Dear friends I need your help

[luvpuppy_uk]

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[hammerofthegods_666]

Hi Mike. Welcome. Nice to meet you. I used to be able to use divination clearly, but I can't do divination anymore. Whether it's pendulum or Tarot... incomprehensible gibberish and contradictions. I am an empath and I can feel what you are saying. I'm still waiting for this group to grow more and become more organized so we can do group rituals. I just don't know anything about timing, as far as astrologically timing rituals. When it comes to a waxing or waning moon, I become too impatient. If the moon is waxing (growing) and you want to banish something, you'd have to increase the power to destroy what you don't want. Likewise, if the moon is waning (shrinking) and you want something to grow, then you would destroy any obstacles from getting what you want.

I don't want you to stay like this, in this hopeless situation, and I won't let you. I and hopefully others will reply more in depth to this, especially in the different parts of your letter. Nothing wrong with writing long because from your situation and the way you are feeling, the length of this doesn't even touch a couple of sentences to the way I know you're feeling. I've never been in that situation, but I am an empath and I care. Take a deep breath.

666/88!!

High Priest Jake Carlson
http://www.joyofsatan.com

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@... wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@... wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[luvpuppy_uk]

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@... wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

Nothing comes from nothing. Find a place to begin to empower yourself. Money workings, shielding workings.etc If you can not find one place to do this either you are locked in a group cell in prison or you are not trying hard enough.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@... wrote:

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[luvpuppy_uk]

Dear Friend

I thought I had made myself clear. Obviously not. When you go to bed at night do you have a relative of yours that sleeps in your room on a couch? Its not even a proper bed. It's a couch. No you don't have a relative that sleeps on a couch in your room. And you don't have him always around you during most of your free time. And you don't have parents that spy on you all the time and ask questions about everything that you do that appears to them to be out of the ordinary. It's easy for you to say I'm not trying hard enough just as it is easy for you to analyse things based on your quality of life, which is something I asked people NOT to do.

I wrote what I wrote asking for help from someone or anyone willing to extend the kindness to me of contacting father. What I didn't want was someone analysing my situation and plight based on their own VERY MUCH BETTER quality of life. If you can't or don't want to help then please leave me alone as I have enough suffering to deal with without judgements like the ones you are making.

In departure, how would you feel if during a festive occasion you were offered a small glass of red wine and your mother physically blocked you from accepting it? Saying out loud to everyone that you will not become a drunkard and that its bad for you. Yes how would you feel? Knowing that you cannot rebel and speak your mind because there is nothing else keeping a roof over your head. You don't know and havent lived any of this kind of shit so dont tell me I'm not trying hard enough.

I had been hoping for help from one of my brothers or sisters in Satan, but if I have to continue praying and asking father in the manner that I have been doing so because nobody is willing to or cant be bothered to help me then I shall do so. I don't see or hear father or any of the demons. But I know he cares for me and does love me!!! How can I be sure He loves his little bathroom beggar? Because he healed me of a very painful physical ailment I had literally overnight!

I remember that late night when I approached him in tears because the pain was so severe and was interfering with my sleep and my crappy job and I didnt have the money to see a doctor and he lovingly healed me of it! The pain was gone by morning and within 3 days my leg was back to normal. So yes I know he loves me and yes I know he cares for me and he is aware of my severe limitations. I just can't hear or see anything and I'm unsure of what to do.

I suffer a great deal here and was only hoping to receive some kind of words, advice or confirmation from father about his help in me escaping from here because to be frank and honest to all of you this is so unbearable that even to find the strength to 'empower' myself as you so put it is so extremely difficult and for someone like me who's soul is in such turmoil I can frankly tell you its nigh on impossible right now! As I've tried to say I go into my bathroom very late at night and pray to Father. My privacy is almost totally non existent. You say I'm not trying hard enough but you don't have a cousin or a family quite like mine, because believe me if you did you wouldn't have said what you have said.

Blessings to you all!

Hail Satan

Paul

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@... wrote:

Nothing comes from nothing. Find a place to begin to empower yourself. Money workings, shielding workings.etc If you can not find one place to do this either you are locked in a group cell in prison or you are not trying hard enough.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[JoS Forum Contributions]

Yes I understand nobody suffers quite like you up on that cross.

If you are not under house arrest you can find other places to meditate if you can pray in the bathroom so can you meditate. If you can meditate with visual in bed then you can do other meditations.

