hailourtruegod
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2017
- Messages
- 2,763
3rd time making this post. 1st I made it into the wrong forum and I'm assuming since I posted it during a VoC on accident that helped it get lost or something in the 2nd try. It's been 3 days so I feel I should try posting this again.
Quick note: I feel like getting into deep trances and even just a light trance while I'm out and about (if I'm not going anything heavy) will help me a lot in this especially if the anxiety spikes again. That helped me last night a lot. The spike started days ago and lasted that long until last night I did my best to get into a deep trance and that calmed me down. Glad I did that. I was so close to smoking weed just to calm down for a bit. :roll:
Original Post:
I ask to bare with me as I try to explain how bad this problem is while not writing a whole essay which I'll tell whomever reads this right now is difficult for me since this has affected almost every aspect of my life from external to internal.
It's a loud static like ring. Becomes the loudest when my my heart rate is raised no matter why the cause so from getting nervous to when I just finished a workout/exercise including at the end of jogs. Earliest memory of this was when I was around 5? Before that I'm not sure. I'm still not sure if I was born with it or it happened when I slammed the back of my skull on the concrete ground after trying to do a wheelie on my bike and the handle bars came off once I pulled on them so I went full force into the concrete and apparently there was glass too exactly where where my head landed.
What I remember is an adult in my family cleaning it while I cried and on a later date just picking at the scab. I'm not sure if I needed stitches and recently I asked another family member that was there and they said they can't remember anymore if I did get stitches or not.
If it's necessary for me to know if the root cause was something physical (as opposed as the chance that the root cause is spiritual since there is something said in my natal chart about being spiritually gifted but off set being mental problems that can occur if I go about life the wrong way as opposed the path I'm in today, if you allow me to paraphrase) then I'll have to ask a family member or two that I'm not in good standing with at the moment but whatever I'll deal with that if need be.
More about my symptoms
I've experienced severe and chronic anxiety and depression most of my life and it getting way worse before finding the JoS. At that time I became heavily suicidal. Along side being very irritable and last night while reflecting on my life I have a suspicion this also affected my cognitive abilities and might still today but to nowhere close as before, thank the Gods. I cringe looking back at myself but that I know that part specifically is normal for people advancing their souls.
I can say that last line honestly thanks to this place and it's knowledge that I have been able to treat the symptoms very effectively and bring myself up.
That's the thing though, I've only been treating the symptoms and I had a strong feeling I wasn't at the root cause of all this inner pain and *extreme mental anguish*. Except the physical pain from not doing yoga before SS that now there no off now that I'm walking correctly (fixing flat feet) and stretching.
I was lying to myself before but now I acknowledge I've been acting tough and machismo and ignoring this anguish this whole time because of being called a bitch faggot or similar insults from family members including my dad for having a pained look on my face and when bringing up that I don't feel well but idk what's wrong, (this was when I was in my teens). That affected me from ever complaining if I'm not in extreme pain where I'm about to collapse and even then I think I would of just stayed quiet and be nervous to ask for help. I'm ready to just let all that nonsense go now.
The tinnitus has had control of my emotions before me knowing why I was feeling anxious and then getting mad at people and thinking they're in the wrong for thinking I'm angry and yelling when in reality I now notice I can't control the volume of my voice when I get excited or do get angry out of nowhere. That has bleed here on the forums when I have gotten into arguments and I can feel myself nervous even if I take a day or two to reply. There was a member that pointed it out and just seemed like shit talking but now I clearly see what he meant about me not being able to handle myself in a conversation or what have you. I just didn't know why I felt so nervous and mad. I could stop for a bit like I said but it would come back as easy.
Also I noticed just treating the symptoms stopped being as affected or idk what exactly was happening but I was getting at my limit these past couple of years. Since becoming SS, I was at my limit right before winter even though I've been on top of my spiritual practices for almost 2 years and been doing yoga constantly since the beginning of last year as I've mentioned in past post a.
For the record I'm saying I can't do this or that in regards to before me understanding what tinnitus was. Past week or so I've been working on taking control but I'm still experiencing spikes in anxiety like the last couple of days including right now actually. It's just more controllable now while at the same time now that I know there's a mental problem I'm getting upset here and there because of how much I hate going thru this in general.
Lastly and if not the most severe thing is I have a strong feeling this is getting in my way of advancing because of how hard it is to keep go into deep meditation. I'll keep trying though since I can't be here saying it won't work or hasn't work if I just started doing void while at the same time knowing where this noise is from.
Maybe that's what I need, time. I wanted to ask for help regardless, just in case. It's also like i said, I've been experiencing a spike in anxiety in the past couple of days and felt now was time to bring this up here.
I really don't want to rely on drugs for obvious reasons so any help and advice would be more than sublime and if it works, who knows I might have to do something in return and not because I'm begging or bribery but because of how happy I'll be for my mind to finally be at ease..
End of original post.
I've been researching some more and apparently there's no idea what's the cause or how to cure Chronic Tinnitus as opposed to regular Tinnitus. It makes this situation more stressful for me but like I said in the beginning, trance might be the way to go at least to help me live my life normally for once. Sounds like I'm being dramatic but I left out a lot of details of how this crap has affected me and how it even affected my world view on things in a negative manner.
