Dissapointing the gods.

[BlueDragon]

Hello
I did the dedication ritual 7-8 years ago. when i was not even a teen yet. I have many times had a good power meditation program and i have felt advancment many times spiritually. but i never got far as i could not keep myself consistent. time and time again i have felt so stupid and embaressed for disrespecting the gods like this never consistently meditating for more than half a year.
I started developing what i felt as schizophrenia ( feeling watched, spiritually attacked, seeing ugly creepy faces in my mind, laughing and trying to scare me) , because of suddenly stopping powermeditation, and doing too strong meditation while not being advanced enough. this made me hesitate starting again. because alltohough seeing scary faces, feeling watched etc etc sounds very stupid it felt very real.

Last year i made a decision. Ive had enough. 7 years of satanism and nothing to show for it. how many people wish they could have a early start like me. its time to make a change in my life because i was tired of feeling emberassed, i was tired of schizophrenia, and i was tired of disrespecting satan and the gods. I did the dedication ritual again to show the gods i wanted to change, and that i was serious. i was ready for spiritual attacks, schizohprenia symptoms depression burn out.. EVERYTHING. being scared is not a part of satanism. guess what. i only lasted a month .

This is so incredibly embarissing to write. i have hesitated to make a post like this, for years. but i know im not the only one who has had this problem of ont being able to stay consistent. I have felt the love of Satan, and satanism has never left my heart since the day i dedicated. but still its so gut wrenching to disapoint the gods like this

The reason i am making this post is i know im not the only one that has had this problem. and i know many are struggling with this right now. i have seen many people write they have had trouble staying consistent. And i want to ask to those who had troubles like me, and got out:
How did you progress? how did you get out of this vortex sucking you back into negative energy? what is your advice?

And one more thing. how do i apologise to satan and the gods formally? i can guess they probaly just want to see me advance, but i feel i still owe and apology

Thanks in advance to all answers, and sorry for the sob story

 

[Kitsunebi]

Hi Bluedragon

I made mistakes like you did and there's nothing to be ashamed off if you know that you are at fault for skipping out meditations or over exerting yourself, if you're willing to improve and better yourself then you're good. What you can do is make yourself a power meditation schedule that sits just as right as HPHC's 40 day power meditation schedule. Fear is just a reflex of the mind that something has to be avoided and it is sad that the enemy used it against the world to make it compliant to its programs of slavery.

What I have learned from my spiritual journey with this problem is that it's sometimes not inspiration or consistency lacking, it has to do with habits and rewiring your brain to associate meditation with the need to feed your soul. And yes, you can simply say it in your head that you're sorry and you have to for real, mean what you say.

This here is a video on game developing but this has good advice on how one can get himself to do the habit trick successfully:

If there are any problems, feel free to report back here. Don't disregard the help of your spiritual fam, our goal is to uplift one soul at a time from the lies of abrahamism.

 

[Satyanik]

It doesn’t matter if you “fall off the horse” so to speak 10,000 times. The gods won’t be disappointed in you so long as you get back on it and keep trying

Sitting around and stewing over the past isn’t going to help you. Just get out of your head and actually get up and do the meditations and yoga.

You likely have a tendency to sit around and think about doing things while procrastinating and those things never actually happen, so you kick yourself and think the gods are so disappointed in you.

Don’t think about doing these things and just do them

You can also look around the forums on how to do some grounding workings or breathe in earth for discipline if you're able, but I believe the above advice will help just as much

 

[SeguaceDiSatanas]

This is so incredibly embarissing to write. i have hesitated to make a post like this, for years. but i know im not the only one who has had this problem of ont being able to stay consistent.

Hello!

I understand that you have all good intentions toward the Gods, and seeing that things don't go exactly as we planned makes us feel wrong or even "guilty." But we are not guilty of anything. Simply hoping that everything would have gone exactly as we intended is unrealistic.

That you had good intentions shows that you are a good person before the Gods and that is certain. But you cannot expect from yourself a total change toward an (obviously unattainable) ideal of perfection; because perfection belongs only to our Gods and not to us humans, so you do not deserve to feel hindered by misguided feelings because you are not at a level that of course cannot belong to you for now. And no one will hold you to a bad account for that. Especially the Gods.

Now, since the problem here seems to be constancy, let's do one thing
You said it lasts a month, 30 days or so that is, and the soul records progress every 40 days, so if you could be consistent in a program 40 days in a row, that would be very good progress. And after 40 days you could lighten up your program and then start a new set of 40 days. You say you would be fine doing this for the time being?

The only one thing I ask you to please keep in mind are these, and if you will please keep them in mind:

In the program you decide to run for 40 days, don't make it excessive. Make a program that you know you will surely be able to carry it on for 40 days. Even if it is only 15 minutes of meditation or so, it is important that you do something that you will undoubtedly carry through, rather than forcing yourself on something that is not for us.

Please, whatever you do from now on, keep in mind that you are not an imaginary ideal of someone who has to be forced to go a certain way.

You are a real person, an individual who really cares about Satan/Zeus, and that truly is why he deserves to be supported and not because he is a "robotic dummy who never bugs out."

I suggest you check during these 40 days your progress every 6 days. Six days is a subgoal because 6 days is a specific time called "Exis," and after 6 days the habit of being consistent for all 40 days gets stronger and stronger, and if you find it useful you can also keep a personal note of how this journey is progressing from your point of view.

If privacy is a danger and you cannot have a personal physical diary, even cell phone notes are fine. If you think this will help you, open your mind. As soon as you have time during the day and your privacy is respected, don't hesitate to use that time for this meditation.

And if there really is going to be a day when you feel unmotivated to continue, think of your Guardian, even without knowing who he is, and ask for his help in prayer. You can do that, Herr Anubis who was (is) my Guardian once explained to me that he was willing to help me be constant when I first really tried to be constant without waiting for Anubis to "pull my strings as if I were a puppet." If you are trying hard to do one thing right for yourself, be assured that your Guardian is there to support you.