have a personal relationship with Jesus and he and the Holy Spirit would lead and guide me into all truth and show me the way to go, however I cannot really say that I have or do or ever have really KNOWN another being such as that, the evidences for such having NOT really occurred!
I think that what I thought to be Him was really my own mind just playing tricks on me at times.
I have never received any amount of extraordinary information above and beyond my own minds capacity, except for in rare cases of prophesies as afore-mentioned seemingly coming true.
I have honestly tried to apply the teachings and beliefs of the bible to my life the best that I knew how, only to have ended up many times let down and even almost dead or killed even, having "stepped out" in faith as they say, and ultimately to have the christian god fail me, and fail to back me up and protect me in many ways.
Many christians circular thinking and reasoning and logic is not only deceptive and false and very misleading, but can also be very destructive and hurtful.
I have had my parents too many times seemingly take advantage of me and practically nearly beat-me psychologically when I was down, and only trying to really help them and tell them the truth!~
It seems I am at some sort of crux (I hate that word now - come to think of it) or quandry as-to what-to-do.
I need help to give myself hope, somehow...but am thinking going and crying out to the christian god is perhaps the worst thing I could do.
You see, the purpose and the real reason behind that 25 year old prophecy coming true, actually never happened and I am sure WILL NOT because well for one thing I DO NOT WANT it to, I don't think anyway.
I do NOT want to become some preacher-teacher -super duper Benny Hinn boi as I call it, which it seems that my parents and the christian church was trying to make me into!~
I have recently read the Kybalion and it made so much sense to me!
It just seemed like it was/is actual good science that makes sense to me! Having known alot of how the radio frequency spectrum works and having studied alot of electrical theory, besides also some works Origen and wanting to learn more about Alchemy too.
And the scientific evidences in many ways also about past lives of people being remembered and such seems to fit in with the idea it presents of evolution of lives going from one to another and advancing upward (or back down at times as the case may be)
I do not know how to activate my Kundalini yet and/or meditate except I did end up doing ALOT of that as a christian it seemed, as they called it "soaking" in the presence of the Lord. However lately the last few years have not wanted anything much to do with it.
I think I almost left my body once while doing it however got scared by the extremely loud white noise and then woke up out of it.
I would like to know how to go about power meditating and learn how to actually have a relationship with our true creator Enki / Satan.
Though am still frightful that I might be doing the wrong thing and losing my soul forever in hell now, though that does not make sense to me, for a loving God to be towards someone who is really only trying to know and seeking the real true truth.