Quick note: I feel like getting into deep trances and even just a light trance while I'm out and about (if I'm not going anything heavy) will help me a lot in this especially if the anxiety spikes again. That helped me last night a lot. The spike started days ago and lasted that long until last night I did my best to get into a deep trance and that calmed me down. Glad I did that. I was so close to smoking weed just to calm down for a bit. :roll:
Original Post:
I ask to bare with me as I try to explain how bad this problem is while not writing a whole essay which I'll tell whomever reads this right now is difficult for me since this has affected almost every aspect of my life from external to internal.
It's a loud static like ring. Becomes the loudest when my my heart rate is raised no matter why the cause so from getting nervous to when I just finished a workout/exercise including at the end of jogs. Earliest memory of this was when I was around 5? Before that I'm not sure. I'm still not sure if I was born with it or it happened when I slammed the back of my skull on the concrete ground after trying to do a wheelie on my bike and the handle bars came off once I pulled on them so I went full force into the concrete and apparently there was glass too exactly where where my head landed.
What I remember is an adult in my family cleaning it while I cried and on a later date just picking at the scab. I'm not sure if I needed stitches and recently I asked another family member that was there and they said they can't remember anymore if I did get stitches or not.
If it's necessary for me to know if the root cause was something physical (as opposed as the chance that the root cause is spiritual since there is something said in my natal chart about being spiritually gifted but off set being mental problems that can occur if I go about life the wrong way as opposed the path I'm in today, if you allow me to paraphrase) then I'll have to ask a family member or two that I'm not in good standing with at the moment but whatever I'll deal with that if need be.
More about my symptoms
I've experienced severe and chronic anxiety and depression most of my life and it getting way worse before finding the JoS. At that time I became heavily suicidal. Along side being very irritable and last night while reflecting on my life I have a suspicion this also affected my cognitive abilities and might still today but to nowhere close as before, thank the Gods. I cringe looking back at myself but that I know that part specifically is normal for people advancing their souls.
I can say that last line honestly thanks to this place and it's knowledge that I have been able to treat the symptoms very effectively and bring myself up.
That's the thing though, I've only been treating the symptoms and I had a strong feeling I wasn't at the root cause of all this inner pain and *extreme mental anguish*. Except the physical pain from not doing yoga before SS that now there no off now that I'm walking correctly (fixing flat feet) and stretching.
I was lying to myself before but now I acknowledge I've been acting tough and machismo and ignoring this anguish this whole time because of being called a bitch faggot or similar insults from family members including my dad for having a pained look on my face and when bringing up that I don't feel well but idk what's wrong, (this was when I was in my teens). That affected me from ever complaining if I'm not in extreme pain where I'm about to collapse and even then I think I would of just stayed quiet and be nervous to ask for help. I'm ready to just let all that nonsense go now.
The tinnitus has had control of my emotions before me knowing why I was feeling anxious and then getting mad at people and thinking they're in the wrong for thinking I'm angry and yelling when in reality I now notice I can't control the volume of my voice when I get excited or do get angry out of nowhere. That has bleed here on the forums when I have gotten into arguments and I can feel myself nervous even if I take a day or two to reply. There was a member that pointed it out and just seemed like shit talking but now I clearly see what he meant about me not being able to handle myself in a conversation or what have you. I just didn't know why I felt so nervous and mad. I could stop for a bit like I said but it would come back as easy.
Also I noticed just treating the symptoms stopped being as affected or idk what exactly was happening but I was getting at my limit these past couple of years. Since becoming SS, I was at my limit right before winter even though I've been on top of my spiritual practices for almost 2 years and been doing yoga constantly since the beginning of last year as I've mentioned in past post a.
For the record I'm saying I can't do this or that in regards to before me understanding what tinnitus was. Past week or so I've been working on taking control but I'm still experiencing spikes in anxiety like the last couple of days including right now actually. It's just more controllable now while at the same time now that I know there's a mental problem I'm getting upset here and there because of how much I hate going thru this in general.
Lastly and if not the most severe thing is I have a strong feeling this is getting in my way of advancing because of how hard it is to keep go into deep meditation. I'll keep trying though since I can't be here saying it won't work or hasn't work if I just started doing void while at the same time knowing where this noise is from.
Maybe that's what I need, time. I wanted to ask for help regardless, just in case. It's also like i said, I've been experiencing a spike in anxiety in the past couple of days and felt now was time to bring this up here.
I really don't want to rely on drugs for obvious reasons so any help and advice would be more than sublime and if it works, who knows I might have to do something in return and not because I'm begging or bribery but because of how happy I'll be for my mind to finally be at ease..
End of original post.
I've been researching some more and apparently there's no idea what's the cause or how to cure Chronic Tinnitus as opposed to regular Tinnitus. It makes this situation more stressful for me but like I said in the beginning, trance might be the way to go at least to help me live my life normally for once. Sounds like I'm being dramatic but I left out a lot of details of how this crap has affected me and how it even affected my world view on things in a negative manner.