But as you stated you just want sympathy not solutions. Your starting to trigger my trolldar.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@... wrote:

Dear Friend

I thought I had made myself clear. Obviously not. When you go to bed at night do you have a relative of yours that sleeps in your room on a couch? Its not even a proper bed. It's a couch. No you don't have a relative that sleeps on a couch in your room. And you don't have him always around you during most of your free time. And you don't have parents that spy on you all the time and ask questions about everything that you do that appears to them to be out of the ordinary. It's easy for you to say I'm not trying hard enough just as it is easy for you to analyse things based on your quality of life, which is something I asked people NOT to do.

I wrote what I wrote asking for help from someone or anyone willing to extend the kindness to me of contacting father. What I didn't want was someone analysing my situation and plight based on their own VERY MUCH BETTER quality of life. If you can't or don't want to help then please leave me alone as I have enough suffering to deal with without judgements like the ones you are making.

In departure, how would you feel if during a festive occasion you were offered a small glass of red wine and your mother physically blocked you from accepting it? Saying out loud to everyone that you will not become a drunkard and that its bad for you. Yes how would you feel? Knowing that you cannot rebel and speak your mind because there is nothing else keeping a roof over your head. You don't know and havent lived any of this kind of shit so dont tell me I'm not trying hard enough.

I had been hoping for help from one of my brothers or sisters in Satan, but if I have to continue praying and asking father in the manner that I have been doing so because nobody is willing to or cant be bothered to help me then I shall do so. I don't see or hear father or any of the demons. But I know he cares for me and does love me!!! How can I be sure He loves his little bathroom beggar? Because he healed me of a very painful physical ailment I had literally overnight!

I remember that late night when I approached him in tears because the pain was so severe and was interfering with my sleep and my crappy job and I didnt have the money to see a doctor and he lovingly healed me of it! The pain was gone by morning and within 3 days my leg was back to normal. So yes I know he loves me and yes I know he cares for me and he is aware of my severe limitations. I just can't hear or see anything and I'm unsure of what to do.

I suffer a great deal here and was only hoping to receive some kind of words, advice or confirmation from father about his help in me escaping from here because to be frank and honest to all of you this is so unbearable that even to find the strength to 'empower' myself as you so put it is so extremely difficult and for someone like me who's soul is in such turmoil I can frankly tell you its nigh on impossible right now! As I've tried to say I go into my bathroom very late at night and pray to Father. My privacy is almost totally non existent. You say I'm not trying hard enough but you don't have a cousin or a family quite like mine, because believe me if you did you wouldn't have said what you have said.

Blessings to you all!

Hail Satan

Paul




--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

Nothing comes from nothing. Find a place to begin to empower yourself. Money workings, shielding workings.etc If you can not find one place to do this either you are locked in a group cell in prison or you are not trying hard enough.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[luvpuppy_uk]

Keep those truthful comments to yourself thanks. I've had a gutfull of that shit. Which is why I spew bullshit on the forum.

Yes the bathroom late at night is the only opportunity I get to do anything, because a 43 year old has no personal freedom. But my thoughts and feelings are in such turmoil I find it difficult to do any form of structured bullshitting even online. I wing it for the most part. Yes it's my bathroom or nowhere else to clear my mind with farting. There really is no other time or other place. If I leave the house for any length of time it causes suspicion and I'm often asked where I went and what I was doing. I try to avoid that as much as possible you how it is being 15....errr I mean 43. My ancient parents follow me around in their geezer mobiles when I leave home. My cousin tends to tag along too and I have no courage to tell him to stop that shit because I am a 43 year old man. The only time I get to myself and can behave like a real person is when I'm at work, working hard to troll and there is obviously no opportunity to meditate there.

As for starting to trigger your 'trolldar' I can honestly say you are right. Only a fool would buy my sympathy ploy. I will stop wasting your time and trying to make you feel sorry for me. With fantasic fantasy tales. Because I am troll with no life.

Did I mention my mommy changes my diapers? Cause she does. It's hard to meditate then too.

Blessings to you

Hail Satain

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@... wrote:

Yes I understand nobody suffers quite like you up on that cross.

If you are not under house arrest you can find other places to meditate if you can pray in the bathroom so can you meditate. If you can meditate with visual in bed then you can do other meditations.

But as you stated you just want sympathy not solutions. Your starting to trigger my trolldar.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

I thought I had made myself clear. Obviously not. When you go to bed at night do you have a relative of yours that sleeps in your room on a couch? Its not even a proper bed. It's a couch. No you don't have a relative that sleeps on a couch in your room. And you don't have him always around you during most of your free time. And you don't have parents that spy on you all the time and ask questions about everything that you do that appears to them to be out of the ordinary. It's easy for you to say I'm not trying hard enough just as it is easy for you to analyse things based on your quality of life, which is something I asked people NOT to do.

