For the Love of Satan

[zolaluckystar1]

Attachments :
<ol>Father.jpg</ol>
WOW guys....something just happened that has made me want to share it with you all, hope you don't mind. Sorry its a big ass zola post
I'm a member of a grassroots art gallery. It's been in our community for 23 years, it has an awesome reputation as being cutting edge. I've been with them for 13 years. When I began doing portraits of the Gods I spent an evening sketching ideas for Enlil and Sorath. But, woke up the next day with a laundry list of elements - colors, symbols – along with a sort of mental image of how it will look coupled with a sense of directive: You are painting ME next. That was Satan. I'd planned to do Him towards the end, as by then I would be really warmed up and probably more skilled. I didn't feel I was ready to tackle Him as a subject, afraid maybe I wasn't good enough yet. But, He shouldered His way to the fore and essentially let me know: forget them, you're doing ME. I was so scared to paint Him! I was terrified I would fail to do a good job and that He'd be angry with me! I know how dumb that sounds to think but I was really insecure. All my life I've been pushed away and shut out. I guess I was afraid of Satan doing it too, if I failed. So I was scared but I went ahead anyway. I went to the Gallery and set to work on my Portrait of Satan. A few days later we got the bad news. Out of the blue and for no apparent reason, 54% of our gallery funding was cut! We only had enough money to keep the doors open for perhaps three months...so we had emergency meetings and brainstormed: How can we come up with money? Etc etc.
Finally one night at around three AM I'm alone at the gallery working on Satan's painting when I finished. Sitting there in the quiet on the steps just staring at Him sitting on the big easel across the room. I said: “I wonder if you can see this? I hope you like it!” I suddenly wanted to get closer. So on impulse, I went to Him and knelt there looking up at Him. I talked to Him, I ended up pouring my guts out - suddenly recalled while kneeling there something from when I was a little girl. I saw it and felt it as vividly as if it had just happened. This really, really fucking hurt - I burst into tears, because suddenly I was that little girl all over again and the pain was so bad.
I'm not looking at the Portrait anymore. I got my face in my hands and I'm sobbing there all alone, just as sad and lonely as I was then. When I felt this energy enter the room. It was just suddenly there. It was really strong and really beautiful. I couldn't see it, though I felt the color blue. I know that sounds strange, but I FELT the color. It made me stop sobbing and look up. I look up. And as I look up everything but the portrait transformed before my eyes. Suddenly, in a twinkling, instead of a dirty, cold, rat infested space filled with stuff, I was in a beautiful, tranquil room with high ceilings. I'm still kneeling but now before me is a long, low, gorgeous handcarved dark wood altar. It had beautiful objects placed on it, everything was exquisite, everything was handmade, of the highest quality. Everything there was an art piece. On the wall above this - the walls were covered in deep blue silk - was my painting! To either side of the painting on the altar sat two tall fat red pillar candles. They were gently flickering. I heard a man's voice say: “Don't worry, just keep painting.”
Then I was back in the cold dirty studio again and the wonderful warm presence was gone. I felt really comforted. I felt Satan had given me an image of where He hung the astral version of the painting I made for Him.
Well, we've been fighting like mad to keep our doors open here at the gallery ever since. I really need this space. So does this community. It's invaluable to many for many reasons. In my case I can't make my art to sell or work on my portraits of the Gods without it. Or at least, it would make how I eke out money in this world even harder than it already is. Put it that way.
We've been struggling month by month.
Well, one day about 8 weeks ago our finance admin was down to the last ten minutes to send in via e-mail the app for this major grant. That grant, if we could secure it, is so massive it would save us. All the staff there were stressing, they were asking people not to speak to them till this gets sent off, its vital. And so when I heard this, I went and sat in the back alone and I finally asked Satan...please Father, please can you help us get this grant? Please help save our gallery...its really vital in a lot of peoples lives...I'm so sorry to bother you, I know you're busy. I painted three new paintings, the best and newest I donated to their fundraiser. We've all done everything we can here and now its all hanging in the balance...shes about to send in the application for a grant that can save this place.......so I'm asking you Father, please, if there is anything you can do? Have it land on the right desk? Something? Anything? I'd so appreciate it. Thank you, I love you. I sat there quietly for a few minutes, just listening and I got a warm feeling. So I went out to the office and I said to them: We'll get that grant. You'll see. Our finance admin laughed and said well, probably not, but, here's hoping. I said No, I know. We'll get it. You'll see.

And then as time went by I forgot this. Now, FF to today. I've been getting attacked hard by the enemy lately, centered around my fears of abandonment. I began to feel: Maybe Satan never accepted you? What if he abandoned you, what if you are tainted with jew blood and don't even know it? This made me so afraid, I didn't want to eat, couldn't sleep, didn't want to do the RTR's, didn't want to do my art, didn't want to leave the house! I was completely miserable and inconsolable. It didn't matter if I tried to tell myself this is an enemy attack. You KNOW Satan accepted you! Yes, I'm aware this is a common attack, yes, I'm aware I probably should have put more effort into an aura of protection. All I can say is this just ripped the heck out of me and sapped all my energy to even want to do THAT. What I know and what I feel can be two different things. And sometimes I put my foot in my mouth and I screw up.
Last night was bad. I was saying again (for the umteenth time) this morning: I really wish Satan, that you would send me some sign that you accepted me when I Dedicated. I'm sorry to pester you, but this is just making me so crazy scared, the thought of being Without you. I can't stand it! I can't go on like this. If I can't be with YOU.....then I want to die. Please, just kill me now. I can't live with this fear...I need to know. Then I went to the gallery.

