Lunar Dance 666 said:
Aldrick said:
Also note that if I'm nice, I'm viewed as weak, a bitch, a cry baby who is sucking his thumb. If I'm not nice, I'm mean or a jew. They set it up so that I cannot win.
But thank you for asking a question. Instead of just accusing me. You have always acted like a true Brother to me and that is more appreciated then you might think.
You don't have to be kind or mean to someone.
Look I know its a little different because Im a woman, but if you want respect, look at how you dress (what you look like), what energy do you project onto others?
And, you can always refuse things. You need to find the middle ground. Between kindness and being mean. About standing up for oneself and being assertive.
In example, you could want to project 'strength' onto others as in 'I can handle this', without going overboard. To me it is also about limits, and when something goes too far.
You are right Lunar. This is actually the biggest thing that annoys be everyday. I am really trying to work on this. I have been getting acupuncture, I talked to a counselor for a bit. They were very helpful.
I actually want to be this calm person that never gets angry. That can calmly and assertively deal with everything. So I thought if I invoked a bunch of fire, it would make it so that I would stop feeling uncomfortable and lashing out. Instead it made me over the top angry. A month ago I tried invoking a bunch of water. Trying to snuff out the fire, and make me calm.
It just made me feel really insecure. Either way, doesnt seem to work. With being psychic theres this stupid sensitive feeling, so I imagined fire in the chakras for a sec to get rid of it....
I've been messing with fire and water for a while. That's the ups and downs. I really do care, alot actually. But I see it as a weakness. Because all others do is to exploit weakness. So I project anger to make people leave me alone.
I am trying to fix this at the soul. To feel confident but have emotions and be calm. But I'm not an expert at soul Anatomy. I just want the day where I can say I went a year, got consistent meditation, helped people, didnt attack anyone, and did everything right.
But i just fail everytime I turn around at everything. Then someone wants to say they did a ritual to make this happen. Well that's nice, so I was going along fine, but because of a Ritual I had to fail? Why not do a ritual to see if something helps me? That just enforces the feeling of enemies even more.