johnson_akemi said:
It is a problem of self-certainty and it comes from a damaged personality. I'm in just the right "mood" to tell you that I believe I'm a victim of what I
guess is called "trauma based mind control." Not for the sake of being special or having a grand story to bullshit people with online. I literally post here through proxies only. The problem is that I have what I'm kind of not certain but tend to somewhere in my mind agree are "alters." Having knowledge of this doesn't really solve the problem because what it actually in effect is, is radical changes in thought and feelings. I started to notice this when I was in highschool but didn't think much of it.. then about 4 years ago I started to remember things. Without an introduction or a lot of backstory I don't really know what is effective to say here. It's whatever - it's what I deal with. There's pros and cons to everything. There is a trick though, that I can do, where through uncomfortable experiences, I have learned to retain certain information about what I should and should not do. How I should and should not express myself. I can retain this memory and sometimes whittle my way into suppressing certain things so that I don't regret them later on. It doesn't always work because like, for instance right now I'm convinced it's a good idea to post this. I could scrap this like I've done a hundred other posts, and plan to come back at a better time, in a different state of mind, and maybe be more effective. Right now I feel a lot of love and have a strong ability to express myself. When I wake up I'll probably be mortified about having written this. I'm not the center of the universe - believe me I know this, and I'm not trying to be. You've offered me something, from what seems like reasonably-good will, so maybe you can take something away from what I'm saying, and benefit somehow. I don't know what you're going to be able to perceive. Hopefully this turns out mutually beneficial because I feel pretty good right now about expressing myself here. I've thought maybe it's possible, if having "alters" or a "split personality" or "dissociative identity disorder" or whatever, is actually more real than in a way figurative, that it could be possible to re integrate one's self. Which I've actually done with little bits and pieces of emotion and character, I've managed to bleed some of them out into the other modes that I enter into. Don't know, it's not a main focus because life is cumbersome and leisure is important in life..
Hangups.. every day I put thought into where a lot of my thoughts, feelings and reactions come from. Even without knowing precisely where I can kind of faintly identify broad, generalized sources and make a choice of whether or not whatever in question is something I should seek to change. I'm quite spiritual and I use affirmations every day, clean my aura, breathe a minimal amount of energy into my third eye, I can sometimes feel my 6th and 7th chakras and maybe my 1st but have never felt the rest. I find strange combinations of very distant mental imagery and feelings I can't otherwise generate, associated with certain words and images and whatever else.
For the first time in my life I have a sense of direction. I have goals, things I want to reach before I die. Things that if I were to reach I could die feeling successful. There's two of them. The outcome could be that one happens, the other happens, or they both happen. To be quite honest, as offensive as it may sound coming from the stranger online, I'm pretty sure that I'm supposed to kill people. I'm supposed to "go off," and it basically happened already once and I ended up in jail with 6 charges, a violent felony still pending against me.. I've written about it in a different thread. I kind of would like to talk about this stuff. When I started to remember things I was writing into a text file for hours on end every day and eventually became embarrassed of the file on my computer that nobody else was ever going to see, and I deleted it and for I think over 3 years now I've not kept any type of a log. I've pretty much remembered everything now. I have a timeline filled in with events, places, and faces. I know that there was a lot of effort put into trying to make me crazy. In fact when I started to remember things I was acting bizarrely for a long time and slowly managed to survive it and "check" myself.. there are times when I'm afraid of everything and there are times when I'm afraid of almost nothing. Over the past four years I went from being a kid that never left the house, to someone that's fairly normal and functions in society.. I've done all this crazy stuff trying to feel like what I thought being a man should feel like. I've had guns aimed at me, I've been locked up, I've received many death threats, gotten into fights, started doing graffiti, damaging property (usually of people I didn't like), started some fires.. got my first jobs, started going to college, got my first girlfriend, made a bunch of friends.. a lot of things changed for me in the past few years.
I'm running out of steam here. Generally speaking I don't communicate about what's on my mind. I usually feel like I am adept at seeing things from many different points of view, so I can produce what I feel is most of the input that I could possibly receive from other people. And most people don't really know much about what I'm going through anyway. There's no substitute for human connection.. but, anyway, as far as "mind control" goes, there's very limited information online. The report Fritz Springmier produced, I in my mind am completely sure was derived from an actual blueprint or a series of documents that were/are actually used to induct someone into mind control. I don't know what all of this does for you - but I've written it and maybe you or someone else will have something interesting or helpful to say about it. Maybe it will help you somehow in sharpening your perception of what's really going on in the world. I'm not really worried about exactly what way that could happen, I understand my position isn't very credible and there is a very powerful notion in the world that "some people are just nuts". I'm not looking for someone to believe me. If people believe that I believe what I'm saying then that's enough. I wonder if I'm crazy like every day but, to go a bit further, I occasionally have dreams where the people I remember having done what was mostly a bunch of terrible stuff to me, are present and are communicating with me. It seems unlikely to me that if I'm crazy I'd be able to create with my imagination a bunch of blurry "crypto amnesiac" memories, re occurring figures that fill them, and to then have these people talking to me in my dreams on a semi regular basis. There's like 3 possibilities and I think I'm in a good position to decide which of the three is most likely. I know where it started and I know where it ended.
Back to the article though.. I don't share the same exact views as whoever wrote the article. I think Satan is a real being, I guess you could call him the prime creator. If affirmations have power then spoken words do as well, just by intent. However, it's very relative, but also spoken words I'd speculate can have power not intended by the speaker, depending on what is observing them. Perhaps another person and the feelings and thoughts they end up having as a reaction to the speech in question. Maybe the universe itself, with residual energy, gives some power to certain vibrations (words) on it's own, too.
Hopefully you gain more from this exchange than you planned. Be well dude, it's always good to see someone around here trying to make some amount of difference by putting in work and interacting with the community.
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