I wrote what I wrote asking for help from someone or anyone willing to extend the kindness to me of contacting father. What I didn't want was someone analysing my situation and plight based on their own VERY MUCH BETTER quality of life. If you can't or don't want to help then please leave me alone as I have enough suffering to deal with without judgements like the ones you are making.

In departure, how would you feel if during a festive occasion you were offered a small glass of red wine and your mother physically blocked you from accepting it? Saying out loud to everyone that you will not become a drunkard and that its bad for you. Yes how would you feel? Knowing that you cannot rebel and speak your mind because there is nothing else keeping a roof over your head. You don't know and havent lived any of this kind of shit so dont tell me I'm not trying hard enough.

I had been hoping for help from one of my brothers or sisters in Satan, but if I have to continue praying and asking father in the manner that I have been doing so because nobody is willing to or cant be bothered to help me then I shall do so. I don't see or hear father or any of the demons. But I know he cares for me and does love me!!! How can I be sure He loves his little bathroom beggar? Because he healed me of a very painful physical ailment I had literally overnight!

I remember that late night when I approached him in tears because the pain was so severe and was interfering with my sleep and my crappy job and I didnt have the money to see a doctor and he lovingly healed me of it! The pain was gone by morning and within 3 days my leg was back to normal. So yes I know he loves me and yes I know he cares for me and he is aware of my severe limitations. I just can't hear or see anything and I'm unsure of what to do.

I suffer a great deal here and was only hoping to receive some kind of words, advice or confirmation from father about his help in me escaping from here because to be frank and honest to all of you this is so unbearable that even to find the strength to 'empower' myself as you so put it is so extremely difficult and for someone like me who's soul is in such turmoil I can frankly tell you its nigh on impossible right now! As I've tried to say I go into my bathroom very late at night and pray to Father. My privacy is almost totally non existent. You say I'm not trying hard enough but you don't have a cousin or a family quite like mine, because believe me if you did you wouldn't have said what you have said.

Blessings to you all!

Hail Satan

Paul




--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

Nothing comes from nothing. Find a place to begin to empower yourself. Money workings, shielding workings.etc If you can not find one place to do this either you are locked in a group cell in prison or you are not trying hard enough.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul

 

[hammerofthegods_666]

Come on guys. I can understand the trolldar because there are a lot of people who have sent me private e-mails with things like "Hello Dear. Can you help me? I'm 93 years old and I need a love spell." Which was none other than a troll named Joseph Swift. Although he had never done anything wrong to me personally, he betrayed the JoS and any enemy of the JoS is an enemy of mine.

Would your family kill you if you told them "Look, I am an adult and when one is an adult, you make your own rules too and if you can't handle that, then you can fuck off. This is my home too!" Or something like that? If you can not let yourself be a victim anymore, then you will stop being a victim and the harder you work on yourself, you will be *you*- an individual who has the right to live as well.

Is there a way you can get some kind of way that you can get state assistance if you're unable to work?

I know what it's like not being able to meditate at certain times in stressful situations, but those are the times that one needs to meditate the most. The thing is that we're all individuals and the way one individual may be affected by life may be completely different to how a different individual is affected.

If you can go the Joy of Satan meditations page everyday, then do all of the meditations you can do to make yourself more powerful. There are ways that you can make your aura in a way that tells people "I better not fuck with him today." I know it must be hard to concentrate, but it sounds like you're giving up. You should not give up. In this world, only the strong and fit survive while the weaklings and cowards give up and are trampled and aren't even worthy of life.

I don't feel the vibe of the "93 year old woman" example I gave above, but you need to picture yourself as POWERFUL and even CRUEL when you need to be. Never act illegally, but defending yourself is something you must learn. You don't need to be suffering like this, so you should stop suffering like this. If you have no money and no other place to live, this is where you use your private time to build yourself instead of reflecting on the misery you feel. You can get out of this, just like a heroine addict can get out of their situation if they really want to.

I don't think you're just looking for pity, but you are reaching out for help. But only you can help you. Satan *will* help you, but you have to be your own initiator to getting the help that you need.

High Priest Jake Carlson
http://www.joyofsatan.com

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@... wrote:

Keep those truthful comments to yourself thanks. I've had a gutfull of that shit. Which is why I spew bullshit on the forum.

