Depression

[alaskanpandatrout]

Attempting to join the community, seeing as I am not apart of one could be a major factor of the depression. I don't communicate with family, though I live with them. They are Evangelist.

I told my mother before she died that I was dedicated to Satan, and she spoke death to those words. She told my father because one day he asked that'd I've given up on "the lord", but hasn't accepted it because he said we had faith in jebus while I was in jail.

I had friends, but I guess my desire to communicate was too frequent due to having alot of time on my hands. I never got responses from them so I deleted all contact information, still not a one has reached out since. There is one woman I frivolously contact when I'm especially lonely, but will just ramble on about what I need to do instead of just listening. Toxic christian whom I used to have relations with, so the main drive there is intimacy, but she is fucked.

I haven't had any success with meditation. I can't sit crosslegged for more than a minute without my feet falling asleep. I have developed a skill in visualization, particularly my surroundings, I guess that's astral projection? I can only do yoga for about 5 to 10 minutes without getting frustrated. I have a spinal injury from a car accident that never gets relieved. Pain pills don't help.

Aside from the negative I play music. Recently bought Rocksmith and am having fun with that. I like stand up, and World of Warcraft.

 

[Aquarius]

No need to cross your legs during meditation, you have to be comfortable, crossing them stops blood flow for people who haven’t got good mobility.
You have to be very relaxed during meditation.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

Positive emotion associated with reply. Logically this would be the community interaction I desired at original posting.

I'm not entirely sure of the validity of psychology. I've attended numerous psycho-analytical groups during involuntary commitments due to mainly suicide attempts. I've personally not done research into the causes of depression. My understanding is a supposed correlation with abuse. I have physical scars, and memories of my mother being upset with me.

Though they may be created memories associated with what I witnessed as a teenager/young adult. My sister worked more than my mother so she babysat the grandchildren. I vividly recall her arguing with the younger one, her authority had no merit so they would go back and forth until she'd get mad and then get up and start swinging. I assume it was similar when I was young. I most remember my own feelings of confusion, asking questions and just trying to understand. I think I was meant to only obey in her mind.

I try different feet positions on the floor, I don't know. Maybe try meditating in a chair, or just standing.

 

[Aquarius]

Positive emotion associated with reply. Logically this would be the community interaction I desired at original posting.

I'm not entirely sure of the validity of psychology. I've attended numerous psycho-analytical groups during involuntary commitments due to mainly suicide attempts. I've personally not done research into the causes of depression. My understanding is a supposed correlation with abuse. I have physical scars, and memories of my mother being upset with me.

Though they may be created memories associated with what I witnessed as a teenager/young adult. My sister worked more than my mother so she babysat the grandchildren. I vividly recall her arguing with the younger one, her authority had no merit so they would go back and forth until she'd get mad and then get up and start swinging. I assume it was similar when I was young. I most remember my own feelings of confusion, asking questions and just trying to understand. I think I was meant to only obey in her mind.

I try different feet positions on the floor, I don't know. Maybe try meditating in a chair, or just standing.

Meditating while laying on the bed is also great.
As for your trauma, what happened to you seems horrible, with daily meditation and perseverance you can rid yourself of any trauma and depression.
Look this thread:https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=54768&p=242350&hilit=Lydia+healing#p242350

And if you haven't, start the 40 days program, remember to persevere and to not miss days. You can find the program in Satan's library.

 

[DreamWeaver]

Spiritual development will take time and commitment. But I personally have found easier ways to relieve the part of depression stemming from the physical aspect:

-If your diet is mostly just meat and high carbs with little nutrients or too much starch (rice, yellow and white potatoes, pasta, etc.), then the depression can be due to lacking essential vitamins and minerals.

-If incorporating more vegetables and fruits is too expensive (as in some parts of the world it unfortunately is), try supplementing with a naturally-sourced multivitamin.

Magnesium deficiency is common these days. It can be subtle or obvious, depending on how sensitive an individual's body is. Many deplete their magnesium through consuming dark-colored sweet beverages that contain phosphoric acid, and excessive consumption of caffeinated drinks (cola, coffee, energy drinks).

Magnesium is an essential mineral for the body. I found relief in supplementing with magnesium citrate. I have come to realize how much I need it, because I was primarily raised with little to no vegetables on a regular basis, due to the laziness of my relatives or just how pricey it can total up.