I was just at the Gallery. The finance admin just said to me:
Remember that grant I applied for? The one you said we would get? Well, we GOT IT!!!
The Gallery is saved!!!
I suddenly remembered asking Satan for help for the Gallery all those weeks ago..last night asking for some sign...again this morning. Getting even MORE upset by His not answering me (so I thought)...then I realized: Father just answered you!
I felt like I should share this on this Solstice because always I am blown away by how wonderful Father is. He didn't give me shit or anything, didn't punish me for being doubting and fearful despite the many times He has ALREADY helped me. Satan didn't push me away or judge me as not good enough, like other humans have done. No, he helps me instead. I think maybe He sees stuff in me I can't even see myself.
So, if you are new and hoping for some sign from Father, maybe fearing he is ignoring you, or wondering if you ought to Dedicate and you read this, I am telling you, Dedicating will be the best, the greatest thing you can ever do. Satan is such an awesome God! You won't be sorry. He is the most compassionate, the most generous and kind Being! And He always answers. Just not always right away. In His own time. I love you, Father!!! Happy Solstice!!!

HAIL SATAN FOREVER!!!!!
I know I posted a picture before of the painting but I'll attach another to this anyway. The cuneiform says: I was, am now, and shall have no end.

 

[zolaluckystar1]

Yes I noticed that when I attached it. I didn't plan it, it just happened. I thought it was pretty nice though

 

[HPS Lydia]

Hey Zola, I just wanted to ask, from one artist to another... you say this is a painting, only it really looks more computer graphic-y rather than paint. I'm just wondering what medium you used? Or is is computer generated? Which is fine, I'm just wondering cuz you mentioned you *painted* it. It looks great though

 

[zolaluckystar1]

Oh, hey Lydia,

I do a combination of photo manipulation and collage with layers of painting (digital airbrushing) over and into. For example the cuneiform on Satan's seat is all digitally hand drawn and painted. Satan's face, hair, clothing, the seat he sits on, that's all painted. Even the sky is painted into. So that portion of the process is all digital.

I set out two years ago to teach myself how to work digitally though I am fully trained in fine art. A lot of that theory and so on translates very well into the digital medium. I also love to do landscapes (now I'm talking old school paint on canvas). I take JPGs of these, and for some portraits of the Gods I might use one of those as a backdrop for them. Like a Portrait of Nephthys I have done. it worked really well.

So then after the digital version is complete, then they go through a fine art technique and are translated back out of the computer, into acrylic paint and onto canvas. This also incorporates silver and gold leaf. I save money by building and stretching my own canvas. its also superior to anything mass made. Its a painstaking and time consuming process (my least fave thing is working with gold/silver leaf - its so DAMN picky) but the final results are lush and amazing. I've had other artists ask me how the HELL did you do that?

I developed this over the last ten years, on and off but it has really begun to come together in the last year. It was a lot of hit and miss and experimenting and fucking about to figure the process out. Now its clockwork but there is no way around the time investment. This is what I spend most of my time on. At least, as much as I can though day to day demands get in the way. My goal is to illustrate all of our Gods in this way and someday be able to share them with my fellow SS.

So each portrait has two versions, the digital and the physical. What you see here is the digital. But yeah, it was translated onto a canvas. They all will be in time. Satan's portrait graces the wall over my altar. But I am re-doing it one more time. I want to see if I can improve on it. Almost no other person has ever laid eyes on Him (the canvas i mean). Just a few of the other artists. It was pretty funny actually, I had this other artist guy, hes real old school painter, he came and took a peek at Satan's Portrait. he said it was really strong and then he laughed and said something to the effect that it reminded him of the Perfect Aryan God the Nazi's worshiped. he said: Hilter would have loved it! I almost burst out laughing. He of course has no idea I'm SS.

Right now I'm slowly putting Amon Ra, Andras and Sorath through this process and can't WAIT to see them on physical canvas's! I work on multiple canvas's at once. Its slow going as it isn't cheap to do but mostly it is time consuming. For me the reward is when the painting comes alive. They always reach a point where it feels like they animate (in my third eye I guess I mean) and come to 'life'. They invariably, literally reach a point where they seem to actually start breathing. And when that happens it's the biggest rush and the best feeling! Its so exciting! Like when Amon Ra came to life and was there in the computer staring out at me I screamed out loud (for joy)!

And when they come OUT of the computer and onto a canvas its even more amazing, the power and the presence....wow. I'm sorry I went on here but its my art, I love it, and rarely get anyone wanting to ask me about it so I kind of grab the bit in my teeth and run on. My bad

sooooo.....yeah. Thank you and thanks for asking!

Hail Satan!

 

[HPS Lydia]

Awesome, thank you for describing it!