Yes the bathroom late at night is the only opportunity I get to do anything, because a 43 year old has no personal freedom. But my thoughts and feelings are in such turmoil I find it difficult to do any form of structured bullshitting even online. I wing it for the most part. Yes it's my bathroom or nowhere else to clear my mind with farting. There really is no other time or other place. If I leave the house for any length of time it causes suspicion and I'm often asked where I went and what I was doing. I try to avoid that as much as possible you how it is being 15....errr I mean 43. My ancient parents follow me around in their geezer mobiles when I leave home. My cousin tends to tag along too and I have no courage to tell him to stop that shit because I am a 43 year old man. The only time I get to myself and can behave like a real person is when I'm at work, working hard to troll and there is obviously no opportunity to meditate there.

As for starting to trigger your 'trolldar' I can honestly say you are right. Only a fool would buy my sympathy ploy. I will stop wasting your time and trying to make you feel sorry for me. With fantasic fantasy tales. Because I am troll with no life.

Did I mention my mommy changes my diapers? Cause she does. It's hard to meditate then too.

Blessings to you

Hail Satain


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

Yes I understand nobody suffers quite like you up on that cross.

If you are not under house arrest you can find other places to meditate if you can pray in the bathroom so can you meditate. If you can meditate with visual in bed then you can do other meditations.

But as you stated you just want sympathy not solutions. Your starting to trigger my trolldar.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

I thought I had made myself clear. Obviously not. When you go to bed at night do you have a relative of yours that sleeps in your room on a couch? Its not even a proper bed. It's a couch. No you don't have a relative that sleeps on a couch in your room. And you don't have him always around you during most of your free time. And you don't have parents that spy on you all the time and ask questions about everything that you do that appears to them to be out of the ordinary. It's easy for you to say I'm not trying hard enough just as it is easy for you to analyse things based on your quality of life, which is something I asked people NOT to do.

I wrote what I wrote asking for help from someone or anyone willing to extend the kindness to me of contacting father. What I didn't want was someone analysing my situation and plight based on their own VERY MUCH BETTER quality of life. If you can't or don't want to help then please leave me alone as I have enough suffering to deal with without judgements like the ones you are making.

In departure, how would you feel if during a festive occasion you were offered a small glass of red wine and your mother physically blocked you from accepting it? Saying out loud to everyone that you will not become a drunkard and that its bad for you. Yes how would you feel? Knowing that you cannot rebel and speak your mind because there is nothing else keeping a roof over your head. You don't know and havent lived any of this kind of shit so dont tell me I'm not trying hard enough.

I had been hoping for help from one of my brothers or sisters in Satan, but if I have to continue praying and asking father in the manner that I have been doing so because nobody is willing to or cant be bothered to help me then I shall do so. I don't see or hear father or any of the demons. But I know he cares for me and does love me!!! How can I be sure He loves his little bathroom beggar? Because he healed me of a very painful physical ailment I had literally overnight!

I remember that late night when I approached him in tears because the pain was so severe and was interfering with my sleep and my crappy job and I didnt have the money to see a doctor and he lovingly healed me of it! The pain was gone by morning and within 3 days my leg was back to normal. So yes I know he loves me and yes I know he cares for me and he is aware of my severe limitations. I just can't hear or see anything and I'm unsure of what to do.

I suffer a great deal here and was only hoping to receive some kind of words, advice or confirmation from father about his help in me escaping from here because to be frank and honest to all of you this is so unbearable that even to find the strength to 'empower' myself as you so put it is so extremely difficult and for someone like me who's soul is in such turmoil I can frankly tell you its nigh on impossible right now! As I've tried to say I go into my bathroom very late at night and pray to Father. My privacy is almost totally non existent. You say I'm not trying hard enough but you don't have a cousin or a family quite like mine, because believe me if you did you wouldn't have said what you have said.

Blessings to you all!

Hail Satan

Paul




--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

Nothing comes from nothing. Find a place to begin to empower yourself. Money workings, shielding workings.etc If you can not find one place to do this either you are locked in a group cell in prison or you are not trying hard enough.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friend

There is little I can do beyond praying in the bathroom very late at night when everyone is asleep as it is the only place I get any privacy. Yes this is true the sad fact is that this is all true. Failing that when I'm in bed asleep I create 'places' or 'rooms' in my mind and imagine I am there away from all this and I try to visualise father coming to me or Lucifuge and I do try to listen for responses but I am so fucked up inside it gets so confused sometimes I cannot trust what I am getting. You may ask why I go into the bathroom to pray?

As I said before it would take many, many pages to fully explain everything, but suffice to say I have a xian cousin who sleeps on a couch in my room and is always around. I have no privacy whatsoever here. Oh and he's also a xian manic depressive and has some really grating behaviours that really does wonders for my own situation let me tell you. It's a good thing I can't slash my wrists with my electric shaver

My parents barge into my room whenever they feel like it so I dare not even put anything untoward on my computer screen much less wank. Sometimes when I dare to put something on the screen, my mother barges in and I frantically rush to cut the power. As for even a simple wank. What's the point? I crave real human contact something that I've not had now for at least 8 months and there is no way in the world I'm ever going to get that.