Other tips I have for relieving depression physically: have a healthy sex life alone or with a partner, take a cold shower daily (worked for me years ago but I need to get back into this), go for more walks even if it feels pointless. Because a walk is better than no exercise and is a stepping stone towards greater fitness. You say you like to make music, so sing your heart out too; make your music come to life.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

...

See a TCM doctor for the spinal injury. This will actually heal it, as well as reduce pain.

Depression can come from many causes. Mental/trauma, like you mention. It can be physical as well due to low bioenergy or kapha imbalance (overweight/sluggish body type).

Being lonely is hard, especially when you are Satanist. You have us and the Gods though, so I hope that helps you in some way.

Just keep pushing to improve your life in all ways and don't give up. There is always a solution and way forward. If you need help, we can try to brainstorm solutions. Good luck.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

Thank you all for the responses, support, and advice. HAIL SATAN

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

I felt the urge to post an update.

I went to a chiropractor who went over x-rays with me. I know have a better image of what's going on, trying to practice alignment visualization. The treatment was pretty expensive for just cracking stuff, which I've been doing for twenty years on my own with no real problems. Seems risky but I don't know.

As far as fitness goes, I've been able to manage about two weeks consistency here and there. I was wondering if there was some Astrological timing I'm not aware of, or just the simple chemical imbalance of the bi-polar.

 

[Aquarius]

I felt the urge to post an update.

I went to a chiropractor who went over x-rays with me. I know have a better image of what's going on, trying to practice alignment visualization. The treatment was pretty expensive for just cracking stuff, which I've been doing for twenty years on my own with no real problems. Seems risky but I don't know.

As far as fitness goes, I've been able to manage about two weeks consistency here and there. I was wondering if there was some Astrological timing I'm not aware of, or just the simple chemical imbalance of the bi-polar.

My personal opinion is 90% of chiropractors are a scam. Like they crack you and then demand you come every week or month, leeching off naive people.
A physiotherapist is better. But also in that case there's fuckers who are around just to make easy money, so be careful when deciding about these people.

 

[Blitzkreig [TG]]

I felt the urge to post an update.

I went to a chiropractor who went over x-rays with me. I know have a better image of what's going on, trying to practice alignment visualization. The treatment was pretty expensive for just cracking stuff, which I've been doing for twenty years on my own with no real problems. Seems risky but I don't know.

As far as fitness goes, I've been able to manage about two weeks consistency here and there. I was wondering if there was some Astrological timing I'm not aware of, or just the simple chemical imbalance of the bi-polar.

A TCM doctor can fix spinal injuries through acupuncture. There is a case study about resolving scoliosis through this manner, if you want me to find it.

Astrology can come into play. You should first look at your natal chart before looking at your timing. I would recommend using cafeastrology for a introductory and free chart reading. They also offer transit interpretations on a different page, as well.

Make sure you have sufficient earth and fire that will give you the discipline and willpower to work. On the natal chart, look at your main planets and signs, not just the overall distribution. Either way, try breathing in a small amount of ether, like 3 breaths, then see how you feel.

Are you diagnosed as bipolar, or just pondering whether the energy fluctuation is similar to it? In most cases, bipolar is just a yin/yang imbalance. I think yoga or alternate nose breathing can do a good job at fixing it, plus correcting underlying organ deficiencies.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

Are you diagnosed as bipolar, or just pondering whether the energy fluctuation is similar to it? In most cases, bipolar is just a yin/yang imbalance. I think yoga or alternate nose breathing can do a good job at fixing it, plus correcting underlying organ deficiencies.
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I've had different diagnoses from different Doctors. I feel like the main approach to medicate is wrong, so I kind of therefor feel the analysis is flawed as well. Scitzho's hear voices, "Well it's just a simple malfunction in the brain's wiring, we believe the many synthetics we've established will eventually put a dent into this problem." Maybe the person is gifted, and tapping into other dimensions? Most are probably tormented by it because of the mainstream belief that it's a fucking disease....sorry for the tangent.

I'm somewhat familiar with alternate nose prana yama. Left nostril connects to right brain? Vice versa?

 

[EnkiUK]

Are you diagnosed as bipolar, or just pondering whether the energy fluctuation is similar to it? In most cases, bipolar is just a yin/yang imbalance. I think yoga or alternate nose breathing can do a good job at fixing it, plus correcting underlying organ deficiencies.
------------------------------
I've had different diagnoses from different Doctors. I feel like the main approach to medicate is wrong, so I kind of therefor feel the analysis is flawed as well. Scitzho's hear voices, "Well it's just a simple malfunction in the brain's wiring, we believe the many synthetics we've established will eventually put a dent into this problem." Maybe the person is gifted, and tapping into other dimensions? Most are probably tormented by it because of the mainstream belief that it's a fucking disease....sorry for the tangent.

