Maya
Member
Emotional abuse can erode our core self and changes our inner sense of control, in a negative way for us. This happens through control, manipulation, isolation, demeaning, threatening behaviour. The abuser can be our friend, romantic partner, colleague, caretaker, parent.
Let's breeze through some main areas.
Criticising, negating, humiliating examples:
-Judging everything, e.g. the way you speak.
-Belittling youtself "I can see you try, but this is beyond your capabilities"
-Belittle your accomplishments like they don't matter, or that you would never succeed without them.
-Dismissing and putting down whatever you share as important or as an interest. "Okay. Eh, who cares".
-Assassinating character "you are always so wrong" and even sharing this with others.
-Name calling "loser, chubby, stupid, useless"
-Make you feel small and inconsequential by yelling, screaming, swearing, intimidating.
-Public embarrassment by sharing your secrets, make fun of you, create drama out of nowhere.
Controlling examples:
-Gaslighting, making you question your self.
-Always plays the victim, always you are guilty.
-Threats they will say something you don't want to share, leaving it vague just to make you afraid.
-Making all the decisions without asking, from where to hang out, to canceling an appointment, to buying new furniture, to holiday destination. Your opinion doesn't matter.
-Controlling your access to finances; you can't spend money to buy something for yourself, but you have to spend money on something they want.
-Digitally spying on you, asking for your password, asking to see your dms and all convos, make a fuzz about a photo, again and again.
-Never letting you forger you are beneath them, usually by lecturing you.
-They are unpredictable; one moment they explode and the next moment they show affection, and vice versa.
-They never want to discuss and communicate.
Accusing, blaming, denying:
-Jealousy, you have to spend all your free time with them, always, or else you don't love them. When planning to go out, they start to try to distract you so you go out only with them, or, they start belittling your plans.
-Blaming you for their problems and actions. "Look what you made me do". "If only you were a good kid/supportive friend".
-Guilting in attempt to make their way, "look at all I've done for you".
Realizing that this person abuses us can be a very difficult step, as this is often someone who is dear to us or whom we have feelings for. They won't always be this way, and there sure are some good qualities in them. Some of them know exactly what they are doing, but others don't even realize that they act this way or that this behavior can hurt others. This, however, doesn't change the fact that their behavior is negative for our well-being. Awareness of the problem - on our part and, if possible, on the abusing person's part - is the first step both sides need to do in order start to fix their relationship.
Let's breeze through some main areas.
Criticising, negating, humiliating examples:
-Judging everything, e.g. the way you speak.
-Belittling youtself "I can see you try, but this is beyond your capabilities"
-Belittle your accomplishments like they don't matter, or that you would never succeed without them.
-Dismissing and putting down whatever you share as important or as an interest. "Okay. Eh, who cares".
-Assassinating character "you are always so wrong" and even sharing this with others.
-Name calling "loser, chubby, stupid, useless"
-Make you feel small and inconsequential by yelling, screaming, swearing, intimidating.
-Public embarrassment by sharing your secrets, make fun of you, create drama out of nowhere.
Controlling examples:
-Gaslighting, making you question your self.
-Always plays the victim, always you are guilty.
-Threats they will say something you don't want to share, leaving it vague just to make you afraid.
-Making all the decisions without asking, from where to hang out, to canceling an appointment, to buying new furniture, to holiday destination. Your opinion doesn't matter.
-Controlling your access to finances; you can't spend money to buy something for yourself, but you have to spend money on something they want.
-Digitally spying on you, asking for your password, asking to see your dms and all convos, make a fuzz about a photo, again and again.
-Never letting you forger you are beneath them, usually by lecturing you.
-They are unpredictable; one moment they explode and the next moment they show affection, and vice versa.
-They never want to discuss and communicate.
Accusing, blaming, denying:
-Jealousy, you have to spend all your free time with them, always, or else you don't love them. When planning to go out, they start to try to distract you so you go out only with them, or, they start belittling your plans.
-Blaming you for their problems and actions. "Look what you made me do". "If only you were a good kid/supportive friend".
-Guilting in attempt to make their way, "look at all I've done for you".
Realizing that this person abuses us can be a very difficult step, as this is often someone who is dear to us or whom we have feelings for. They won't always be this way, and there sure are some good qualities in them. Some of them know exactly what they are doing, but others don't even realize that they act this way or that this behavior can hurt others. This, however, doesn't change the fact that their behavior is negative for our well-being. Awareness of the problem - on our part and, if possible, on the abusing person's part - is the first step both sides need to do in order start to fix their relationship.
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