I know practically nothing about magic just a few bits and pieces and everything i do is watched and spied upon and even a simple candle I use in the bathroom to burn while I implore fathers by talking to him (prayer if you like) help must be hidden to avoid questions being asked. So mentally every day I send out my plea to Father and Lucifuge to help me escape from here so I can rebuild my life and in the process unlearn the shit I've been taught and to learn the truth I have found via joyofsatan. I want to be in a place where I can read, practice and grow as a true son of Father. This is like a prison as I have stated before. I would never wish on anyone what I have had to endure and continue to do so. So I pray or as you say beg. I would rather be called Father's beggar than ever become what my family wants me to be. It would be a living death. So what is the point of life?


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mageson6666" <mageson6666@ wrote:

What are you doing to empower yourself as a Satanist besides begging Hell daily?



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "luvpuppy_uk" <luvpuppy_uk@ wrote:

Dear Friends

Not so long ago I found the joyofsatan website and did away with all my fear and embraced father. It was a sigh of great relief for me. But all this is in secret for I am like a prisoner in a house full of roman catholic religion. No I'm not a schoolkid but a 43 year old gay man.

I used to live in the UK where I had met my partner and I used to by fairly happy back then (this is going back about 4-5 years). I believed in what my parents said to me and I came out to Portugal and introduced my partner to my family. Then the nightmare began.

To cut a long story short my partner abandoned me here with debts I am having difficulty paying. I have no friends, no life, no anything. Totally cut off from having a normal life like everyone takes for granted. I have prayed to Father and Lucifuge daily, many times a day begging assistance of some kind, some kind of response, but my mind is tortured by loss, grief and despair. Indeed I have suffered this now for at least 8 months.

Dear friends please try to see this for exactly what I am saying. I'm not exaggerating. It's a lot worse than what I can put into words. When my partner abandoned me here I had no choice but to come and live with my parents and they will NEVER help me to escape and rebuild my life. You will say that we always have a choice but no I had no choice. You will perhaps analyse and look at my situation based on the quality of life you yourselves are experiencing, in a country where there are helps we dont have here and an infrustructure we dont have here in the area where I am. It would take me many pages of writing to explain in detail everything and make you all understand just how screwed I really am. It is my hope to write it all down someday when I manage to escape from here. As for my parents, well they do everything imaginable to make sure I never leave. My partner knew this is what would happen to me if he abandoned me here and the cruelty of it destroys me inside. Indeed he planned it all so perfectly, waited until I was the most vulnerable and then he destroyed me and left me with nothing. Perhaps I deserved it.

I earn less in a month than what most of you earn in a week and it will take me years to save up enough money to escape from here from the measly pittance I make. I will be so old and haggard nobody is ever going to look at me again. I play the lottery weekly and cry and pray for assistance but nothing happens. I've tried to make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge through prayer and pendulums but my heart is tortured and broken and I'm unable to do so. I can't trust the responses I receive. I'm sure I imagine most of it and this house with all its religious shit is driving me crazy. They even have a chapel in this fucking house!!! Oh fuck I can't express it to you. There are no words.

Yes i'm a broken man even though after embracing father on one level I feel relief and love towards him. The joyofsatan website showed me its ok to be the way I am. Organised religion can kiss my ass!!! But even so I feel like a caged animal and I'm so full of intense hatred for my ex partner and my family. It consumes me daily. On all levels its destroying my mind, heart and soul and I howl with tears some nights when I know everyone is asleep and can't hear me.

So what I'm asking you dear friends is if one of you or any of you who can actually make contact with Father and/or Lucifuge and do receive responses, would you do me the great kindness of asking about me and if they are going to help me and when I can expect to escape from this nightmare. This kind of life is destroying my mental and physical health and I have very little hope left to me. I'm so numb and hollow inside. I hope one of you can help me.

I want to escape from here. Return to the UK and find someone, make a friend with someone, like some of the wonderful people on here and learn about father and come into my own power and make up for all the wasted years of my life. I cannot express to any of you the anguish inside. There are no words.

I've written enough. I don't know what else to say. If any of you or just one of you can connect to my soul and feel the anguish then oh please do me the kindness of contacting Father/Lucifuge and relaying the responses or whatever it is I need to do for them to help me. I have no hope left but Father. He is my only hope.

Blessings to you all

Paul