I'm somewhat familiar with alternate nose prana yama. Left nostril connects to right brain? Vice versa?

They said i was bipolar although I went private health is free here but I paid for a proper shrink. he had no notes didnt know me from adam and said I have bipolar. May well have but its the jews that want you on medication.

Alot of them (meds) hinder your progress on the path you just need to be strong as it throws a few tests, pick them wisely.

Good luck.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

I guess life is just plain tough. I realize I have pity parties. Willpower just fluctuates. Maybe environmental factors are involved. I need to move, there's just too much to try and take care of here.

I joined a gym, which has nice massage chairs. These back exercises feel pretty good, though this one twisty thing worries that I might be making things worse. I got a primary care doctor that's closer to me, so traveling will be easier. I bookmarked an acupuncturist. I just don't want too many appointments, it's a lot of commitment to keep them. I care enough to schedule but the depression is unpredictable, so I've abandoned several when the time comes.

This last cycle I was biking with the dog (which I feel is too much responsibility) for about a week in the morning, went to the gym 3 or 4 times, but one morning it just came upon me. I managed to bike two more times, but that was all I basically did. Then I withdrew. And then I started drinking everyday, sometimes at the start of each day. Sober today, but this is kind of the cycle. Hopefully recognizing it will help in changing it. As well as sharing, I feel I got some relief in a previous post.

I appreciate the responses. I've tried magnesium supplements for a couple weeks, there's that commitment thing. Fruits and vegetables. Lots of water. It's hard to judge. I feel better about myself when I diet, definitely physically better than drinking. But sometimes knowing that doesn't alter my choices. I don't know.

 

[Aquarius]

I guess life is just plain tough. I realize I have pity parties. Willpower just fluctuates. Maybe environmental factors are involved. I need to move, there's just too much to try and take care of here.

I joined a gym, which has nice massage chairs. These back exercises feel pretty good, though this one twisty thing worries that I might be making things worse. I got a primary care doctor that's closer to me, so traveling will be easier. I bookmarked an acupuncturist. I just don't want too many appointments, it's a lot of commitment to keep them. I care enough to schedule but the depression is unpredictable, so I've abandoned several when the time comes.

This last cycle I was biking with the dog (which I feel is too much responsibility) for about a week in the morning, went to the gym 3 or 4 times, but one morning it just came upon me. I managed to bike two more times, but that was all I basically did. Then I withdrew. And then I started drinking everyday, sometimes at the start of each day. Sober today, but this is kind of the cycle. Hopefully recognizing it will help in changing it. As well as sharing, I feel I got some relief in a previous post.

I appreciate the responses. I've tried magnesium supplements for a couple weeks, there's that commitment thing. Fruits and vegetables. Lots of water. It's hard to judge. I feel better about myself when I diet, definitely physically better than drinking. But sometimes knowing that doesn't alter my choices. I don't know.

You're not gonna solve depression with alcohol, it's a mind habit that you need to struggle to remove. During depression you're gonna feel like shit, and it's at that moment that you gotta fight, not gonna lie, it's not easy, but it's either that or you're gonna be wasting your life in a vicious cycle of depression.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

You're not gonna solve depression with alcohol, it's a mind habit that you need to struggle to remove. During depression you're gonna feel like shit, and it's at that moment that you gotta fight, not gonna lie, it's not easy, but it's either that or you're gonna be wasting your life in a vicious cycle of depression.
[/quote]

I'm not trying to solve depression with alcohol. That's just retarded. I've been plummeting and fighting the urge for several days, then just decide to drink. Sometimes I say something embarrassing while under the influence, or I feel like such a piece of shit from drinking that the next day I'm extra motivated to do better. But not lately.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

It's been eleven days since I drank.

 

[Aquarius]

It's been eleven days since I drank.

Keep it up Bro.

 

[alaskanpandatrout]

Fifty-six days. Hail Satan! I feel his presence when I think of him. Sometimes other Gods as well with varying degrees of friendliness. Mostly like they're showing tough love, as if I haven't given them enough respect, or that's just their personalities.

 

[Aquarius]

Fifty-six days. Hail Satan! I feel his presence when I think of him. Sometimes other Gods as well with varying degrees of friendliness. Mostly like they're showing tough love, as if I haven't given them enough respect, or that's just their personalities.

Great job!